"Moana"

Finally.  We made a plan and followed through.  We bought tickets first and then went and had dinner.  From the looks of it we could have done dinner and then just went to the theater, but we weren't taking any chances.  Maybe it was good that we picked Tightwad Tuesday because that may have sent the people to the other theaters to see new releases.
We so enjoyed the movie.  It was well worth our wait.  We discussed our favorite character and both kids really liked Moana.  Me, I liked the chicken.  I just love how far animation has come.  I have not been disappointed in a kid movie in a long time.  And I love the jokes that go over little kids heads.
Thanks again Doug.  We had a really good time and appreciate the gift card.  And to think we still have enough left on it to go see another movie.

Oh Yeah

The lasagna was much better as a leftover. Poor Amy forgot hers at work.  Guess she can enjoy it tomorrow night.  ;p
The littles and I are making plans.  Starting with "Moana" and ending with Dr. Suess.  The little woman's school is having a thing Friday night in honor of Dr. Suess and we will be going.  I hope they are as excited as I am.

Weekend Complete

Phoebe got her bath and that is the last thing on the to do list for the weekend.  Good thing.  It felt like another good day to rest and take it easy.  The littles love helping give her a bath.  This time we did it in the tub and they just hopped in with her.  All clean and defleaed.  Is that a word?  Anyway there were quite a few dead fleas when we were done.  Now to give her her pill and it is all good.
For dinner I made lasagna.  Actually I made two.  One for Amy.  Any has commented on not cooking and that she cooked for her husband the other day and he had to microwave it to get the burger done enough to eat.  So I made her a pan to put in her oven.  Unfortunately I was having one of those days again.  All the things that I just normally have in the pantry that weren't there.  Found out I accidentally bought diced up tomatoes with jalapenos.  Yeah....they were spicy....I opened a can and tried one.  So I had to tweak the recipe a little bit.  No grated parm, so used shredded.  I'm not sure if that is what changed it, but it wasn't as good as normal.  Still all right, but not my lasagna.  I'm sure the leftovers are much better because leftover lasagna just seems better.

Oy Again

We went grocery shopping and got most of the groceries put away.  The little man wanted to ride his bike.  Out we go. All of a sudden he tells me he has no brakes.  I look.  Yup it has come unattached.  I try to figure out how to reattach.  Nope.  So I tell him  he will need to ride without brakes if he is going to.  Flip the bike back over and there is no riding it.  I managed to make the brakes work and not stop.
Then while we were outside playing I thought it was a nice day and I should finish taking the xmas lights off the house.  This means getting up on the ladder.  Which I did many times.  Always with unease.  I'm not so comfortable doing that anymore.  Must be getting older.  Finish that job and put the ladder away.  The littles go inside and I find my shamrock.  Heading out of the garage to go hang it and I hit the gardening roller and yup.......down I went.  Concrete is not my friend.  Oy.  No one saw me which is probably a blessing.  So I'm laying there realizing my head is right by the litter box and I'm really glad I cleaned it out when we first came outside.  Litter doesn't smell good even when it only smells like litter.  Took me a couple of minutes but I did manage to get up and limp into the house.  Hurt ankle, hand and wrist and then also my lowerback.  Didn't feel the back until the ankle let up.
Spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch catching up on all the shows on the DVR.  The ankle doesn't hurt as long as no one bumps it.  I can walk.  So I don't think I broke anything.  No bruising.  So maybe tomorrow Phoebe will get her bath since I sure didn't get to it today.

