Breakfast

Chad took all of us out for breakfast at the Hockinson Cafe.  So good.  We enjoyed our meal and the company. 
Before we went he gave the little man and the little woman their birthday presents.  He wasn't sure what to get them and they don't have great long lists, so he gave them cash.  We put that up so it doesn't disappear before they can spend it.  The little man is thinking about saving it until Xmas and adding it to whatever he might get then.  He already has a nice wad between Chad, Nana Nita and Mommy.  The little woman already spent the money she had received before.  But she still has a nice amount to buy something with. 
We made better plans to get together more often.  As I have stated many times.....we appreciate those who take time out of their lives to keep connected.  Whoever knew that Ky and Chad would be such an important part of our family. 

Happy Birthday

My little man turned 8 years-old today.  And what a day we had. 
He invited friends to go bowling with him.  Two came and one brought a brother.  It really was the perfect number.  They rolled two games and every one said they had tired arms.  They enjoyed it so much.  It was fun watching the boys figure out what they needed to do to not roll gutter balls.  He received two Nerf guns (luckily not that one he really wanted). 
He had a nice video visit with his Mommy and siblings in IN. 
Then Chad and Ky came down and took the kids to play laser tag and glow in the dark put put golf.  The kids loved that.  We made plans for breakfast before Chad and Ky headed back north. 
Came home and had cake.  And then the Amazon truck arrived bringing that all important Nerf gun. 
Daddy came home and gave him a drone he had so the little man was a happy camper. 
Our new things just makes things better.  We make our plans and go on with our day.

Thankgiving

And it was oh so quiet.  I cooked the turkey that came in our box from Catholic Community Services.  And it was tasty. 
Some little tidbits;
The gravy was the best I have ever made for Thanksgiving.  I've only been doing it for a few years....since the year Mom could not do it anymore.  And every year I have done it wrong.  Not really, but it's not Mom's way exactly.  This year I did it totally different and it was delicious.
Stove Top Stuffing's box says you can use it to stuff the turkey.  You can, but it doesn't taste all that good.  Next year we go back to the old way.  But we are still grateful for what we had this year. 
We opted out of pie because we have cake tomorrow. 
We had one guest, Mike's friend.  The only thing said to me by Mike mostly all day was asking if that friend could eat with us.  Well I'm not going to not feed someone if I have the food.  And that guy was so appreciative.  He told us many times how much he liked it. 
Small meals are not bad.  We still had the togetherness.  But next year maybe we go to Mexico with Pat. 

Nerf Gun Hunt

I have been on a hunt for a particular Nerf gun that the little man wants for his birthday.  He has seen it at two stores.  But when I went to those stores they were both out.  Oy.  Just my luck.  So when we had a few minutes today we went online to see if we could find it.  That and I wasn't exactly sure what I was looking for. 
We found several and he pointed out which one was the "right" one.  I ordered it and Amazon promises to have it here for his birthday. 

Tiny Invites

The little man took little invites to his friends today.  He wants to bowl on Friday and wants his friends to join him.  I couldn't find my actual invitations (because I can never find anything).  So we just made our own out of half index cards.
So far he has two coming who didn't even get the invites but msgs from me to their parent.  I really hope they don't all show up.  It will be what it will be though.

Mad Sad

The little man's therapist came by today.  I was in the middle of throwing out a lot of garbage from the garage.  Mike has claimed that space, gone through everything multiple times, brings in so much more garbage, and thinks no one has any say about how things go out there.  I found the wrapping from my lunch containers.  Dave bought those for me the summer before he died.  I tend to stash stuff until I need it and then he died and I couldn't open them.  Well no matter now because they are gone. 
The therapist and I talked about how far the little man has come.  We talked about how much help Mike was at first.  We talked about how much help he is not now and that really it is time for him to move on.  Because behaviors are already poking back in to the family dynamic and a lot of it is the stress of living with an addict.  Addict not in recovery.  Most interactions with the kids are negative.  He immediately sends them to their room. Or gets very loud.  I know he feels like he has to be louder than them, and he is, but at this point it doesn't help. 
The home specialist had told me to have a conversation with Mike when the kids were present.  Stating that if he wants to parent, I am happy to step back and let him lead.  But he has to be here to do that.  And being here, doing that, means being sober.  And if he can't do that then it really is time to go.  The kids already know he has checked out of the parenting gig.  And I know they have a lot of emotions around that.  Mad and Sad or as Oh says on "Home" madsad.  Me too.  I don't need life to be harder though.  It is hard enough. 

