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A Wonderful Sunday

Got all my work done yesterday.  Including making it to the grocery store.  We took the little kids to the park again.  We seem to be switching it up with hikes and parks.  Amazingly enough the hikes seem like they wear the kids out more than the playground.  At least we have been having beautiful weekends in which to take them out to play.  :)

Actions

Amazing how much better actions can make one feel.  Purrrrr.

Curiousity

I wonder what is happening in my life that must be interesting.  Interesting enough for someone to be waiting for me to post something.  Curious.

Really?!?

The words and the actions just never seem to meet up.  I should know better.  I want to believe the words, but I should be listening to the actions.  I guess I just expect that this relationship would be better or more than the other relationships in my family.  I have watched over the years and see that the relationship really doesn't matter when addiction is involved.  Child/parent, grandchild/grandparent, siblings or spouses.  The words seem to be to maintain the status quo or to get something.  I'm not sure in this case what they mean.  I'm sure they can't really mean to just cause me pain and frustration.  I just know that they do and that that does not seem to matter in the least.  And that is why the actions don't meet the words.
I need to remember to follow the actions and not listen to the words too much.  Then maybe there won't be so many tears or disappointment.

Another Hike

We took the little kids on another hike this evening.  It is a new one that is going to run from BG Lake to BG. Right now it starts at the lake and goes about a mile.  We walked to the end of it and back.  Audrie walked at least 3/4 of the way.  That is pretty huge for her.  She didn't whine or anything.  Just walked along and watched the birds and the rabbits.  It was a nice walk.  Dave likes Hantwick better for the scenery, but this one is right in our back yard.  Good exercise for all of us.  Bet the little kids sleep good tonight.

Cleaning Up

I am working on cleaning up my facebook crap. About the time I think I have all previous posts deleted, I find a bunch more.  If I would have known I would ever feel inclined to delete them all I never would have posted so much in the first place.
It makes me very sad to see all the posts and comments going away.  It is like watching written history being unwritten.  I know that technically the stuff never truly goes away.  If the government ever needed to they could subpoena facebook and obtain all that drizzle.  I doubt they would care enough.  But still I do see it as information gone.

Thinking

About play spaces, drawer pulls, televisions, stores, life, love, romance, intimacy, promises made and kept, promises made and not kept, wondering where it all will go.  I've talked about the foundation and believe it is important for raising kids.  Still waiting, still thinking.  There is no shutting off the brain.

Oy

Played by Cassie.  Well she got her visit and she got it on her terms.  Won't happen again.  In the future we wait for Beth's call before heading to Vancouver.  It's not that it was a big deal.  It was the only thing planned for yesterday morning.  However it did put the afternoon plans behind schedule.
She reiterated that she no longer thinks the little man is Mike's boy and wanted me to agree.  I said we have to wait for the DNA testing.  She also claimed that Mike took my Ipod and he told her so.  Really it doesn't matter which one of them stole it.  Neither one is allowed in my car anymore.  They both lie and Mike usually fesses up to things he has stolen from me.  C'est la vie.

North

The little kids, Mom and I travelled up north yesterday to see the aunt, uncle and cousins.  Audrie just loves her cousins so much.  She played and played and played.  It was the little man's first time meeting them.  He wasn't too sure about Uncle Isaac, but loved Aunt Treva.  Both the little kids were completely wiped out by the time we got home.  It is a long drive and Audrie stayed awake the whole drive home.
It kind of felt like I have been slacking.  I usually take Audrie up about every other month to see her cousins.  It is important to me.  Even more so since her local cousins have been taken away from her.  We haven't been up there since Oct.  We did see them in Dec. when they came down.  And Audrie did go up north with Nana Nita in Feb. so she is still on schedule, just feels like I'm slacking.  The trip takes a little more planning now with the little man.
We had a great visit.  And Mom so enjoyed meeting Isaac and Treva and was highly impressed with the very smart cousins.  I really like those Clay folks and am so glad they are part of our family.

