End of November

It was back to work, school and day care after our nice long weekend.  It was oh so hard this morning to get back into routine.  But we all made it where we needed to be.
After work I grabbed the littles and we went back to the apartment to finish cleaning.  Naturally only one of us cleaned and the other two played.  And that job is done or at least as done as it is going to be.
Feels good to finish that up and close that chapter.  It was a great three years in limbo. I met some great people, learned a lot, and became much more self-sufficient.  Now on to the next adventure.....cleaning the garage. 

My Little Man is Four Years-old

The little man turned four today.  He feels so big.  We had a little gathering for cake.  We had one extra guest. For some reason my kids like small things.  We enjoyed cake and ice cream and singing "Happy Birthday To You." Well all of us except the little woman who covered her ears.  Maybe it is the song she doesn't like.
Connor got his scooter.  He did not get one for his best friend Kohen, his girl Kinzlee or for Milea.  His nana is just not that generous.  He got a batman toy that he also asked for.  The biggest hit was some min figs I ordered online.  He got superheros and she got ninja turtles.  They played with those toys for a couple of hours.  Yay!  He also got a new car and a boat and a jacket.  All in all a good haul.
He and Audrie both have gift cards from Mommy to go shopping with.  I waited with Audrie's so they could shop together. I think that avoided a lot of melt downs. 
What I found interesting is he is more aware of what other people get.  He had commented several times that he wanted as many presents as Eban got for his birthday.  Eban is the only grandchild of two sets of grandparents.  He gets a lot of presents.  That isn't ever happening for Connor.  And there is no explaining why some kids get a lot more.  Anyway he was fine with what he got and never asked for more today.  Sometimes enough is enough. 
Happy birthday little man.  I remember the day you were born and all the love I have felt for you from that moment on. 

Expansion on a Bike

I have said for a good ten years that I would never ride a bike again unless it was with my brother.  He has already had his wreck and isn't likely to have another one.  As I get older that safety aspects rears its head. 
Dave wanted a bike and I never said no.  I just said I wasn't riding.  So after we moved it was one of the first things he acquired.  And I was happy for him.  That wish was fulfilled.  And he never offered me a ride.  And that was okay.
So yesterday I met up with an old friend.  We hashed out all the things that had kept us from being friends and decided we were still friends.  He called and asked if I wanted to go for a ride on his new bike.  He is still trying to get through the first thousand miles to get it broke in.  And the weather is just perfect for fall riding.  Without missing a beat I agreed to the ride as long as I could find a sitter. 
Well a sitter is hard to find.  But Daddy was working at Uncle Pat's and Pat said they could hang out there.
And so that is what happened.  I dropped the "kids" off at Pat's and went on a ride.  My little man wanted to know how come he couldn't go.  Too young. Pat wanted clarification on bike ride.  I said motorcycle and I guess I lied.  Because I was riding with someone other than my brother. 
Here are my epiphanies.
I don't get carsick on a bike.  I may have knew that, but didn't remember.  How nice.
I am no where near as limber as I was in my youth.  And I bet I looked really cute getting up on that bike and getting off that bike.  But I did it.  If you can't get on, you can't ride.  I seem to remember a man with a horse telling me that one time.  May be why I haven't been on a horse in a long time.
I had forgotten how you feel the temperature changes on a ride.  It was really pleasant most of it.  We got down near the Lewis River and it got cold.  We found a lot of frost and decided to head back. 
From Orchards to almost Moulton Falls back to Orchards and then to Frenchman's Bar and back to Orchards.  I wasn't as stiff as I expected to be after sitting that long.
And it was a lovely day for a ride.  Glad I was invited. I never felt unsafe at all, even when the mailman tried to hit us. Thanks Doug for expanding my world and reminding me. 

Lights

I was so excited to find the lights in Mom's garage.  Only to be so disappointed when they didn't work.  So Black Friday beckoned.  Got the first of our lights.  My plan is to add a little bit each year and spread out the expense.  And then we will know what works and what doesn't as we go. 
Mike climbed up on the roof to do that part and I wrapped the railing.  Tried to turn the lights on and found out the outside outlet doesn't work.  Plugged them in inside and that outlet doesn't work.  Methinks my brother needs to take a look.  So then we plugged it into the dryer outlet and behold we have light.  Two different colors of blue.  Kind of messes with my sense of symmetry, but they are still beautiful.
Thanks Mike for making your kids happy and not making me get up on the roof.

