2019 Closing

This year I did the math.  Wasn't too hard...The blog has almost 68,000 page views altogether.  This year's is about 19,000. Most read post is about the littles moving. The second one was about Warren and my jacket.  December was a good month for numbers for the blog.  :)
It was a long year.  We had a lot of behavior issues.  We had lots of therapy which helped. 
Daddy came home for awhile and that was a help until it wasn't.  Let me redo that.  Him home always helped on the behaviors, but he also started undermining as his own disease was progressing. 
We had a wonderful trip to Hawaii.  That one has been planned since the littles were just about babies.  I'm glad that I was able to make it happen.  It helped having the expenses spread over two years.  We made a lot of memories on that trip. 
We camped at the island. We did OMSI and the zoo.  Many movies on Tightwad Tuesdays.  Parks, parties and holidays.  JJ Jump, Sky Zone, Dizzy Castle and Swimming pools.  We were busy.
I have spent ten years making lots of memories.  It is what it is all about.  The kids no longer have so many people in their lives, but they have memories.  Just makes me sad that the early memories are going so fast.  Hopefully we have made enough since that will stay with them their whole lives. 
We have no big plans for the last night of 2019.  Going to just take it easy and maybe some more laundry.  Trying to get all their stuff round up for their move. 

Back to SkyZone

The little man's friend, who used to live in the neighborhood, said he was going to Skyzone.  So we decided to go also.  Always funner with a friend.  And they don't spend all their time together.  They go off and do their own thing and then find each other again.  Today the little woman just played all by herself.  Seems to be her norm.  She has a good time. 
This makes our third trip in a week.  I plan on two more for sure.  Making sure to get the money's worth out of it for the first month.  Just cramming it all in in ten days. 
On the way home we grabbed a pizza pizza.  Little man ate three slices and then said sure he would come to bed and watch a movie.  He was asleep within ten minutes with no melatonin.  I think he was worn out from jumping. 

Nerf War

The little man and I spent almost three hours this afternoon just having a nerf war.  There seemed to be some rhyme and reason to how we played.  I just never figured out what it was.  I just let him lead the game.
He discovered that his new winter coat makes a great shield for the nerf darts.  Funny how he always tells me they don't hurt.....yes they do sometimes.
Anyway it was just a day of making a connection and keeping him entertained.  All the kids he play with in the neighborhood have mostly not been available all winter break.

SkyZone Glow

On the weekend evenings, Skyzone has a session called Glow. Every one wears pink or green and the black lights light up the place.  We attended one tonight.  I have got to tell you it is very hard to spot your kid amongst all the other green and pink shirts.  The lights make skin look blue or purple.  The little man was wearing blue shorts so he really blended in. 
The littles jumped and jumped and jumped.  A neighbor boy was there also so the little man had some one to tag around with part of the time.  I noticed they still spent a lot of time doing their own thing.  Both boys got some tips from a grown up jumper.  That was nice. 
We are trying to make sure we get in a lot of time since they have memberships.  After they move I will have to see if someone at Skyzone will please let us out of the three month commitment.  And if not hopefully we have gotten enough time in to make it worth while. 