I Love

How Audrie can do it herself.  She dresses herself every day and gets her jammies on every night.
How the little man sits up by himself and is so alert.  Takes in everything.
How Dave is working his program, not just letting it slide.
How it smells after the rain and after a fresh mowing of the lawn.
How Doug sends unexpected emails.
How the little man reaches for us now.  So cute.
Spring, hummingbirds, and magnolias.
A good book.
Adrianna and Elizabeth.
How my siblings keep connected.
Work and play and rest.
A great nap.
Mom.

Outcome

Yesterday we again went to a park. Went back to Lewisville.  Haven't been there since that cold day.  Audrie played and wanted to be pushed on the swings.  She would not slide on the slides there.  For some reason she doesn't like them.  We parked a bit away so we had some walking for us and strolling for the little man.  Decided we would go back to Kiwanis for next time.  She really likes that playground.
Anyway we got home, had dinner, baths and a little television time.  Then it was bedtime.  Next thing I know it is almost 6 in the morning.  Yup, the little man slept all night for the first time.  And Audrie never got out of bed to have me put her back to bed.  This going to the park and being outside is a good thing.  Wore them both out good.  I like it.

Hiking

Today we took the little kids to the Hantwick Trailhead and did a small hike.  We estimated we hiked about a mile altogether.  It is a beautiful trail.  It is paved.  Audrie walked about half of it and strolled the rest. When she was walking she was also pushing her stroller. She was fascinated with the potato bug, but didn't care for the two snakes we saw.  She loved climbing on the rocks we found by a pond.  There were a few people with dogs and she liked that.  In fact one set got back to the parking lot about the same time as us and Audrie had to go see their dog again.  It was a really nice hike.  Next time we may take the bikes and go all the way to Moulton Falls.

The Story of Audrie

I'm still rankled by the criticisms of my choices.  Or non-choices as the case may be.  I own my choices.  I don't hide behind blaming someone else for them.  So here is the story of Audrie and how she came to be our responsibility.
Mike and Cassie became pregnant early in 2009.  They went back and forth for awhile on what they would do with this baby.  They decided to step up to the plate and keep her.  Cassie went to her dr. appts. and ate right. My understanding after the fact is that there still was some drug use, but nothing like there was with the little man.
Audrie was born Oct 2009 in the middle of the swine flu thing and only two visitors could see her at the hospital.  That was Mike and me.  So I bonded right from the get go.  She came home and we started the process of finding a routine.  That didn't go so well, but she was fed, diapered and loved.  Mike and Cassie tried their best and I believe that.  It was just not enough.
Then Mike became incarcerated and Cassie decided she wanted to be free to play and still called herself a kid.  At this point we needed to do something.  So we proposed that we take over the legal responsibility of raising her.  Afterall she had been with us all her life except for the month Mike and Cassie tried to live at the drug house and even that month she was with us more than them.  Any other option was not a good one. They agreed.
And so we started the legal paperwork, paid the money, jumped through the hoops and waited for the judge signature.  And so it came to be.  We have third party custody of Audrie.
We created a routine that works.  And so she lives with us.  We accepted the responsibility after her parents could not.  They tried and I am so glad that they did.  I wish they could have done the job, but it just could not be.  And we have a smart, funny, loving little girl who lives with us.  And that is how it came to be.
This family has already been through the grief process of grandchildren being given up for adoption.  That was the parents' choice when that happened.  Doesn't have anything to do with grandparents.  Grandparents just get to go through the grief process without choice.  But that certainly played a part in the decision on our part to not let Audrie go into the system and eventually to another permanent home.  In this instance we had a choice and we made it.  And we own it.  And we are happy with it.

Lull

We appear to be in a lull dramawise.  No calls from Mike.  No drama on the Tanya front.  Everything is quiet on all other fronts.  I like it.  If only we could find a way to keep it like this all the time.
I do intend to write Mike a letter explaining my position if he is going to be in jail long enough.  I just keep forgetting to check if there is a release date yet.
I don't intend on ever giving any more explanation to Tanya than I already have.  I know the day will come when she will realize what she has done and think that she can just make it all go away.  And she can't.  I just hope she learns some of life's hard lessons this time.

