A Conversation

I had the most interesting conversation last night.  I was asked thought provoking questions that I could not answer.  What if scenarios.  Like what if Cassie does get it together and wants to raise all of her children?
I also learned a valuable lesson that I'm sure I have learned at some other point in time.  And that is to NOT let other people's opinions influence my own.  I have a brain and can think for myself.  I need to take the reins and make my own friends because they inspire me.
Now we will see what transpires next.  I may be the next outcast in my complex because I do think for myself.  C'est la vie.

An Adventure

The littles and I packed up some snacks and a change of clothes, grabbed the camera and headed to the beach.  It was a nice drive down.  Hit Warrenton and the fog had set in.  Say what?  Brenda had jinxed us by telling me about areas of fog.  So we kept on driving down the coast.  Hit sun again about Manzanita.  Thought we would check out Rockaway and maybe stay there.  Yup.  Always a kink in our plans.
The car decided to throw a battery code telling me the battery was no longer charging.  And so we headed back to bigger towns.
I knew this was totally changing our trip and by golly we were going to play on the beach.  So we stopped for an hour at Arcadia Beach State Park.  The littles loved the ocean and playing in the sand.  They really didn't want to leave, but it was getting dark.
Back on the road.  We made it to Astoria before the car gave up the ghost.  Parked and started walking back towards the hotels.  Hoping there would be a vacancy somewhere that wasn't going to cost an arm and a leg.  We found a room at a fleabag that wasn't too bad actually.  As we were going to sleep Connor reminded me about the mermaids.  We have an ongoing time with them   We watched the pirate movie that had the mean mermaids.  So I keep telling him the mermaids can't get him because they live in the ocean.  So he is laying there and says "mermaids".  I'm like what about them.  He goes "ocean", so I had to change my usual to I won't let the mermaids get him.
By this time Dave is panicking and decided that he would come down the next morning and help.  Didn't trust me to take care of it.  So I let him.  He showed up with Josh and they got a tow dolly and we all towed the car back to Portland Mini where it resides now until they fix it.  Hoping it is just a new battery and alternator.  I will be blessed if that is all.  And I am thankful for Dave and Joshs' help and that the littles and I still had a nice drive and time on the beach. And I'm laughing because I had almost invited Dave to join us and then he did anyway.
We got mermaids at the Pig 'n Pancake before we left Astoria as a reminder of the nice mermaids who did not eat Connor or take him into the ocean.
And darn now we need to go back again to finish the trip we had planned.

Statement

I turned in my statement today after work.  And while I don't expect anything to come of it, it creates a paper trail.  Also allows me to give a copy to the complex manager.

A Chat With a Cop

Wow.  Turns out that the neighbor being in my apartment is not my fault.  Him having a key does not give him the legal right to enter without permission.  Before I'm even done with the story the cop is handing me paperwork to fill out and turn in.  Says it can be for information  if nothing else.  The cop even looked like his skin crawled when I got to the part about where I knew where the neighbor had been.  He seemed to totally understand why I had things in place to tell me where someone might be in my home.  The cop knows Mike.
Anyway I filled out the statement.  Checked with the neighbors that it read exactly as I said when I got home from vacation.  That also lets everyone know exactly what I did and what I said.  There won't be no stories told later suiting the neighbor's lies.  

Oy

So today is Mom's house day.  I decided to check caller ID and see what has occurred since Friday.  Well the caller from India has called two times this week.  There has been a return call from another scammer.  Brought home some numbers to google and boy Mom must be on a list.  She got multiple calls from telemarketers.  Oy, oy, oy.
I sure hope she isn't answering calls she doesn't know.  At least one of those telemarketers are bad news.

Interesting

So I went down to get some kitten loves.  I was surprised to see John's kids.  I know it is their mom's weekend.  Anyway I get my loves and then John pops off with he thinks he is drinking too much.  Wow.  He explained his reasoning.  So I asked him what he intended to do with that information.  He didn't have an answer.  But at least he is thinking about it.  I didn't offer any advice as he didn't ask for any.  I have heard him spout many of the same old platitudes that many drinking people spout.  It's not my place to change him.  Maybe I am just a safe place for him to verbally express his own doubts into his patterns. I listen without expressing judgements.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know
the difference.

