RIP Brett

Mike called me.  And that is nothing new.  We talk to him a couple of times a week.  But this time he was bearing the news that Brett had died.  He got hit by a car walking along 503.  When Mike said it, it didn't register.  I had just seen Brett last week in town at a bus stop.  But it is true.
I remember when we met Brett and his family.  He was just a little older than Mike.  And he was involved with Scouts.  So we met them when Mike moved from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts.  And that seems like many many life times ago.  Brett's parents were very involved in the Scout program. 
Brett was always happy and a bit crazy.  No filter, no fear.  At the very least he had some attention issues and I remember him being on medication and them trying to get it right.  I don't know if they ever did, but I know he started self medicating before he was a grown up.  And then that is a spiral.  One he spiraled on along with Mike.
Renee, his mom, and I have this mutual understanding of what that is like for us parents.  The waiting on the call, the loss of valuables, the heartache and the moving on anyway.  Once the news from Mike sank in my first thought was of her.  Because no matter what our addict children do to us or others, they are still our children and it is a tremendous loss.  Being an addict there is always hope of recovery.  Death is final. What I know and what I hope Renee remembers is that she was a very good Mom and Brett loved her, even in those times he may have seemed not to.  I just remember her being there all the time through those years we did scouting together. 
So I will always remember Brett and how he always came and said hi to me with a smile.  When he made offers to mow my yard, I'm sure he was good intentioned.  Because even with all the strife from his life he still had a smile.  My heart breaks for Renee and Maurice and his siblings.
RIP Brett. Light and love along the rest of your journey.

One More Month

We have started counting down till school starts.  The littles seem excited to go back.  I'm glad.  You never can tell.  I just know they are still too young to "hate" school. 
We have started the supply hunt.  Actual school supplies are being supplied by the school district for K through 4th grade.  Lucked out there.  So I sent some of the money I would have spent on supplies to Jeremy so he could get Kylie's supplies.  And it isn't that I thought he couldn't do it. I know he could and he would, but he is a young single dad stepping up and doing the job.  And a little help now and then is always appreciated. 
We've been working on gathering clothes.  The little man said he is just going to keep wearing shorts so he is really good clotheswise.  Just needs some socks. 
And that says they both still need shoes.  He needs a backpack and a haircut and I think we are ready.  We will wait for those items until it is closer to the beginning.  ;p

Spiders

If spiders live outside I leave them alone.  If they live in my shower I tend to leave them alone as long as they stay in their corner.  I don't know why but it seems like I have had a spider living in the shower for years and years and years.  Different spiders because they die.  There is no food in the shower.  I have caught spiders inside and put them outside.  Sometimes we squish them.  And that is that. 
So when the exterminator came to spray stuff for the ants he made a comment about my spiders.  I'm not sure if it was an insult or just an observation.  But he told me this is the most live spiders he has ever seen in a house before.  Seems I have the daddy long leg variety living in just about every corner he could see.  He was only in the front rooms and the main bathroom.  So he shows me and I'm surprised, but not. 
I've only told the story twice.  One of those times I was asked if I dusted.  Wait...what?  Dusted the ceiling?  No.  I don't even see the ceiling.  I don't see the cobwebs.  I'm pretty sure that comment was an insult.  And not helpful at all. 
I spend enough time in a fog, probably from depression.  I will come out of it and see stuff and just be amazed.  I spend enough time trying to maintain a reasonable state of clean with two littles.  I spend enough time refereeing said littles.  I spend enough time dealing with the issues and messes they bring to my life.  I spend enough time exhausted that even if I see it, I don't have the motivation to do something about it.  And then when I do someone turns around and has a fit and makes a bigger mess. I feel like I'm not even treading water most days.  So the ceiling is not very far up on my priority list. 
Today is a good day.  I see the cobwebs and actually did something about them.  So today I dusted the ceiling.  The littles are outside playing which freed me up for a little while.  Honestly though the spiders didn't bug me.  It's not like they were on the counters like the ants. 

Colors

We were in the car driving and listening to the radio.  Some song comes on and the little man pipes up with the singer of this song is brown.  I'm listening to the voice and I would agree (even though I know you can't really tell from voices..i.e. Van Morrison).  So I ask him how he knows and he said from the video.  Ah. 
Then I asked him what color he was.  It took him a minute to figure out what I was asking.  He comes back with peach.  And the little woman says she is whitish peachish. Yeah she loves to do that two color thing with ish added to both colors. 
They then compared their arms and realized they are different colors.  I guess this is the age that we start noticing differences.  And that is all right as we are all different in some ways and the same in some ways.  The trick is to not judge someone on those things different from us that we and they have no control over.  So we had a conversation about colors that had no bias.  I think that is a good start. 

Friends

Yesterday the little woman and I had some girl time.  The little man hung out with Uncle Pat for the afternoon.  One of the things we did was go shopping at Walmart.  I had a list and we picked up a few more things.  $150 later we left Walmart.
But while we were there she made a comment that gave me pause.  She had picked out a shirt first and said it was because Josie liked unicorns.  Okay.  Then we were in the hair aisle and she picked up some hairclips and comments that maybe these will make it so she has a friend.  Wait...what?
The little woman plays with Josie a lot and I would think she was a friend.  I know the little woman loves doing girl scouts and I would hope those girls were considered her friends.  There are a couple of other girls in the neighborhood that she plays with.
Maybe we need to have a quick conversation as to what she thinks a friend is.  Maybe her definition is different than mine.  But it just breaks my heart when she makes these off the wall comments.  I know when we go places she pretty much only plays with her brother.  She doesn't go off and do stuff with other girls, like he does with other boys.  She is shy and he is not.  And I know she did not have many friends at all until second grade, but really????

A Bug

After the little man's therapy appointment we went back to that new park we love.  What we learned today is if you go earlier in the day the grass is wet.  So I need to either bring a blanket or find a bench in the shade.  Unfortunately the benches in the shade are a little ways away from the playground. 
The littles checked in with me often.  Helps that I had the snacks and the beverages.  So the little man was sitting there and a ladybug landed on him.  When he was done studying it he asked how was he going to get it off.  She replied just flick it like this and away flew the ladybug.  A moment in time when they love each other. 

We Made It

What a long week.  We survived getting up early every day and off to work/daycare.  We survived the long days at those places.  And now I'm the only one that is tired. 
No pens today.  I did get a pallet of decomposition books.  And many more sweatshirts and t-shirts.  I kept busy all day.  When I left I had one staples order and one small purchase order not rec.  Not bad considering how much stuff came in this week. 
I'm still sad about the pens though.  Maybe they will show on Monday and I will still get to work on them.  Book returns should not start until mid-week.  I hope.