Happy Birthday Little Man

Our little man turned one year-old today.  We had a small party with cake.  It was his first time eating cake all by himself and he did a a much neater job than his sister did for her first.  I can't believe that a whole year has gone by since he joined our family.  Happy birthday Baby.

What a Day

Mike got out of jail again yesterday with a second chance for SAC court.  So he asked for a ride this morning to Lifeline for his assessment.  I agreed to pick him up at Taco Bell on my way through town heading to work.
Since he was posting on facebook in the middle of the night I didn't expect him at Taco Bell.  But he was there.  We had a little chat on the way.  I'm all about actions and reminded him of that.  He informed me that he was following through and getting his assessment.
And he did.  He also met with his attorney and his case worker getting everything set up.  He is next in line for a bed for inpatient treatment.  I'm impressed.  Hopeful, but still not holding my breath.
Beth came out today for her monthly visit of Connor.  She agreed that it was huge for Mike to have gotten the assessment done.  He has told us so many times he was going to do it, and now he did.
Beth brought clothes for the kids and a gift for Connor since his birthday is tomorrow.  She also brought news of how it will work with the custody arrangement.
Getting ready to run to the store to get milk and Mike called.  Since I was going to be in town he wanted to know if I could give him a ride to an AA meeting.  Wow.  We stopped quickly at Goodwill to get him a pair of pants and a shirt.  And then I dropped him at the AA meeting place.
Whew.  What a day.

Serenity Prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Life in the Slow Lane

Good thing we did the zoo lights. After this weekend we won't have any lights up at our house. We may not have a tree. And we for sure don't have any fun plans.  Papa took a little tumble off the roof. That in turn gave him a fractured heel.  Yup. Out of commission for a good six weeks. Ah, it will be life in the slow lane.
Papa has an appointment later in the week with an orthopedist. Most likely he will get a cast then. Right now he is in a splint while the swelling goes down. He is managing pretty well for a guy who can't walk.

How We Have Changed

Getting ready for Connor's first birthday has me looking at pictures.  He and Audrie have changed so much in this last year.  She was still so toddlerish when he was born.  And he was so tiny.  He isn't tiny anymore.  And she is a girl, not a toddler.

Black Friday

Audrie and I went and had Friday Lunch with the ladies and Fred.  That is all we did in our venture out.  No stores whatsoever.  So imagine how much money I saved today.  Today was spent doing some chores and getting Christmas cards ready to mail.  Dinner was leftovers.  Boy Connor sure does like turkey.

Holiday Letter 2012

Holiday Greetings,

This year went by so fast.  Some of you know and I guess some of you don’t….Connor Gene joined our family at the end of last November.  He came home just before Christmas after spending three weeks in the hospital being weaned off of heroin.  He is our grandson and Audrie’s little brother. 

So for those who don’t know….Cassie got pregnant last spring.  Her plan was to give the baby up for adoption.  When it came down to it, that didn’t happen.  The state of Washington stepped in and took custody of Connor.  They contacted us and asked us to take him since we have Audrie, even though we didn’t have certain paternity.  We talked about it and let our hearts decide.  I already knew he was ours. 

The next year was filled with diapers, bottles, supervised parent visits with Mike and Cassie and then later Wes, who thought he was the dad, background checks, relative placement through CPS, doctor appointments, educational opportunities screenings for development, pediatric development, home health nurse visits, CASA visits and all the normal baby life stuff. 

This in turn got Audrie being monitored also and she had several months of speech therapy.  Lucky for us that happened at home. 

We got the final paternity results at the end of October that said Mike was his father.  It was nice to have it be confirmed and we could get on with life.  Wes got his heart broke as he really wanted to be the dad.  The results came in just as it was time for the state to do a permanency hearing.  That is where they decide what is going to happen next.  Both Mike and Cassie have pretty much quit doing visits and neither one to date has opted to jump through the hoops necessary to get him back.  So it was ruled that it is time to look at permanent custody for us just like we have with Audrie. 

