Selfish

Wow. That word is not usually used to describe me. But my aunt used it yesterday. I'm selfish because I am taking on Audrie and Connor, my addict son's children. The selfish part comes from me not taking Tanya's girls that she and Jason put up for adoption fifteen and fourteen years ago. I "made" Tanya give them up. Right. Okay then. If Tanya would have kept the first one, we would have given her just as much help as we gave Myk and Cassie when Audrie was born. But she, Jason and his family decided to do the adoption and that was a valid choice. That girl went to a family that wanted her so much. And we grieved (we really did not think she would go through with it). Tanya didn't even tell us about the second baby until almost two months after she was born and already gone up for adoption. Yeah. I made her do that. Baby number two went to the same family as baby number one so they are together with a family who WANTED them. We had nothing to do with those decisions nor was our opinion or help asked for.
Skip ahead to last year. Myk is in prison and Cassie is doing Cassie things. That left Audrie in the wind. We took her rather than let her go to Child Protective Services and into foster care. That is not a wrong decision and one we got to make. Myk and Cassie agreed with it. Turns out we were right as CPS did have a referral to look into Audrie's well being.
Then comes Connor. We were told he was being given up for adoption when he was born. But that fell through and CPS called us to ask us if we would take him. So again this choice was ours to make and we made it for the benefit of Connor. And if it is selfish, so be it. We are going to take the best care of them we know how to do for as long as we are allowed to do so.
And as for me birthing a drug addict. I birthed a baby who had a genetic disposition to be an addict/alcoholic. And unfortunately he choose to go down that road. I don't hide the fact that he is an addict. And while it makes me sad that he is, I love my son. And I'm not going to be made to feel bad about the choices he made anymore than I am going to be made to feel bad about the choices Tanya made. I only have control over myself and my reactions. Which is why we say the serenity prayer a lot in our household.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.