A Day With No Kids

I got a little laundry done. I got a little housework done. I got a side job done. I had a meal out with my mother and brother. The little man would have loved it and Pat said so would have Mike. It felt a little weird just being the three of us. Then I got a nap. I watched a little TV. I visited with a neighbor who gave me some more pots for my garden. And I took a night time walk. A nourishing, refreshing, recharging day.

Time

$7 for the movie, $6 for the popcorn, $4 for the tip at dinner (dinner paid by the gift card from xmas), time with my brother priceless.  We went and saw "Jack Reacher" and even though I have a tough time thinking of Tom Cruise as 'Reacher', the movie was good.  I just thought of it as something else.  Dinner at Olive Garden was good.  Pat teased me that if Mom was there she would be telling us about arthritis in our thumbs since we were also texting at dinner.  I was updating Nana Nita on what she needs to know about the little kids' schedules.
We talked about Mike.  We talked about Reno and how could we make that work again.  We talked about Dave.  Pat asked the hard question....am I getting divorced?  We talked about Cassie.  We touched on Mom.  It is kind of funny how we get closer and closer as we get older.  Or are we just old?  Nah....I'm 43. At least this year I am and while the males in my family don't seem to appreciate the joke, it's all right.
It was a great evening without my little kids even if I missed them.  I have had one evening since the middle of Dec. without them and that was just for a few hours.

Kidless

The little kids are now spending the weekend with their mommy and Nana Nita. First off they headed to a birthday party with the second cousins. From there they are heading to the cabin at campers hideaway.  They won't come home until Monday or Tuesday. I'm guessing Tuesday.
I immediately cleaned out my car. It is amazing how much food and milk splatters two kids can spread around. Looks much better. I'm sure it will be a mess again in a week. ;p

This Road

Yeah.  Been down this road before.  So for the past couple weeks Dave seems really good.  And then yesterday and today I got those familiar whiffs of booze.  So he is back on his cycles of proving to himself he doesn't have a problem.  More power to him.  He has to do what he has to do.  And so do I.  Just makes me very glad to have followed through with my decisions.

Surprise

I was just getting dressed on our lazy morning when there was a knock on the door. I opened it to find Doug and Kristie with a lily. Wow. They are in town briefly picking up the boys. I think they wanted to see our new digs and how we are doing. It was so good to see them and spend a little time with them. They looked good.  Their plans are a trip to Tahoe. I'm not sure if they are stopping back this way on the other end or not. I'm just happy to have seen them.

New Tool

I have to check again as to what it is called.  We have a hand held scanner for receiving at work now.  It is suppose to make us quicker and more accurate.  And I can see where that would be true on a counter filled with books.  And yet they aren't so concerned with our book count as with our merchandise counting.  It's not quicker there.  The scanner can only scan and we enter the count.  All problem children still need the computer.  And there are always a lot of problem children in merchandise.  I'm sure that as we use it it will become better, but I felt like I was swimming in molasses trying to receive just a few things.  Took me almost the whole shift to receive five orders.  Ugh.  Good thing it was the only thing I had to do.

Cassie Came Over

After many false starts Cassie actually made it over today to see the kids.  We had eggs all cooked and ready to color.  It has kind of been a tradition for Cassie to color eggs with Audrie, so we continued it on.  She stayed for several hours and played and talked.  Says she has 20 clean days and she looked good.  We talked about the future.  I told her the door is not shut but she has a long ways to go if she wants to raise her kids.  It felt kind of premature to talk beyond that.
I had almost the same conversation with Mike, but his take is he will do what he needs to do and then see.  That is a better plan.  Anyway the kids got to spend some good time with their parents this week.

Alicia Called

So I finally heard again from Alicia from CPS.  She is closing the Audrie case because I am doing what I need to be doing and will continue to do so.  She said the results of the hair follicle test didn't tell us anything we didn't already know.  Dave was hoping the crap he got off the internet would mask it, but it didn't.  Always amazes me what addicts will do for their addiction.  She said she was going to recommend treatment for him but since he has no child responsibilities he can't be compelled to do it.
Right now I think he is in a sober binge. Maybe.  Or he has found another substitute.  He has been pretty good the past couple of weeks.  But tonight when we dropped off Mike, Dave seemed high. So who knows.
I just know I am going to keep doing what I need to do, which is take care of myself and the kids.  