I don't know yet whether we are just going to be neighbors or whether we are going to be friends.  I know he is fun.  I knew shortly after I met him that he was an alcoholic.  Yeah like I need any more of those in my life.  It is what it is and what it will be.  Time will tell.  Although I know I should run as fast and as far as I can.  And I won't.

Kitten

I can't believe how brazen I can be sometimes.  John got a new kitten and he is a handsome baby boy.  And he was covered in fleas.  Poor baby.  Well John has an aversion to fleas like Dave does to fruit flies. So he got some flea dope from Bianca, but it didn't seem to help or at least not fast enough.  He asked me if the kitten, who is just six weeks, could wear a flea collar.  Um.  No.  Too little.  So I suggested a flea bath.  He looked at me like I was crazy.  He had given an adult cat a bath ONCE.  That is a different animal.  So he borrowed some flea shampoo from another neighbor.  And then went on and on and on.
Finally I had had enough and took the kitten and the shampoo and headed in to his bathroom sink.  As John followed me I said "Well isn't this what you wanted?"  He said no, but he still let me do it.  And then he helped.  I only ended up with one small scratch and the kitten ended up with a bunch of dead fleas.  So now John can play with him.  So far he still doesn't have a name. And I'm still co-dependent and know when I am being manipulated, but I can now speak up and say so.  And I like having a kitten close by to get cat loves from.

Easier/Harder It's Always One or the Other

The littles are getting bigger and getting a little easier.  They can self entertain a bit more.  They can pick up after themselves sometimes.  They can find food for themselves.  Sometimes they get along better.
Mom, on the other hand is getting harder.  She still self entertains mostly and she feeds herself.  But we are finding that people can scam her.  And then she freaks out and claims she didn't do it. But she does.  So she is under instruction to not answer the phone unless she knows the caller.  Yeah, like that is going to happen.  I suspect it just gets harder from here on out.  Damn.

Annoyed

Damn.  My neighbor upstairs is dense.  Doesn't think he has done anything for anyone to be upset about.  Yeah right.  So now he is asking other neighbors as to why I have a problem with him.  Seriously?  That is part of the problem.
And then he again tried to apologize.  I cut him off telling him we are done and we are not friends anymore.  Next time he gets the real brush off.  I'm so incredibly sick of the games.  Grow up and get help neighbor man.

Zaysha

It was Zaysha's birthday.  We waited all day for her to come home so the littles could give her her present.  Finally after dinner she was available for a few minutes.  Teens are very busy social people.  So Audrie carried the little gold foil wrapped gift up the stairs and knocked on the door.  When Zaysha came out Audrie told her happy birthday.  Then she handed her the gift and told her they got her a nose ring.  Too funny.  Then Zaysha opened it and loved it.
I passed on the message from Rachel at The Catalyst that she could take the nose ring there anytime and get the twist adjusted to her nose.  Any problems at all in changing the first stud and getting the new one in she would help. Rachel is a doll and more than willing to help even if Zaysha didn't get her piercing done at Rachel's shop.
Happy 13th birthday Zaysha.

Yeah Right

So Tristyn wanted to know if we were allowed over at the section 8 apartments.  I guess that is because one of the kids here can't go there.  Anyway I didn't respond to her not knowing where this was going.  Then she said they were having her birthday party over there and we were invited.  I had to tell her that we would not be attending as we don't hang out over there.  Her party will be over there at a drug dealer's house.  We don't hang out with lowlifes intentionally.  I didn't tell her all that....just we don't hang there and won't be going.  Maybe her party is over there not because of her parents affection for the drug dealer but for the fact that his kids can't come to our complex.  Kid drama.