Hard Decision

I have been on this grandfamily journey now for ten years.  When it started I had a lot of help.  Help that over the years left.  I'm down to Pat, Betty and therapists.  Thank God for them.  But they can only do so much.  When the journey started we were warned it could be till the littles are raised and we agreed to that.  We hoped one or both parents would get it together to parent.  Littles really only want their mommy and daddy.  And while I have fulfilled the parent role, I am not mommy or daddy.
I started experiencing behavior issues when they got old enough to go to school.  That is when the anxiety presented itself in the little woman.  And my understanding is it never goes away.  She will just have to learn how to manage it, either with meds or something else.  We are only just at the beginning so don't know all the ways yet to manage it.  The little man started being angry.  School is a big time when you realize that you live differently than most other kids.  And so we are on that journey of learning how to heal that hurt.
When Daddy came home all things got better for awhile.  They had Daddy in the house.  He helped us set up some much needed structure that they resisted with me.  He was then the buffer in the sibling rivalry.  Mommy came for a visit with her family and they were wonderful.  Now I know about honeymoon periods and there was some of that.  But they were just better with Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy returned home.  And we started school.  And that is a big deal.  We kept our structure and we kept doing therapy.  Then Daddy got arrested and everything changed again.  Anxiety reared its head again.  And the little man is a little more angry than he has been and taking it out here in the household.  The place he hasn't for six months.
I'm six months older.  I don't have the stamina that I had the last time and what is needed to start over in therapy.  Although I'm sure it is not starting completely over.
When Mommy was here I realized how much she had grown and something started to niggle in my brain.  I believe that if they are able, parents should raise their kids.  So the niggle became more, especially in light of life at the moment.  I want to stop the backslide.  Stop the system and change it.  And maybe that looks like the littles returning to Mommy.  I had hoped Daddy would keep it together, but that was not to be.  He told me a couple of months ago that he was never getting them back.  Okay then.
So Cassie and I chatted back and forth all morning.  I had to make sure it was something she wanted and was amenable to. Well she is over the moon.  It is all she has wanted for some time.  But the change is hard no matter when it comes.  We talked about schools, space, visits, therapy and meds, and just the kids in general.  I gave her our home specialist's number and she will help navigate services and any problems that could come up in transition.
So the decision was made.  The littles will return to Mommy and finish out the school year in Indiana.  It gives them fresh slates.  They may run across some of the same struggles they do here, but they have an opportunity for it not to happen.  The little woman has some bullying going on in school here and maybe she won't there.  She will make a new friend who doesn't know the history and maybe have more of a normal childhood.  He has friends and some of those he will continue to talk to because they have all discovered chat on their games.  And hopefully he won't feel so mad when he is in a two parent household with more than one sibling to play with.  And those siblings will want to play with him.  My little woman has a lot of anxiety about her brother because of all we went through prior to Catholic Community Services coming into our life.
Mommy called and talked to them and she asked them about moving there.  The little man immediately said yes.  The little woman was more hesitant, but she is the more empathetic child.  She was worried about me.  When we reassured her she could say how she really feels, she said she wanted to go.  And so every one is now on board.  Daddy will not be happy but we shall cross that bridge on Saturday. 
I found airline tickets for us.  One ways for them and a round trip for me.  We leave in just over a week.  We will all be starting the new year in a new place in our lives.  And I am hoping it is all good.  They won't be as lost as I will be. And I am happy for them because I know I sometimes just want my mom also.

Jumping, Running, Falling

The littles were gifted some time at SkyZone.  So we went today for the first visit.  They spent an hour and a half just running, jumping and falling.  The little man played in at least one game of dodge ball.  I still love that game.  I remember playing it as a kid in school.  It is so good to see them stretch their muscles and burn off energy. 

Christmas

Well we slept in longer than we expected to.  That put our day a little off of schedule.  Not that we were on any tight schedule today.  I picked up Mom after dropping the littles at Pat's. 
We had dinner.  Rebecca went all out and cooked up a fantastic meal for the holiday.  Her kids were coming over later so she wanted to make sure she had enough.
We opened presents.  Every one got shirts.  The little woman's favorite was the LOL doll Pat got her.  And the little man was very happy with the Fortnite Nerf gun from Daddy.  Pat got me a new external hardrive so it is time to get on those pictures.  Wish I could figure out how Paula labeled her pictures.  It would be nice to have times or happenings  on some of them.
We hung out all afternoon, except Mom.  She wanted to go home right after presents.  Rebecca's kids showed up and the noise level got to be too much for her.  It wasn't that loud, but dementia patients do not do loud.
The littles were pretty well behaved.  We will take our wins where we get them.

