Quiet

Quiet, sick. Rotten tummy bug.  I can't tell if it is a bug, food poisoning or stress. Dave seemed more than happy to run to the store for me after a small grumble. I didn't ask him to. I just wanted the last Imodium my mom had left here for him awhile back. Well now we have a supply of them. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

New Year's Eve

Spent the day sick.  Great ending to this year I guess.  Hope the rest of the household doesn't catch it.  Guess we will deal with it if they do.  Here is to hoping it is just a 24 hour bug.

Best Laid Plans

Today Dave asked me why I was a little cold and I told him.  I am so sick of people thinking I am stupid.  Now according to him he didn't drink that bottle.  Yeah Right.  Anyway we shall see what transpires.  I heard all the same old excuses that he uses and I don't think he even realizes that he does it. Just like Mike.  Hmmmm.
Later we had a finishing conversation.  We are separated but co-habitating for the moment.  We will see how it goes.  As long as he stays sober this will work for now.  I hope he really did hear me.

No Rain

Sounds like we are going to have a string of some nicer weather.  Methinks a hike might be in order.  Wonder how I can convince the little man to keep his mittens on.  I noticed yesterday we had a much quieter evening after having some outside time during the day.  I learned this during the summer, but had forgotten once we hit rain.  :p

So Normal

He actually seems to think I am clueless.  Acting completely normal. Jodi gave us a plaque with the serenity prayer and he is trying to figure out where to hang it. I think it is going with me. The important line right now is; the courage to change the things I can. So for now I will be content with his thinking everything is status quo.

Rubber Boots

It wasn't raining so we took the little kids outside.  They both got to use their rubber boots.  Audrie in her hand me downs and Connor in his xmas present.  They ran all over the yard until the little man got cold fingers.  It was good to get outside and get some fresh air.

Again

I must have stupid written on my forehead, because I swear many of my family seem to think that I am.  I watched that bottle of vodka wheel right into the garage and felt numb. Really? Seriously?  I'm not stupid and I meant what I said. So now I DO have to make life altering decisions and figure out where I go from here. I am of the mind that I shouldn't have to be the one to move, but I can't make him move.  Joy for me. I'm going to do it smart though as long as I can. This is not an irrational decision that will be acted upon rashly. So tonight he can think he has gotten away with something and he can get quietly sloshed in the garage. He made his choice.

Better

I feel a little better.  Naturally.  I think it is my natural ability to bounce back happening.  I'm still holding with what I feel is true.  I honestly don't think Dave is ready for long term recovery.  Time is going to tell.
I have gotten support from friends and family.  Some of it from unexpected places.
So for today I am getting back to the important thing in my life.  Raising my little kids.
And we have Christmas dinner to do today.

Ten Days

It is ten days since Dave's surgery. He had a check up today and is healing. They replaced his splint with a boot. That should be more comfortable. Found out what the bill is for Rebound. The surgery was included in the amount told to Dave yesterday. That made me feel better. There is no more office charges for the next three months, other than materials if used. Whew.

Teepee Tent

After all the trials and tribulations of it, the teepee tent is finished.  The little kids love it.  It is sitting in the front room now with the kids and a pull puppy in it.  Thank you Betty.

Christmas

Mom was sick so Christmas was only us and Pat.  Since we are trying not to go overboard in the gift department we have decided that each child will get three presents from us. Santa brings them a toy. This year three didn't work out, so they each got two. Joe and Judy had given them each one and Pat brought them each one.  It was perfect.  They enjoyed the gifts and played all afternoon. We watched "Brave" which was one of Audrie's gifts and we read Connor's books. Connor discovered that the tonka truck hauls things. Audrie liked all of Connor's gifts and laid claim to all of them. So far he doesn't mind sharing.  We snacked on leftovers from last night. We will have our ham dinner on Friday so Mom can join us. Only fair since she bought the ham. :)

In the Morning

Santa

Santa may be over before he begins. Audrie has been staying up later. I got tired of waiting for her to fall asleep and went to the garage to wrap the Santa presents. I was done with hers and working on Connor's tonka truck when she came into the garage. As I was putting her back to bed she asked if I was opening the box with the truck. Not much gets past her.
She also made me sad today. She wanted to know where mommy was. Then she told me everything that occurred the last time we saw Cassie. And she had every detail correct. It has almost been two months since that day.

