2019 Closing

This year I did the math.  Wasn't too hard...The blog has almost 68,000 page views altogether.  This year's is about 19,000. Most read post is about the littles moving. The second one was about Warren and my jacket.  December was a good month for numbers for the blog.  :)
It was a long year.  We had a lot of behavior issues.  We had lots of therapy which helped. 
Daddy came home for awhile and that was a help until it wasn't.  Let me redo that.  Him home always helped on the behaviors, but he also started undermining as his own disease was progressing. 
We had a wonderful trip to Hawaii.  That one has been planned since the littles were just about babies.  I'm glad that I was able to make it happen.  It helped having the expenses spread over two years.  We made a lot of memories on that trip. 
We camped at the island. We did OMSI and the zoo.  Many movies on Tightwad Tuesdays.  Parks, parties and holidays.  JJ Jump, Sky Zone, Dizzy Castle and Swimming pools.  We were busy.
I have spent ten years making lots of memories.  It is what it is all about.  The kids no longer have so many people in their lives, but they have memories.  Just makes me sad that the early memories are going so fast.  Hopefully we have made enough since that will stay with them their whole lives. 
We have no big plans for the last night of 2019.  Going to just take it easy and maybe some more laundry.  Trying to get all their stuff round up for their move. 

Back to SkyZone

The little man's friend, who used to live in the neighborhood, said he was going to Skyzone.  So we decided to go also.  Always funner with a friend.  And they don't spend all their time together.  They go off and do their own thing and then find each other again.  Today the little woman just played all by herself.  Seems to be her norm.  She has a good time. 
This makes our third trip in a week.  I plan on two more for sure.  Making sure to get the money's worth out of it for the first month.  Just cramming it all in in ten days. 
On the way home we grabbed a pizza pizza.  Little man ate three slices and then said sure he would come to bed and watch a movie.  He was asleep within ten minutes with no melatonin.  I think he was worn out from jumping. 

Nerf War

The little man and I spent almost three hours this afternoon just having a nerf war.  There seemed to be some rhyme and reason to how we played.  I just never figured out what it was.  I just let him lead the game.
He discovered that his new winter coat makes a great shield for the nerf darts.  Funny how he always tells me they don't hurt.....yes they do sometimes.
Anyway it was just a day of making a connection and keeping him entertained.  All the kids he play with in the neighborhood have mostly not been available all winter break.

SkyZone Glow

On the weekend evenings, Skyzone has a session called Glow. Every one wears pink or green and the black lights light up the place.  We attended one tonight.  I have got to tell you it is very hard to spot your kid amongst all the other green and pink shirts.  The lights make skin look blue or purple.  The little man was wearing blue shorts so he really blended in. 
The littles jumped and jumped and jumped.  A neighbor boy was there also so the little man had some one to tag around with part of the time.  I noticed they still spent a lot of time doing their own thing.  Both boys got some tips from a grown up jumper.  That was nice. 
We are trying to make sure we get in a lot of time since they have memberships.  After they move I will have to see if someone at Skyzone will please let us out of the three month commitment.  And if not hopefully we have gotten enough time in to make it worth while. 