Family Thanksgiving

It was our family Thanksgiving tonight.  I picked up Mom.  We had our Omaha Steak Thanksgiving meal.  The ham was so good.  Thanks again Leo. 
I'm pretty sure this was the last Thanksgiving that we will be able to bring Mom to.  I noticed she is forgetting how to use utensils.  She got very very tired.  She didn't talk too much.  Just quiet.  We are just grateful that she could be with us. 
The little woman hugged her immediately upon her coming in the door and then told her that she loved her.  I think she knows also. 
A little side note...that turkey is still sitting on my driveway.  It thawed out completely on Friday and today it wasn't even cold when I touched it before going to Pat's house.  Wonder when I can safely throw it away. 

Jumping

He earned another reward. This time it was a trip to JJ Jump.  The little woman opted not to go.  That kind of put a damper on my plans, but that is okay.  The little man jumped and ran and played.  His hair was completely soaked.  That is a good work-out. 
On the way home he talked to me about burning calories.  Interesting.  Guess boys have body image things also. 

Did I Tell You

Did I tell you about the turkey on my driveway?  So I come home and there is a frozen Butterball turkey on the driveway.  Wait...what?  Well it turns out it belongs to a friend of Mike's.  And that friend is hoping to cook it at my house.  He lives in a car and I don't know why he can't cook it at his mom's.  Anyway I was told it is cold enough outside for it and it won't spoil.  Hmmmm
That may be true but only if it is cooked when it is thawed.  We shall see how long it stays out there.  I'm not taking care of it, nor am I storing it in my frig/freezer.  That is prime real estate here. 

More Food

I got a text from the little man's therapist.  It was a confirmation about tomorrow's meeting at the school.  The meeting is to see how they are coming along on their new assessment. 
At the end of the text he asked me if it would be helpful and a blessing if we were given a Thanksgiving box.  Well yes, yes it would.  Whether we use it on Thanksgiving or not is besides the point.  No one in my household seems to believe me when I say my budget is shot.  And I have the rest of Thanksgiving and a boys birthday to take care of.  Another month that ends in the hole and a new month that will start with less because I pay off the hole. 
So yes it is a big blessing to receive the box from Catholic Community Services.  We accept with great gratitude. 

A Friend Came to Play

There was a knock on the door.  It was one of the little woman's friends.  Now the little woman had asked a couple of days ago to play with that friend and that friend said no with a scowl.  I'm not sure what that was about.  Although I have a little bit of an idea.  This is the friend that went with to the movies and got traumatized by Daddy blowing up in the car.  No patience has he. 
Anyway the little woman with a little prompting did play.  Right before she agreed I did hear her little friend tell her that she had been everywhere else first.  Honestly is usually the best policy, but there is something to be said for discretion also.  Who wants to hear that you are the totally last resort?  They played and it was fine.  The little woman is much more forgiving than I am. 

Harsh Things and a Call

It was to be a tight morning.  The little woman had a therapy appt. and then immediately after that I was to have the phone appt. with Mom's doctor. 
The little woman was a bit angry at her session.  She had gotten into it some with the little man before he left for school.  Fighting over who was taking the Ipad with them.  I really really should not have only bought one.  Anyway she pops off that she wants him to be adopted by someone else.  We explain that that is not happening.  It isn't ever on the plate.  And that's when she said that Daddy told her she was suppose to be an only child and he was going to be adopted. 
You could have picked my chin up off the floor.  Wow.  I did not react and the therapist said that was really good.  But inside, my heart did another one of those breaking of the pieces.  That is not information that a child can process.  And someday she is going to let that slip and it is going to do more harm than has already been done.  The therapist explained again that it wasn't anything that was ever going to happen.  Oy.
We rushed out so I could take the call.  After sitting in the parking lot for a few minutes I decided to start the drive home.  We got almost all the way home before it came.  No problem whatsoever in prescribing the meds.  And she is putting in a referral for a geriatric psychiatrist.  We'll go over the medlist and the behaviors that are continuing even with a treated UTI.  And that is that.  Felt a whole lot less waste of my time than the appt. we went on last week. 