Creating Memories and Traditions

We bought a couple stockings at the dollar store.  Then we decorated them.  Before we went to bed we read "The Night Before Christmas" and hung the stockings.  Trying to create memories and new traditions for the little kids.

Christmas Eve Day

Third Christmas that I will have spent depressed.  At least this time it isn't depression. I have nothing wrapped and just feel like canceling the whole thing.  If it weren't for Audrie and Connor I would. I didn't come up with a replacement present for the tent. I just got the food for Christmas Day dinner last night. Blah.seems like I am moving at a speed that just gets things done as they need to be done.

Depressed

What a sucky year. The only good spots have been the little kids.  I have a son who never found recovery all year.  I have a husband who only found it for a few months in the spring. I lost two grand kids, a truck and all my safety nets. My world imploded this week. And even though I usually can bounce back, right now I don't feel like it.

An Apology

Since we can't go back in time and undo what was done, what I really wanted was an apology.  What I got was more excuses.  How wonderful for me.  I spent weeks thinking about and planning a wonderful present for my grandson.  I have hours in on the making it happen part.  I asked Betty to help me and she did. She has hours in on the project.  We complete our sewing part and I bring it home intending to put it together after the kids go to bed.  Afterall it is a Christmas present. I asked for sandpaper for the sanding of the slats. Instead Dave sanded them for me and then in his wisdom decided that he needed to put the tent together before the kids went to bed.  All by himself.  And he couldn't do it because he was high/drunk or something. How hard is it to slide four slats into four sleeves and then set it upright.  Too hard I guess because it got broken.  The front panel has a seam and flaps.  And when Dave threw his temper tantrum due to not being able to figure it out it came apart.  His excuse when I came and slid the fourth slat in is it just came apart.  Yeah right.  His cursing and temper tantrum that we could hear in the house had something to do with it.
So today he commented about having to finish the tent.  The slats need holes drilled for the rope that holds them together.  I comment on the fact that it has to be repaired before it can be finished.  He simply gave me more excuses as to why it needs to be fixed.  That fourth slat is just a doozey.  No offer to try and fix it.  No offer to ask Betty to help with it.  No apology.  Just excuses.  Really? Seriously?
 Obviously now it is not a Christmas present.  It is $70 worth of material and hours of labor now just sitting there.  It is a symptom of a marriage failing.

Today

I am grateful that my son is in a somewhat safer place.
I am thankful for Jake's recipe for no bake cookies, that I was able to make correctly.
I am basking in little boy cuddles.
I am in awe of the will power of Audrie.
I am especially thankful for my lifeline in Mona, Barb, Fred, and Eddie.
I am connecting with my siblings.
I am sending light and love to Doris and hope for her quick return home.
I am dancing to Jack White.
I am practicing ahimsa and breathing.

What I Heard

The quick answer was recovery.  And the vodka got poured out in the driveway.  Wish I would have done that.  Anyway the next day was a question for clarification on how he has been rude and nasty because he doesn't see it.  What I heard was the addiction telling him that he didn't need to stop drinking because he isn't rude anymore.  Well that isn't true even if I couldn't come up with examples right off the bat.  Alcohol changes him. And there have been near rages and real rages.  So maybe his choice isn't going to be recovery.  Time is going to tell.

Christmas Cookies

Sometimes we like to give cookies as gifts at this time of the year.  So today Audrie and I decided we would bake some.  Connor was the dough taster.  And we made beautiful cookies.  Audrie took her job of sprinkler of sprinkles very seriously.  And then we baked the cookies and they came out flat as pancakes.  What the heck?  I used butter.  It wasn't overly softened.  And then it hit me.  We doubled the recipe, but we didn't double the flour when we added it in.  Bingo.  Consequently we are not giving cookies this year.  :P

Flake

It only took three days for me to finally find time to get up to Betty's so we could work on our project.  The plan was to do it on Sunday.  Ended up giving Mike a ride instead and that made me late to Home Depot.  Yup, they were closed.  Monday Dave's surgery and recovery took longer than I planned.  And then I lost my babysitter.
So finally I managed to get to Home Depot to get my slats/poles bought.  And  the stars aligned with Dave coming home and a babysitter being available.  I feel like such a flake though.  I usually am very good about being where I am suppose to be when I am suppose to be there.  Not two days late.
So we got the fabric all cut out and stitched together.  We only have the hemming and adding the Velcro left. At least I think that is all we have left.  Then I have to sand the slats and drill the hole for the tie. Wish I would have taken my camera up to document part of it.  Maybe I will remember at our next work on it time.