Thanksgiving

It was our first Thanksgiving in our new home with Grammy.  It was our first Thanksgiving without Papa.  We had the usual dinner and there were no fruit salad mishaps this year.  Mom and I reminisced about that in the morning.  Dave had spilled a whole big bowl of fruit salad in the days before grocery stores were open on Thanksgiving.  We have been telling that story every year since 1988.
We had the usual guest list.  Nine.  It was nine last year also.  This year, no Dave, but Mike was there.  He said it was his first Thanksgiving with us in a long long time and I think he is right.  Guess the stars aligned.  Thanks Dave. 
I was feeling a bit nostalgic.  I was remembering last year and all of us being there for, with Dave.  Those who loved him dearly.  My heart warms every time I think of Israel taking time out of his family holiday to come visit Dave.  Last year was a good holiday. 
This year was a good holiday, just in a different way.  I touched base with Israel and let him know I was thinking about him and how much I appreciated him last year. 
So we are thankful for each other and the time we spend together.  We are grateful for being able to take walks and study nature, for doing artwork and quiet time.  We are thankful for the good health that we have and the food we enjoy.  We are grateful for a roof over our heads and the time we had with Papa. 
Light and love Dave.  Light and love family. 

Pictures Odds and Ends

Pie Day

The day before Thanksgiving is always pie day. So after some coffee we got to it.  We did a pumpkin, a lemon meringue and a chocolate cream.  The little man and I did the meringue by ourselves and had to do it over.  I have no idea what we did wrong but it never got stiff.
 I think they enjoyed our pie making and our memory making.  Neither one would eat the pie dough though.  I can still hear my grandma telling me it would give me worms.  Yeah right.  Never stopped me from eating the dough. 

Giving Thanks

The little woman brought home this picture of herself.  Note the red hair.  She is thankful for her family.  So I had her tell me who the people were in the picture.  So the green cat up by the leaves is Mica.  And then left to right is Grammy, Nana, Connor, Audrie, Jazzlynn, Papa, Mommy and Daddy.  I like how we are all holding hands. 

Sunny Day

We took advantage of the beautiful weather we have had this weekend.  We got two walks in.  One in the daytime looking at all the leaves and mushrooms.  And then another one at night when it was cold. Found out the playground does not have a street light close enough to it to really utilize it at dark. 

A Day for Nostalgia

Doing the project with Betty brings back all kinds of memories.  We had to send email to Chris and her son used to play soccer and basketball with my son.  Then today while at the grocery store I ran into her brother and sister-in-law whose son used to also play sports with Mike.  In fact Dave used to coach soccer.  Funny how the universe works sometimes.  Dave had his youngest son with and he has grown into a tall young man.  Always good to see them all doing well.
Tonight the phone rang.  My brain did a freeze when he first said it was Doug.  And then he quickly clarified which one.  I haven't talked to Doug in twenty years due to his situation with his wife at the time.  Hindsight told me that I was much too quick to take her side.  Especially the things that came out later and after I had time to think about things.
So since I had been chasing my past and making amends where I needed to, I had dropped by his house and was amazed that he still lived there.  A couple more stops and I got the nerve to go up to his door.  No answer to my knock.  So I wrote a quick note stating that although it was twenty years late I apologized for backing the wrong horse.  I had forgotten who my friend was.  Gave him my number and said I would love to catch up but only if he wanted to.  That note was left several months ago and I figured as time went by that he did not want to.
We did a quick catch up.  He had driven by our old place today and almost stopped.  Said he was glad he hadn't.  I told him Joe would have told him about Dave and it would have been okay.  Wonder if his timing was when I was at Betty's.  My world seems to work like that sometimes.
So we are going to meet in the future and have coffee even though all our old coffee haunts are gone.  Guess we find a new one.  I was glad that he called and he was too by the end of the call.  Said it was hard and that he had been going back and forth for awhile.  Well so had I when I did my drive-bys.