Growth

So the little man is growing.  Audrie is growing.  They both have outgrown their carseats.  Him be weight and her by height.  Today ended the search for new carseats for her.  She needed the booster type even though she isn't three years-old yet.  She does weigh over 30 pounds and is over 38 inches tall.  Mom and I went to three stores yesterday looking.  Then today I hit three more stores ending with the Target by the mall and bought two new carseats.  The little man is moving into her old ones.  The only bummer about that is when we dine out.  Now we have to hold him because we won't have the carrier anymore.
Today we discovered that the little man has his first tooth.  Totally explains the drooling for the past month.
We took the kids to the park today.  Audrie ran and slid on the slides and played on the tire swing with Papa.  Then we went out for dinner and she was the best behaved she has been in a restaurant for awhile.  Guess we figured out the secret.  Wear her out first.  :P

Education

I sure have been getting a lot of it lately. We were talking about piercings at work which led to adult toy stores. So I finally asked David what an arcade was. He explained that it is a back room where people watch porn and usually there is someone available to have sex with. Wow. That explained that.

Jacob said his brother is dreaming about opening up a store. Not an arcade. Too upscale for that. But it sure led to some interesting gabbing at work.

Change of Plans

Kim from Educational Opportunities called today. After thinking about Audrie all night she changed her mind and thinks that Audrie should be evaluated. Their cut off is 3 years-old so she decided that maybe we shouldn't wait until the next screening on those things that are the low end of the normal scale. So she is coming out next week to sign more paperwork and talk about the next step. My understanding is an appointment will be made by the people who do the evaluations and they will come out and do it at the house. Kim just doesn't want us to miss out on anything if it is needed.

Screenings

Today was the appointment for the development screenings for Audrie and the little man. They both go back in four months to be rescreened. Right now they both fit the normal parameters, although a couple of those numbers were on the lowest side of normal. They aren't concerned with Audrie's speech yet. As long as she is trying to make words she is learning language. Now if nothing much has changed when we go back we will look at other scenarios. Sometimes language just pops when they are about 3 years-old. The little man is doing pretty well. We didn't really have any concerns yet about him. Just want to stay on top of anything that could develop. The earlier we catch anything the better. It is a relief that we are still in the normal ranges.

Ropes

Dang. Just sayin'.

Slackin'

We discovered that Audrie got two more teeth in. She now only has two left to come in and she has all her baby teeth. Have no clue when those two bottoms came. I was watching and watching and must have given up watching. I also didn't want to put my fingers in her mouth to see as she has a habit of biting when you do that.

Rice Cereal

So the little man had his first meal of rice cereal today. He did good. He opened his mouth just like a little bird. I didn't have to wash much off of him. Hope he doesn't get too fond of this instant white rice cereal as Nana intends to make him brown rice cereal at home with his baby bullet. We may have a mama earth baby. :)

Agreed

I totally agree with Jodi. Audrie is not a baby gangsta. She is not a gang member wannabe. She is not a thug. And it really isn't cute to call her that kind of crap. I hope that the cycle is broken with her. I want her to grow up to have a great life. Not one filled with that other kind of drama. I wish for her to be healthy and strong and wise. I wish for her to be responsible, respectable, and lawful. I hope that she continues to be loving. I want her to have millions of choices and not be limited by addiction. I want her to be happy. I love her.

My House, My Kids, My rules

Heard tell this was Tanya's new mantra in regards to criticism of her parenting skills. And yet today we heard that her boyfriend pierced Elizabeth's nose with no input from Tanya. She wasn't home when he did it. When she got home she didn't make Elizabeth take it out or tell him he isn't her children's parent. So basically it means it is Randy's house, Randy's kids, and Randy's rules. Hope she likes it since she wanted it. She had said no earlier to the piercing, but obviously her opinion means nothing now. Bummer for her.