I’ve heard a lot of complaints and I’ve heard a lot of support.  I take the complaints with a grain of salt.  I love the support.  Yes I think it is ridiculous for grandparents to be raising grandchildren.  And yet it is what it is for a lot of us.  Look at the alternative when the parents can’t parent for whatever reason.  For us we would not have it any other way since our little kids can’t live with their parents. 

The rest of the year has been playing at parks, hiking, trips to the zoo, trips north to see their cousins and aunt and uncle and now Nana Nita.  We have been dealing with Mike’s addiction and trying to keep consistent boundaries.  We deal with Dave’s recovery.  Dave also had another surgery this year for a fusion in his neck.  We managed to get away by ourselves for our anniversary and spent a weekend in Seattle.  Spending time with Mom.  She gets a little more forgetful all the time and we just roll with it. 

We are just living life in increments of child time.  And they are really great little kids, but then I am prejudiced.  The old saying is be careful what you wish for.  When Mike was about ten I wished we would have had more kids.  )  Life is good.

                                                                                    Hope this finds you as happy as I am

                                                                                    This holiday season.

Zoo Lights

Last year I bought a zoo membership with the intention of taking my grandkids to see the Zoo Lights and then a trip or two to the zoo during the year.  Life intervened and we never made it to the Zoo Lights, but I did take Audrie and Connor to the zoo a couple of times this year.
Turns out my membership is good until the end of December.  I got email today stating a special preview night for the Zoo Lights for zoo members.  So Dave and I took the little kids to see the lights.  And they were spectacular.  I had heard someone say they were very disappointing.  I disagree completely.  We were amazed and awed.  Audrie was amazed and awed.  Connor was cold.  It was well worth the drive over and putting up with a little chill in the air.  We had Connor wrapped up in a blanket and we kept warm walking.
We ate at the Afri Cafe.  Connor ate an onion.  Silly boy.  Audrie had chicken nuggets shaped liked zoo animals.  She shared with Connor.  When we got seated at our table we realized that Connor had lost one of his brand new shoes.  Joy.  We did what any responsible parent would do.  We checked lost and found on the way out and sure enough they had found his shoe.  Made me happy.  I love when things work out like that.
It was a great outing and we all had a good time.  Even Dave was glad he went with.  :p

Picture Day

Connor had his picture taken today for his year pictures.  He was very cooperative and posed and smiled.  Naturally the photographer got a lot of good shots, but I managed to pick one.  I got him laying on his tummy.  The one I have for Audrie, for her three year pictures, she is laying on her back.  So I thought they kind of went together.  Now I just have to get them framed and up on the wall.  Guess they are the start to the new green wall.  :)

Wait For It

When Mel got ahold of Dave in Oct. we knew it was just a matter of time before we would be hearing from Tanya.  Christmas is coming.  So Wait for it......yup.  Got email today telling us the girls wanted to see us for the holiday and she wanted to honor that.  And to let her know if we were willing, so a time could be set up for her to come over with the girls.
Damn I knew it was just too quiet.  On the other hand we have been expecting it.  I wonder if she has a clue that she is so predictable.
Personally I am not responding to the email at all.  My guess is that we will be hearing from Elizabeth next, but we won't know if it really is Elizabeth.  Afterall "Elizabeth" sent me email in the summer saying if I did not apologize to Randy and her mother I was never ever to contact her again.  And yet....now she wants to see me when I never ever apologized?  Yeah right.

Fun Box

Every once in awhile my brother gets a wild hair and throws out stuff.  Sooner or later there will be nothing left of Mom's at his house.  Anyway several weeks ago he was having one of those days.  He went to throw out this box of heated curlers and I asked if I could have them.  Yup.  Well I kept forgetting to take the box home.  This weekend I finally remembered.  It made it to my car and then it made it to my porch.  I didn't think anything beyond that.
So Dave asks me who dropped off the box of pictures.  I tell him I have no clue to what he is talking about.  He brings in the curler box.  It didn't have curlers in it.  It was filled with pictures.  It was kind of fun going through it.  We knew who most of the people were, but there were a few that stumped us.  Just joyful looking at them.  I have no idea how the pictures ended up in the box, but I'm glad it didn't get thrown out.

