A Different Look Into Co-dependence

They are good kids.  They are JUST drinking.  Can't understand why the mom is upset about that....it's not like they are using heroin or meth.  Not sure what the problem is...her husband provided a nice life, makes good money, has a nice house, etc.  Can't understand why she wants a divorce.  One week in my life and she would appreciate hers.  Well yeah those boys don't have real jobs but they are mowing lawns.......boys are mid 20's.
Okay then.  Addiction is addiction.  Alcohol can be a drug of choice.  "Her" husband makes my brain click, so I'm pretty sure I know why she left and is getting divorced.  And why she is concerned about her "good" kids only drinking.
Co-dependence has many faces.  And I bite my tongue because sometimes people are not ready to see what is right in front of them.  And sometimes we just appreciate the good.  I am appreciative of the fact that I am not married to an alcoholic.  I'm appreciative of my apartment.  I'm appreciative of what I can see.

The Buck Stops Here

And so do the explanations.  I think I am completely bored with explaining and explaining and explaining how the littles came to be with me.  I think it is enough that they are with me.  And I'm going to leave it at that.  In the future they are just introduced as my kids.  Because that is what they are.  I share them with a lot of people, but in the end I'm the one still here.
And if it is thought about....all the other circumstances aren't anyone else's business anymore.  We don't deal with that stuff on a daily basis anymore so no need to keep bringing it up.

The Boys

We made a quick trip over to my friend Michael's.  We shared in some bounty.  The boys played with wheeled things.  A movie was playing on the TV and they stopped in front of it just like they were in a drive in theater.  So cute.  Audrie loved it there and wants to go again.  Funny girl.
I was amazed at how much Grayson has gained in his time with his Auntie.  Good for him.  Just needed some extra stimulation and attention.

Pictures

I love when Groupon offers their $16 coupon for Picture People.  I love Picture People, but sure wouldn't ever pay their normal retail price.  So a couple of months ago the coupon was offered and I snapped it up.  Life being life it took till now to have the stars align so we could use it.
Our photographer was Edgar and he did a superb job of getting the littles to cooperate.  Understand that they don't like sitting still long enough to get their picture taken.  He distracted them and got them to sometimes follow directions.  He is also quick on the camera button and he got a lot of nice shots.  I chose this one though and knew that I would when he showed it to me right after he snapped it.  I love how whimsical it is and different than anything else we have ever seen.

Rent

I'm still blown away.  Tristan wanted to watch the kids the other day so she could make some money.  Now mostly I don't do that for two reasons.  One, she expects it every time she plays with the kids.  And two, she doesn't benefit most of the time from the money.  I was told one time too many about how her dad took her money to buy his pills.  Tristan turns 13 at the end of July.
After she asked about playing with the kids she told me about trying to make money.  She said she was going to camp and we talked about that.  In her family you have to be 13 to go to camp because that is how old her older brother was when he went.  I don't have an opinion on that.
Then she blew me away.  She commented about also needing money for rent.  To help out the family.  Wait....what?  I'm sure her parents did not ask her to contribute to rent, or at least I hope not.  But obviously they have had too many conversations about their state of affairs that they have a girl who is so worried about it that she thinks she needs to come beg for work to make money to pay rent.  I bit my tongue.
What I wanted to say is honey....your parents are responsible for paying the rent and figuring out what they need to do to do that.  Your dad can get a job or go fly a sign. You're a kid, be a kid.  Saying it wouldn't have helped her in any way.
Wonder what she thought when all of a sudden her parents have money......pizza got delivered to the tune of $50 and they were shopping at Walmart when I was shopping at Walmart.  I just find it interesting even though it really is none of my business.

Annoyed

I know I have no right to be so, but I am.  Dave pops off with 'you don't want any marionberries, right?' Seems he has already given them all away.  Said he has a list of nine people who want them.  I asked him why and he said he didn't want them.  Okay.
Every year I make cobblers out of those berries and now I guess I don't.
I have an attachment to those stupid berries.  Damn near everything in that yard I chose and purchased or got it given to me.  So it feels like the whole yard is mine.  One of the many things I walked away from.  But those damn marionberries were given to me and I went and dug those suckers up.  And thornless marionberries are hard to find.
So freaking annoyed.

Oddness

Got to work yesterday and was asked to work today. Well, yeah. I almost always work when asked. I start my shift and then Liz tells me that she called the others scheduled for today and gave them the day off. Okay. I'm in charge, again, of myself. Flattered, but I still find it odd.