No I Refuse to Believe It

This morning I looked in the mirror and I guess I saw what he sees. No. I refuse to see that I am not beautiful just because I am overweight. I do not see myself that way. I am like the anorexic woman who sees herself as fat. I see myself as thinner...not someone not lovable, unattractive or undesirable. I'm just sorry that he can't see me like I see me. And again I have no control over what other people think. So I'm going to put those thoughts away about having wasted money on sexy things. I will just feel sexy for me.

Farmers' Market

Audrie, the little man, my mom and I went to the Farmers's Market yesterday. We saw lots of dogs and babies. Asparagus is coming into season. We bought flowers. Found $5 bouquets. Then we took Audrie over to the playground. She must have ran enough for three playground days in that one 45 minute stretch. She ran up and slid down. She figured out how to go up the slide. She pushed kids out of her way. One kid pushed her first and she just pushed back. She is no pushover. Tried to get her to take turns as the structure had a lot of kids on it. She didn't totally grasp the concept, but she didn't do too badly. She got so much exercise she couldn't walk straight. But when it was time to leave she had enough energy to throw a two block temper tantrum while Nana carried her to the car. Nana got her exercise doing that. Then Audrie fell asleep shortly after we hit the freeway. She was exhausted but she had a ton of fun. Good thing the little man had Grammy to tend to him. They sat on a bench and bonded.

Zeus's Pictures

I keep looking for sexy pictures to enhance my grown-up blog. I want to be legal so I get most of them from photo bucket. Well I found Zeus a couple of times back. I assume Zeus is a guy. He posts some of the most erotic photos. Makes me wonder what the ones that get removed for violating terms look like. Anyway he comes up with some good photos. I like it. And I don't have to go any further than his albums to find something appropriate for here.

Pictures From the Deck

We spent a day on the deck blowing bubbles. Audrie loved it and the little man was fascinated.

Again

So Mike is in jail again. Looks like this time his sister called the cops on him as he was arrested on a warrant at her house. The only way they would have known he was there is if she told them. I find it hilarious because she and her boyfriend said I was so retarded when I called the cops on him.

I am happiest if he is in jail if he is not going to be in treatment. So I am happiest right now. No middle of the night calls for overdoses.

So Cute

Audrie likes to watch youtube videos. She especially likes the "Charlie Bit Me" one. For awhile she thought that video meant it was all right to bite people and she had to relearn not to bite. Anyway, now she holds the little man and plays out the video. It is so cute. She actually does a very nice job of it. She is Harry and Little man is Charlie. Wait till she does it when he really has teeth. That will be funny.

OMFG

I do haunting on facebook watching, looking. Dang I'm almost a stalker myself. Anyway I noticed that one of my nieces has three friends who I am blocked from. I thought that particularly strange. I periodically check and Elizabeth still has me blocked. I still have Tanya blocked. These are the only two people we have in common for real. Hmmm. I decide to unblock Tanya's boyfriend and yes it is him. I am just in shock that Carey would friend him. I know she doesn't have a clue as to what has happened, but he isn't part of her world. And it totally annoys me that she is MY relative. She is only related to Tanya through my marriage. That is probably why he requested to be friends with her. And now that I have satisfied my curiosity I have to wait 48 hours to block the piece of garbage again.

Post

Well it is nine days post-surgery. Dave seems somewhat better. He is healing. He had his one week check and the doc said everything was looking good and as it should. He says that next week he is ready to step back into his parenting role. Thank God for Jodi and Nana Nita stepping up and helping with child care while he has been incapacitated.

I'm ready for the household to hopefully get back to some normalcy. Dave spent almost the whole two weeks prior to surgery sleeping on the couch and bitching at us for making noise. Well it is what we do. I would tell him to go to bed and he would say it would be the same thing. All our noise would disturb him just as much. No that is not true. And we wouldn't have had to worry about how we were upsetting him. He never got it.....how inconvenient that behavior was to us.

I'm pretty much tired of walking on eggshells. I said I was never going to do that again and yet I fell right back into it the last few months. And kids are not quiet.