Life Plans Via Memes

Oh I just love those memes and posts on facebook.  The ones like I am only going to be married once and it will be forever until I am old.  Teach your kids to be responsible and they will be fine. What I have learned in all the time I have been here, is you can't plan life.  Life likes to throw curveballs.
Growing up and as a young adult, I too, thought I would have this perfect family and be married for 50 or 60 years (and some people do make that).  I thought my children (those who I had a hand in raising) would make their way in the world successfully, responsibly, respectably.  Ha.
I did have a relationship with Dave that spanned over 31 years.  That's a long time, but he died.  And people do.  So when I see those memes about being married until old old age I just think as long as no one dies.  It's a big damper on that plan.  My family has/had a lot of women living to old age without their spouses/SO.
My son went down the addiction path and has completed treatment a couple of times.  One of the things I heard from that and the tough love group I belonged to was to let go of the dream I had for my child.  Much easier said than done.  And it really is letting go of the dreams I had for all of my children.  We can't control them and they will live their own lives.  And their plans surely will not be ours.
Back in my youth, I certainly never planned on raising grandchildren in my fifties.  Just did the math yesterday and I will be 66 when the little man graduates from high school.  My plan naturally was to be an empty nester and travelling, gardening and playing.  Ha.  Life and those curveballs.
So I am glad for the travelling that Dave and I did, the experiences we gave our children, and taking on the littles.  I am in a different place than I was in my youth.  I have learned a lot.  Still learning. Still working on the not enabling my son (not successfully).  Playing a lot with the littles.  Doing things, working hard and trying to teach them some different things.  Kindness, compassion, empathy. I'm giving them lots of experiences and memories. I'm not planning too far ahead with firm plans.  Tentative with the likelyhood of curveballs. One day at a time.  There is a lot of love here. And funny how there aren't any cutesy memes for grandparents raising grandchildren.

Payback Book

Was out running errands with the little man and we stopped at the bank.  Lorraine was working and she let me have the Payback book associated with Mom's account.  The last time I had asked another associate had told me I needed to bring my mom in to collect it.
When I had a little time later, I went through it just kind of quickly.  I saw lots of coupons for the kinds of things we have been doing lately.  Trampoline places, kid club places, movies, etc.  So I think we will be getting some use out of Mom's payback book.  And hopefully we can use some of the food coupons when we go out for meals with Mom.

On the Go

We hit the park this afternoon.  One of my friends commented about how busy we are and always on the go.  And yes, we do a lot and are on the go a lot.  The littles are very busy kids and do better when we are doing things that expend their energy.
But it's more than that.  When I'm working a lot like I did early in the month, we aren't on the go.  So we are fitting in our fun time when we can.  And it's just the three of us.  Makes a big difference in what we can do and how spontaneous we can be.  :)

Wow

I can't believe it.  I am done with the twins' trust taxes.  It has to be a record for me.  I had another day off and the little man was at daycare.  So I decided I would tackle those while I was alone.  Got all done and was in the middle of printing and the printer stopped printing.
Lucky for me it just needed ink.  So once I had that replaced I went to finish printing and what I had downloaded had no included all the work I had done earlier.  Oy.  At least I only had one to recreate.
Tomorrow the post office.

Like It at G6

The little woman wanted to go do something active.  So we went and jumped for an hour at G6 Airpark.  They jumped almost the full hour and were tuckered out.  We hit Arby's on the way home.  As soon as he was done eating the little man fell asleep.  Funny how one hour of jumping did that but almost three hours of Kid's Club over the weekend didn't.

Karen

Sam and I were just having a tough time making our worlds coincide.  Karen had a doctor appointment this last Monday to see how the last cancer drug was doing.  Sam had suspected it wasn't helping and he was right.  So it was time for my friend to go on Hospice.  No one ever likes to hear that no matter how wonderful Hospice is.
So I told Sam and Karen that I was coming on Wednesday.  I had the day off already and the little man was in daycare because I had a bone density scan set for my mom that morning.  Yesterday Sam let me know that the Hospice nurse was coming on Wed and when so I wouldn't come then.  I knew then that my visit would be more for me.
When I arrived Chris and Sammi the dog let me in and I went up and sat with Karen.  Chris took care of the flowers and then came and sat with me.  I played with Sammi.  I had a nice visit with Chris.  I haven't done that in forever.  Sam was out running errands.  Karen did wake up and told me hi.  For a sleeping woman she looked pretty good.
Light and Love Karen however the journey goes.  You have put up one hell of a fight and maybe now it is time to rest.