Changes

Changes are coming.  I am in the midst of making some decisions.  My decision may be to let Dave make the decision since ultimately his decision of whether he is in recovery definitely impacts my decision of whether I am in a relationship with an active alcoholic.  My decision is I am not living with an alcoholic who is drinking nor am I subjecting these little kids to it any longer.
Ignorance was bliss or at least let me be in limbo.  Wondering if I was crazy or imagining things.  Well I now know that I was not.  It was and is exactly what it felt like.

The Making of Latkes

Nathan opted to go non-traditional and bake them.  Usually they are fried.  A latke is a potato pancake.  And obviously he had a lot of help in the making of them.

Latkes to Home

Nathan invited me back for breakfast.  He fixed.....latkes.  They had a lot leftover from the party.  Delicious. They added some fruit and it was breakfast.  Then I picked up the kids and started the jaunt home.  I thought it was going to be a long drive since both kids acted crabby.  They both fell asleep and stayed asleep the whole drive.  That was nice.
The rest of the day did not go as planned.  Naturally.  That seems to happen to me a lot.  I just try and roll with it, but sometimes it gets quite annoying.

From Pike Street to Latkes.

What a wonderful night's sleep. I was wide awake before the sun. Figured out how to ride the bus from Tacoma to Seattle.  Put me right down by Pike Street Market.  Even though it was a weekend, it wasn't  nearly as crowded as it was in August.  I perused the whole thing, poking into all the little places that interested me. Watched a guy doing acrobatics on a railing.  Didn't find what I was looking for, but enjoyed the whole experience.  Had a cup of coffee, not at a Starbucks. Shocking, I know. Seattle's Best wasn't busy at all and had a nice cup of coffee.
Got back to Tacoma with plenty of time for a nap before Nathan and Stacy's party.  A whole bunch of us from the Portland area were there. I enjoyed talking with Nathan's sister. We ate latkes which are a traditional Jewish food. Stacy's dad was a kick and we got a kick out of her mom.  I was glad to see them there.  It was a really nice party.

Tacoma

Today is the day. After completing a side job and having lunch with Fred, the little kids and I headed north. We spent a little time with the Clays. Then we headed over to Nana Nita and Chad's. the little kids are spending the weekend with them. Chad gave me a tour of an addition he did for his mom. Lovely work.
Now I am ensconced in my hotel. Tomorrow is shopping and then the Chanukah's celebration at Nathan and Stacy's. Happy day. Dave has a quiet weekend at home.  Nita has a louder weekend than she has had for awhile. ;p

Making Progress

Today after work I managed to get over to Rose City Textiles.  What a place.  Down in the middle of an industrial area.  You would never ever think to look for a fabric store there.  Methinks it is more than a fabric store.  I found some rather nice yellow and green nylon for the Connor project.  Got the fabric washed.  I will get it dried and laid out before I go to work tomorrow.
I already found Mom's Christmas present.  It was easier than I thought.  So now I just have to finish up the little kids and I hope to do that in Tacoma.  Nathan has been giving me ideas of things to do while I am there and places to shop.
We got good news on the surgery.  The hospital said we qualified for one of their programs that will pay 100 percent of the hospital bill.  What a relief.
I was suppose to be off work from now until after Christmas.  Turns out I was asked to work for Paul tomorrow.  That will feel so weird working the afternoon shift.  The good news is I get to sleep in until the little kids get up.  That probably means they will be up before six.  Ah, the life of having little kids.
Making progress and moving forward.  :)

