I have been on this grandfamily journey now for ten years. When it started I had a lot of help. Help that over the years left. I'm down to Pat, Betty and therapists. Thank God for them. But they can only do so much. When the journey started we were warned it could be till the littles are raised and we agreed to that. We hoped one or both parents would get it together to parent. Littles really only want their mommy and daddy. And while I have fulfilled the parent role, I am not mommy or daddy.
I started experiencing behavior issues when they got old enough to go to school. That is when the anxiety presented itself in the little woman. And my understanding is it never goes away. She will just have to learn how to manage it, either with meds or something else. We are only just at the beginning so don't know all the ways yet to manage it. The little man started being angry. School is a big time when you realize that you live differently than most other kids. And so we are on that journey of learning how to heal that hurt.
When Daddy came home all things got better for awhile. They had Daddy in the house. He helped us set up some much needed structure that they resisted with me. He was then the buffer in the sibling rivalry. Mommy came for a visit with her family and they were wonderful. Now I know about honeymoon periods and there was some of that. But they were just better with Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy returned home. And we started school. And that is a big deal. We kept our structure and we kept doing therapy. Then Daddy got arrested and everything changed again. Anxiety reared its head again. And the little man is a little more angry than he has been and taking it out here in the household. The place he hasn't for six months.
I'm six months older. I don't have the stamina that I had the last time and what is needed to start over in therapy. Although I'm sure it is not starting completely over.
When Mommy was here I realized how much she had grown and something started to niggle in my brain. I believe that if they are able, parents should raise their kids. So the niggle became more, especially in light of life at the moment. I want to stop the backslide. Stop the system and change it. And maybe that looks like the littles returning to Mommy. I had hoped Daddy would keep it together, but that was not to be. He told me a couple of months ago that he was never getting them back. Okay then.
So Cassie and I chatted back and forth all morning. I had to make sure it was something she wanted and was amenable to. Well she is over the moon. It is all she has wanted for some time. But the change is hard no matter when it comes. We talked about schools, space, visits, therapy and meds, and just the kids in general. I gave her our home specialist's number and she will help navigate services and any problems that could come up in transition.
So the decision was made. The littles will return to Mommy and finish out the school year in Indiana. It gives them fresh slates. They may run across some of the same struggles they do here, but they have an opportunity for it not to happen. The little woman has some bullying going on in school here and maybe she won't there. She will make a new friend who doesn't know the history and maybe have more of a normal childhood. He has friends and some of those he will continue to talk to because they have all discovered chat on their games. And hopefully he won't feel so mad when he is in a two parent household with more than one sibling to play with. And those siblings will want to play with him. My little woman has a lot of anxiety about her brother because of all we went through prior to Catholic Community Services coming into our life.
Mommy called and talked to them and she asked them about moving there. The little man immediately said yes. The little woman was more hesitant, but she is the more empathetic child. She was worried about me. When we reassured her she could say how she really feels, she said she wanted to go. And so every one is now on board. Daddy will not be happy but we shall cross that bridge on Saturday.
I found airline tickets for us. One ways for them and a round trip for me. We leave in just over a week. We will all be starting the new year in a new place in our lives. And I am hoping it is all good. They won't be as lost as I will be. And I am happy for them because I know I sometimes just want my mom also.
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