Moana Tales

Back over winter break, the littles and I tried to go see the movie "Moana".  We went on tightwad Tuesday and that was the mistake.  They sold out just as we were almost to the front of the line.  When we tried to go on another day it seems the matinee hours are different and it would have costed $11 for me to see it.  No.  I refuse to pay that much for an animated movie.
So we have patiently been waiting for it to move to the ten theater so we can watch it cheaply.  The movie was released in November and it finally this past weekend moved to the cheap theater.  And so we got all excited and went.  Stood in line and guess what.  It sold out before we got to the head of the line.  Oy.
Lucky for us it is at the ten so we can go anytime and it will be cheap.  No matinee pricing, just cheap pricing all day.  We have decided we will try to see it later in the week after school/work/daycare.  But seriously it is almost like the universe is conspiring for us to not see this movie.
After we couldn't watch it, we went home and rented "Trolls".  And it was pretty cute.

Seriously?

Catie messaged me last night.  She wanted me to know that Tanya had unfriended Joanna on facebook because Catie talks to me.  Guess it was a couple of months ago.  Seriously? I guess she told Joanna that she didn't want to associate with them since Catie and I talk and then Catie talks to Joanna.  How old did Tanya say she was?  She is still friends with Elizabeth, who is friends with me.  She is still friends with some of my relatives in MN even though they are friends with me and talk to me.  I was just flabbergasted.
Guess some more true colors are coming out.  Too bad for those girls she gave up for adoption that now feel abandoned again.  The hole in her soul surrounding those girls must be pretty huge.  Wonder why she feels threatened that one of them, who she wasn't talking to, talks to me.  And I have been more than generous.  I have answered all genetic questions for Catie that I can.  Obviously I don't know Jason stuff.  I just tell her to talk to Marie about that stuff.  The latest thing was she wanted to know if anyone had sleep apnea.  And she took the question to Tanya first, who flat out ignored her.  So I told her what I know.
Anyway I feel like some manipulation is going on and neither Catie nor I are falling for it.  I'm just going to keep on living my life.
And it really is time to change my will again and maybe leave that small chunk Dave wanted for Tanya and give it to Catie and Joanna.  Or not.  Guess I need to think about it for awhile longer.

Limbo, Plans, Looking for Home

What an epiphany the other day when I was talking to a friend and realized we are still in limbo.  STILL.  I hate limbo.  This house of Mom's is never going to feel like home.  No matter what I do or plan to do, it still feels like her house.  And the house that makes her so angry with me about.  She will be fine with all the decisions made and the way things are and I start to feel a bit comfortable.  And then wham......she remembers that she is beyond mad.  She is in rage mode.  So she still fires me, she still evicts me, and she still wishes all this on me. And it doesn't matter that the decision for me to live in her house was made a couple of years before she had to move to assisted living, she lives in the moment.
Right now we are stuck in limbo.  As long as I have to pay for daycare for the little man I don't have extra money to use on housing.  And right now it would take more money than what I have expendable.  So that gives me about seven months to work something else out.
Instead of trying to make this home....I think it is time to start cleaning it up, condensing the contents.  Really taking to heart that Mom did give me permission to get rid of stuff, even if she won't remember that now.  Time to make it presentable for sale.  And then we need to look at moving.
I have perused the internet looking at houses.  I actually found a couple that I could afford to buy.  The problem would be the financing.  But I am betting there is some creative stuff out there that I could make it work.  So I need to talk to a money person.  I need to keep looking online for what is available.  And I need to decide if long term we are staying in this area or if we will take flight when we are able.

Birthday Party at Kid's Club

The little man was invited to a birthday party by a friend from daycare.  The party was at Kid's Club.  They got to play for almost three hours and were red and sweaty and worn out.  There were several kids from daycare so even the little woman had someone she knew to run with.
The little woman was smart.  She had worn shorts over her pants and then when she got too hot she was able to take the pants off.  It was super warm in there.
We had a great time and thank Olivia and her family for inviting us and letting the little woman crash the party.