Xmas Eve

The littles and I met up with Pat at the local theater.  Even though it is Xmas Eve it is still Tightwad Tuesday.  I noticed they called it something else though.  Anyway we watched the new Jumanji movie for $5 a piece. And it was as good as the first one.  Funnier than the first one.
After that we went to Los Jalapenos for an early dinner.  Timed that just right because they closed as we left.  The little man went with Pat and the little woman went with me.  We went home and she had a bath and then we took presents to Pat's house for tomorrow.
It was a nice quiet day.

Dizzy Castle

Oy. My parent peer came over today and that set the little man off.  No clue as to why other than she interjected with him.  He has been somewhat escalated for a couple of weeks.  She ended up calling the home specialist and the therapist on call.  I wouldn't have called anyone.  It wasn't that big.  And yet she was telling me how I had to call every time it is like that.  I think I know how the little man feels sometimes. 
It all deescalated and the parent peer left.  I decided her own PTSD was triggered.  She wanted me to lay down the law and no rides. The home specialist had suggested a couple of things with one of them being a compromise with the boy.  He wanted a ride to a friends, which was the escalation.  So he had to pick up his Nerf bullets and then I would give him a ride.  Unfortunately for him no one was available to play. 
About this time it is sinking in that he is beyond boredom.  He needed an active activity and some connections.  So we went to Dizzy Castle for almost two  hours and he worked off some of that energy. 
We do things a bit different with kids who suffered enough trauma to affect their development.  And that is my kids.  I don't know what is wrong or right.  I go with what feels right and sometimes it is the opposite of what normal parenting looks like. 

Tree Saga

Cut trees this year are a bit spendy.  Or at least they were.  For the size we like they were running $60. I guess there was a tree shortage.  I don't know.  I do know that there are a lot of free trees to be had now.  But even with that I still don't have a way to haul one from Yacolt or Amboy or wherever.  So we (meaning me) opted not to have a tree this year.  That money can buy three presents.
Well then we were gifted a used artificial tree.  Wonderful.  I was told the best part about an artificial tree is no needles on the ground.  Well that is true, but you still get green pieces of plastic the size of needles on the ground.  And those things are not good for animals or little kids.  But we are appreciative.
So we go to set it up.  I've never been around an artificial tree as it is being put together.  We figured it out.  And then it toppled.  Hmmmmm.  Well we did it upside down.  Dismantled it and did it the right way and it stayed up much better.  And that was great.  I was leaving the decorating for the next day.
Ha.  My plans, God laughs.  The little woman threw a temper tantrum and knocked the tree over.  Ummm no.  I dismantled it and put it back in the boxes.  I do not want to put my ornaments on it and then have them broken because someone got mad and can't control how they respond to it.
We hit this weekend and the little man asked to please put the tree up.  The little woman hasn't thrown anymore temper tantrums and promised to leave the tree alone.  Well I get out the boxes and start putting it together.  Only this time we already have some boxes wrapped to go under.  Halfway through and I realized this is not going to work.  We will not be able to get in and out of the front door.  This tree is wide.  Maybe if we didn't have two couches and two chairs we could have made it work some where else in the living room.  But not this way.
Again I took it down.  Looked at all the green plastic needles on the floor and said a blessing.  So this year we have no Christmas tree.  It's not the first time and probably won't be the last.  But we do have a beautiful stack of wrapped gifts and we are grateful.