Mike

Mike is again out of jail and on a good path.  Only he can decide if he stays on it or not.  He looks good and he should.  102 days clean.  Nice to be able to talk to him and have it be him, not his addiction looking for a fix.
He came over and had dinner with us.  He took the little kids over to the playground and played for awhile.  They liked that. Then after dinner we ran to Walmart and got him a few things.  It is hard trying to start out with nothing.  At least he has deodorant and a toothbrush.  :p
He is staying with Dave.  And as long as they both stay clean that will work.  That is the kicker though.  Guess time will tell.

Weekend Ends

Busy and not so busy.  Jodi came over and had supper with us Saturday night.  Had a nice visit.  Then Gayle and Bill came over today to see the kids and the new digs.  Audrie played on the playground with Tristan and some other kids for two hours until she decided that she needed a nap.  We went to Farmer's Market yesterday and played on the playground.  Boy we sure do spend a lot of time on playgrounds.  Anyway we bought apples and flowers at the market.  It was just a nice weekend without any stress or anything we had to do at any certain time.  I liked it.

Minnie

Poor Minnie. Dave was sure she had wondered off. He finally put up a sign and started looking online. Called the local vet hospital and it was closed. He found a picture for the humane society. And then she turned up. We had been over yesterday and must have left the bedroom door open. He must have closed it. So she was closed in Audrie's old room all night and most of today. Poor Minnie.

Middle of the Night

I was still reading due to a sound mishap on the iPad. Never figured out what the mishap was or how I solved it. The phone rang. It was my brother asking for a ride home from work. Turns out he contracted the tummy bug going around. He had rode his motorcycle to work and wears a full face helmet. No way he wanted to try and drive home in case of vomit. So I bundled up the kids in the carseats with Connor's new cuddly blanket and off to Portland we went. Picked him up at the guard shack and took him home. Came home and carried kids in and put all of us to bed.
It is so nice to be able to help without having to think about it.

Really?

So comcast sent me another digital box.  I have no idea why.  I don't need it.  It all gets done through the tivo.  For some reason they really really really want me to have that box.  At least my curiosity has been satisfied.  Still think it's stupid though.

Strangeness

When I got home from work there was a notice on the door from UPS. First attempt at a delivery. Naturally the first thing I did was track it. I am not expecting anything. Well it comes from  Comcast. Tracking showed the order was processed on the 19th. I didn't order anything so it will be interesting to see what it is.

Surprise

Grandma died 12 years ago.  I inherited the last purse she bought.  I don't use it as it is a tad too small for all the things I have to carry.  But it has made a great play purse.  Elizabeth played with it.  Adrianna played with it.  And Audrie has played with it.  Today I found it in Connor's bed.  As I took it out it felt heavy.  So naturally I had to see what Audrie had stashed in it.  Well there was a toy. And when I took that out it was still heavy.  Just weird. Turns out there is a pocket in the center.  And in that pocket was Grandma's emergency contacts, hearing aid batteries and a small pocket knife.  It amazes me that we never found this stuff before.  And none of the kids found it either.  Amazing.

Hanging Out

I had the day off. The kids and I ran a few errands and spent some time playing at the play space at the mall.  We just spent the rest of the day hanging out. They disasterized the house. We ate a great supper of scalloped potatoes. Connor really likes them. Audrie opted for chicken nuggets. Grammy came over and ate.  It was a good day.

Almost Done

After the hearing I told Dave that the state moved ahead with the guardian being me.  Even though I was asked my opinion I really didn't have a say.  Although I totally agreed. Dave can't be part of this since he is in the middle of a relapse.  I don't care what he says about it being just a little slip after his foot.  It was not.  It has been going on since June or July and continued for sure up till a week ago. It may still be going on but I'm not looking so much for it and he seems okay.  He also can't be part of the guardianship with me since we no longer live together.  That seems like more of that pipe dream he has about us staying married even though we live apart.
Anyway the whole thing is almost done.  The little man of my life will continue being the little man of my life but in a legal way.  And I'm good with that.  Two to four weeks for the final paperwork to be completed.  Or so they say anyway......