Girl Day

We started the day off with a birthday call to Mommy.  The little woman didn't really want to talk.  Said she would talk to her next time.  C'est la vie.
After a nap we dropped the little man at Pat's house.  Then we headed to Ross for some browsing and shopping.  We found a gorgeous headband that really matched her hair.  Then we hit the grocery store and the yogurt place.  Just spending time together by ourselves.
When we returned to Pat's house, there was a bus parked in front of his driveway.  The little woman didn't realize people can own buses, so she was confused.  She said she didn't know Pat had kids. Too funny.

Unawarded Awards Assembly

The end of the semester Awards Assembly was held at the little woman's school today.  They gave out the awards for perfect attendance, striving for excellence, Always hitting the mark with hard work in the classroom and then in specialty classes (PE, Band, Art, Wood shop and Drama), and citizenship. Most classes had two students who received an award for each classification.  It was explained a couple of times about how hard it was to choose the recipients from all the kids.  My reflection on this, which has nothing to do with how deserving any of the kids were for the awards.......how come some students got multiple awards?  Anyway it was a nice presentation and they showed a PowerPoint of pictures taken so far this year and that was fun.  You could hear kids reacting to it.
My little woman did not get an award and I really did not expect her to.  She doesn't strive to do her best all the time.  She doesn't hit every mark every time even when she works hard for it.  She doesn't always treat every one as nicely as she should.  She doesn't like PE.  I didn't get any notification from her teacher that said I should try and attend because of an award.  The notification was just part of the general newsletter that came to the house.  I had free time and thought I would just go.  And I'm really glad I did.
The little woman's class was one of the last to come in.  I watched her and was standing up.  She didn't know I was coming because I didn't tell her.  And yet she was looking for me.  Her whole face lit up when she saw me.  I caught her looking my way several times.  And when the assembly was over and they were making their way out I went over and gave her a high five.  She was so happy.  So she didn't seem to care one way or another about the awards, but she cared that I was there.  And that is why I was.

Errand Day

The little man and I made the day into errand day.  We saw Grammy, stopped at work to see how Liz's vacation was and the little man wanted to tell his joke, and shopped for a birthday present.
Then we continued on after Sissy got out of school with a trip to the bank, the dollar store and McDonald's with a play place for dinner.  They played so hard and were so sweaty.  Does my heart good when they play like that.
We checked our mail early this week.  I was kind of hoping they would have mail for the holiday.  I had seen a post on facebook from their mom stating how wonderful Valentine's Day was and how much she loved her husband and baby.  I never comment on posts like this.  She deserves the happiness that you get from relationships.  And I thought I needed to check the mailbox just in case she had thought about her other children. Checking was for me and not for them.  They never commented at all.  They just enjoyed their day with all the things that happened.
It is just a reminder that I can't give them what they lost, but we make a life in the here and now with what we have.

Done

I finished my eighth long day.  Liz will be back tomorrow.  I spent most of today working for Michael.  I got to fill pens and pencils and straighten them up and make them look nice.  I also got to do some data work.  Love both of those jobs.
Poor Amy.  The drain in the bathroom overflowed AGAIN.  Awhile back the college went through and changed out all the toilets for ultra efficient ones.  And ever since then they have had problems.  They are not saving money.  I was glad to hear it wasn't just our bathroom though.  Poor facility guys get some of the darnedest jobs.  Amy gets to make the calls and keep the water from flooding our storeroom.  At least this time the drain didn't flood when she was in the room, like last time.
But while we were standing there we did have this nice conversation about baby grand pianos.  She has one.  And pianos in general.  And then she popped off with when she gets moved and the piano set up, she would love to give the little woman piano lessons.  Wonder how serious she was?

Valentines

Work had the cutest cookies that were just perfect for Valentines for the littles.  They both seemed to like them.
They both enjoyed their parties at school.  They brought home a bunch of cards and some candy.
To top it all off I got them new headphones that aren't earbuds.  That present is really for me.  That way I won't have to listen to competing ipads sometimes.

