Wisteria

Mom's wisteria is starting to bloom.  It really showed up after I got the lawn  mowed and some weed eating done.  My eye was no longer pulled to the tall weeds and extra work.  It is a good day when the lawn gets mowed, some weed eating gets done and garbage gets picked up.  I am amazed at the amount of trash in the backyard.  I don't even buy soda and yet there must have been a half dozen pop cans.  Anyway the back yard looks much better.  And I am enjoying the wisteria and the lilac and the yellow azalea.
While doing yard work in peace....I am always thinking, reacting, planning.  Sometimes I go back over my life and wonder what I would have done different.  Probably not much.  But I know for a fact that I have been used a lot.  There are things I have done for people because they were important to me.  Either the people or the thing I was helping.  Once you stop helping and the people move on in their lives you get a sense they were only around for what they could get.  What I gave of myself I gave freely.  My choice.
But when you realize this fact about yourself......it has to go somewhere.  Something has to change.  It bears the questioning in the future if I am doing something for my reasons and can I live with it if it turns out that it wasn't so important to someone else.  I'm not sure that makes sense.  When I immediately have an inclination to try and fix something I always have to ask if it is for the other person or for me.  Part of my personal dysfunction and codependent behavior.  If I answer for me, I bite my lip and keep my mouth shut.  So I may have to do this with the generous side of my heart also.  Just not sure what the question will be that I ask myself first. Because as I am learning.......the things I find important are not necessarily important to others unless they can be compensated in some way.  And then once they aren't, they are gone.
I know people come and go all the time in our lives.  Some we may not even be aware of the transitions.  People who are only out for what they can get can just keep walking.  We don't need that in our life.