Finishing Up the Old Year

So Mike headed to the Wenatchee area the day after Christmas.  My feeling is if he manages to get clean there it is great.  And if he doesn't and he just gets high there...it is great also because it isn't in my face.  I have no control over his actions.  I wish him well and luck.
Turns out when Dave got his disability his 72T thing went away so he is taking more money out of the IRA than he was before.  Said that is why he felt like helping me with my car (which I could regret) since he is a little flush right now. His disability started in Oct so I'm not sure why Chad was trying to talk Judd into talking me into not taking my share of the IRA while Dave wasn't 59.5. Feels like more of the Dawn is just stupid stuff so we can do what we want.  Glad I took the money.
Mom decided she needed to cook Christmas Day Dinner at her  house.  Said she wasn't ready to relinquish her responsibility to do it.  She hasn't cooked it in 25 years.  Anyway we rolled with it.  Dave came to my house first and put the beds together.  That made my brother mad because he thought we were starting at Mom's early.  And then we get there and she doesn't do anything.  I haven't cooked in her kitchen and I don't do gas.  Mostly it turned out fine but the ham was a bit dried out. So now she says we aren't having spiral hams anymore....after ten years of spiral hams.  Obviously I had a little bit of a stressful time this year and usually I don't.  We survived it.
And then Audrie is now doing the I want Papa thing every time she gets in trouble.  Joy.  Ah well.....this too shall pass.
And on to the new year and all that it will bring.  New responsibilities, the littles gain a new sibling and I'm going to keep reinventing myself.

2013 Ends: A Year of Change

Wow.  We survived our first year on our own.  It has been a year of change and newness.  We moved in January and have spent the whole year at the Clark Ave Apartments.  I still like it here a lot.  I can still breath most of the time.
The littles started daycare/preschool.  It has been such a great thing for them.  With their help potty training Audrie was easy peasy.  They have learned so much there and Nana learned also.  It amazes me to watch the growth that they have shown.
I decided to stay with my job and just do that.  The littles are little for such a short period of time.  I couldn't even imagine them in daycare full time every day five days a week.  And so far this works for us. If it changes we will reevaluate.
I went through the divorce process this year.  It was not hard.  We are amicable so it was not too stressful.
Luckily Dave seems to have found a place of sobriety and is able to help with the littles.  Will it last? Who knows? But for now we roll with it and let him help all that he is able.  They are a handful.  
We have survived the ups and downs of Mike and his addiction. We have survived the ups and downs of Cassie's addiction.  We have survived the ups and downs of Dave's addiction.  I think we are survivors and an island of three.  We carry on and keep moving forward one day at a time.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Frozen

Audrie felt much better today so we went and saw "Frozen".  It was Audrie's first movie in a theater and she did great.  She played a little bit while we were waiting for the movie to start, but once it started she stayed seated and watched the movie.  She talked a little bit, but so did the kids behind us.  It was a really cute movie and I was surprised that it wasn't a Pixar flick.  It was Disney.  She really liked it and I liked that she liked it.

Man Plans, God Laughs

Today Audrie and I had a date planned. I scored a ticket to see "Frozen" off disneyrewards.com, so we were going to go see it and do some shopping. Connor broke one of her headbands and she was going to pick a replacement. Turns out the poor little thing is sick. So instead we are just chilling at home. She is sleeping in the chair.

New Beds

After sleeping on a very hard bed most of the year I had finally bought a new bed.  I was having a conversation with Dave and commented that my next purchase would be a big boy bed for Connor.  He immediately offered to buy a bed or something.  Looking online he decided he could build one.  So he did.  Found it to be pretty easy, so he decided to build one for Audrie also.  Audrie's bed was a day bed we had bought for Tanya when she was 15 or so, so it has been around awhile and it was the original mattress.
The beds were given to the littles for Christmas.  I got them the bedding as their gift from me.
Speaking of the bedding.....anyone who knows me knows I really don't believe in adding to the coffers of big business just for the sake of.  I have always hated Disney products because to me their product is no better than any other just because they own the rights to the characters.  And then along came the littles loving Lightning McQueen and Tinkerbell and Princesses.  So I sucked it up and got them the cutest bedding.  And they love it.  And in the end that is what matters.  Merry Christmas best little woman and best little man.  I love you.

Christmas Eve

We had our traditional Christmas Eve.  We got some Chinese food from a local place, a shrimp platter and beef stick, cheese and crackers.  We watched "Monsters University" and enjoyed it.  Doug and Kristie joined us as they are in town for the holiday.  The littles just love Aunt Kristie so much.  They kept wanting to sit on her and they really enjoyed coloring with her.  It is just the little things that mean so much. It was a nice night.  And now Connor is spending the night with Papa and Audrie came home.  Soon to bed to wait for Santa.