And while we are not dealing with his pain issue we are still dealing with his not handling stress well issue. Mike, Tanya, and everything else that keeps coming out of the woodwork are hard for him. Alcoholics never learned how to deal with stuff in the real world. They get some of that when they work their program and are in recovery. Hint. And that is the thing. There will always be stress in life. Even if one were to isolate themselves in some remote cabin in the woods. There is always stress of some sort.

Asides....Mike found a ride from the hospital and is now over at the neighbors. It is quiet on the Tanya front. Doug is being quiet on the whole thing. I think life got quieter for Joyce after they had to change their phone numbers due to some more maliciousness from Tanya and her boyfriend. Seems I caused that one so I offered to pay any fees associated with the number change. Today is a good day.

The Best

I have the best girl and the best boy in my life. And while I find the choices of their parents incomprehensible, I'm glad that I am benefiting from it. I get baby snuggles and kisses and hugs. I feel a deep sense of love and how much they love me back.

At this point in our lives we were suppose to be grandparents, not parents again. We were suppose to get to spoil our grandchildren and send them home. We've never had that. And so it goes. But I sure wouldn't trade it for a minute.

Nana Nita, Grammy and Jodi get to do the spoiling. We get the 24/7 love. They are part of my routine. I just love them so much.

Whew

And for me spring rush is over. I loved my short day. I forgot my name tag and had to wear bossman's. Too funny. I forgot to take it off and ran into Cubby on my way out. That reminded me and his reaction was "wonder if there are any girl names that start with Rich". At least he wasn't mad. And I took the name tag back because if I took it home I would never bring it back.

Then I got to come home and take a nice nap. So time to go pick up my little kids. Maybe I'll get Jodi a pizza.

Today

I will be joyful.

I will love two little kids.

I will connect with my siblings.

I will do my job happily.

I will breathe.

I will practice ahimsa to the best of my ability.

I will send light and love to Elizabeth and Adrianna.

I will seek beauty.

I will send loving thoughts to Doug and Kristie.

I will get ready for the weekend.

I will give Dave a big hug.

I will not worry about the addictions in my family for today.

I will just love my family.

Bottom

My poor child is trying to so hard to hit bottom. And yet someone keeps rescuing him. I have no idea who it was today. He was trying to get a ride from everyone he knew. He was at the hospital for the third time since Sunday. Tries to tell us that he just fell asleep. Yeah right. When the calls stop we know he found someone to step in and meet his need. We have no control over that. Just wish it would stop so he can hit bottom and start working his way up. If he keeps this up there won't be the opportunity to come back up because he will be dead.

Third Day Of Rush

And it is still busy. Usually by today it has slowed down so much. I was amazed at how many people were still there today. It has to be much slower tomorrow and I only work my normal shift. Makes me happy. My knees and hips hurt today.

This week so far I have seen Stefanie, Hodong, Jerry and Carley. Today I briefly saw Cubby. He said hi to me by name after he read my name tag. I wonder if he is bad with names. I know I am.

Spring Rush

The first day of spring rush was pretty busy. I guess the boys didn't think so. They spent the majority of their day in the backpack room holding a few backpacks. Most of the people were leaving their bags in the cubby area by us at the entrance to the store. We had a line to get in the store all day. Seems to be the norm now. Most people were friendly.

We noticed that the fashion trend this season is short short skirts. There have always been a few, but this time there were lots. Maybe it was the fact that it was a really nice day. Saw some pretty nice tights on some of those girls.

I never saw my friend Cubby. I did have a few employees ask about my name tag. I thought everyone knew the story behind that by now. So I was rather surprised at how many comments I got yesterday.

Afoot Afoot

Here is the email I received today;

From

Tanya

I got a call from Myk yesterday. He was in the hospital for an overdose of Meth. By the time I got there he was being released. He was still way high. I dropped him off at the Mill Plain Fred Meyers. Just thought I would let you know that he isn't doing very good. Oh he was also talking about killing himself again. (first time he did that was when he was in jail this last time....I called the jail and they put him on suicide watch). Oh and he was diagnosed with Hepatisis C yesterday.

And he told me while he was still in jail that Cassie is pregnant again.