State of Grace

Blogged last week about my school mate Warren.  When I blog about other people not in my immediate circle, I try not to give details that aren't mine to give.  That said there have been times I really don't care.  But when I went back to see how Warren is doing now...his daughters are more present online and on social media.  And I would not be a good stalker if I didn't poke around there also.  I want to tell his youngest to quit being so open, but I can't.  It's not my place and that advice would come from my experiences with social media.  But she is not the one on my mind.
Warren's oldest daughter has an illness that is incurable.  I'm not telling tales out of school.  She has a YouTube page and posts live videos on facebook talking about her illness.  Illnesses usually either get better or worse.  Incurable means over time worse.  She has lived with this for a long time.  I didn't go back to find out how long she has lived with this. 
So I watched a video she made about four months ago on facebook.  She was talking about her illness and a decision she had made.  How she came to that decision.  She commented on her weight and a conversation she had with her husband. She was tired.  She is as religious/spiritual as her father.  And so she decided to really leave it in God's hands.  She was stopping western medical treatment.  Her rational in this perfect moment of grace was it was good no matter what happened.  Either she would have a miracle and be cured or she would be received into heaven where there is no illness.  She did not come across as someone who is so sick and just wants it to end.  Sick, yes.  Tired, yes.  But not giving up.  Just leaving it in the hands of God.  Honestly a state of grace.  Then she commented about how since coming to the decision to give it to God she has been breathing better.  No crackles. 
Is she receiving a miracle....I certainly don't know.  But I'm sure whatever she is given she is taking it in a state of grace.  She has a wiseness way beyond her years.  She has a lot to say and is writing a book.
Actually she has written the book and is working on getting it published.  She is self publishing so looking for money.  Here is a link to her gofundme page.  You never know where or when that state of grace will spark with someone.  I am wishing her the best and I admire her in so many ways.  She is talented, funny, creative and smart.  I hope she gets her book published and her miracle. 

Scrabble

The little man and I played Quiddler the other day.  It is a word card game.  Each card has a letter and you make words.  As we played I realized he is definitely old enough to understand Scrabble. 
So tonight we started a game of Scrabble.  And we almost made it all the way through.  He got distracted when a friend called him to play Roblox.  He was grasping it and he will get better.  And he still beat me.  He did grasp using the double word score squares if possible.  Nothing wrong with his brain in that. 
So yes, it is as I said...he is old enough to beat me at another game. 

Discretion

The little man has been using discretion lately.  He will be curious about something, like extra bushy eyebrows.  And rather than just blurt it out, he will quietly lean over and whisper to me that he doesn't want to sound mean, but why.....
I was surprised the first time he did it.  The little man is growing up and feeling some empathy.  So he quietly asks for an explanation because he has to know.  It's kind of cool when you see kids discover things.  I've never told him about quietly asking a question.  I have said we can talk about it later.  He has a lot of natural curiousity.  Comes from his super brain. 

Memorial Day

If every digital picture was labeled I would probably find a lot more.  If I had gotten to scanning in all the actual pictures, I have a ton more.  But now that I need some for the blog I can't find many.  The top is Gayle's wedding day to Marv.  That union brought Dave.  The next picture is Gayle with the little woman and the last one with the little man. 
It was a nice service today.  I did think it was interesting that the woman the pastor talked about is not the one I knew.  And that's all right.  Every one knows a different facet of people.  I have stated before that our world was colored by Dave's rocky relationship.
It was commented on how she loved to cook.  Maybe.  What I do know is one of Dave's favorite things she made was pickled tongue.  Almost gags me to think about it.  So obviously I never learned how to make that.  I did make her potato salad.  Sometimes. 
I remember when she worked at Steakburger.  We would go have lunch once in awhile.  It was some place we had access to her.  She was a pretty busy woman.
There were quite a few people at the service.  I got hugs from Dave's cousins.  Seems we only see each other when some one dies.  Betty and Norm came.  Betty believes as I do, and as the pastor said....divorce does not end family.  One grandchild, Tanya was there.  One great-grandchild, my little man, was there.  He was very well behaved.  Sometimes he never ceases to amaze me. 
After the service we were served coffee and cookies.  So many of the older people had lots to reminisce about.  They pretty much all went to school together.  I was just blessed to see them.  Bill got a bit overwhelmed.  He is going to be lost for awhile.
Light and love Gayle.  May the rest of the journey be peaceful.