Holiday

So my brother is going to be gone for Thanksgiving.  He has a fishing trip planned.  So the plan is to have our Thanksgiving family dinner this weekend on Sunday. I told Mom and she is so funny.  She tells me that oh yes she remembers us telling her about that.  We hadn't. 
So the plan is to have the Omaha Steak Thanksgiving meal that Leo sent us.  It shall be lovely. 

No Post

I got behind and have absolutely no post for today.  I don't know how.  My life is never boring so I should have had something to write about.  C'est la vie. 

Oy Why?

At the ER they wanted Mom to see a normal doctor. They gave her enough calming meds to last till the appointment.  There is a niggle in my brain that we have been down this road before. 
Day of appointment the phone wakes me up. The doctor she is to see is out of the office.  They wanted us to wait till next week.  Uh....no.  She found us an appointment in the afternoon in Orchards.  That is fine. 
While Mom is in this state getting her ready and going some place is a bit of work.  But Cami and I got her ready and we went.  Cami told me to ask about more antibiotics due to she thinks the UTI is not totally gone.  Okay.  So the doc comes in and asks a couple of questions.  I ask about antibiotics and she tells me they will need a new urine sample for that.  Yeah like that is going to happen.  And then she is heading out the door.  I'm like can we at least get some more calming meds.  Oh you have to see your primary doctor for that but she would give us a small amount.   And out the door she went.  No talk about the agitation which is why we were there in the first place. 
We did go to the lab and Mom tried.  She could not give a sample.  After so long we gave up and will hope for the best.  We went to the pharmacy and got ten more tabs of the calming medicine. 
Once home I made an appointment with the primary doctor in a week and a half.  Then I made a phone appointment for Tuesday as that is when the meds will run out.   Hopefully we can just take care of it over the phone and if not maybe we can get enough meds to last to the appt.  It is very frustrating.  And it made me remember...we have done this before.  Why make an appt with just anybody if you still need to follow up with the primary.  Makes no sense to waste every one's time like that. And in our case it is an ordeal now to get Mom ready to go somewhere. 
One day at a time.  And I am remembering to breathe.

Grown Up Family Lunch

Pat and I met up with Beth and Randy for lunch.  Olive Garden for the convenience.  We went to the one closer to the hotel for Jerry.  I was surprised at how much bigger that one is than the one we normally go to.  And how much less busy it was.  Nice for us though.
We had a lovely lunch and a lot of conversation.  Storing away information I will need as we continue this journey with Mom.  Beth has been through it with both of her parents and Jerry took care of Milton.  They are a wealth of information. 
It was nice to have a meal sans kids. 

Mom Visit With Jerry

Naturally....one kid had a one day suspension and then the other refused to go to school.  That meant taking them with to see Mom.  Now the little woman has been there several times and does all right.  I don't worry so much about her. 
Mom wasn't cooperating for Cami, like it has been for the past couple of weeks.  She did interact with us.  A lot of her communicating was about things not present that we could see.  We got talking about grandparents and I commented that Jerry had probably never met my great grandmother Lottie.  That perked mom up for a bit and she talked briefly about Lottie in the present tense and trying to figure out how Lottie came to be in Idaho. 
We visited for about an hour and a half.  More for us today. 
Then Jerry and I took the kids to McDonald's (reward for behaving at Cami's) and had lunch and let them play. 

New Rewards/New Chart

I figured since we earned the big reward with our gem chart that it was time to up the ante.  I am adding a couple of things on to it.  Those being staying at school all day and Mom's homework.  We've pretty much got the other six things down.
The rewards for this time are in order JJ Jump, Dizzy Castle, Firstenburg for swimming and Sky Zone.  I had admissions already to JJ Jump.  I have coupons for Dizzy Castle.  Nothing extra for Firstenburg and I need to start watching for a new groupon for Sky Zone. 
I love how excited he still is to earn the gems. 