Low Numbers

Betty had me stop by and pick up some more books.  I told her that at the rate I am reading right now she won't see them again for six months.  And that is just strange for a person who reads a lot.  Looking at my list of books read and movies watched and it has been a slim year.
I think I have spent so much time with the littles that I am just too worn out to read at night and they do tend to make movie watching a trial. There is just no way they can be quiet for two hours.  So for now I will watch what I can and read when I can and it is all good.  But boy that stack by my bed just keeps growing.  :P

Best Laid Plans

I signed the form I needed to for Judd and the money to extend my decision making time.  Several things got pointed out to me and I must be feeling better......the money is basically in an IRA savings acct making diddly squat.  Turns out Allstate and Thrivent buy their product from the same place but Allstate has cheaper fees.  Judd also informed me that I could tap a portion of that money without penalty for a cushion.
Well by the next day I knew I needed to make the move so I contacted Judd and we have another meeting later in the week after Christmas.  Once I get this done I won't have to think about it for awhile.  Whew. Sometimes it is all about moving forward and acting, not stalling and reacting.

Winter Solstice

We had our first celebration of the winter solstice.  I have always liked the idea of it, but never seemed to have time for it.  This year is different since we are changing, growing and making new traditions.  We invited Papa and Daddy over for hot chocolate with marshmallows.  It went over really well.  It is the first time the littles have gotten hot chocolate that I know of.  First time with me anyway.  Now we enjoy the longest night and start working towards the summer solstice with the longest day.

Overwhelmed

So Mike checked himself back into detox.  No idea what his future plans are.  He spent four days there and got over the worst of the withdrawals.  He is back at Dave's through Christmas and then plans on moving on.  Time will tell.
I have just been overwhelmed with it all emotionally which means I just function.  So the money guy from allstate has just been annoying the hell out of me along with Sam.  I was about ready to do something about it when it just got to be too much.  So I shut it down.  I figured for now the money was safe.  It's mine and in an IRA.  If it wasn't for Sam being my friend I probably would have shut it all down.
So I finally responded to Judd and have a meeting today to look at some more options and do something that gives me more time to decide what I want to do long term. Because I am not deciding right now.

Sowing Wild Oats

My little man is sure sowing his oats.  Seems like every chance he gets he is into something.  His newest fascination seems to be eggs.  He fingerpainted the kitchen floor with one early in the week.  Then yesterday he tried to do the same on the carpet of the dining room.  Oy.
His other trick this week is unrolling toilet paper off the roller.  Boy there is a lot of paper on one of those rollers.  At least he didn't try to flush it....just left it on the floor.  I saved it and then have to remember to grab some out of the linen closet when needed.  What a man.

Kicking and Screaming

It is funny and it is not, how easy it is to be dragged back into co-dependence. Mike was arrested on his warrants and then released the next day for 30 days house arrest.....at my house. And naturally he didn't follow through with his requirements. I'm watching all the crap and holding strong on no rides or money, but I can't stop the crap.  It all came to a head last night and he has left. High, high, high. There is no talking to him like that.
We had a conversation a week ago where he told me he just did not care about anyone or anything other than himself. I said I thought he didn't even care about himself...only his drugs. He agreed. It was the most honest thing he has said in years.
Now I have to resolve myself that he can't be here. I can't have the crap around the little kids. I'm just so glad that Audrie was at Papa's last night and didn't witness her daddy in that condition.

And Again

This week just got away from me. I worked four days. My car returned to the shop for the third time. The valve cover gasket that got replaced a few weeks ago had a kink in it. All fixed for free. I sure like those loaner cars they give me. I took Mom shopping and she is almost done. Wish I was. Mike had me on edge all week. The littles were great. I think it is time to step back and take a deep breath.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Audrie had a tumbling class today.  So Connor and I bundled up and went for a walk around the school while she did that.  He spotted two birds in the soccer field and away he went. He never believes me when I tell him he can't catch them.  He gave it a good try though. I just stood on the sideline and watched him.  After that we practiced our jumping off curb skill and he tried walking the curb.  That one is a little beyond him yet, but not for long.  Then we hurried back to the car to warm up.  Love the cold when it is sunny.

Whirlwind Week

I worked four days this week. Then we added a Dr visit, a potluck party, pictures for Connor and coffee with Katie and Sandy.  Felt like I was going non-stop all week.  Connor is healthy and took really nice pictures even if he wouldn't really smile.  Katie and Sandy are good and busy.  Katie gave us an invite to come up any Tuesday or Wednesday.  Those days she has her grandkids.  The potluck went great even if I was a little stressed beforehand.  I intended to make lasagna but it turned into a cheese plate.  I love finding out I'm out of things I know I have.  So I ran out of time to get it done.  Will make a nice dinner tomorrow night.
It was kind of nice having a "snow day " morning.  Slowed us down.  Lunch got cancelled.  We just took our time motivating for the day.

Creepy Feeling

So I ran into Jim, one of Dave's neighbors.  We talked for a minute and he said oh you live in the Clark apartments.......I have never shared that with him.  Well turned out his daughter has a friend across the parking lot and she told him.  I haven't seen her since she was eight, so it surprised me that she knew who I was.  Anyway he then proceeded to ask about Dave and I.  Told him the divorce was final last week.  He went 'Oh so you're free' with that sound of interest.  I started chanting in my head...please don't ask me out, please don't ask me out.  Must have worked, that and telling him that Dave quit drinking after I left.  Jim was standing there with a six pack of beer in his hand.  Yeah not interested in that.  I'm pretty sure that was why his wife moved to town also.