Warren and a Jacket

Oh that nostalgia thing.  It's been really bad lately.  And so let me tell you about my jacket.  In sixth grade we moved to Vancouver.  And I had a dark blue Levi corduroy jacket.  I loved that jacket.  I'm pretty sure it came from the boys' section at the store.  I wore it out.
I was not the only kid at my new school to wear one.  The coolest, cutest boy in sixth grade also had one.  One day we were both wearing our jackets at the same time and as he walked by me he told me "great jacket".  I could have been knocked over with a feather.  Warren had talked to me and we wore the same jacket.  I can almost feel the exact feelings I felt.  Now I don't know if it is good or bad, but when you are shy and having a tough time with transitioning to another new school (third new in a year), it is a giddy feeling to have a cool kid notice you for something nice.
Now Warren and I were not friends.  We lived by each other.  We went to school together through graduation.  I'm pretty sure we didn't have any classes together in high school.  I was on the college track and I'm not sure where he was.  Just that he was there still being the cutest guy in class all the way through.  He had dreamy green eyes and curly hair you just wanted to feel.  He was popular and I was a ghost.  Graduation came and I only saw him once after that.  At our ten year high school reunion.
Skip ahead to our 35 year high school reunion.  I attended, he did not.  I blogged before about another classmate, Brian, who did.  Well after the reunion I facebook stalked Brian and saw a comment from Warren.  I had searched for Warren before but had not found him.  Now I had a way to do that and I did.  He is settled on the lower east coast.  Has a family and a church he likes.  And something was posted that led me to believe he had found recovery.
Yesterday I just had one of those little inklings to look up Warren.  And so I did.  He still has a family, a church and recovery.  I found a video where he tells his story.  And I cried.  He talked about his youth and using when I knew him.  He made references to things I knew about like the dump and his cousins.  He told so many things that I had no clue and it really shows how you do NOT know what someone else is going though.  He was just one of the cool kids.  Too cool to have a real conversation with.  Cool stays with cool and ghosts stay with ghosts.  The video was the last thing I watched before I went to sleep and it stayed with me.
Today I decided that I would send Warren a message and tell him about his coolness.  The coolness that he never felt.  He never thought he was popular or worthy.  Trauma causes so much damage and it takes a long time to overcome.  Now I can't do anything for Warren.  I can't fix it.  I can just offer him a moment of remembering some good things like how he made a shy girl feel good one day with no effort.  That takes a special skill set.  And even more amazing if he didn't know he had it.  He's okay and taking life one day at a time.  He took time out of his day today to chat with me because he saw me typing on his messenger (and that made telling the story different).  It was the longest conversation we ever had.  And it was nice to catch up and come at it from a different place.
Light and love Warren as you continue on your recovery journey and I hope life gets easier.  One day at a time.

Rescuing Mya

Mya texted and wanted to know if we were home.  She had a dr. appt. at the Vancouver Clinic in our town.  And then she walked over to Albertsons.  Ended up having a mishap with her pants and wanted to know if I had any she could quickly borrow.  She needed to get to family court. 
Took her some pants and thought that was the end.  Then she texted again and said her ride quit answering his phone.  So the little man and I gave her a ride to court.  Today is the day she would be given permission to see her children without supervision.  So it was really important for her to get to court.  Well she made it and she got her visitations.  She also got bumped to the bi-weekly court dates. 
She is trying to jump through the hoops necessary to get her son back.  Her daughter already is being given to the dad.  So while she won't have both of her kids with her, she will have much better access than foster care.  I'm happy she is trying to do better.  I hope it works out for her. 
She had gotten a message from Mike to stay away from his family.  I think he is in no place to be making demands of people.  I told her she dodged a bullet.  He left her and went back to the gutter.  He wasn't ready to be with someone who wanted recovery.  He isn't ready to get off the addiction ride.  And Mya is. 
Sending her light and love. Glad we could help her one day, and that it really didn't cost us anything. 