Guardian

I attended the guardianship hearing today for Connor.  We are half way through the formalities that make me his guardian.  Everyone is in agreement.  The only hold up now is a signature from Mike which they hope to obtain while he is still in jail.  He gets out next Monday so here is hoping they work fast.  If they obtain his signature the commissioner signs the final orders in two weeks.  If not the final orders will be done in four weeks.  Either way it is a done deal at this point in time.  Just some i dotting and t crossing going on.
On the way to the hearing I had parked and realized I had no money for the meters.  So I trekked back to Chevron.  One block away and I witness a guy run a red light and hit the guy ahead of me.  Damn.  They almost didn't connect and you couldn't tell from the red light runner that he had been in a collision.  But the guy he hit you sure could.  Front end was a little messed up and half of the bumper and assemblies were in the road.  Good thing he wasn't going very fast.  I called 911 and then proceeded to Chevron where I got my quarters for the meter.  Went back to the scene and gave the police officer my information.  Made it back in plenty of time and still found a parking spot near the door.

Nervous Excitement

The hearing is today on deciding about guardianship for Connor.  I am excited and nervous.  I will lose the support of CPS.  But we get to move on with life.  And it means I truly am responsible for him.  Makes all of the decisions so far this year more real, more concrete.  One more thing crossed off my list.
I look at that little man and am so filled with love.  He is so sweet and happy.  He is independent and strong. He is helpful and silly.  He is my little man.

Almost Spring

Another nice afternoon.  The kids and I took another long walk.  Ran into Marla and chatted with her for awhile.  Took a short cut and climbed a fence.  The fence was locked which makes me think we were trespassing even if there was a nice trail.

The Ugly Rocks

Decided to go grocery shopping this afternoon.  Everything was fine till we got in the parking lot.  As soon as I put Connor in the little kid seat Audrie threw a fit.  She thinks that is her spot.  And it can be if we are really quick.  Otherwise Connor gets bored in the big section and starts dismantling by throwing things out.  We get inside and the first display is frosted animal cookies.  I have forbidden them for awhile so I said no.  Here we go again.  I turned the cart around and we went back to the car and home.  She ranted the whole way.  She ranted when we got inside for about another ten minutes and then finally settled down.  Whew.
After awhile I thought maybe I should check and see if the food stamps show up yet.  I haven't checked for several days.  And they would show on the card before I get the notice in the mail.  Well yeehaw there they were.  I don't know what the amount per month will be because part of what I got would be for February and part for all of March.  I have $420.
Made me so happy that Audrie threw a fit and we did not shop.  I would have used the  TANF money, not knowing that the food stamps were there. Never thought I would be happy about a temper tantrum.
And tomorrow I will go shopping right after work when I am kidless.  Win win for me.

Strange

So Dave wanted to know about seeing the kids tomorrow.  I alternately took them over this evening.  He wanted to know if I wanted to take anymore movies.  Told me he had the walkie toy in the truck to bring next time.  I reminded him that it was staying at his house.  It is like he is obliterating the little kids' presence in his house.  Maybe it is his way of dealing with the loss.  But they will be there on occasion seeing him and they need things to do. That was why I didn't take all the toys and movies in the first place.
He had asked about taking Audrie camping.  I didn't give him an answer when he asked.  So today I told him he needed to get permission from Alicia.  If she was good with it, I was good with it.   His response was he didn't know when he and Mike were going camping.  Okay.  Still need the permission of Alicia.  Duh.  I think he is hoping that case will be closed when he goes camping and I can be pushed into it.
I'm just ready to find a new place for us to be.  And I don't see it happening for awhile.  I think he will get nastier before it gets better.  Guess time will tell and there is no sense in worrying about it now as there is nothing I can do about his reactions.

My Room

Today the little kids and I cleaned my room and organized it a little better.  The cedar chest still hadn't a place of residence.  It was just sitting in front of the closet.  So we opened the blinds and the windows and we worked it.  Moved the little dresser twice.  Moved the bed.  Moved the big dresser a bit.  Moved the cedar chest.  And finally it all came together.  Worked the bookshelves a little more and that made it so the books on the big dresser could move to their permanent home on the shelves.  Changed the linens and it looks a lot better.
Now my shoulder is a little sore.  Probably from moving the furniture.  Think I will take a pill or two and call it a night.  It was a productive day though.  :)