Cruisin

The littles and I picked up Mom.  Ate some dinner and then walked over to the Cruise in Battle Ground.  Lots of cool cars were cruising up and down Main Street.  I personally thought last year was a better show.  I heard a lot of people weren't returning because of the disorganization last year.  Either way I still liked watching the cars.  The littles liked watching the cars even if Lightning McQueen did not make an appearance this year.
My friend David entered his little Nissan pick-up and looked like he was having a blast.  Heard he did the burn-out pit also and would have loved to see it.  We had Mom with so that meant we came, we sat, we left.  No walking around.
Maybe today we will walk down and look at the car show where the cars are just parked.  And yes I learned my lesson last year.  Don't touch the cars.  Don't fall on the cars.  The owners are testy about that.  ;P

Paranoid Much

Okay.  Connor had to go potty and he raced into Papa's bathroom to do his business.  Papa went to check on him and Connor was doing a little bit of bleeding.  Papa is just about in a panic.  It's too much blood and it is oh so bright.  That's good.  Means it is close to the end.  My guess is the little man is a little constipated and got a little tear in the mucosa lining.  Yes I will watch for more, but it isn't anything to panic about right now.
Then I needed to vacuum out my car.  Papa informs the kids that unless they are dressed and in shoes they can't help because they might get electrocuted.  Say what?  So they get dressed and then Papa comes out almost yelling that if I don't have shoes for Connor in the car he can't help me.  Guess Papa was using a tool with a bad cord a couple of weeks ago and he got zapped.  Now what that has to do with shoes I don't know.  He said he is trying to teach them something and there is a principal involved.  Yeah whatever.  We still aren't putting on shoes when we vacuum at home.
All of this in a twenty minute period.  Paranoid?

I Can Change

So I've been told.  This in response to my comment about pretending the be extroverted.  I think I change every day.  Every day I grow and learn something new.  Every day I experience something different than the day before even if it feels almost the same.  

As for my being extroverted or introverted....I don't think I can change that part.  It is ingrained in my soul.  I can go against my nature and put myself out there.  Pretend.  And sometimes it brings me good things.  But it still isn't who I am.  It's an effort to do it.  

Terms of Endearment

I believe in ghosts, but not the kind that you see.  Well maybe them too, but I've never seen one.  However I have had what I call spirit visits.  And sometimes I know things I shouldn't know.  So my dad has visited me twice.  Once when Mike was born and the night before Connor was born.  My grandma visited me and told me about the clock.  Dang if she wasn't right.  And then a woman has now visited me twice.  I'm pretty sure it was Sheryl and she wanted me to give hugs to George.  Yeah okay........
George and I have a boundary issue.  So I just let it go.  Then she visited me again and again told me he needed a hug.  Okay.  So I sent him one over the internet.  I didn't explain it in detail just told him that he would think many different things.  He came back with (and he doesn't understand) that he feels none of that negative stuff and returned my hug and called me sweety.
Wait...what?  Yeah.  I think he just uses terms of endearment as charm.  But they always throw me off.  Sometimes it almost feels condescending.  Not necessarily from George, but from men in general who aren't part of a relationship.  So I will take his term of endearment as he meant it.  And go back to letting that all go.  But I do so still love George.

Garden

Stopped by Dave's to check the garden.  I suspected there would be a bread zucchini because it was already too big for eating last time I checked.  It was perfect today.  Also got two for eating and a yellow squash.  I'm thinking stir-fry this week.  There are lots of peas soon to be ready and the beans are full of blossoms.  Corn is growing and already has the silk.  We spotted tomatoes.
I picked raspberries and Connor wanted to pick blueberries.  He took off with a container and then brought it back with its lid on.  Said he was done.  Inside were three blueberries.  Funny boy.  We did pick some blueberries and got enough for some muffins and some pancakes.  Looks like maybe one more picking of raspberries.

Inventory

Done with my part in the inventory process.  Tomorrow the buyers have fun trying to figure out the boo-boos.  I know there will be a few because when I did pre-counts I counted more than the computer said we had.  That should be lots of fun for them.
Anyway the precounts made it really easy this year.  The section I usually do was divided into two sections and it still took us six hours to do it.  Pens take a lot of time to count.  I'm  pretty sure every one is really glad I love to do that section.

Panera Bread

Panera Bread was one of Auntie Jean's favorite places to eat lunch.  When we visited her in Florida we went there.  I would send her gift cards for there when I earned them on my clicker sites.
And so we took Aunt Cris out to lunch at Panera Bread.  And she enjoyed it.  The food, the company and the getting out.  We caught up and had broccoli cheddar soup.  We toasted to Auntie Jean.

