Halloween

Sully and Snow White made their appearance at our house, Grammy's house and Jodi's house. Then they hit the neighborhood trick or treating for one nice block. Just about perfect for two little kids.
I had more trick or treaters than I thought I would have. Good thing I had planned on more. Now I need to get rid if the rest of the candy. Wonder which neighbor I can give it to.

Dr Visit

Audrie had her check up today. I'm so glad I didn't tell her she wasn't getting any shots. She finished her hep a series and got a flu shot. Normally I don't worry too much about the flu shot. Now that she is in daycare/pre-school I thought it might be a good idea. She is growing. Still tall. Dr. Rivera was happy with everything. Her ears were good. I was a little worried because of a fever she had early in the week. All is good.

Birthday

Audrie is four years-old today. So this afternoon we had her party. Papa and Grammy came. Josh and Tristyn from upstairs came. We got a Hello Kitty cake from Becca's Custom Cakes. She opened her presents. I'm not sure which was her favorite, but she spent a lot of time with her new coloring books.
Connor got some new cars and was happy. It was a good birthday.

Harvest Fest

Brenda invited us to the harvest fest put on by her church.  So we went and the littles had a blast.  They especially loved the bounce house and riding the ponies.  Both were firsts for them. They got tattoos and launched pumpkins.  We watched boys taking a sledge hammer to an old beater car.  Connor thought he would like to get in on that action.  It was a great way to spend the afternoon.

Back to the River

The littles and I went back to Frenchman's Bar today. This time we walked first. Only a mile. Since we have been doing two mile walks this one seemed quick and easy. After that we spent time on the playground. Still lots of geese. Connor likes them. We watched several ships making their way up and down river. It was really calm and peaceful there.
Trying to get as much outdoor time in before the weather changes.

A Day Off

Love days off in the middle of the week.  We spent the morning cleaning my room which they seem to think is their room.  After nap we decided to take a walk and we did two miles.  Funny how every walk now includes making wishes with dandelion seed heads.  After that we carved two pumpkins and took the seeds out of the third.  Tomorrow we will roast them.  Yummy.

Changes of Plans

The littles and I were suppose to have dinner with Mom yesterday, but we gave Mike a ride instead.  So dinner was postponed to tonight. Well we got there and she didn't want to get out of bed.  So we walked to the playground to play and kill time.  We weren't there even ten minutes before Audrie had to use the bathroom. So we hightailed it to Jodi's house and ended up visiting with her for awhile.  Went back to Mom's and she still slept.  So we came home and had hot dogs.  Changes and changes of plans. Good thing we can roll with it.

Certificate

Mike got his certificate fom lifeline for completing the program. Good? Bad? I don't know. Seemed really fast. Guess time will tell.

Acorns, Hats and Helicopters

Took Mike to outpatient. We had time to kill so we went for a walk. We found acorns that the squirrels hadn't devoured. There were little acorn hats all over and both kids got a big kick out of them. They tried to wear them as hats. We found maple helicopters and made them fly. Connor was enthralled.  We watched a squirrel walk the tightrope of the power lines. Audie tried to catch a bunny. She didn't believe me that she wouldn't catch it. She didn't. It was a good walk with no destination other than discovery.

The River

Great day for another hike. Had to wait for Connor to wake up and that gave us a little later start. Got to Frenchman's Bar and they have a playground. Oy. So the littles spent some time playing. After we got back to walking we found a family playing in the sand and playing soccer. Well that was pretty much the end of walking. They got their exercise though.
While there, thousands and thousands and thousands of geese flew over us. It was amazing and spectacular. Audrie said it looked like names in the sky with all the squiggly lines of geese flying. We watched a ship turn around and boats going up and down the river. The full moon came up and was fantastic. The kids and the neighbor boy had a super good time. I love how small things can amuse them.

Mixed Emotions

I don't know how to start new relationships. I just maintain the relationships I have. So I have this thing with George. And about every time I give up he comes back and gives me glimmers of something.  I go back and forth. Is he good for me? Am I good for him? Can we be friends? I don't know. What I do know is I smile when I think of him even when I'm frustrated. I glow when I talk about him. So I'm trying to let it flow and see where it goes. Taking glimmers where I get them.  Definitely gives me a variety of emotions and I'm trying to feel some of them. And that in itself is confusing.

Hiking

Took the kids to Burnt Bridge Creek trail and walked today. We let Connor walk the first direction.  Took an hour to go approximately 3/4 of a mile. After we switched direction and put him in the stroller it only took half an hour to get back to the car.
Where we stopped was a restroom. While using it my car key fell on the floor. I was happy that Audrie noticed. I put it away. When we got back to the car I realized the battery wasn't in it. Oy. The car will start without the battery so we drove to the rest area and found the battery. Great relief.
We saw ducks and Connor held his first wooly bear caterpillar. He must have squeezed it a tad too tight because it peed on him. Then it seemed to like him because you could see it clinging to his fingers.

Walking

Felt the need to get out and do something, so the littles and I went for a walk. Audrie wanted to play so we stopped at Kiwanis park. They played until it got dark. Then we finished our walk home. It was a good healthy two miles today, with Audrie riding her bike the whole way. She told me she was tired by the time we got back. Walking made me feel just a tad better.

Oy

Had my night with Elizabeth.  It truly was like nothing had changed.  She floored  me with her confession that she is a cutter.  To her mom's credit she did take her to a dr. but felt good that she diagnosed depression.  Elizabeth said she needs to go back and get her meds regulated but Tanya won't make an appt.  I told Elizabeth to make it herself.
Glad that I am back to my normal self and feel numb.  There isn't much I can do, but be there as Elizabeth allows.  I gave her a safe place to talk about it and a few minutes of distraction.  She put me in a hard spot though by asking that I don't share it with Papa.