Nope

The swelling is slowly going down in Dave's foot.  The doc said it was borderline right now for surgery and really really preferred to wait another week.  So that is what we are doing.  Dave naturally would like it all to just be over with, but you got to listen to the doc.  Guess that means I have to work this week.  On the bright side...I have next week off.  :P

Shopping

The little kids got to spend the afternoon with Jodi while Mom and I went shopping.  Mom got most of her Christmas shopping taken care of.  I managed to get what I needed to get done done.  We had also planned on hitting Rose City Textiles for my fabric for the teepee tent, but alas they were closed today.  So I will have to make a trip over there late in the week.
Mom and I also had a wonderful lunch at Olive Garden.  We don't make it out for lunch too much so it was a nice change of pace for us.

Peter Pan

Opening day of "Peter Pan" at The Northwest Children's Theater.  I had bought tickets several months ago to this play to take Jodi and Zach.  I always like exposing people to new things.  As it turned out Zach just started a drama section at school so the timing was divine.
We arrived early enough to walk down to McDonald's and have some lunch and some amusement watching people.  There was a guy whose pants were down around his knees....I swear.  We had a guy singing and a girl who we were pretty sure had just stolen some stuff.  Jodi said it made the people in our town look normal.
The play was spectacular.  All the sets were new and it was lovely.  Even though it was the opening show it looked like everything went off without a hitch.  Jodi loved the pirate character Smee.  It really was quite funny.
After the play we  headed over to Powell's and perused the books for awhile.  We found some books to buy.  I think I got out of there the cheapest I ever had and I still got six books.  Found several in the $1 racks.  Then we spent a few minutes in the kitchen store.  I managed to get a couple more gifts crossed off my list.  :)
All in all a wonderful afternoon.  Thanks Jodi and Zach for going with me.

Family Dinner

We had a very nice family dinner with Dave's mom and stepdad tonight.  They had come over to check in because obviously Dave isn't going anywhere for awhile.  We decided that since they were coming after nap time that we would feed them.  They agreed to stay and dine on bbqed hotdogs, salad and chips.  A very simple supper, but lovely nonetheless.
I showed Gayle her Christmas present.  I'm pretty sure she understood what I meant when I said this is yours but you can't have it yet.  I showed her the project Betty and I are putting together for Connor and she thought it was pretty neat.  We had a nice visit.
And there are only 18 days left before Christmas.  Coming up fast.  Hope I manage to get my shopping finished in Tacoma.  If I do it right...I should only have Mom left to find a gift for.

Teepee Tent

I still keep thinking about those teepee tent things for kids we saw in Seattle.  I really think Connor needs one.  He loves being under things.  I found one online for $150 but I think that is way too much.  So maybe, just maybe I am thinking about making one for him for xmas.  It can't be that hard.  Four panels and the seam thingies to hold the wood slats.  Have to check out the fabric store and then check with Betty to see if she can help me.  I know my machine will not sew good thick material.  I'm sure I can do it for a lot less than $150.

Time Gets Away

Dave had his surgeon appointment. Due to the swelling that is still in his foot his surgery is postponed until next week.  And that is assuming that the swelling has come down enough then.  The plan is to put a plate and screws into his heel.  It will be done as an in patient and he will spend the night. Right now it is scheduled for Tuesday.
Little man had his year check up today.  He is doing fine.  He got five shots and that didn't make him very happy, but he got over it pretty quick  At home you can't even tell he had it done.  Audrie missed it since she was napping at the appointment time.  She had been really looking forward to it for some reason.  Maybe a bit of a sadistic streak
Minnie is getting over her kennel cough.  It is a virus so it just has to run its course.  Had I known that I never would have popped for the money for the vet.  Too late now.  But at least she is getting better.

Oy

The good never comes without a cost.  Mike has disappeared off my radar.  That is ominous.
We made it to see the orthopedist.  Dave has at least two fractures in his heel and needs surgery.  He had a CT scan done so the surgeon has a better idea of what is what.  We meet with him on Monday.  Oh how exciting.  Dave will be off that heel for three months.  It has to heal well before he can start putting weight on it.  We need to check into renting one of those knee scooters.  I wasn't joking when I called it now life in the slow lane.