Belated Family Dinner

We were suppose to bbq at Mom's on Friday, but she forgot.  She went to Costco and out for dinner and then to Winco for groceries.  By that time we were a little concerned.  But all's well that ends well.
So today we had our bbq.  Pat did up some brats and hot dogs.  I brought a melon and Mom made potato salad.  The kids mostly behaved.  We didn't let them eat any snacks before dinner and it seemed to help.  No sugar high going on.
Then after we ate I finished up my work from this morning.  Got the pills all set for the next two weeks and the banking fixed.  Again.

Seriously

Leave me alone.  You obviously know that I am ignoring you.  Why would you try and push my buttons?  Ohhhhhh.  Yeah, dumb me.  I get it.  It is what addicts do.  I sit back with hindsight and see all the things I missed as they happened.  The compartmentalizing of people so no one talks to each other.  The drug deals that were too drug deals.  The ups and downs.  The expectation of other people taking care of things.  The lies that get told from day one, day two, etc.
So when you ask "What did I do?" My response is you know what you do.  My unspoken response is "SERIOUSLY?" What a joke.  Co-dependent people can't always be played.  Sorry.  Your loss.  You screwed up.  Now leave me the f alone.

Little Things

Bianca commented about my garden being at my dad's.  I just looked at her.  I have no idea where she got that idea. Um...no....
John started to say how much he loved my kids.  Then he went to correct himself and then changed his mind.  Looked right at me and said they are YOUR kids.
Anthony told me I was in my 30's when neighbor Michael made a joke about my age.  I had asked how old Michael thought I was.  Love Anthony.  Still feeling about 43 I think.
Missing Mishka this week.

Bearing Fruit

I am up to six pickings on raspberries.  I think there will be one more.  Papa has enough in the freezer for my batch of jam.  The rest we have just been eating.  Did my second picking of blueberries.  One container for the freezer and one for munching. Made some lovely blueberry muffins that the neighbor kids devoured.   Starting to get a nice small steady stream of zucchini and yellow squash.  Yum.  We are in the summer mode.  We have baby peas, tomatoes and cucumbers.  The corn is showing tassels, which is great since you only hope for knee high by the fourth of July. The pumpkin has grown wild.  Need to check and see if there is anything beyond flowers on it.  So far I would call it a successful garden year.

Walmart, Blu-ray and Samsung

Back in April I bought a blu-ray player to hook up to the tv in the bedroom.  Got it at Walmart for $68.  Well I waited awhile before opening up the box.  Ah.  No HDMI cable.  Well I guess I need to buy one of those is what I thought.  Put it in the bedroom and didn't think too much about it.  Then one day I was checking prices at Fred Meyers and yikes.  Those cords run about $25 there.  They may have had cheaper ones but the four employees working that day were too busy conversing with each other.  Later I looked at the paperwork and lo and behold it said my box should have included the cord.  Well this is two months later and I don't know where the receipt is off hand.  Well I found it but it is still two months later so I contact Samsung, the manufacturer.  After explaining they told me to go back to Walmart and talk to them.  And that I did not need to take the player with me, just the receipt.  Moving forward to a day without the littles I run to Walmart and they tell me I need to return to the exact one that I bought the player from.  And then they changed their mind.  No Walmart has my cord because it was a factory sealed box that I bought.  They tell me to hurry and bring the player in the box back and they will do an exchange.  I have to do it before the 90 days is up in two weeks.  So I go home, box it up and go back.  They open another one and there is no cord, but the paperwork says the same.  Hmmmm. The sales person told me they don't come with cords anymore and every body knows this.  I don't care.  I'm not spending more money when the paperwork says it comes with it.  It is not my fault if the manufacturer didn't correct their paperwork.  And while I understand it is not Walmart's fault either....I am the customer and know my rights.  So I wait and see what they will do.  Took them about half an hour and they checked some  more boxes to see if they had cords.  They ended up giving me a cord off the shelf.  And I am happy.
People say a lot of bad things about Walmart.  For me they fixed the problem even though it was not their fault.

