A Sign of Papa

We took an early evening walk before it got dark so we wouldn't need our mace.  Course by the time we got home it was dark, but that is not the point.  We walked over to the playground in BG Village.  On the way back the littles found this piece of pipe stacked up between two big pieces of concrete,.  And it was exactly as cool as I always said it would be.  They played going from one end to the other and jumping out of it.
Dave and I had always planned on making some kind of structure using ADS pipe because it is cool to play in.  We just hadn't gotten to it.  So it was like Papa put this here just for them.
And that opened up a conversation about missing Papa.  All three of us agreed how much we missed him and how much we wanted him back.  We know we have to content ourselves with him being in our hearts and each other.  So while we were sad we had a good talk and remembered.
I believe he was sending us light and love back for all the light and love we send to him.  And what a great thing....that piece of pipe just sitting there in the middle of nothing.

Time to Change the Name

Connor is listed as a McLaughlin.  Paternity was not established when he was born so Cassie went with her maiden name.  When he was 11 months old paternity was finally concluded and Mike was named the dad.  I always knew from the night before he was born, but legally it took that long.  Now if everything had happened quickly we could have changed his last name and it would have been easy peasey and free.  My life never works that way.
So today I was at the Center for Community Health and we did some checking.  Turns out Mike did get added to the birth certificate.  If he hadn't we could have done it and most likely changed Connor's last name for free.  My life never works that way.
So the next step is to get a legal name change with the courts.  The woman told me it is really spendy.  Like $150.  Trust me in the scheme of things that is not that spendy.
This is something that Dave really wanted done and he was going to pay for it.  He just didn't get to finding out what we needed to do.  So it has been left to me.  And I'm working on it.  It is something Mike and Cassie want.  Life will be easier if we all have the same name.
And yeah...I'm never changing mine.

Still a Kubota

Dave said I would still be driving a Kubota and he was right.  Just not his Kubota.  Still laughing from when he told me I  couldn't have his because it wasn't paid for.  Now I just use Betty's to mow her yard.  So at least I kept one of my mowing jobs and I gained Mom's back again.  We will have to see what happens with the other job.  And since I don't own one, I don't have to worry about maintenance, gas or broken belts.  ;P
He was also right about hers being a killer in the trees.  I have a learning curve.  The deck is a little wider and it has a roll bar that catches branches.

Another Adventure

Travis finally came and fixed Mom's fence today. After he was done he found this lizard and he gave it to Audrie.  She freaked out a little bit but then was enchanted.  She liked it best when Aryanna held it.  Seems like everything that happens to us is an adventure.  I'm just glad the little things amuse them so much.

Finally?

Doug finally turned off Dave's cell phone and the house phone.  Almost four months after Dave died. So the estate paid those bills all that time.  The cable TV went for two and a half months after Dave died.  Last I heard the car, truck and bike are still fully insured.  Yup....Doug is one responsible person.  Wasting estate money and yet claiming to be making sure there is money for the children.  But at least he finally FINALLY did something constructive.  Oy.  And he thinks he is so superior to all of us.  Yeah right.

An Adventure

We had a glorious walk to the playground down the road.  Its a mile walk in each direction.  Audrie made it all the way on her own power. Connor made it all the way there and three quarters of the way back.  We met several dogs.  One a Saint Bernard named Diesel.  He was watching us out the window when his owner pulled up.  Turned out we knew the kid who lived there so we got to meet the dog.  Aryanna found a dead bird and was excited.  She left it and then retrieved it on the way back.  Heard she dismantled it.  It was pretty old so she just got bones.  They all picked flowers out of yards.  Yeah shame on them.  However in our defense they only picked ones almost done so they actually were just deadheading a day early.  They had the playground all to themselves.  It was very nice and good for the littles to get out and get some fresh air and burn some energy.

A Letter

Dave,
It's been almost four months babe.  Four months since you left and I have been without you in my life.  It feels real and surreal at the same time.  I still think about texting you when we are doing stuff.  So now I just send the pictures to the littles' relatives.
I dream about you, think about you and miss you.  I still find myself falling in love all over again.  I look at all the pictues and watch the videos.  You really were very good with the littles.  And they needed it so bad.  I'm glad they got what they got and feel sad for what they will miss.  They won't know it though because they won't have comparisons.  So it is all just my emotions.
Thank you for making me strong.  I'm going to need all that strength to finish this job we started of parenting grandchildren.  You were the last person I could count on for real help.  After you left that became very apparent to be a true statement.
You were my partner, my go to guy for babysitting, rides, milk and help.  You fed us and loved us and took care of us.  And we are missing all of that.  But we will perservere.  We are strong.  We are your memory and all you held dear.  You helped make us who we are.
Thirty one years babe.  I always knew I would outlive you, but I thought it would be more than that.  I'm so grateful for them though.  I remember when I met you.  I remember our first couple of months of becoming the best of friends.  And how that grew into our marriage.  You are still the only man who I could talk with for hours.
I remember our wedding, our honeymoon, all our trips, working on the property, working on Grandma's property.  We helped where we could.  The best thing we did was build that deck for my grandparents.  You and me.  Together we did great things.  We experienced life.  Camping, the beach, the friends, work, fun.
I have the stories I am going to tell until my dying day.  Like the fruit salad debacle on Dad's last Thanksgiving.  Your last Thanksgiving.  Snorkeling with Mike and Josh on Maui and the fish scaring Josh.  "Cats in the Cradle', the song that can almost make me cry.
Dealing with the alcoholism was tough, but I think it is where some of my strength comes from.  I know you didn't choose it in the beginning.  I know you didn't choose for it to be the ends to the means.  It just was.  And it makes me angry.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
I miss you every day.  I love you till my dying day and beyond.
Light and love wherever you are.  You are always in my heart and on my mind.