Offbeat

Jacob met Mom and I at the Blue Monk in Portland. It is the third Friday of the month so the offbeat belly dancers had their gig.  We watched many women perform belly dancing to different kinds of music.  I  have got to say those women are amazing.  The stamina and the muscles they have to have to do that stuff.  Incredible.  I'm so glad we finally made it to a show.  And the best part is it was free.  Jacob bought us an appetizer of cheesy bread.  The only downside was their sound system sucked.
The evening wasn't suppose to be just the three of us.  Jodi had to work so she couldn't go and I'm not sure what happened to the people Jacob invited.  We had a good time nonetheless.
Many many thanks to Josh and Rachel for watching the little kids so I could go have a grown up night.  :)

Chaos

Jodi and Zachary stopped by. Dave brought Minnie. And Mom popped over. The neighbor girl was over playing. Chaos. Noisy. Even after everyone left it was still noisy. Connor was tired. Audrie was tired. Nana was tired. Feels like bedtime. Good night.

Wow

So now Dave has started in. Wants to know why I tossed him under the bus with CPS. Say what? Clarification was it had to be something I said that got them on his ass. Told him to take it up with Alicia as the only thing I said was he is drinking, but I don't think he was when he was babysitting. What I didn't say was how thankful I was for them  pushing me further in the right direction.
His attack may have come because Tanya emailed him (birthday is this weekend) about getting Adrianna's fishing pole back with her half assed apology of how it all worked out.
Anyway....life could get interesting when he finds out about me seeing an attorney. It is just the way it has to be.

Outside

The weather has been so nice. We have been taking advantage of it and spending a lot of time outside. Playing at the playground with the neighbor kids every afternoon. Tonight we took another night time walk. The frogs were so loud. It is good to get outside for some exercise and fresh air.

Monday

I thought we were all better and so we went to work/daycare. Then I got the call about my boy still being sick. So I went and picked him up. I opted to leave Audrie there through nap.  We came home and had some snuggle time. When he went down for his nap I took advantage of the time and cleaned. Got the kitchen back in order. The living room waited for this evening. The kids will help with it and I let them. It is amazing how messy it can get when everyone in the house feels bad.
I think we are on the mend and will go back to work/daycare tomorrow.
Today I got two packages in the mail. One from Doug and Kristie with some wonderful plaques and crazy socks. Erin sent me a package of pictures and a gift card to Subway. The little kids will love that.

Me Too

It got me too. I had to have Dave get one diapers for Connor and stay here for awhile so I could get another nap. Connor seems much better and I'm sure I will get there.

Oy

Here we go again. Now it is the little man's turn. His bed is a mess and he smells bad. He threw up at least once in the night. He seems ok but maybe a little quiet. Guess it is another lazy day.

Better

After spending a completely lazy Saturday Audrie is feeling better.  She only threw up once this morning and then just rested. She took a four hour nap and at last the fever broke.  By the time evening got here she wanted to get dressed and take out garbage and check the mail.  It was good to just take it easy today.

Both Ways

So we went to see Minnie yesterday.  Long before we went over I texted and asked.  And I waited for a response.  My boundaries go both ways.
Minnie was so happy to see us.  We played and played.  The kids played with their toys there.  They visited with Papa.  I saw a few things that I will still want to grab.  Like my acetylene tank bell.  I just have no place to put it.  Guess I could hang it at Mom's for now.  I left it where it was for the moment.
I enjoyed watching a hummingbird eat.  It is that time of the season and the birds are definitely one thing I am going to miss along with my pets.

Not Planned

This weekend was to be filled with side jobs, groceries, thrift stores and yard sales. I am still looking for an end table and a little kid table and chairs. Also I wanted to find some pajamas for Connor. Brenda told me about a couple of excellent thrift stores for that.
Instead we are chillin' on the couch. Audrie has a tummy bug. She spent a good share of the evening throwing up. Connor did his the night before in the middle of the night. Thought she was better since we got through the night. Nope, she drank some juice and up it came. She also has a fever. Funny how they get sick and always act completely different.
Anyway it is not the weekend we had planned, but it is the weekend we got.

Playground

The kids have been having a great time at the playground.  Audrie decided to let Tristan use some of her chalk and they made all kinds of designs at the playground.  They made a road around the whole thing.  Interaction, exercise and creativity.  A great combination.  Connor just plays with Walker's toys.

