Connor Gene (Maybe)

Cassie went into labor yesterday. Myk called at about 6:30 wondering at what point they should go to the hospital. Her contractions were 9 minutes apart. I told him when it is like 5, or the water breaks, or there is too much pain. He called again at 7 and said please come. Her contractions had jumped to every couple of minutes. Off I went to pick them up and take them to the hospital. Every slowpoke must have been ahead of me. But I made it and we made it to the hospital about 7:45. They took her right up to maternity and did all the things they do. Connor Gene was born at 10:05 p.m. weighing in at 7 lb 3 oz and is 18 inches long. He was so mad at being born that there was no question about his lungs working. I absolutely appreciated Cassie allowing me to be part of the process. I looked at it like if she follows through with her plan of giving him up for adoption it may be the only chance I get to see him. And we won't know for a while yet if he is Myk's or not. Either way he is just perfect.
If Cassie follows through with the adoption in the real world and it turns out to be Myk's, the grief process begins. I had told Myk we would take him if he was related to us, especially to avoid that process. I think Myk would rather risk disappointing us than pissing off Cassie. It is their choice. But they aren't the only ones who lose something. And they both seem to think they will be all involved in that baby's life. That doesn't happen. And even if it did. The adoptive parents never said oh and we'll let the grandparents still be grandparents. Their great great happiness comes at the expense of loss for our whole family.
So thank you Cassie for giving your mom and I a chance to be part of the miracle of your boy. And thanks for the time we got to have before he moves to another family. And thanks for not making us share that time with the people who are so happy while we grieve. We have a good memory.

Raffle

Every year the bookstore collects toys for the Salvation Army for the holidays. We also do a raffle for just the employees. Usually the gifts are backpacks, Clark mugs, etc. Nothing too exciting. This year I noticed there are ten boxes for us to put our raffle tickets into. So I read the prizes and go whoa. We have one for bird watching binoculars and a nature walk with our resident bird watcher. Cool. So I am thinking this is the one I would like to win. Then I scan the next box. OMG. It is a ride along with Alan. Don't I sound like I am in the know. It is a ride along with one of our sheriff deputies. I would love love love to be on the other side of that. So I teased that maybe I needed to hide the box. Or I need to buy a lot of tickets to make sure I win.
So today I look at the boxes again. Every box is empty except the bird watching box. So I take a sneaky look at who bought all those tickets. It was Marti. Marti is the wife of Alan. So I go to her office and say either I need to hide my box or buy something like 25 tickets. She finally realizes what I said and says...you want the bird watching? I said nope, I want to ride with her husband. She admitted to buying 30 tickets trying to get that bird watching.
Anybody can do a ride along as long as you can pass a background check. So she told me that if I don't win she will help me arrange it and get the background check done a lot faster than if I just called up myself. And then I could ride with Alan for sure either way. I'll still put all my tickets in that box, as the purpose is the fundraising for the Salvation Army.

Calm

I finished reading "Addict in the Family" last night. As I was finishing up I felt this great calm come over me. It is like what I have been trying to practice and what I know is right was given credence and I became calm. It feels really nice. Carried on over to today. Worked hard and we didn't have any complaints about our holidays. I'm going to keep working my own recovery and not get sucked in to the insanity in the family. Just because they want to play doesn't mean I have to. :P
Oh and I just found out that I won some homemade soap in a contest one of the local businesses had on Saturday in honor of Small Business Saturday. It was at the place I spent the most money also so that seems fitting.

Today

I am not worrying about those outside of my household.
I am practicing ahimsa.
I am breathing.
I am thinking about a new yoga practice.
I am in the present.
I am working on my intentions. Guess I already am in a yoga practice.
I am playing with Audrie.
I am enjoying leftover turkey noodle soup. Yum.
I am visiting my mother.
I am finally decorating for the season and finishing my Christmas cards.
It is a good day.

Small Business Saturday

Today was small business Saturday. So I visited several shops in my town. Spread some money around in purchases. Managed to pick up a few more Christmas presents. Got to see Lulu and Brandons' baby. She is just precious. Their family own a local Thai restaurant and Lulu ventured out on her own with a boutique. You can visit her at http://www.facebook.com/pages/Lulus-Boutique/141660580767

Almost Done

Took pie to Myk and Cassie. Then they went with me to Costco. They carted Audrie around while I did a bit of shopping. I am almost done Christmas shopping. I like it.
Dave got my bins down from the attic so maybe I'll decorate this year. Trying to stave off that depression I have had the past couple of years. At least it isn't the kind that needs medication. Once I realize I am depressed I can snap myself out of it. And it mostly seems to be situational. This has been mostly one crappy year with everyone in my family going off the deep end so situations abound. We'll see if we can stop it in its tracks this year.
At least this year....Myk is not in prison. That has to be a positive. :P

Thanksgiving 2011

Elizabeth was such a great helper today. Any task I put to her she did willingly and quickly. We got the dinner out in record time. The pies were delicious as was her fruit salad. Seemed like everyone enjoyed the meal and no one fell asleep on the couch for a change.
Elizabeth and I had looked at our collection of pictures earlier today. There are a lot of them with Pat sleeping on the couch. Usually after Thanksgiving. She got a kick out of seeing different ones of her mom and Doug when they were young. She was amazed at how many of Myk we had. I had already given Doug and Tanya most of theirs, but I still have Myk's. She said they didn't have very many of Myk and that is probably true. I was amazed at how many of Denise I had. And all her various hair styles over the years. Sometimes the hair style dated the picture. :p
Myk and Cassie opted not to join us this year. Too much drama. I totally understood and didn't feel bad about their choice. That and after last year I am getting used to holidays without my child. I'll take them some pie tomorrow as they requested. I just send out loving thoughts to them. And we are still awaiting the arrival of that baby.
Dave is finally feeling better after being sick all week. Whatever it was I am sure glad that Audrie and I seem to have not gotten it.