John

John has some really impressive traits. He adores his kids. He is kind about his ex-wife. He has a really nice smile. And then you notice he drinks a bit, and while there is nothing wrong with that.....
I am betting I would have had that instantaneous click with him the first time I met him. What happened instead is he got in my space and that gave me the deer in the headlight response. I don't like my personal space invaded by most people. I was so in tuned to that that I missed whether my click happened. He can get in my space now and it's fine. I can flirt with him and it's fine. No long term relationships though.......been there, done that already.

Quiet Peace

First weekend of summer and it is quiet.  The neighbor isn't creating any drama at the moment other than freaking out a kid spending the night three doors down.  Seems the upstairs neighbor peaks in windows that are open.  I'm keeping mine closed when we are not home or asleep.
Even the local kids seem quiet.  Maybe the difference is I'm used to it now.  Last year Anthony and Taylor came here as summer started.  And with them came a lot of ruckus.  Now they just live here and have settled in.
John's kids are here and I guess to some neighbors they are loud.  I see them in the parking lot running around and riding bikes.  They are on an every other weekend schedule so........gee maybe they are the ones who should have lived above me.

Family Dinner

Family Dinner at Mom's again.  Got to make sure she gets her money's worth out of her new bbq grill.  We did steak with baked potatoes and corn on the cob.
Pat brought over a little tent he found in a storage unit.  The littles got a kick out of it.  Then they moved on to bubbles, the dog kennel, food and sidewalk chalk.
 Josh stopped by for a visit.  Always good to see him.  He had to talk to Pat about making a part for his truck.  Said it is cheaper to run his truck than drive Dave's gas hog. Guess he needs to quit procrastinating and get it running.
Now on to our busy week.

First Day of Summer

And what a spectacular day it has been.  We started off getting up early.....don't ask me why....and then we headed over to Papa's house to do some weeding in the garden.  Made a big dent in that.
The we hit the store for the ice cream we needed for root beer floats for the summer solstice.  Decorated the table and then took a nap.  After nap we gathered the kids who were around and had floats.  Lovely.
Some of the kids were going to Lewisville Park and that made Audrie want to go.  I'm not fond of Lewisville Park so Audrie said her criteria was a park with a swing, sand and water.  Bingo.  We finally made it to Frenchman's Bar.  I've been wanting to go for several weeks.  They even got wet this time.  The water was pretty calm.
All in all a great day for the first day of summer.

Dr. David

Early in the week we got a call asking if we could reschedule Audrie's dental work for today rather than waiting until the middle of July.  Well yes, yes we can.  And so we got up early and headed to the dentist office.  When we got there Dr. David wasn't there yet, but we had stuff to get done first.  Had my chat with the anesthesiologist and Audrie went potty.  Then we see Dr. David arrive and how cool is it that the dentist on occasion brings his baby to work.  Baby Jack was a cutie.  Audrie went back with the anesthesiologist and I chatted with Dr. David.  He wanted to take out her front teeth as well as the two back molars.  I frowned.  He thought that at some point her teeth had gotten a good bump and it allowed something to get up by the roots and start decaying.  She also had small cavities.  So we opted to cap the teeth and play it by ear.  He left me sitting in the waiting room to read my book.  About twenty minutes later he came out and told me those front teeth were already wiggly.  That means that the bone is already receding from the teeth trying to expel them.  So we went ahead and finished wiggling them out.  Dr. David said her adult teeth would come in quicker now as the way is already cleaned out.  So honestly she just looks like she is in the process of starting to lose her baby teeth.  Broke my heart though.
She came out of anesthesia groggy and unhappy.  We cuddled for a long time and she realized those front teeth were gone.  She kept putting her tongue and her fingers in the hole.  Her response later was she wanted her teeth back or new teeth.  She knows she will get more and wants them right now.  I understand but can't change anything.

Girl Night or Maybe Nick Night

The little man went to spend the night with Papa as Audrie has her big dentist appt. in the morning.  So that meant we had girl night.  We picked up Grammy and went to Red Lobster for dinner.  Picked up some cookies at Freddie's and then came home.  Audrie headed right over to the playground to play with all the kids.  Then all the kids went in.  She asked if she could play with Nick in his house.  I said yes as long as it was okay with his mom.
Funny how about half an hour later his mom comes home.  I warned her about an extra child.  I am pretty sure her boyfriend gave permission for Audrie to play because she played for another half an hour after that.  She came home with a Nike sweatshirt and some underarmour leggings.  Cool.