Hard Decision

I have been on this grandfamily journey now for ten years.  When it started I had a lot of help.  Help that over the years left.  I'm down to Pat, Betty and therapists.  Thank God for them.  But they can only do so much.  When the journey started we were warned it could be till the littles are raised and we agreed to that.  We hoped one or both parents would get it together to parent.  Littles really only want their mommy and daddy.  And while I have fulfilled the parent role, I am not mommy or daddy.
I started experiencing behavior issues when they got old enough to go to school.  That is when the anxiety presented itself in the little woman.  And my understanding is it never goes away.  She will just have to learn how to manage it, either with meds or something else.  We are only just at the beginning so don't know all the ways yet to manage it.  The little man started being angry.  School is a big time when you realize that you live differently than most other kids.  And so we are on that journey of learning how to heal that hurt.
When Daddy came home all things got better for awhile.  They had Daddy in the house.  He helped us set up some much needed structure that they resisted with me.  He was then the buffer in the sibling rivalry.  Mommy came for a visit with her family and they were wonderful.  Now I know about honeymoon periods and there was some of that.  But they were just better with Mommy and Daddy.
Mommy returned home.  And we started school.  And that is a big deal.  We kept our structure and we kept doing therapy.  Then Daddy got arrested and everything changed again.  Anxiety reared its head again.  And the little man is a little more angry than he has been and taking it out here in the household.  The place he hasn't for six months.
I'm six months older.  I don't have the stamina that I had the last time and what is needed to start over in therapy.  Although I'm sure it is not starting completely over.
When Mommy was here I realized how much she had grown and something started to niggle in my brain.  I believe that if they are able, parents should raise their kids.  So the niggle became more, especially in light of life at the moment.  I want to stop the backslide.  Stop the system and change it.  And maybe that looks like the littles returning to Mommy.  I had hoped Daddy would keep it together, but that was not to be.  He told me a couple of months ago that he was never getting them back.  Okay then.
So Cassie and I chatted back and forth all morning.  I had to make sure it was something she wanted and was amenable to. Well she is over the moon.  It is all she has wanted for some time.  But the change is hard no matter when it comes.  We talked about schools, space, visits, therapy and meds, and just the kids in general.  I gave her our home specialist's number and she will help navigate services and any problems that could come up in transition.
So the decision was made.  The littles will return to Mommy and finish out the school year in Indiana.  It gives them fresh slates.  They may run across some of the same struggles they do here, but they have an opportunity for it not to happen.  The little woman has some bullying going on in school here and maybe she won't there.  She will make a new friend who doesn't know the history and maybe have more of a normal childhood.  He has friends and some of those he will continue to talk to because they have all discovered chat on their games.  And hopefully he won't feel so mad when he is in a two parent household with more than one sibling to play with.  And those siblings will want to play with him.  My little woman has a lot of anxiety about her brother because of all we went through prior to Catholic Community Services coming into our life.
Mommy called and talked to them and she asked them about moving there.  The little man immediately said yes.  The little woman was more hesitant, but she is the more empathetic child.  She was worried about me.  When we reassured her she could say how she really feels, she said she wanted to go.  And so every one is now on board.  Daddy will not be happy but we shall cross that bridge on Saturday. 
I found airline tickets for us.  One ways for them and a round trip for me.  We leave in just over a week.  We will all be starting the new year in a new place in our lives.  And I am hoping it is all good.  They won't be as lost as I will be. And I am happy for them because I know I sometimes just want my mom also.

Jumping, Running, Falling

The littles were gifted some time at SkyZone.  So we went today for the first visit.  They spent an hour and a half just running, jumping and falling.  The little man played in at least one game of dodge ball.  I still love that game.  I remember playing it as a kid in school.  It is so good to see them stretch their muscles and burn off energy. 

Christmas

Well we slept in longer than we expected to.  That put our day a little off of schedule.  Not that we were on any tight schedule today.  I picked up Mom after dropping the littles at Pat's. 
We had dinner.  Rebecca went all out and cooked up a fantastic meal for the holiday.  Her kids were coming over later so she wanted to make sure she had enough.
We opened presents.  Every one got shirts.  The little woman's favorite was the LOL doll Pat got her.  And the little man was very happy with the Fortnite Nerf gun from Daddy.  Pat got me a new external hardrive so it is time to get on those pictures.  Wish I could figure out how Paula labeled her pictures.  It would be nice to have times or happenings  on some of them.
We hung out all afternoon, except Mom.  She wanted to go home right after presents.  Rebecca's kids showed up and the noise level got to be too much for her.  It wasn't that loud, but dementia patients do not do loud.
The littles were pretty well behaved.  We will take our wins where we get them.