Always

I am thankful for those things in my life that stay constant even when they change.
Mom, Pat, Dave, the little kids.
I appreciate all that nature gives me, from the sun, the rain, to the food we eat.
I hope for recovery for those in my family who need it.
I say the serenity prayer.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.
I remind myself to let go of what I thought life would be like so I can accept what life is.
I am amazed at how the little kids grow, learn, love.
I miss my sons.  One because of the distance, and the other because of the addiction.
I am buoyed by my friends in all the different ways that my friends are my friends.
I am practicing ahimsa and breathing to hopefully keep life on an even keel.
I am thankful for health, good eye doctors, and a job.
I love my family, my life and my beautiful calmness.

Life's New Lesson

Every so often life seems to hand me a lesson.  I should have learned this one awhile ago.  And maybe I did , but needed a refresher.  I don't like my reaction to things that occur.  And I know I need to step back and be patient.  And yet sometimes I don't succeed.  So tonight after Dave yelled at Audrie for talking and waking Connor up I hurried up to get her to bed so she would be out of his way.  Somehow I managed to catch her giraffe and almost rip my toenail off.  Ouch.  Ouch.  Ouch.  Lovely amounts of blood.  Definitely a wake up call that I need to slow down.  Audrie of course was greatly sympathetic.  Hurt Nana.  Green band aid Nana.  Audrie just discovered the joys of band aids and has already used up all the green and the purple ones.  :P  Guess it did slow me down.  And I think I will be slowed down for a couple of days.

Saturday Dinner

I didn't feel like cooking, so we opted to go out. Dave has been wanting to try Old Town Burgers for awhile.   So we decided tonight would be the night.  The prices were very reasonable.  The burgers and the onion rings were good.  My first burger had to be redone as it was not cooked enough for my liking.  No problem.  The little kids enjoyed the french fries.  I noticed several things.  The friendliness is still there.  This business used to be middle east food and switched to burgers.  Same owners.  We sat by a business man and a group of young men.  All seemed to be regulars.  Both tables were treated exactly the same.  What a nice thing.
Old Town Burgers is well worth trying and we will probably be back.

Another Trip to Little Cups

Dave was having a sleepy afternoon so I decided to take the kids to Little Cups and Grown Ups for some play time where they weren't disturbing anyone.  We stayed for an hour and a half and it must have been the right amount of time as I had no squabbles when it was time to leave.  There was only one other family this time while we were there.  So the little kids were free to play with whatever they wanted to.  They really seemed to enjoy themselves.  And Papa got a nap in peace.

Real Food Please

Apparently Connor is outgrowing baby food.  When we try to feed him baby food he spits it out.  But if we feed him what we are eating he chows.  He will still eat bananas done in the baby bullet so they must be okay and he still doesn't care for whole bananas.  He also seems to be resisting milk, so I think it is going to be easy to break him of the bottle when we quit formula.  Here is hoping anyway.  He broke himself of the binkie just like Audrie did.

Costco

We were at Costco the other night. We ran into Brody, the kid from the park that Audrie has been playing with.  He was playing with the kitchen set.  Audrie got right in there with him and played.  They had coffee that they had to heat back up in the microwave.  It was so cute.  They looked like such a little couple.  I bet they would have played for an hour if we would have let them.  And I love that kitchen set.  Maybe I should look at craigslist.

Trying

Every day we are doing something.  It isn't always going to the park.  Sometimes it is just playing on the floor. Sometimes it is baking cupcakes.  Every day I am including the little kids in my life and making sure I am included in theirs.
I want them to have all these great experiences and you better believe cupcakes and the floor are great experiences.  I want them to be curious about their world.  I want them to be learning and playing.  I think I am doing what I am suppose to be doing.
Now granted mostly I should be being Nana and letting the parents parent.  In our world that doesn't work.  So we are doing this.  We parent and play and learn and create and laugh.  I did all this with my children also, although maybe not to the extent I do it with these kids.  I am older, wiser and know this is some of the stuff I do right as a parent.
It all boils down to love.  I love them and want them to have every opportunity that I can give them.  They are great little people and deserve it.