Settling In

Slowly, but surely we are settling in.  It is very difficult to integrate two households.  It's not just integrating.  My first mistake was being too considerate.  I broached some of the changes I wanted to make with Mom and she agreed.  That is as far as it got.  No changes, just talking about them.  Then she complained about all the changes I made and how she can't find anything.  You have to laugh or you will cry.
Anyway we are making progress.  There are still a few things at the apartment to haul over and some cleaning to do.  And then that part will be done.  We will miss all those neighbors, especially the kids.
I got Dave's other bathroom shelf hung and the whiteboard in the office.  I figured we needed one of those for notes to ourselves.  I can see that I need to get much more organized.
Mom is having the most difficult time with the changes.  She likes the quiet.  And while the littles have quiet times, her memory doesn't allow her to note the difference.  She just remembers the moment when they are loud.  Not sure there is anything we can do about that.
A friend suggested talking to her doctor about it and ask for any suggestions. 
My life is never boring.

Giving Tree

The littles and I talked about the giving tree.  We decided that we would pick a name and shop for that child.  They didn't blink an eye about it.  I think maybe they are born with compassion and then have to to relearn it as they get older, jaded.  It does my heart good when they are wonderful and kind.
We are thankful to have a place to live, food in our cupboards, warm clothes to wear and toys to play with. 

Sad

Today Monica put me in charge of setting up the giving tree.  The nursing club is sponsoring the tree for Share House.  So I got to put ribbon on all the tags and attach them to our tree.  Well I read each and every one of the tags.  And it broke my heart. 
We think of the homeless as those begging on the on ramps.  Most of them just looking for money for drugs.  I know this is true since my son has done that many many times.  We forget about the families that are homeless. 
And it was a big reminder today seeing all the requests for shoes and winter coats. 
Makes me think it is time to share with the littles the things we can do for others.  Start a tradition of more compassion.  I used to do giving trees all the time.  I don't know why I stopped or when.  It is time to start again in some form. 

Moved

There are still some odds and ends at the apartment to move and then to clean it.  And then that chapter of our life is over. 
We are slowly settling in with Mom.  She agreed to let Mike stay here as long as he is doing well.  Time will tell.  He also broached living with Pat and Pat is thinking about it. 
Poor Tanya had to admit that Doug didn't get the ashes by the weekend like he said.  Then she told me she was going to check into the bunk beds that were suppose to be set out near the beginning of Oct.  I just told her no one expects Doug to be reliable.  He pretty much has proven that he's not.  Wonder when she will realize that the rest of us are right?

Little Bits

Took the little miss to school this morning.  We were early enough that she got to have breakfast at school.  That went pretty smoothly and she wants to do that again.  After I sent her off to her class I went to the office and got the boundary exception form filled out and turned in. 
Made it to Costco and got the things on our list from there.  They also had big whiteboards.  I wanted one to put in the office for notes.  Just hadn't gotten around to finding one yet.  So that was serendipitous.  I'm going to let Mike hang it for us. 
Slowly but surely we are making the settling in progress.  I guesstimate it will only take another three months to do that.  ;p

School Drop Off

Today was the first day of me transporting the little woman to school.  I only have to do the mornings and then early release afternoons.  The rest of the time she rides the kindergarten bus that drops at Little Tigers. 
I never thought I would be one of those drop off parents on a regular basis.  I really don't believe in it if it isn't necessary.  I don't want to switch her mid stride, so we are getting a boundary exception.  The only way for her to get to school is either catching the bus at Little Tigers or me driving her.  I would have to drive her to Little Tigers anyway.
So as I am dropping her off today I remembered that I have done this before.  Dave and I lived in Hearthwood when we first got married and his kids came to live with us.  Then we moved to Battle Ground.  I spent almost three months making two daily trips to Hearthwood so as to keep them in the same class for that year.  That 30 mile round trip twice a day makes the five mile trip once a day look like a piece of cake.
Next year she will go to the school this neighborhood goes to and the following year they will both go.  All good and I am one of those drop off parents, but with a reason.

Family Dinner for Mike's Birthday

After a day organizing the kitchen the littles and I set about baking a cake and putting lasagna together.  The littles did the frosting and Daddy wrote Happy Birthday and put two hearts on it.  The littles wanted the hearts.  One for each.
Every one came over and it makes a full house and a fuller table.  We may have to get a bigger table.  Grammy slept through dinner, but ate later.  There is never wasted lasagna.  Connor even made the foray into eating lasagna.  He is such an adventurous eater.  I was laughing when Tanya said he is almost as picky as Audrie.  I said..oh no way....she is the pickiest eater I know. 
So again I have pictures, but my computer is not set up yet and right now I don't know where the cord is for my camera.  So later......