One Lesson

Nita texted and wanted Audrie for a few days while she was down at the cabin. Well it interfered with swimming lessons so she decided she would take her back north instead when she went home. That sounded fine and dandy.  Then her trip got postponed a few days until the day after swimming lessons.  She offered to get us an invite to their Fourth of July BBQ, but I felt funny about that.  Then nothing.  Monday night Traci texted and asked what time I worked on Tues as they were going home and wanted to drop in for a minute and say hi.  And then of course I had to work too late and they had a trailer to haul back.  So no visit for Audrie with the other Nana.  I learned the lesson of not saying anything to Audrie about Nita plans a couple of trips ago.  Most of the time the plans don't pan out and then I have a heart broken girl.  Better to have a pleasant surprise when they do work out.

Happenings

Connor got a new scooter.  The neighbor girl was tired of him borrowing  hers so he needed one.  He had a three wheeled one that he never rode.  He liked the big boy two wheel ones.  So we went to Walmart and picked out a beautiful blue one. What the neighbor girl didn't understand was that if he had broken hers she would have gotten a new one.  So this is a win win for us.

We went to the playground after work on Monday.  It was warm so the littles wanted to play in the fountain.  As soon as Connor was good and wet he lost his shorts.  They fell right off him.  Too funny.  They played and played until they went for a run in the grass and Audrie got a sticker stuck in her toe right by the back of the nail.  She wouldn't let me look, then she let me look, then she wouldn't let me pull it out (although it was easy to do) and then she pulled it out herself.  Good girl.

Audrie finished up her first set of swimming lessons. She loves the water and has no fear.  Papa signed her up for more lessons in August.

Are You Nathan? Yes, I Am

I have worn Nathan's name tag since he left.  So that is like five years.  No one ever notices, except for Cubby a few years back.  So imagine my surprise when I had seven, count them seven, people today comment on my name being Nathan.  The best response was when I said yes it was my name, the guy got excited and said it is his name also and it rocks.  Another guy said it was his name also and there is no way it is my name.  It was today.
Yeah it is kind of like the Natalie thing with the blog.  ;P

First Day Summer Rush 2014

I saw a couple of interesting t-shirts today. The first one said only a real loser would take the time to read stupid t-shirts......I told the guy I'm not a real loser. The other one said "Careful or you will end up in my novel." The girl said she intends to write a novel. I said my shirt should say "Careful or you will end up in my blog."
I saw a guy with the randomest tattoo.  It said "You smell like before rain".  I still need to look that up to see if it is from a poem or song lyric.  Just random and I liked it. Yeah.....I not only read stupid t-shirts, I read tattoos.  The guy was from back east and he told me it gets real humid just before it rains.  Still trying to figure out the smell.  
We saw a dog with shoes.  He was a service dog and was so dang cute.  I didn't have my phone so I had Brenda take a quick picture.  

Fitness Center

I'm on a break from it.  It worked out just fine going after work.  The last quarter ended and the new one begins.  Summer is when you can pay for the whole year for $60.  That is my intention.  The problem was it coincided with my rental insurance at $64.  Since that is a requirement of my lease......
Here is to hoping I had enough hours last month to have the extra 60 after rent.  ;P
Rent always always comes first.

Weekend

The littles went to Papa's Saturday night for fireworks at his house and to watch the neighbor display.  They both said they really liked it. I went out for dinner with Mom at El Rancho Viejo.  Very strange to go there without children.  We think it is the first time since we have had kids that we went there without kids.  The staff even commented about it.
The rest of the weekend was pretty mellow.  More cleaning.  I only have the littles' room left and every room got a big cleaning.  Feels more like home again.

Intentions

Our neighbor group was chatting last night.  One commented about people being really clear about their intentions....or not.  Seems another neighbor seriously put the moves on John.  She made her intentions very very very clear since she explained it in detail.  The problem was she had just met him.  He told her he wasn't interested.  A man with principles.
I can remember in my youth being that bold.  Certainly not that bold anymore.  And maybe in my youth I would have slept with someone I just met, although I don't remember having ever done that particular thing.
So in my old age I look at what my own intentions are.  Again.  I think they remain the same.  I'm not in the market for another spouse at this time.  I'm not in the market for a boyfriend or a shack up.  Still not opposed to a friend with benefits.  Still don't know where to find one.  Just going to continue on the road I am on.