Still Cranky

So it's funny and it's not funny.  I had time to run and see Mom. And she was okay but refusing to cooperate with Cami.  I got her to take her meds and she was going to go to sleep.  So I left to go to my eye doctor appointment. 
I'm sitting in the eye doctor's office when an EMT calls me.  Seems mom got really agitated and Cami called 911.  So they transported her to the hospital. 
I went up and sat with her.  She was a little cranky and kept telling me so.  When I told her she wasn't as cranky as last week she just rolled over and ignored me.  You laugh or you cry. 
So her UTI from last week is getting better.  They prescribed a medication that can be used for agitation as needed.  She sees a doctor at the clinic on Friday and maybe we will know more.  I think we already know....it is just the disease progressing. 

A Little Break

The littles actually went out to play.  I thought for sure the rain last week was going to keep us inside for the rest of the season.  It did not.  The nice weather returned and both kids went to find others to play with.  So nice when that happens.
I have talked about how the little woman has anxiety.  She is also highly sensitive.  Tastes, smells, feels.  So she is a very picky eater.  Very picky.  And I am happy and thrilled when ever I can get her to eat some healthy food in a day.  So last summer she was a little excited to go on the girl scout campout up at BG Lake.  That is until the girls voted on what they were going to eat.  Once that was decided she decided it was not worth it to go.  She would just be hungry the whole time.  I was just about to suggest to her that she could bring her own food......when a post went up in the fb group for her troop that no girl was allowed to bring their own food.  Well shucks.  Since all the other girls had voted for what they would eat....the comment seemed aimed at the little woman.
I know she is a handful.  Her anxiety makes her bounce off walls at times.  The new meds seem to be helping with that.
The last couple of meetings she has opted not to go.  I think there is more going on there than I am told.  And that just seems to be the story of my life.  But I don't press her because of her anxiety.  I let her know when meetings are and then ask her the day of if she is going.  So this last week posts came up about the play the troop will be doing for the sr. living community where the meetings are held.  There was a comment made about if you can't attend all the meetings between now and then it will be hard for them to plan the play.  And I get that.  It just feels like maybe it is too hard to accommodate the girl with anxiety.
So today I read the posts about the play to her.  Then I asked her about it and she immediately said she didn't want to do it at all.  She is ready to quit girl scouts completely.  It makes me sad, but I'm not going to force her. She is pretty much excluded a lot anyway and sometimes it is her choice.  None of the girls from her troop are in her class anymore. None of them have gone out of their way to invite her to anything in the last year.  No play dates, no sleep overs, no parties.  And I guess that is okay.  My little woman doesn't understand about personal boundaries and gives way too many hugs. 
It's just our life. 

Happy Birthday Mike

Mike turned 30 today.  Talk about time flying.  Anyway we took him out to Applebees for dinner.  The food was divine.  Mike was in too much of a hurry and too impatient for it to be a nice dinner.  He told us next year we won't bother because it is too stressful for him.  Okay.  Whatever. 

Party

The little man was invited to a party at the Lakeshore Athletic Club.  They got to swim for an hour and he had a blast.  Then they had cake.  I was kind of glad that most of the sugar ended up on his face and not in him.  He still misbehaved a bit.  Too much excitement I think.  

I got to chat with a parent of a child in his SLC room about this year and last year.  It was kind of nice to have some different perspectives.  

No Coffee

I was kind of getting used to those coffee dates.  None this week though.  I had a mash up with my parent peer, but maybe we will get back on track next week.  The therapist's boss called me to ask about the incident.  And I explained my part and the trigger I felt.  She understood.  There is nothing like going to meet people for coffee and having them not show up.  And that happened more than once with my coffee group back in the day.  So much so that I quit making coffee dates altogether.  I'm just now getting back to trying it. 

Urgent Care

I should have just taken Mom when Cami called.  She said Mom was rather agitated and had been since the weekend with it getting progressively worse.  Well I called the advice nurse who told me she sent all the info over to Mom's dr. and that they would probably just get her an antibiotic.  They would be calling me to let me know. 
Four hours later with no call back and Cami was ready to call 911 and have Mom taken to the hospital.  So the little woman and I went and picked her up and took her to urgent care.  Took three hours and they weren't busy.  Part of it was just dealing with Mom.  She couldn't pee.  She didn't want to be there and she wanted all of her family to just leave.  She was on a tear. 
They finally managed to get a urine sample and yes she definitely has a UTI.  Got her an antibiotic and then we headed to DQ for a cone.  Once she really realized she probably had a UTI she calmed down.  Took her back to Cami's and put her to bed. 
On our way to pick up Connor the nurse from Kaiser called about my call at noon.  This was after nine at night.  Glad they did finally call back but it was done and over with by then.
Whew.