Staying On Top Of It

So far so good.  We have had a lot of little things to keep up with.  The little woman had school things, like wearing green on Friday.  And amazingly enough we did almost every thing in the last week that we were suppose to.  I did forget her library book on Thursday though.  Good thing she likes it and we are just reading it some more.
So today we had to get the Valentine Day cards ready to go to school tomorrow.  This year they completely did their own cards and they did a great job.  They took the job very seriously.  Now the cards and the candy are in bags ready to go tomorrow.
Hope I haven't jinxed everything now.  Two more long days to work and it makes me tired and forgetful when I get to the end of a stretch of them.

Words Resonate

I joined an online group last night for relatives raising children.  Obviously I am a grandparent raising grandchildren.  Lately I have been feeling a bit isolated and needing to find some other people like me.  It seems I have never been at the right time or age.  First married I was raising school aged kids.  So most of the other parents I came in contact with then were around 30.  A little older, a little more wiser.  Then I had Mike and was raising teens. I was all of 25 at that point.  Fast forward to now I am 53 and raising little kids.  Most people my age are done, or nearly so, raising kids.
Today I told the group my story and I got so many positive replies.  My words rang true for a lot of people.  Many completely understood and others felt it in words for the first time as their own. And I felt another weight lifted off my shoulders.  I found my tribe.

Today was a glorious day.  No rain, no wind.  Just  nice.  So the littles asked to go for a walk.  Yes, they asked.  Wow, wonders never cease.  So we walked down to the park and they played and searched for treasures.   Then we continued on trying to find where the big gaggle of geese were coming from.  We found a whole bunch of houses and some wetlands.  But we did not find the geese.  What I noticed is I had a little more patience today than I had yesterday.  Got to be a good thing.  ;)

Wait....What?

So I wake the little man up and he tells me he was having the best dream.  I apologize and ask him to tell me about it.  And so he does.
He was with two of his friends from care house (daycare).  They were being naughty and they had to put their noses on the wall.
So I asked him if he ever had to do that and he said yes.  But mostly he writes sentences or puts his head down on the table.  He did have to go to Miss Cindy's office once, but that was for a serious infraction and he knows the rules now.  That's good.
But I'm still a little concerned that his best dream was about being naughty.

While he is dreaming about being naughty, I was dreaming about moving with my friend Doug.  Not WITH Doug but wherever he was moving so were we.  This comes from his desire to move to Illinois and then Dawneva had posted an ad on facebook about the cutest house in Peoria that was more than in my price range.  It is that running away thing I have.  In my dream Doug couldn't move until he had found someone.  In life I can't move until I have lost someone.

End of the Week

And the week is done.  I did a lot of work and had more to do than my boss thought I was going to do.  I'm sure I got a big chunk of the art supplies for spring quarter in this week.  I had another pallet arrive today of photo paper.
Every one was slightly in a panic as to what would happen Monday when I had to go to court.  We finally had a game plan and they were still worried.  I wasn't worried.  And then the trial was postponed.  So it's all good.  I will be at work and ready to rock the large food order that will come in. Hopefully earlier than this week.  ;p

Missing Mike

Mike at work that is.  He worked Monday and Tuesday, but was gone before I got very far into art supplies.  So his co-workers got to put all of those supplies away.  I would make a good amount or progress and then have to wait because the stuff that was done the day before was still sitting in the warehouse.  Two mornings in a row.  Mike is super efficient and I sure missed it.  Hope he works tomorrow.  And I am appreciative of all the help Kelly did as she was trying hard to get stuff done, but she didn't come in until after noon both days.  And when she is given a project by her boss she has to prioritize that.  Anyway art is out of my hair.