Load It Up

And the day arrived.  Moving day.  The rental of the u-haul was a piece of cake.  Just like renting a car.  Driving the u-haul was a piece of cake.  Just like driving a truck.  Loading it up was work.  I got almost all of it loaded when Jason came outside and helped with Audrie's dresser and the queen bed.
And then it was on to the house. 
Mike unloaded most of it with a little help from me and the littles.  We managed to get the bedroom set up.  All the dressers were put back together and the TV situated.  Now we have to call DISH and get a connection for that TV. 
There are still odds and ends to move and cleaning at the apartment.  But the big push is done.  Then we hit Shari's for dinner and Winco for groceries.  A good tiring day. 

Picture Day

We had our appointment today for Connor's four year-old pictures.  He told me he was going to wear his batman mask and cape.  And he did.  And the picture turned out pretty cute. I think it shows who he is at this age.  And when he grows up he wants to be Batman.  So it just seemed appropriate.
After the pictures were taken we headed to the food court for some dinner.  McDonald's isn't at the mall anymore.  Even if it was, I had my more adventurous eater with me.  Nice to have something different.  So we got some Thai food.  Beef and broccoli and some lo mien.  Delicious.
The neighbor who was watching the little woman texted and asked for some Cinnabon's and so we did that also.
It was a nice few hours with just the little man and me.

Almost Done

Moving, moving, moving.  Still up in the air as to what happens with Mike.  He is hoping to talk  Grandma into letting him stay with us as long as he stays clean.  Otherwise he is asking Pat and thirdly maybe an Oxford house situation.  All three work if he stays clean.  I'm not holding my breath.  I have great hope as always.  I'm such a pollyanna.
Karen told me she hoped I had lots of help moving.....I laughed and told her I had just as much help this time as last time.  And it will get done.  Just like last time.  I am self reliant and self sufficient sometimes. I would use Mike on this end, but I'm not allowing him to come back to the complex.
That in itself doesn't stop him from doing anything he might want to do, but it keeps him from that initial contact here that always gets him.
The great great fringe benefit of moving is no longer having to deal with the creepy neighbor in any way shape or form.  Yay!  Feel sorry for his kid, but can't help her.  I have done what I can with letting management know about his dealings.  Just glad to not have to watch the drug dealings anymore after this week.
Now watch....there will be a dealer living by Mom.  Hope not.  Haven't seen one in all the time I've been there.

Protein

The littles and I have been talking about nutrition in a very easy way.  Breaking down protein, carbs and milk products.  Milk for strong bones, teeth, etc.  Protein for strong muscles.  Carbs for energy.
Audrie does not eat much meat.  She is almost a natural vegetarian.  I try not to worry too much about her because she is definitely growing so she must be getting her needs met.
But our conversations of late have her thinking.  So she keeps asking if this and that have protein. I know protein comes from meat and from a mix of legumes and grains.  I also know it is in some other foods, just not what.
So she asks about Cheerios.  Naturally I'm thinking there is no protein in Cheerios.  And I was wrong.  Not a lot but it does have 3 grams per serving.  And then if you eat them in a bowl with milk there is protein in the milk.  And that is how she is getting what she needs.  Just a little here and a little there and it all adds up.
Whew.

Happy Birthday Mike

Today is my child's 26th birthday.  Unfortunately for him he is spending it at the Clark County Hilton.  We went and had a video visit with him.
I had said that I was never going to go through the gauntlet to see him when he lands in jail in Clark County.  It is time consuming. I dislike it.  I can't take the little man.  And the list of reasons goes on and on.  But now they have video visits.
A video visit takes place in a little room with a tv screen and a phone.  You get to talk through the phone and see each other on the screen.  Almost exactly the same as going upstairs to see someone on the other side of the glass.  The difference is you don't have to go through the screening and wait the hour to hour and a half to go upstairs.  And a video visit can include the little man.
Neither child seems bothered by these visits.  They understand that their daddy is in jail on a time out.  They are always happy to see him and tell him they love him.
Today Audrie showed him all her drawings.  Last time we didn't know what to expect so we didn't take anything with us.  Hard on little kids to be in a small space with nothing to do.  So today we took the color box with us and the ipad.  It went much smoother.
So he realized today that due to how it all worked out he will be home for Christmas and Thanksgiving.  He has missed more of those than he has been around the last six years or so.
Happy birthday child.  We will celebrate on Sunday with cake.  :)