Sky Zone

I almost took the reward away and that would not have been right.  The little man had misbehaved at school. The therapist reminded me he had already earned the reward and the misbehavior was probably just the excitement of going. I agreed and the little man went back to school anyway to make sure he didn't lose it.
And they had a blast.  They invited Daddy who basically told them he is just not interested.  Good thing they are old enough now to not need as much entertaining.  They can play by themselves.  And they did.  Well they actually knew some kids there.  So he was ecstatic.  Played Dodge Ball for an hour.  That would have been my thing also. 
Now on to earning the Dizzy Castle reward.  He loves this reward chart and getting the jewels. 

Little Woman Day

So the little woman had a dentist appt. today.  I was probably more anxious than she was.  I still remember the last time when she wasn't sedated.  She was a trooper.  Daddy came with and stayed with her the whole time.  She looked like a chipmunk.  I was so proud of her.
Then this afternoon she had a therapy appt.  Luck was with me in that the two appts. happened on the same day.  She really opened up to her therapist.  The therapist was amazed.  I think it might have been the new med she is on.  She was calmer.  The new med is to help her sleep but it also has a component that works with ADHD. I still don't know if she has some of that or not.  But she was a lot calmer than before.
Crossing fingers that we found a good combination for her.
While she was at the dentist I had to pick up the little man.  He was struggling a bit.  He had taken a colored pencil and drew on one of his classmates papers.  She in turn tossed her apple juice all over him.  Then it was one a bit.  And then when he was calmed down...he can't have apple juice on him. It is part of his OCD stuff.  So I took him home and he took a quick shower.  Then I took him back to school and he finished out the day.

Wow

The little man's therapist was over today.  The home specialist was at school with the little man.  So we talked about how far we have come since this therapy road began.  I still feel like there is a long way to go, but we have come a tremendous way.
Implementing more structure, the rewards chart, attaching more with the little man, etc.
I told the therapist a bit more of the story.  No one gets the whole story upfront.  First there is not enough time in a session for that.
Here is taking the positives so far and moving even more forward.  One day at a time.

Adding to the Rewards Chart

The little man earns his Sky Zone reward tomorrow.  He has already made a few suggestions of rewards to earn next.  Dizzy Castle, Firstenburg for swimming and Chuck E Cheese.  We are talking about it.
So I think it is time to change it up a bit.
I'm still concerned about how much learning the little man is getting.  I never see papers with actual school work.  The teachers opted not to have a conference because of the IEP meeting that happened at the beginning of October.  IEP to me is mostly behavior.  And it is important.  But so is learning.
So I think I am going to add Mom's homework on to the rewards chart.  It's a thought that has been running around in my brain.  Nothing big, just some thing every day that is education.
Also it may be time to let his teachers know that I worry about learning as well as behavior.

Frank

I called my aunt and uncle in Illinois today.  My first question was every one healthy.  No, they aren't all healthy.  My uncle is doing pretty well after his knee replacement surgery last May.  He said they told him it takes about a year to totally heal.  He had three months of physical therapy.
Frank, on the other hand has been feeling poorly.  He had surgery last week and they are waiting to hear the results of the tests.
So today was a nostalgic Frank day.  My best memory ever is going to be him taking the littles out on the paddle board in the Kishwaukee River.  He found life vests so they could go and they had so much fun.  The little man conquered his fear while in the water.  The little woman was in her element and it sure looked like Frank was having a great time also.  It wasn't anything that he had to do or felt compelled to do.  He just wanted to give the littles a little fun and me a little break.  I watched from the bank and my heart was happy.
I love you Frank.  And I hope you will be well again.  Light and love.

Who is Spending the Night

The little woman asked last weekend and was told it was a yes for this weekend. When the time came though the littles switched.  So the little man is spending the night.  The little woman and I hit the grocery store and the red box.  Going to be a quiet night at home.  Got to love that.