Not Bored Yet

I'm manning the warehouse this week and working by myself.  Liz told me if I got bored to ask Michael for jobs I can do in the warehouse.  Well I haven't gotten bored yet.  I had the big food order, two pallets of art supplies and another 14 boxes of photography supplies and 994 scantron packages to count.  I've shipped stuff out and done some other small receiving.  Managed to do all my deliveries.  Nope, definitely not bored.  And I'm glad all this stuff came this week while I had time to just work on it.......I hate when all the extra stuff comes in with a bunch of books.

Audrie Stories

Little bits of funny.  She is laying there doing homework and she tells me to take a beauty nap while she does homework.  Wait...what?  So I asked if I needed a beauty nap.  She said I did because I looked tired and my eyes were a little red.
Little woman has no problem telling me when I look bad, but she herself would rather look bad than get problem haircuts fixed.  Now she didn't have a choice but she informed me afterward that now she was not going to show her hair to anyone.  Yeah right.
I told her about some monkey bones I saw at the STEM building.  Her reaction was one of sadness.  She is developing empathy and compassion.  Amazing to see.  Wonder how she is going to react when we go see the bones.

Fixed

So we returned to the haircut place.  The hairdresser today spent a good ten minutes fixing the little woman's hair.  And it looks so much better. Now we are happy.

Haircuts

The little man was getting shaggy.  Looked and it has been three months since his last cut.  So we went to get a haircut.  And naturally that meant the little woman wanted one also.
She got a good six inches cut off in about two to four minutes.  Looked okay.
He got all his shag cut off and looks so much more handsome.  Took a good 12 to 15 minutes.  I'm sitting there amazed at the cut he got.
We get home, do our stuff, take a nap, etc.  Then I'm looking at her hair and it is a horrible cut.  There isn't just a few spare hair that got missed.  So we needed to go to the store and also went back to the haircut place.  Naturally they were closed, so tomorrow we go back to get her hair fixed.
She wants to tell me it is fine.  I tell her it is not.  She looks like I cut it and even I might have done a better job.  Then she told me she would just keep it covered all the time.  Nope, not having it.  We are getting it fixed.  I want her to see that it is okay to do that.  You don't have to let crappy work stand.

Family Dinner

We went out for dinner at Red Lobster.  Family time.  The meal was good.  The littles behaved wonderfully.  The adults had shrimp and the littles had chicken, broccoli and french fries.  The usual fare.

Mail

I only check the mail like once a week.  There isn't usually much of interest in it.  Well looks like I have been subpoenaed.  Joy.  I have no idea how that is going to work.  I am working at manning the warehouse for the next week and a half while my boss is on vacation.  She is out of the country so she isn't going to come back early for me.  ;p
Guess I need to find time to make a call on Monday and see what is what.  One more thing on my plate.

Making a Plan

Sam and I are trying to compare schedules.  He has to find a less sleepy day for Karen and then hope it works with my work schedule/daycare schedule.  Who knew it could be so difficult to see my friend?  I'm sure we will work it out.
I haven't told him, but it is important to me to see her while I can still tell her I love her and that I will miss her when she is gone.  The funeral someday is not a thing for me.  I don't want to bring flowers and regrets.
She has been fighting this fight for a long time now and one day she is just going to be too tired.  I have no idea when that day will be, but I have this great need to see her soon.  And sometimes I have to go with that because it has never steered me wrong yet.

New Budget

Oy.  Just did my taxes.  And this year I didn't qualify for the EIC.  Since the rent got raised on the rental house it boosted my non-income income over the limit.  Breathe.  I usually use that money for the property taxes and insurances (rental and car) and vacation.
Looking at the numbers I am ahead now.  At first I thought it might be a wash.  The only difference is I don't have that lump sum to count on.  So I really need to redo my budget and set money aside for those specific things. And we don't have a major vacation planned this year anyway.  So it's all good, but boy what a deer in the headlight moment.

Exploring

It was a boy day again.  So we went for a walk and explored a bit.  The little man made a new friend.  I thought that cat was going to follow us home, but it stopped after about four driveways.  Just trying to keep us moving while we have nice weather.  :P