Fireworks

We watched the neighborhood display.  It was actually a bit overwhelming and loud.  I was amazed at how much money was spent, although I think I am amazed every year.  This year seemed way over the top.  I do love the blue fireworks.  The littles had a blast playing with the other kids from the complex and setting off their fireworks.  We only had a couple of things but they got in on every one else's action.  Taylor played big brother to all the little kids and helped them.  He was fantastic.  It was a nice Fourth of July.

Bad Blast From the Past

WTF? I was taking a little snooze on Dave's couch.  Connor was to spend the night.  I wake to Dave telling Connor to get up on the couch and he did.  Connor was watching "Ice Age" and Audrie was playing on the ipad.  Once I'm awake I'm awake so I ask Audrie if she is ready to hit the road and Connor says he is going home with me.  Okay.  Not my plan, but I roll a lot.  Dave comments about almost having both of them asleep.  Say what?  Neither was almost asleep and one had already had his nap at daycare.  I take Connor in to go potty and we come out.  Dave wants to know if he needs a new pull up or jammies.  Say what?  It is 5 in the afternoon.  I question it and he gets all indignant about not having access to a clock so he doesn't know what time it is.  Ok, but it is not anywhere close to bedtime.  Reminded me way too much of some drunk times we had when he wanted them to sleep so he wouldn't have to deal with them in his stupor.  We left.

Oy. Rolling With It

Connor was going to spend the night at Papa's, but it didn't work out.  I had intended on taking Audrie down to the waterfront and listening to some blues.  Los Lonely Boys and Los Lobos were the big headliners and I could have listened to them.  They were my only draw this year so that is now out.
Instead we played outside and watched some fireworks.  Connor was enthralled and kept telling me the colors he saw in the sky.  I think he likes them a lot.  He should enjoy tomorrow even more.

Sanctuary: Taking It Back

I've been home for a month.  And that month is just a blur.  I looked around our home this week and realized it was very very messy.  And then I realized I was depressed.  I don't feel depression, so I am always surprised when I discover that I am.  I feel numb and I quit doing things.  Like keeping a handle on the mess that two little kids make.  I think the neighbor being in my house, drinking my milk and going through my things, just sent me into a spin even if I did get my key back so he can't come in again.
I was at the point of planning on moving, even thinking about breaking my lease.  And then I realized I was depressed.  And to get me out of that stage usually takes movement.  So I am taking it back.  My home is my sanctuary.  No one comes in unless invited, especially my bedroom.
I started the other day when the littles went with Papa to Dizzy Castle.  Got the living room totally whipped back into shape.  Moved on to the kitchen.  Today was finish the kitchen and completely do the bathroom.  Including floors.  Floors seem to be my cleaning downfall. It looks much better here and I feel better.  Now to get the squeaky hinges fixed so the neighbor can't hear all my comings and goings and I will feel even better.  Papa said he would help me get the hinges out to lube them up.  And the littles have let me work and not made big messes behind me today.  I think they could sense I needed to do this.
And so I have taken it back.  I'm done letting the neighbor control how I feel and act. And home is SANCTUARY. Feels good to be proactive and toss that depression in the wind.

Quick Story

I forgot to tell it when it happened.  The raspberries came on and needed picking. I want to make a batch of raspberry jam for the littles to try and to use in a couple of recipes.  So that means I don't have the luxury of just grazing, but must pick.  So I went out and picked one side and then moved to the other side of the row.  I was about five feet into it when this hummingbird flew over and landed on the rope at the beginning of the row.  I'm looking at it and it keeps looking at me.  Then it drinks from the rope as there was water there.  The hummer watched me for a good ten minutes.  I was moving away from it and definitely not a threat.  I think perhaps there was a nest nearby and it was keeping eye.  Hasn't happened on the next three pickings so it is hard to say.  I thought it was kind of cool though.