Honestly

So my neighbor asked me today what was wrong, that things seem off ever since I got back from my vacation.  So I told him.  He didn't seem to understand why I would be bothered when I let him use my computer in the middle of the night.  Did not comprehend the respect of space.  He had permission to use my computer.  He did not have permission to help himself to my refrigerator, especially when I was gone. He apologized and I accepted it.  It doesn't change anything though.

It Was A Long Day

Liz took the day off so I filled in.  Worked a long day.  By myself. In the warehouse.  It was a long day.  Mostly I did shrink wrapping from buyback.  I had three packages delivered.  Whoohoo.  Eight hours is a long day when there is no one to talk to. I was thinking oh boy I get to do that again next week. But I don't.  I have a helper next week because it will be tear down the buyback room day.  Yay!

Newest Playground

Connor found the coolest playground tonight.  He wanted in the back of John's truck.  Turns out John works in concrete and had a bunch of dirt and old concrete in the back of his truck along with some tools.  He has a rack on it so Connor had a new jungle gym right in the parking lot.  He played in it for an hour moving dirt and rocks and then hanging from the rack.  Sissy got in on the action for awhile and seemed to enjoy it, but Connor was just totally amused.  I'm always amazed when the simplest things turn out to be such great things.

Our Father's Day

We spent a good chunk of the day at the playground at Marshall Center.  It wasn't what was planned, but I have learned to roll with it a lot of the time.
We did go to Papa's house and timed that so we could talk to Mike. Well two of us did. Audrie didn't want to, but she had the opportunity.  Papa didn't seem to have time for us today so we skeedaddled and took our nap and then played.
At the playground the littles managed to crash a party that was happening for a new baby.  They were given cake.  It was a raspberry cake and it was scrumptious.
Just goes to show that you don't need a father to have a good father's day.

Father's Day

Happy Father's Day to Dave.  I would not go back in time and change things even though they all worked out differently than I thought they would.  I still think we have a great son albeit one with issues.  He was a great little boy.  Loving, funny, smart.  He has the potential to turn it all around although he has created a hard road.  He loves his Dad.
Our son gave us two great little kids.  We get the opportunity to continue to parent.  I see Dave taking a much bigger role this time around.  I don't think he has the stamina to parent 24/7, but he does pretty good in the grandparent role where he sees them a lot and gives them guidance. They love their Papa.

Little Bits

Started working on saving the files off my computer so I can start using the one Dave made me.  We have so many pictures and they are spread all over.  Found this one of Elizabeth at about 3.  She was a cutie.  I've been finding recipes and resumes for all kind of people.  Funny.  Anyway it will be nice to use a little faster computer.  When I'm done with this one Dave is going to take the hard drive and then the rest will be recycled.
Audrie got the same bug as Connor.  Only she got it good.  We spent almost the whole night up vomiting.  That made for a tired Nana.  Hopefully now both are on the mend.  They seem to be feeling better.  Poor Papa got at least a touch of it.
I have made a decision that if the drama continues here at the apartment complex that I and the littles will move when our lease is up.  My guess is the drama is going to die down for awhile.  And in the meantime I choose not to play.  Although the ornery side of me says "Let's".  I would rather go through the hassle of moving for some peace, if that is what it takes.  I don't like being pulled into addict games.
Both kids had dentist appointments.  WIC told me who to go to locally.  I know there is another dentist locally who takes state pay kids, but I had heard some not so nice things.  The one we went to does just children and it was the coolest office ever.  Connor's mouth looks great and you can tell he likes to have his teeth brushed.  My girl who fights brushing her teeth has a mouthful of problems.  So the consensus is that it all gets done in one fell swoop with her sleeping.  The way Dr. David explained it is it would take three appointments normally.  She would be fine the first time, fight it the second time and we wouldn't get her in the door the third time.  So next month she gets it all done at once.

Oy, What More

Connor got some kind of stomach bug.  Always fun for a Nana.  He spent the day at Papa's.  Came home this afternoon and you couldn't tell he was sick.  Then the light hit him right and I saw he has ringworm.  Great.  What more can this little boy get?  So it is another day not at day care tomorrow.  So he is spending the night at Papa's.  Poor little guy. At least ringworm doesn't make you feel bad......just itch.