New Adjective

Incompetent.  And it was funny because someone told me that I already knew that about Doug a long time ago.  My response is "he doesn't have to keep proving it."  Anyway it is coming up on a year since Dave died and in that time Doug has not bothered to pick up the ashes from the funeral home. Now we know where they are and they are safe, but really???
So I add incompetent to the long list of adjectives that are Doug.

Changes

When I was young and planning out my life, this is not where I thought it would go.  And so it is.  Today I am head of a grandfamily.  We are moving in with my mom who has dementia.  That will feel like three littles at times. That is going to be a major adjustment for all of us including the pets.
I have had to change gears and make new plans and new safety nets.  I haven't looked exactly but I have about 13 years till "retirement" age where I collect social security.  I'm pretty sure I will not be able to work in the warehouse that long.  Liz, my boss, also has that in mind as she is a couple years older than me.  Her plan is we will work as long as possible with help from the others.  She may have to  hire a guy eventually to move some of our boxes of books.  I will work as long as it is feasible.
When I was deciding what to do with the rental house, it was one of the factors.  I could have sold it and used the proceeds.  And I will, just not yet.  I think that comes when I can't work any longer.  And so the rental needed to make more money now.  Hence the management company.  They took it over and raised the rent.  Hoping that will give me enough to sock some away for that roof it is going to need.
I can start taking money from the IRA when I am 59 and a half.  Funny how close that feels now.  That will allow me to re-evaluate how my safety nets are, how I feel at work, etc.
I have two littles to get raised until they are grown-ups and that costs money.  And they are going to be more costly as they get older.  Have to plan for that.
Things become different when you don't have your back up plan any longer.  When you don't have help any longer.  Things have to change, at least for me.  I have to set things up for my comfort and my life.  I no longer can worry about how other people feel or perceive my actions.
So we are making changes that make my family stronger, safer.  We are making changes that show us what we are capable of.  Who we are capable of being.  We are moving forward as always.  No stagnating and limbo is done.  We will do this with courage, strength and grace.

One Down

Well that wasn't too bad.  Just took me a minute to figure out which drill bit I really needed for the holes.  And then it was a piece of cake.  So one is up.  I'm just not sure where I want to put the other one yet.  Originally I planned on the other side of the mirror, but now I may want to put an organizer over the toilet.  The two things can't take up the same space.  ;p
We are so close to just furniture remaining.  The place looks so funny.  And of course the little man is finding things he isn't suppose to.  Like my hammer.  What is this for?  Hammering nails and not for little boys.  I actually need it to take the nails out of the walls, even though my cleaning list tells me not to.  Yeah....like I'm going to pay for a maintenance guy to take them out. NOT.
Counting down now.  Six sleeps.

Sleepover

The little man had his first sleepover.  Brady invited him and Audrie tagged along.  John was good with it after he got to go shopping without Brady.
I got 11 hours of sleep.  Slept in.  Only woke up once during the night.  The best sleep I have had in 369 days. 369 days ago was the last time they spent the night at someone else's house (Nana Nita's).
John  is oh so smart.  He did this on the last weekend the littles spend at the complex.  Maybe he knew I could use the sleep and this way they won't be bugging him every weekend for a sleepover.  ;p
Thanks John, I oh so much appreciated it.  More than you will ever know.