A Quick Ten

Mike was arrested last week.  Now honestly I am amazed.  This is the longest he has been out in his adult life.  He was doing the same things he always did.  So I was shocked that it took so long for him to be arrested.  I guess the difference was he stuck more with one drug of choice and it wasn't as obvious to the world as meth is.  Either way it was past time.  His addiction was progressing and he no longer felt the need to follow any one's rules...mine or society's. He had moved out of our home the weekend before. 
I put $10 on my phone.  And he blew through that in less than two days.  The big gist of it was to bail him out.  He worked every angle.  He called the bail bond company to see what he could work out.....with my money.  He knows I have money in an IRA and thinks I should take it out and maybe take a penalty from the IRS.  He thinks I should put up title to my rental house. He thinks I have money just sitting around for his use. He was told no over and over and over.  I heard how he can't beat the charge if he is inside.  Needs to be outside so he can work on it.  Kept telling me they have no evidence.  Well I don't know what they have or don't have except him and his girlfriend.  And I'm good with time served and that is what all this is.  Every day that he is in there goes against whatever he gets.  And if he "beats" it, well then it is days not in the drug world.  He is mostly safe, has a bed, a shower and three meals a day.  He wanted to know about doing the same as last time.  Weekly commissary and phone money.  He really was not listening when I said no to all of that already. 
So the first ten is gone and I'm not immediately putting more on it.  I don't want to listen to all the ways he thinks he can be bailed out.  I don't want to listen to crying about how he was getting married on Christmas.  I'm just not into the whining and this way I only have to listen to the phone ring and ring and ring. 
On top of all of that he played the kid card.  How could I want him away from his kids.....didn't he just move without them?  He wants to be home for Christmas because he missed the last three.  He has missed a lot of their Christmases, birthdays, big firsts, little firsts, and the rest of the holiday.  And so far they haven't even missed him too much from moving.  I didn't tell them he had or that he had been arrested.  Neither has yet asked when he was coming back.  And isn't that just sad?

A Little Bit of Space

Mike's friend got ahold of me.  Seems he had some clothes in my garage.  Well that explained that.  There was this load in the washing machine that wasn't ours or Mike's.  Now those clothes had been in the washer for several days before I removed them.  Stinky. 
Today his friend came and collected them.  Seems he paid Mike to wash them for him.  Wait...what?  I pay the water, the electric, the gas, and buy the laundry soap.  And Mike makes money off it.  Sometimes I just shake my head. 
I gained a wee little bit of space in the garage though as those clothes from the washer and a clothes hamper with more clothes in it are gone. 
One day at a time that garage will clear out.  I really need a dumpster or a truck. 

What a Week

And I am glad it is winding down.  We spent a little time at Pat's tonight, but the littles just couldn't settle down enough.  That meant we came home.  And that's all right.
My week started with death more than once.  Seems a young man overdosed in my driveway. The bright spot there is I had removed all drug paraphernalia from the garage that day.  It is one of my rules for living here and it was being flaunted.  So I took a stand and threw it all out.  Except.....for the narcan.  I left that on the shelves because I thought it might be a good thing to have around.  Drug addicts abound and turn up out of the woodwork around here.  Well my not throwing it away saved that young man's life.  The strife it caused me is the fact that I was told it was not any of my concern.  Well it is.  It happened on my driveway while the little woman was awake.  I hope the young man gets help.  He has two little children himself and is just choosing to throw it away. 
Then my mother-in-law dying.   My little man got a three day suspension from school.  The little woman's anxiety was jumping.  Mike finally got arrested.  This is the longest he has not been incarcerated in his adult life.  And that is sad.  Sad that he had to keep doing the same thing again and again.  Obviously just a little smarter, but still the same.  It will be interesting to see what all is now missing from here.  We fit in two therapy appointments and one home specialist one. 
Feels like it is time to take a step back and breathe.  Because I know I haven't been breathing much lately.  And I'm glad this week is over. 