Respect

Usually I find honestly to be a sign of respect.  And the opposite is obvious.  I try to be honest in my life.  But every once in awhile I have to lie.  I had an incident recently where a neighbor had been in my house while I was on vacation.  I found it creepy and a blatant disregard for respect.  I take the blame in that I gave him my key so he could use my computer.  He did not use my computer the day(s) he was in my place.  He just wanted to snoop I guess.  I'm not good with confrontation so I lied to him to get my key back.  And it worked....I got my key back without any hoopla.  Well until later he wanted clarification on my lie and to know if he was getting my key back. Yes he actually asked that.  No, no he is not.
I no longer feel the need to be respectful of that neighbor.  When I move I won't be maintaining any kind of friendship with him.  We are just neighbors and only that by virtue of renting apartments next to each other.  And while I am here I will continue to be neighborly.
It is kind of funny because I am having another respect issue.  Well guess I always have respect issues.  I am so used to the people in my life being disrespectful with dishonesty and disregard.  It seems to be the nature of addicts and alcoholics.  I trust very very few people.  So it kind of burns when you find one you trust and then have some dishonesty abounding.  Trying to look at it from another angle.....no confrontation, passive/aggressive, all things I know about and understand.  Is it being disrespectful? I can honestly say that when I lie I am not being respectful.

Neighbors

Had a chat with one of my other neighbors and we compared some notes.  And while I take everything with a grain of salt...we had similar stories about other neighbor being too familiar.  They had some medication go missing.  Funny how the familiar neighbor had told me about that and told me missing is code for used it all up or sold it.  Hmmmm.  I seriously don't know, but I didn't initiate the conversations.  So I for sure am keeping my key and keeping my own counsel.

Natural Grocers

My friend Patti went to work at Natural Grocers.  She posted a livingsocial link on facebook for a $25 voucher for $10.  So I wanted to check out her work and I love a good bargain.  I bought the voucher and went shopping.  I was pleasantly surprised.  I expected it to be in line with Whole Foods and New Seasons.  Price wise those two are out of my league.  I'm a Winco girl.  Anyway the produce prices at Natural Grocers was really close to the less than upscale stores.  I bought a bag of organic grapes and paid the same price I have been paying for non-organic grapes. I also picked up some peaches, an acorn squash and the cutest little butternut squash.  Found some different yogurt to try and some for the kids.  Karen had just told me about a smoothie recipe that called for coconut water (she said you can't taste it) and that coconut water alone can be hard to find.  Natural Grocers had several brands.  About this time I am pretty sure I have $25 but I spot the supplements and needed MSM.  The supplement prices looked pretty decent.  Saw my friend on the way out and I was exactly over by the price of the MSM.  Cool.  Then I put my name in on the drawings they are having and have my fingers crossed.  I wouldn't mine a $500 shopping card to their store.

Boundaries

You would think I would learn.  But I guess not.  So last fall the neighbor used my computer while they did not have Internet.  I gave him my key so he could use it while I was at work.  You would have thought after they got Internet back he would have given me my key back, but he didn't.  And I being non-confrontational didn't ask.  Fast forward.
Well again they didn't pay their Internet bill and he asked about using my computer.  So far he hasn't and since his cell phone is working again I assume they have Internet.  While I was gone he texted me and asked if he could borrow some milk.  I jokingly told him that I had milk in MN so he couldn't have it and I didn't think I had any at home.  He informed me that I did, almost a quart and that he drank it.  Excuse me.  Yes he went in my house and checked out my frig and chose to drink the milk in it.  Told me he would replace it before I got home.  I don't care.  Excuse me.  And he didn't replace it.
So after I thought about it, I asked for my key back so I could give it to Dave.  Told him Dave was doing some work for me.  Later that day he asked what work Dave was doing.  Told him he was fixing a drawer.  Then he had the audacity to ask if he was getting the key back.  I told him I didn't know.  His response was that I should know.  It was my key.  
Exactly.

Strawberry Jam

I called the lady in Ridgefield to see about strawberries.  Due to an injury she isn't running her little roadside stand.  She was taking orders and had a day to rendezvous on Monday.  So I placed an order for three flats at $22 apiece.  Then I headed out to see if I could at least find one flat to get started.  There was a gal with a little stand on 117th ST.  So I stopped and bought a flat.  $20.  I put the flat in the car and turned around and gave her $40 more for two more flats.  Called the Ridgefield lady and cancelled.
The littles and I hit Winco for some more pectin and sugar and went to Papa's house.  I got two and a third flats ready to go.  Five batches.  Turns out I only had enough jars in the dishwasher for four.  So I stopped at that point.  Made 45 half pints of jam.  Cleaning up the first batch for lids, somehow I managed to collide two jars together and they crashed onto the floor sending jam all over the floor, the cupboards and me.  Didn't burn me so I must have gotten the bits from the top of the jars.  After I got the rest finished and out of the way and Papa got the floor cleaned, I looked up and there was jam on the ceiling.  Yes I can make a mess.  Guess the littles come by it naturally.  I can tell you that that jam tasted pretty darn good.

