Transitioning

I have been kind of vague on the progression of my mom's dementia.  Partly because it is her story and partly because I'm still processing myself.  But the time had come for her to move to an assisted living facility.  I was moving and became quite concerned about leaving her here alone.  My brother planned on spending several nights a week here, but it just didn't feel like enough.
After a couple of incidents that were kind of scary we decided it was time for her to make the transition to something more supervised.  And so it was.
I spent quite a bit of time researching and touring and getting advice from those who had gone before me.  The good advice that I didn't follow was to narrow the search down to two and then let her help decide.  She has spent so much time sleeping and not getting up for us that we just made the decision without her input.
And all of that felt odd.  I have had many of those moments in the last four months.  Sometimes the easy road was just to do things and not comment on them.  Like moving the toaster oven out of the kitchen.  We never use it and it was taking up valuable counter space.  She didn't miss it.
I had already learned to just do small things quietly. I had asked her about moving out the dog kennel to make way for an art table.  All I did was ask and she agreed it was a good idea.  The dog kennel is still in the dining room (not for long now).  For several days after that she couldn't find anything because I moved everything.  No, but that was her perception.  Dementia is so very different than other diseases that take our loved ones from us.  It is hard.  This disease is taking my mom away in bits and pieces.  And all we can do is take it one day at a time.
So we found her a spot close to us.  That makes visiting her, taking her dog to see her, etc easier for us.  And that played a big factor in the decision making.  If she was too far out of the way I'm not sure we would realistically visit as often as we should.  And life is short so we need to make it easy to do what we need to do.
So the move came and went so much smoother than I expected.  I remember her deciding it was time just as Dave was getting sick.  We had scheduled a tour and then she fell apart.  Didn't want to move and at that point in time she didn't need to yet.  I expected a repeat this time but the choice was no longer hers to make. It was a relief that she didn't fall apart this time and agreed with us in the timing.
And I wasn't sure how it was going to go for her.  She has been sleeping a lot lately.  More than normal.  Several nurses have told me it is very normal for dementia patients.
I stopped in to see her today.  She told me about having breakfast, listening to a musician and playing bingo.  She was pretty sure she didn't win at bingo. She said all the people she had met had been pretty nice.  I think she is settling in just fine.  And she isn't weeping or angry.  Maybe we just actually picked the right time to make this transition and move forward.
I am so thankful for all the advice, help and support I got from all of the unexpected places.  Traci for babysitting and taking the littles out of the mix for the move.  Beth for all the good advice and telling me her thoughts on the places she had toured.  Erin at A Place for Mom for finding me good places.  Diane from the facility who told me I needed to join a support group (Betty had also suggested it) and she knew from experience with her own mom.  Pat for helping me make the decisions and supporting me in the ones I made without him.  I have had a big weight lifted off my shoulders and it feels like I just woke up and can breathe.