A Letter

Dave,
It's been almost four months babe.  Four months since you left and I have been without you in my life.  It feels real and surreal at the same time.  I still think about texting you when we are doing stuff.  So now I just send the pictures to the littles' relatives.
I dream about you, think about you and miss you.  I still find myself falling in love all over again.  I look at all the pictues and watch the videos.  You really were very good with the littles.  And they needed it so bad.  I'm glad they got what they got and feel sad for what they will miss.  They won't know it though because they won't have comparisons.  So it is all just my emotions.
Thank you for making me strong.  I'm going to need all that strength to finish this job we started of parenting grandchildren.  You were the last person I could count on for real help.  After you left that became very apparent to be a true statement.
You were my partner, my go to guy for babysitting, rides, milk and help.  You fed us and loved us and took care of us.  And we are missing all of that.  But we will perservere.  We are strong.  We are your memory and all you held dear.  You helped make us who we are.
Thirty one years babe.  I always knew I would outlive you, but I thought it would be more than that.  I'm so grateful for them though.  I remember when I met you.  I remember our first couple of months of becoming the best of friends.  And how that grew into our marriage.  You are still the only man who I could talk with for hours.
I remember our wedding, our honeymoon, all our trips, working on the property, working on Grandma's property.  We helped where we could.  The best thing we did was build that deck for my grandparents.  You and me.  Together we did great things.  We experienced life.  Camping, the beach, the friends, work, fun.
I have the stories I am going to tell until my dying day.  Like the fruit salad debacle on Dad's last Thanksgiving.  Your last Thanksgiving.  Snorkeling with Mike and Josh on Maui and the fish scaring Josh.  "Cats in the Cradle', the song that can almost make me cry.
Dealing with the alcoholism was tough, but I think it is where some of my strength comes from.  I know you didn't choose it in the beginning.  I know you didn't choose for it to be the ends to the means.  It just was.  And it makes me angry.  God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
I miss you every day.  I love you till my dying day and beyond.
Light and love wherever you are.  You are always in my heart and on my mind.