Talking About Tanya

Oh do I have to? Yes somewhat.  On our trip I was asked about her.  Only Denise got most of the story.  The rest got told what the world now gets told.  I don't see her.  I don't talk to her.  After all the crap she did I don't want to.  She made the choice to cut relationships even ones that weren't hers to do that to.  Two years later when she changed her mind, I did not.  I don't have any time or energy for her kind of drama.  And that is that.  And every one took it in stride.  Maybe some of them saw things earlier than I did.

Work Ethic

Most of us have to work.  We all have bills to pay and need to eat.  We want things that cost money. I guess I'm at an age where I don't see the benefit of killing yourself working though.  If you have to work all the time and can't enjoy your life it is pretty sad.  The difference may be if work is your enjoyment.  A lot of us do not get the job that gives us that great love of life.  And if you are working so much you can't enjoy the things you wanted it really is a wash.
I think we need, for our soul, time to enjoy a cup of coffee, time to star gaze and wonder at the moon, time to listen to an outdoor concert, time to enjoy a movie, time to visit with family and friends.  The things that nourish us don't have to cost a lot and create more need for work.
Work ethic is great and we should all have it.  It is how we get things done and some things need doing.  For me it is picking up after two little kids, laundry, cooking.  And I think about how to instill work ethic in those children.  Hence I want them out in the garden with me.  Trying to show them that some work is fun.  Okay pulling weeds is not fun, but watching produce grow is.
Trying to find balance.  Trying to figure out how to show that balance.  I want that for the littles, myself and my friends.

Home

So we are home and back at our routine.  We had work and pre-school/day care today.  Came home and had a nice dinner.  BBQed steaks with rice pilaf and cauliflower.  Good to be home, sleep in our own bed, work, eat and play.
Now I will spend the next couple of months still playing catch up.  We were very frugal in MN, but I still feel the pinch.  Going to wait on the key fob for a bit yet for the Mini.  We are just going to enjoy a lot of home time.
Potty training has started in earnest.  No more diapers and only pull ups at night.  He isn't liking it.  It is what it is.

Visit

Time marches on and we all get older.  I got a little annoyed when Dave made comments about some of my relatives looking old and haggard.  Well he obviously hasn't looked in a mirror.  My uncle has been battling colon cancer for the last 18 months.  And Harold is a 60 year-old farmer still doing it on his own.  Bound to take its toll.
I may have said it before, but I think that was my last trip to MN.  My uncle is not going to win his battle.  And the only other big draw is my sister.  And I think we will have more fun meeting in different places having sibling trips.
That said....Vegas....here we come baby.

Thoughts From the Road

It is very very strange to be at the farm by ourselves. Since it was so wet I opted not to dig up any lilac suckers this trip.
I saw deer every day. The best one was the one that was sleeping just off the driveway at the farm. It got up and sauntered off when it realized we were just watching it. Nila said there was a mama and a fawn living in the grove, but we never saw them.
Fireflies. I was so much more excited than the littles were. Didn't see any last time I was here so I was happy.
No trip is complete without the trip to the cemetery. Have to visit the dead. Funny how I visit cemeteries every where whether I know someone or not.
I made sure that I got lots of Harold time. Made up for the short changed time he got last time. There were too many of us and too much to do that time.
Loved Teresa's new house and visiting. Ended up there Friday night till I was tracked down by Nila who then told me where to find the key to the farm. We invited ourselves to Sunday lunch. Learned how to play Farkle and it was fun.
Visited with Glen and Nila at their house in Lakeville. Sad to think it is probably the last visit with my uncle. He told me a bed is always available but next year I may need to consult with my cousin Greg who is going to buy the farm.
Funny seeing land being sold as hunting land. I just don't think of real estate that way.
Five days on a trip with the littles.....veg time and room service are so worth it. Enjoying the downtime. Great trip but damn it is going to feel good to be home.