Back To School

The little woman voluntarily went back to school today.  It's almost as if she knew a big stress in her life had been removed.  I don't know.  I'm just happy she returned.  She did not ride the bus and I was sure I was going to get to the parking lot and that would be that.  We have done that many many times.  But she got out of the car and went to class.
The school is going to start evaluating her for an IEP or a 504.  She may need some extra help and this is the road to that.  Just as long as they realize...she is not changing schools.  Been there done that and it ain't pretty.
For today I am grateful that the little woman overcame her anxiety enough to go out in the world.

RIP Gayle

My mother-in-law passed away this weekend.  She would have been 85 years-old next month.  And I just realized that December is a hard month for this family.  Dave, his dad and now his mom all died in December.
Gayle is survived by her twin boys Duane and Wayne, three grandchildren and six great-grandchildren.  When I met her she worked at Steakburger and then she retired from there.  She married Bill and moved to Klamath Falls and then to Ephrata.  They did the snowbird thing for a few years.  And then they eventually landed back in Vancouver.
She fell ill just before Thanksgiving and the illness spread throughout her body and ended up taking her from those who love her.
I saw her at the hospital last week.  Duane had called me and asked me to come. Lori, Bill's daughter, told me to be prepared that because the virus had gone to the brain that Gayle might not know me.  My response was if this is the case then the visit is more for us than Gayle.  But I think maybe she knew me.  Maybe not.  And it's okay.
Gayle and I were not close.  She wasn't a good or a bad mother-in-law. She just was.  She spent a lot of time just doing her thing and Bill's thing.  There is something to be said for a non meddling one.  She babysat Dave's kids once when we went to Reno with my mom.  Dave had an uneasy relationship with his mom and that colored our world.  And then I wonder where his kids might have gotten that from.
Gayle has been a part of my family for 35 years.  We still kept in contact even after Dave died.  His death did not end my relationship with her and Bill.  We actually had some very honest conversations after that.  And now I am sad.
Rest in peace Gayle.  Light and love on your journey.  Give Dave a hug for me.

Right Call

The little woman and I had a therapy appt. today.  The therapist could tell right away that the little woman had a lot of anxiety.  We talked about it and the fact that I am not even trying to force her to go to school.  And that is the right call. 
I have done that in the past.  I have carried her into the building, when she was smaller.  Hindsight it was the wrong thing to do.  So now we just sit with it and wait for it to pass.   The therapist is going to write up a diagnosis for the school as well as faxing them the coaches report that the brain doctor did.  Sure hope that helps. 

Nostalgia

I must be feeling nostalgic lately.  Thinking about Heather today.  This is the time that she joined my family.  I can't remember if it was the 7th or the 10th.  I have still have the wedding invitation so I could look it up.  Either way it has been 19 years that she has been a member. 
I was told one time that divorce ends the familial relationships.  I disagree.  It only ends a marriage.  And I think there are members of my family who also disagreed because they did not oust me from the family. There are some who did and that is their choice. 
Heather came from a land down under.  And when I talk to her it always takes me a minute to catch up with her accent.  I love her accent.  I love her sunny disposition.  I love her outgoing nature. She can talk to anyone and does. 
She recently told me I could come to Florida and visit her anytime.  That I always had a room.  That is love.  And so I am just thinking about her today.  I miss her.  Maybe it is time to call her.

And Another One

Oy.  I am getting tired.  The little woman was up again all night.  When we got up she was still up and wanting pancakes.  So I made pancakes.  When I went to give her hers she was asleep.  And again she slept about four hours. 
What I noticed is the anger that comes with lack of sleep was a little less today than it was yesterday.  So maybe we are going to get through this.  She was also more happy in a positive way.  She played with her brother.  Not the egg him on and then play victim game.  They actually played. 
She has a therapy appt. this week finally.  Good thing, I think.  I'm still contemplating moving her to Catholic if possible. 