Richer

I am twelve days in to being back to being cell free.  That saves me $25 a month.  Makes me richer in many ways.  Only David misses texting me.  So now we just facebook.  I did not go through any withdrawals.  All of the texting that I did on the cell anyway was totally not important.  Kristie and I compared days and dinners.  David and I made our dinner plans.  It was how I kept Treva and Nita in the loop on the kids. My brother liked to tell me things every once in awhile.  I can do all of that via email or facebook or the old fashioned phone.
There is no such thing as an innocuous comment unless you are talking about something innocuous.

Oy

So Mike is back at Cascade Locks after two days in Clark County.  Audrie and I did meet up with him for dinner on his birthday.  Then the woman from CL came and picked him up and took him back with her.  She texted Dave today about how she made sure he had a good birthday since he hasn't had a good one in years.  Also he is safe and sober.  I'm sure he is.  He is also using her and she is too co-dependent to see it.  How many times does he get to burn her before she realizes it?  I liked her text to let us know he was okay with the back handed insult.  Oh well........

Cake

Audrie and I went out for dinner with Mike last night for his birthday.  She was so disappointed that there was no cake.  So today we decided to make cupcakes.  She wanted pink cupcakes with chocolate frosting and sprinkles.  That is what we did. She made quite the mess, but had a great time doing it.  Connor was a  little put out not being part of the action.

Happy Birthday Mike

Sending birthday wishes out to my son.  I love you so much.  I see you every day in the little kids.  I think about you all the time.  I only wish good things for you and a good path.  I hope you are able to find your way and have a good life.
I remember the day you were born and how I was filled with love.  You made me complete and I have never regretted a day of your life for doing that.  You are an amazing young man with a great sense of humor and intelligence.  I hope you never lose that.  I love you and want you to know that every day, but especially today the day of your birth.

Nostalgic

I was thinking about the very special relationship my dad had with Doug.  Doug was nine years-old when I married Dave.  My parents became instant grandparents.  Dave wasn't close to his parents and Joyce wasn't close to hers.  So this was a nice alternative.
My dad really loved Doug.  He would have taught him all kinds of things had he lived longer.  The one thing he did do though was take Doug on a big adventure.  My dad was a long haul truck driver.  So he took Doug on a truck trip.  They went all over.  When Doug got back he had tales to tell about the things he had seen and the people he had met.  He had a memory to keep forever.  And maybe that is where he got his first taste of a love of adventure.
Today I am making lentil soup.  And it always makes me think of Doug and it makes me think of my dad.  So I am honoring the connection and the relationship that they had and the adventure that they shared.

Cards

Denise is stamping her cards tonight for Christmas.  It is her thing.  Every year.  Every year we seem to have a contest as to who can get their cards our first.  Seems to me she beat me last year because she mailed before Thanksgiving.  I always wait until after Thanksgiving.  So she will probably beat me again this year.  I don't think I even have cards to send yet.  Usually I buy them after Christmas on clearance.  I don't think I had time last year since we were in the throes of new parenting a baby. Connor came home right before Christmas after spending his first three weeks in the hospital.  Guess that means I will get to it when I get to it this year.  You win Denise.  :)

Park

Another beautiful afternoon got us to the park.  We were a little late and so it was a tad chilly which curtailed our playing too long.  But the little kids got some energy out.  Both of them were moving and running and trying to climb the rock.  Connor really seems to be enjoying the freedom of walking around the park.  Next year he will be big enough to play on the structure.

Nothing New

So Mike got out of jail to be an attendee of SAC court.  Yup.  There were six days between his getting out and  his first real SAC court day.  He went on a binge of some sort and then didn't go to court.  Sounds like he is hiding out in Cascade Locks again as I'm sure there is a warrant in Clark County for him.  Some things just don't seem to change.

Play Doh

Audrie and I took advantage of Connor being contained in his highchair with a snack.  We got out the play doh and played.  We made snakes and shapes and pancakes.  Then we got out the pop maker and made all the shapes on it.  Audrie loved it.  What I found funny is how much she likes the smell of play doh.  So do I. The difference is going to be I don't eat it and eventually she will.
Remember that we made homemade play doh a few months back and she wasn't really interested at that time.  I think she has grown a lot since then and uses her imagination now. We had fun this time and I'm sure we will get a lot of use out of the play doh.  Thanks again Jodi for the gift.