With the CPS being called on me I can't risk helping him anymore. I am not going to lose my kids for him. I don't want drugs in my house or him being high in my house.

My thoughts on her email;

I am laughing my butt off. First he played her. Then she thinks she is playing all of us. She sent this to Doug also. So for the record as I know it.....

Mike did not overdose. He did take too much and was sleeping it off when the cop became involved. But she doesn't say anything about that. The cop said it was pills.

This is not only the second time Mike has claimed suicide. Nor was the first time the time she called the jail. Mike threatens it every time he doesn't get what he wants.

I have no idea if he really has hep c. I have no idea if he really could get a diagnosis of that in a couple of hours at the hospital.

Nice blip about Cassie. We all already knew that. I have no idea why she thinks she is the person in the know.

CPS was never called because she had Mike over at her house. Although I'm sure that wouldn't look good having a drug addict around. CPS was called because of her and her boyfriend and the abuse they throw at each other and at the girls.

She claims to not want any of the drugs around and yet there is plenty of alcohol in her house. And she keeps trying to rescue Mike and lets him come around. Oh well.....

Because as we all know...I have given up on my child and she is the only family member who can help him. I call hers enabling and I call mine trying to set boundaries.

That said...if my child overdoses for real and dies, I will be sad. If my child commits suicide, I will be sad. I will be sad for the rest of my life. But I already am sad, so it won't be too much new. I am sad at the choices that they both have made and continue to make. I have no control over that and choose to let it go.

Spring Rush

Up and at them before the sun. Another Rush this week. Long days. Bossman scheduled me for eight hour days this week. What is up with that? Hoping to get out of there earlier than 4. Anyway we shall see how the day plays out. Will I be security or will I be receiver or both.

What a Day

Started with a phone call from Mike. Wanted to exchange the pants Doug got him. We had a tentative date on Friday to do that, but he never got in touch with me. Then Dave decided he wasn't going to go to brunch with us. Started to give me an excuse and I'm just tired of them. I told him if he didn't want to go that was fine. Turns out after his pill kicked in he felt okay enough to go. Get to the restaurant and my mother forgot what time she was to be there. Then we get a call from the Vancouver police saying Mike took a bunch of pills and was sleeping in someone's car and should he take him to jail or the hospital. He went to the hospital and then started calling us. Seems he didn't really want to see us but needed something from us. Not sure what it was but it didn't happen. Kristie then texted me to say she got a friend request from Elizabeth. Well now..that is a surprise and we speculated about the reasons why. It is sad that we have to do that and can't accept things at face value. Anyway Kristie said Elizabeth had posted about Mike being in the hospital on a heroin overdose. Hmmm now we know a game is afoot. And none of us want to play.

Now the kids are asleep and I am soon to join them. Long week ahead with long days at work. Joy.

Easter

My star magnolia did bloom for Easter and it is beautiful. Audrie and the little man wore the outfits my friend Barb got for them. They looked adorable. We went out for brunch at the Red Lion as we like to do. The Easter bunny brought them each a book and a movie for Audrie.

Easter Bunny

So the Easter Bunny made a quick stop at the Grandma and Grandpas' house in Hazel Dell. They came out yesterday and brought baskets for the little kids. They each got a stuffed animal and some candy. Yeah...the candy disappeared quick into hiding. The little man loves his duck and Audrie is pretty smitten with her new purple bunny. She slept with him last night.

As you can see from the pictures the little man is getting good at holding things.

Lovely Saturday

It is so lovely outside today. The sun is shining and it feels like spring. I think my star magnolia is going to bloom for Easter.

Dave is feeling better. Audrie and the little man are finally over all that ails them. It is so good.

Hopefully now we can find a nice spring routine. We have some mowing and gardening to throw into the mix.

I got a nice nap which helped a lot. I have been getting pretty tired doing all the nighttime feedings and the putting Audrie back to bed. Little man decided to go back to a three hour schedule and it may be time to look at adding cereal to his diet. Audrie being in the big girl bed likes to get up in the middle of the night and try to join us. I did that with Mike and I remembered. So I get up and put her back to bed every time. Messes up my sleep now, but hopefully it keeps her in her own bed later.