Haunted Walking Tour With Elizabeth

It was like the last 21 months didn't exist.  We started right where we left off.  We went on the haunted walking tour put on by the Clark County History Museum.  The tour took an hour and we walked about a mile.  Hearing stories along the way about people from way back and the ghost sightings that have been reported.  Loved it and she loved it.  She knew one of the other members of the tour so that was nice for her.
After that we went to the haunted houses by Target near the Mall.  It was almost worth the price just for her reactions.  She jumped and she screamed and she complained the monsters were following her.  I was watching for the neighbor kid and maybe I saw him, but it was hard to say with all the costuming and make up.
It was a great evening with great company.

Pics From the Beach

New Bed

It has arrived. Delivered this morning. Taller than the old one. Connor can't quite climb up on this one. I'm sure it won't take him long to work it out though.
I loved the free delivery, removal and disposal of the old bed. Pat didn't want it back. And then because I was a repeat customer I got a new set of sheets. I also purchased a mattress protector since littles sleep with me. One almost all the time and the other sometimes.

Our Trip

Couldn't decide between the beach or Tacoma. So we headed to the coast and drove up it to Westport. Kids loved the ocean and the sand. We saw a lighthouse. Tried to explain what it was to Audrie, but I'm not sure she grasped it yet. Then we drove through Aberdeen heading towards Tacoma. Haven't been there since I was a kid.
It was kind of strange passing by Stafford Creek prison. Never been to that one, but the familiar signs were posted. No picking up of hitchhikers. Funny how every trip north has reminders even when we go a totally different way.
We got to Tacoma around 4pm and checked into our hotel. Stayed at the Red Lion and the bed was wonderful. Spent the evening with Nathan, Stacy and Collin. They treated us to pizza. I believe we had pizza last time we were there also. The kids mostly behaved and we had a good time.
It was a great trip. I love just getting away without any specific plan. Good for my soul and recharging.

Treatment

Mike actually followed through. He has been in treatment for eight days. Audie and I went for Saturday  afternoon visitation. Boy that is reminiscent of other visitations she and I used to do. Anyway he looks good. Gaining weight. Said he almost left one day but he worked through it.
I love when he gets moments of clarity and tells me things I didn't know. Told me that last time he was at lifeline he was using throughout the program. What a waste. Hope it's not happening this time.
We talked about my co-dependence and being an enabler. He said I'm not like I used to be. I say no and mean it. I told him I am practicing so I've got it down for the littles. Hoping for different outcomes with them even though they already have several strikes against them. Love our gene pool.
Audie and Daddy interacted. She was so well behaved. A woman gave her stickers and she spent an hour and a half playing with them. That is really good for my girl who is so busy all the time.
Next week Dave is taking Connor for visitation.

Crown Prep

So the cracked part of the filling fell out right after the dentist office had cancelled my appt.   Since I was annoyed about the cancellation, I took my time in rescheduling the appt.  After the piece fell out there was a sharp spot on that tooth and I could not help but play with it with my tongue.  It finally was just annoying as my tongue was sore sore sore.  So I called and rescheduled.  They got me in right away.  Well it wasn't just a crown prep.  They had to treat it as a cavity first and then build it up so they could take the impression and then do the grind down for the crown.  Only took an hour and a half.  In three weeks I will have my new crown and my tongue is already happy.
As aside.  I always thought after my eye injections that dental injections would be nothing.  Well I was wrong.   I still don't like them and I get very tense.  Dr. Lee does a pretty good job with the injection so it really isn't that.  Just me.  And it was interesting when he used the big grinder that I actually had moments of motion sickness.  Must have really messed with my equilibrium.

Feeling

I absolutely do not like feeling. I like being an emotion stuffer. It is so much easier, and yet things are changing. I've been having this semi conversation with George and with that comes these memories.
I do not regret the decisions I made back in the day. But I fit with George, or at least I did. And I can feel that and it makes me sad. I told him that the piece of my heart that I knew he would break aches. And it does.  When I remember George, when I dream about George, when I think about George I feel comfort and safe. And he so obviously doesn't feel that. I don't think I could ever not feel that with him.
I've got to let that go. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Week Ending Without the Littles

I slept. A lot. And well. My house stayed clean. I got in two good walks. I watched some TiVo and one movie. And that was great. But I got no hugs, no kisses, no sibling rivalry, no snot noses or yogurt on the floor. I think it is time for the littles to come home and take care of Nana.

Dinner With David

I think the highlight of my kidless week is going to be dinner with David.  I was craving Pad Thai.  So I texted him and asked if he wanted to go and he said sure.  We met up at Thai Lotus.  I got there first so had some time to poke around in Big Lots.  Boy they have a bunch of junk.
Then we dined and my craving was satisfied.  We had a wonderful visit.  Emma came along and she is getting so grown up.  We discussed all of the goings on in our lives and all the goings on to come in the near future.  I just love having dinner with David.

Nostalgia

Almost every time I drive by the corner of Grand and Mill Plain I think of Dodie. I met Dodie when I was 11 years-old. She was the daughter of friends of my parents. We used to play together and then driftness came. We reconnected in my late teens and spent a lot of time together. We bowled league with her boyfriend and his brother. I went to her wedding. Saw her boys a few times before driftness came again.
That whole time period has been on my mind lately so it wasn't surprising that I thought of her when I drove past their old apartment. So I did my magic and found her online because I want to know how she is.  When I do my magic I don't just find who I'm looking for. I'm curious about every thing. So I will see if she responds to me. At least her Facebook page isn't so locked down that my message went to the other folder. I paid the dollar for it to go to her inbox. I know.....I'm almost a stalker. I'm going to laugh if she comes back with "I don't know you."
Facebook can be amazing sometimes.