Forklift

I'm bad.  I don't check my work email every day.  I don't feel the need to do that.  So I finally got around to checking it on Sat only to find out I was scheduled for forklift training  for today.  Yeah right.  No one said a word about it to me.  No one asked my opinion or if I wanted to do this. It isn't part of my job description.  So I opted not to take the training.  Can't share that with the big boss until next week because she is on vacation this week.  That was another thing I discovered in my emails.
So today I am asked why I'm uncomfortable with it.  It is just like driving a car.  Uhh.  No it is not. I think that just being uncomfortable is enough of a reason.  I do not want the responsibility of driving it and toting around pallets with thousands of dollars worth of books and merchandise.  I don't think I should have to explain how driving backwards (which you do when the pallet is big enough) makes me sick. I don't think I should have to explain that I have a bad sense of depth perception because of the scarring in my eye.  I don't even want to think about the two of those elements combined.  I have an aversion to driving something that isn't protecting me around other moving vehicles and I am much more jumpy since my accident.  I think I should just be able to say I am uncomfortable and that should be enough.  I really should not have to justify because if I am uncomfortable, why would someone want to make me do it?
The flip side of that is I feel like I let someone down.  And that is a crappy feeling.  But sometimes you have to go with your gut and say no.

Park Afternoon

The weather broke and it stayed dry for the day.  After naps I took the little kids to the park.  Set them both free to run, play and explore.  Audrie's little friend was there and this time they ran and ran and ran. Connor just had a good time crawling and walking all over the barkdust.  He walked through leaves and he climbed on the structure.  I just let him do his thing, only picking him up when this other little boy kept throwing barkdust on him.  I don't think that kid understood English because he just looked at me everytime I told him to stop throwing barkdust.  When his mother finally came and got him she didn't speak to him in English.  Connor didn't seem to care nearly as much as I did.
I'm glad we had a nice day that we could fit another park day in.  Always good exercise for the little kids.

"Don't Talk To Strangers"

While waiting for our pizza the other night Audrie was engaging with the other customers.  Smiling, talking, sitting next to and just being cute.  They were a tad busy so there had been three or four people who sat next to us on the bench.  The last lady looked at her funny and I commented about her being friendly.  She piped up with she did not want to encourage her talking to strangers.
That is not me or how I parent.  I don't want the little kids living in a world of fear of people they don't know.  If you never talk to people you don't know then how do you meet anyone new?  How do you ask anyone for help?  How do you learn things from others.  I think we can teach caution without fear.
Statistics show that stranger danger isn't the bigger deal.  You are more likely to be hurt by someone you know, most likely in your family.  So hopefully I can instill a sense of the world that is great because of all the people in it, but with a healthy dose of reality that not everyone is great.  And we will keep talking about situations that might warrant caution and Nana will keep her eyes open.

Another Dinner With David

The little kids and I ventured over to La Sirenita in Portland to have dinner with David.  His new beau works there.  We had delicious burritos and Audrie had french fries that she shared with Connor.  Driving down Alberta St is a treat in itself.  There are so many wonderful looking little shops for blocks and blocks.  David said they do a thing called "Last Thursday" where they block off the street and it is just for shopping.  We made a plan to do that when the weather turns back nice next spring.  It was a lovely outing.  Thanks for the invite David.

Friday

It is already November.  The sun is shining and I am so enjoying it.  It is calm and soothing.  We are having a mostly quiet day at home.  Audrie and I did have plans, but they fell through.  We'll just plan again another day.  Connor got another tooth in today.  So we are on a roll again with two in two days.  The count is at ten.
Now that Audrie is 3, Papa lets her have some Papa pop.  Too funny.  She actually drinks it all because it is pop.  It is tonic water that Papa drinks to help keep leg cramps at bay.  I think he thought she would not like it and therefore not bug us for pop.  Rarely works that way.  :p