New Skills

I have a long list of projects.  Thinking about the list I realized I have to learn some new skills.  First project is hanging my bathroom shelves.  Dave had made a spice rack for over his stove.  And I liked it, but not as a spice rack.  I'm not keeping my spices above the stove.  But I liked the design.  I commented about wanting some shelves in the bathroom for product.  Hair spray, gel, etc.  So he designed and built two for me.  In order to hang these shelves I need molly screws or some other good fastener. I don't want them falling off the wall.
I looked at Molly screws at Walmart and realized I know nothing about them.  That prompted a trip to Ace Hardware to talk to the guys in the know. Now I have the right Molly screws and will make my first foray into using them.  I understand how they work.  We have used them before, but I never watched how Dave did them.  Now I know this is no big deal.  Just a little thing, but it's a new thing for me.  So it will be a new skill.
Upcoming new skills will be using a pressure washer, staining, using Spackle, some new gardening skills.  I have a long list that will keep me busy for awhile especially since some of it is seasonal.

Packing, Hauling

Working on it.  I would guestimate to be about half way not including the furniture.  The couch being gone is a biggie.  So John asked who was helping me.  Wait...what?  I haven't asked anyone for help except for Mitch.  I asked him to help me with the queen mattress on the truck day.  I can get the rest just not that.  I have done it before.
Maybe John's question was to prompt me to ask him to help.  But mostly I prefer to be self reliant.  He did ask where we were moving so he could come visit and I'm sure I will tell him.  It's not that far.  :P
We are definitely in transition.  I have promised the littles that we will decorate for Christmas.  That should be fun.  I've never hung lights up outside.  It can't be that hard.  We shall find out.

Progress

When we moved to the apartment my friend Michael gave us a nice leather couch. Almost three years later and it is still a nice leather couch, but needed a cleaning.  Littles tend to do that.  But it was completely still functional and no rips or tears in the leather.  So I posted it on a facebook sell page and it was gone that day.  It went to another young family in need of a couch.  It made me happy to be able to pass it on.
Now the apartment is really starting to look empty.  All the wall pictures and art came down weeks ago after Mike told me about the neighbor wanting a picture of my picture wall.  That was just creepy and made me appreciate the fringe benefits of our moving all the more.
Audrie wanted to know why all the food stuff was on the counter.  I was up on the chair and pulled everything out of the baking cupboard.  I don't plan on baking so it needs to be packed.  She was right though.....it made a big mess on the cupboard.  So, just for her, I put it all in a box and its ready to go and we can see the counter again.  ;p
We are in to the final countdown.  Need to check on a uhaul.  I have a plan and I think it will work.  One morning to move all the furniture in one trip.  Will be greatly worth the price of the uhaul.  I have a neighbor lined up to help me load the queen bed.  Other than that I don't think I need any help.  I didn't have any moving in, except for the bed.
Looking forward to no longer living in limbo.  I think I have given everyone enough time to start processing the changes.  And here is to future plans.

Last Mowing of the Season

The littles and I went over to Grammy's and got the last mowing of the season done.  Apparently it takes me two days to do that.  The intention was to do it Sunday afternoon.  The sun was shining in the morning so I took the gas can with to buy some gas.  By the time we got back that afternoon it was raining and raining.  Oy.
Move forward to no rain when I got off work today.  Didn't feel like mowing but had to take advantage of the weather.  And so we did it.  The littles were only a little annoying to Grammy.  ;p
And the yard looks ten times better.  Phoebe only escaped twice.  She is getting to be a much better dog about not running off when she gets the chance.  She just goes outside and sees what we are doing and then goes back in.

Family Dinner For Birthday

Family Dinner rolled around again.  We had pizza and cupcakes.  Cupcakes seem to be the thing we are doing this fall.  The little woman picked and then she decorated them.  They turned out quite nice.  Uncle Pat brought them glow sticks and Grammy gave her a Shopkin Ice Cream Truck with some new shopkins.  I have no way to explain shopkins other than they are little pieces of things you would buy in a store but they have faces. She was very happy.  It was a quiet celebration and that is how the little woman seems to like it.  No singing.  Well there was singing but not at the cupcake time.  Funny girl.

No Beds

I'm back to thinking the little kids are not going to get their stuff.  There has been no effort to return their stuff from Papa's house.  And enough time has passed that it is just stuff.  And if it is just stuff then Doug no longer has all the control he thinks he does.
I found it annoying that I felt the need to go check all the time to see if the bed was out on the driveway.  It is a control issue and I fell right back into co-dependent behavior.  All Mom's request did was let him know that he still had an upper hand.
And so on with the rest of life.  Stuff isn't worth it.  If we get it great.  If we don't well that will just be the way it is and shows more who he is than we are.