Work

Changes abound.  We are going to be more of a team.  I don't think that is a bad thing.  So Brenda and I spent a good portion of one day boxing up book returns.  I had to take two days to finish my order because it was 17 boxes and I also had receiving to do.  The way Brenda and I looked at it was we would rather do that and work than not work. And almost everyone is happy that the stuff was done on time this time.
Liz's plan is to use us where we are needed to get things done.  I like it.  She also intends to keep Brenda and I maxed out on our hours.  I like that too.
I had a quick little chat with Monica and she gave me glowing accolades as well as telling me how much she admired how I was handling my personal life.  I have an agenda and a to do list and I am working on it.  I am no long stagnating.  I told her I learned it from her as I have watched her deal with some pretty stressful situations and she always does it with grace.  I love grace.

It's Good

Beth, the social worker emailed me and said she had paperwork for me for the guardianship. I assumed she meant for me to sign.  Nope. She had the paperwork for the court date.  So in two weeks I should have guardianship of Connor. Long time coming, but kind of sad also. I lose CPS having my back. Daycare is arranged and paid for so that is a relief.

Daycare

The daycare notified me yesterday that I had been approved for assistance from the state.  She told me my co-pay would be $15 and I owed for Feb. and Mar.  I wrote out the check this morning and then wondered about it.  I didn't have my notification telling me any information.
Well that notification came today.  I am approved for 23 days a month and for full days.  Now obviously I have to be working on the days I use, but I am so relieved that I am covered for any and all days that I work. There are times where I do work five days in a week and it could throw me off if they had only allowed me 12 or 15 days or something like that.  I'm a happy Nana today.

Dial Tone

Yay! We have dial tone.  And not only that, but the phone company did not need to get into the apartment.  They left a flier hanging on the door informing me they had been here and if any work needed doing on the inside I was responsible for it. Well it all works.
First thing I did was call my mom.  And then I put money on the phone so I can talk to Mike.  And he called last night.  Didn't ask for a thing but dinner.  The plan was and still is for beef and homemade noodles.  His favorite and mine.  I haven't made it since the last time I made it for him at least a year ago.

Whew

And the schedule has been attacked and changed.  I got off early today and had a nap.  Then I picked up the little kids and we went to the park.  After an hour there we went home and played for another hour on the playground.  Hopefully that means both kids sleep really good tonight.
So I am back to having Fridays off and some shorter days.  Yay.  Makes me happy.  I like the hours, but I also like my routine.  I like spending time with the kids and it felt like I wasn't spending much time with them working almost full time.
Finally got my showerhead changed and hopefully my slow drain unclogged. Cleaned the bathroom and was extremely appreciative of Audrie going poopy in the potty without a bath looming.  I was really glad that one didn't end up in a pull up.  She must have been saving it up.  She was pretty proud of herself also.

Family

I started off the day going through the last bag of clothes I had stuffed away.  This one was from Treva.  Great stuff in there.  The best thing was the backpack.  It had just been suggested to me at daycare that we use a backpack to transport all the paper and stuff to and fro.  Well I don't have a backpack and I really didn't want to buy one.  So I hadn't decided yet and then there is a backpack in the bag. Cool.  And Audrie loves it.
Mom and Pat came over for dinner.  We had lasagna.  Wonderful.  Company and food.  Then we had a red velvet torte for dessert.  The little man chowed on both.  Audrie ate bread and cake.  Totally turned her nose up at the lasagna as she normally does.
Then the little kids had baths which makes them smell so nice.  Sweet feet and great smelling hair.  I love bath night.

Revisiting Boundaries

Dave showed up at 7:20 this morning.  To clip Connor's fingernails.  Yeah right.  Anyway after he left I texted him and said he needs to wait for a response to his texts before just coming over.  He had texted at 6:20 this morning to say he was coming.  I think he is trying to keep control over us or he wanted to see who was here.  It is so time for me to work on keeping my boundaries.  And it is time to push them further out.  And while I am trying to be gracious and rational, I am working with an alcoholic man.  Argh.

Watching Connor

After naps we intended to take a walk, but it started raining.  So we ventured over to the mall and played in the play area.  It was so cool watching Connor.  He is used to playing with other kids now so he just ran off and did what he wanted to do.  And he went up to every adult and stared at them until they acknowledged him.  Not all at once, but he hit every one of them during the time we were there.  It was just funny.  It kind of unnerved one man, but most of the women took it in stride and just flirted with him.  I noticed he preferred to play with older kids.  He is becoming such a little person.