A Long Night

The little woman is refusing to take her meds and that is all right with me.  I want to pull back and see if these new things go away.  I'd rather have her be a little hyper and happy and doing stuff.  I don't like this place she is in where she doesn't want to do anything.
That said...going off the new med means her sleep is all messed up.  She was up all night and finally fell asleep about 6 this morning.  Then she was up four hours later.  Not nearly enough sleep and that means we will be paying for it later. 

Four Weeks

It's been a long four weeks for the little man.  He has been patiently waiting for his turn to spend the night at Uncle Pat's.  And tonight is the night.  He was so excited to get off the bus and get right in the car and go. 
Then I went and picked every one up some Arby's and the little woman and I returned home.  It was quiet.  I like time with just the girl.  I like time with just the boy.  I like it when we can have a little one on one time.  Doesn't happen nearly enough. 

Plans Waylaid

Our tree delivery did not happen today.  Sometimes that is the way it is.  I was home and ready when I got a phone call from my brother-in-law.  He wanted me to come to the hospital.  My mother-in-law had been there for a week and they aren't expecting her to live much longer.  She got a virus that somehow got to her brain.  I'm sure there are technical words, I just haven't heard them.  And my usual source is no longer available to me. 
So, of course, I went to the hospital.  The twins and I visited with the chaplain.  We got a big response out of Gayle when we talked about the fun of having twins.  Other than that she could not communicate with us.  We did realize she was uncomfortable and got a nurse to help get her repositioned. 
She is suppose to be released tomorrow and discharged to a local hospice.  Bill can't take care of her at home.  She takes care of him.  His daughter is here, but she can't do both.  She has her own health issues.  Thank goodness the hospice is available to her.  She will get good care for the end of her life. 
It is a very sad day. 

Death comes in threes.  This could make number two for me.  Just breathing through it. 

A Tree

We are being gifted a new to us artificial tree.  The price of cut trees is just too rich for my blood this year.  Ranging from $35 to $65 for the size we kind of like and I would have to drive around to find the place that has $35 trees that aren't three feet tall. 
So I had told the kids that we wouldn't have a tree this year.  They seemed fine with it.  We have had other years without a tree.  But a friend said she would see what she could do.  She found a gently used one and will deliver it later in the week.  Well then....

Cancelled

So the little woman's appt. with the therapist was cancelled.  We are rescheduled for next Tuesday.  And in the meantime we will just keep rolling with it.  Hopefully the little woman will willingly go to school tomorrow. 
Mike came home and insists that she is.  Says he is now going to be home every day.  And he also informed me that he is moving his girlfriend in whether I like it or not.  Well then.....
The little man is feeling the tension in the air and getting triggered from it.  Joy.  A new hole in the wall.  I'm just going to breathe for awhile.  No wonder we are all walking on eggshells and acting out. 

A Little Concerned

The little woman spent the entire weekend at home.  She didn't go play with any of her friends at all.  She doesn't want to go to school.  It feels like we are backsliding a bit into our anxiety world.  I notice that the clonidine doesn't seem to be putting her to sleep like it did at first.  Just like the melatonin.  It seems to be not working.  Either that or she is just fighting it.  This morning she was up at 3 after having only slept a few hours.  She finally fell back asleep after 6.  She is suppose to get up a little after 7.  Well that didn't happen and then guess who didn't go to school. 
I"m getting a little concerned as to what is up.  Guess we speak about it at the therapy appt. tomorrow. 

Quiet Day

Just spent a quiet day at home.  The little man went to play with his best friend.  The little woman just hung out watching videos.  Sometimes we just need a down day.  And today was it. 
Pat came home from Mexico.  Said he brought his fish.  Hope that means we are dining in the near future.  He had a good time.