And it must be time to go feed Mr. Evil. But that is a story for another day or place. :P BTW Mr. Evil is the neighbor's cat.

Friday

The little kids and I have a busy day. We have to hit Winco for diapers, lunch with our friends and JCPenny's to make an exchange for Mike. Papa is going to take it easy again today. He is healing from his surgery. Found that oxy makes him itch also. Wonder if there are any narcotics that don't.

I realized this morning that it has been almost 2.5 months since I have seen Elizabeth. I believe yesterday would have been an Elizabeth day. Makes me very sad. I miss her. I'm sure she misses me.

Surgery

We spent almost eight hours at the surgery center yesterday. We arrived early and they took Dave back shortly after we got there. I waited and waited in the waiting room. The doctor came out about 4:15 and said everything went well. Showed me a picture of the neck. He was happy there was room for the screws. I asked about picking up kids. Said Dave could as soon as he feels ready to do so and with great care. Otherwise no heavy lifting for awhile.

I continued my wait. They finally came and got me about an hour later. Dave was in excruciating pain when I went back. He was curled in a fetal position. The doctor came by and was a little upset. He then increased the amount of pain medicine Dave would have at home. The anesthesiologist came by and had them give him more pain medicine and some versaid. That knocked him right out and he slept hard for over an hour. They kept trying to rouse him and he would not wake up. Finally they gave him some narcon to counteract some of the narcotics in his system. As it was explained to me..in the operating room they opted not to give him anymore pain medicine because he was breathing slowly. That is why when he woke up he had so much pain. Hence giving him more meds. They were definitely getting concerned and were thinking he may have to go to the hospital for the night. But he came out of it and we finally got to go home.

Most of the pain in his back seems to be gone now. He is just working on resting and getting over the surgery. He actually seems human again.

Surgery

Dave had his surgery yesterday. It went well and hopefully gets rid of the pain he has been feeling in his back for the last year. The doc was pleased that they chose to do a fusion this time. Said the nerves are open now. It's all good.

For Today

I am thankful for Jodi and all her babysitting.

I am listening to the birds.

I am glowing in the love of the little people in my house.

I am sending love and light to Elizabeth and Adrianna.

I am thankful for Dr. Kellogg's expertise.

I am ecstatic to be able to see and thank Dr. Handleman for that.

I am enjoying all the flowers that are blooming. The daffodils and the hyacinths.

I am refreshed from a walk with Audrie to see what we could see.

I am amazed at how much the little man has grown.

I am breathing.

I am practicing ahimsa.

I missed Mike and was glad to see him yesterday.

I am loving all those who love me today.

I miss my dad.

I am enjoying my friendship with Kristie.

I am sending Doug healing thoughts so he gets back to normal soon

Eggs

Audrie and I colored eggs last night. She did a pretty good job for a two year-old. My counter is colored. I'll get out the bleach later and make it right again. :P

Tire Slashed Again

Wow. Tanya and her man did it again. Seems Joyce's husband sent Tanya an email asking when she was going to pay for the first set of tires that got slashed. Yup. She and her man came and did another tire. How incredibly stupid. Nothing like confirming it was you in the first place. I believe the cop tended to agree even though no one can prove it. Would have been interesting to have been a fly on the wall when he went to Tanya's house to talk to them about it.

I am still amazed that Tanya is the kind of person that thinks that kind of behavior is appropriate. Maybe that is why I don't like her anymore. Love has been gone for a long time. I know I am suppose to always love her as she is Dave's daughter. But I don't. And as time goes on I find I just don't like her.

April Begins

And so it goes. Time keeps on marching. The month starts pretty busy. I have an eye dr. appt. Dave has his surgery. It is Rush again at work. The little kids and I are going to make a trip up north to see their Aunt and maybe their Uncle. We are only a couple months overdue. Both of the little kids have developmental screenings. Just a busy month.

I wonder when we don't have a busy month. This month will be different in that this will be a month of change in one way or another.