More Wisdom

Seems my child also had a conversation with my neighbor. And while my neighbor did not tell me what was said, he did let me know that none of my family is in or are going to be in recovery as I know it to be any time soon. Yeah, I probably knew that, but I am a perpetual Pollyanna. So while I keep hoping, I'm not holding my breath. Back to boundaries. Oy.

Family Dinner

We decided it was time for another BBQ at Mom's house. So we grilled up some yellow potatoes with green onions, burgers, and lobster tails. Topped it off with watermelon. Connor showed off his new skill of being able to kick a soccer ball. Audrie was her usual self and wanted to do everything. They both got a kick out of sitting on Pat's motorcycle.

More Free Food

Stopped at the Farmers' Market again and got another $5 match. Today's haul was peaches, cherries, green onions and yellow potatoes. Delish.

Oh My Gosh

When I picked the kids up from daycare yesterday, Miss Barbie told me Connor has been stealing food. He eats all his lunch and then takes food from the other kids. It used to be he didn't finish his own lunch. So we theorized that he needs a bigger lunch and he is getting ready to go on a growth spurt. All I can do is pack him more food.  Wonder where he learned to take things from other kids??? Oh yeah.......Audrie.

Joys of Dementia

Mom had a small fender bender. She broke a bone in her hand. She wasn't paying enough attention and almost rear ended the car in front of her. She realized and veered to the right, but still caught the corner of it and then went in the ditch. She will be okay, but it may be time for her to stop driving. And won't that be a fun conversation.

Almost Done

Seems I still need a couple more pieces of information for the paralegal. When I went to Dave's to get the parenting plan he pops off with a question about him losing his custodial rights for Audrie. Damn we talked about this two weeks ago. How only one of us has custody since we will be divorced. When I said this he again said he didn't think he would lose his rights and wanted to know about visitation...court ordered or trust. Very obviously he doesn't trust me, but he is going to have to. We aren't talking about our child.  This whole conversation tells me he isn't dry anymore for sure.

Inventory Begins

Michal and I started inventory today. We did the sweatshirt/t-shirt room. Then we got to go to the old warehouse and help the teams out there finish up. I did more pre-counting prep to finish off my day. The big store count is Tuesday, but a lot will already be done. Found out our area on Tuesday has been split into two areas. Yay! Our area is the most intense area in number of things and no one else likes to do it but me. I love the office supply section.

Question Answered

I finally just asked Dave where the money came from in Riverview.  He said it came from lottery winnings.  Well that certainly explains all the money he has been spending lately.  Too bad he had to be so disrespectful about it.  Told me he had his own stash.  And then he wanted to know how I knew about it.  Because I'm a snoop.  I never had my money hidden.  It was always right there at the bank.  Just when I moved I took it with me.  I left him approximately the same amount by not taking any of the money left over from mutual funds (community money) used to pay for his last surgery.
For the record I didn't have a stash.  I had a savings. And my savings and my money management skills meant never having more than one car payment.  When he retired I paid my car off as we would not be able to budget a car payment.  I paid for the custody of Audrie.  I paid for all maintenance on my truck and my cars.  I left with no debt and left him only with the mortgage.
Since I have moved I have paid for two crowns, attorney fees for the divorce and all the fees and whatnot to set up a new household.  I'm not splurging on a lot of things.
I found it rather offensive for him to pop off about having a stash also when it very obviously was hidden money.  And I don't want it.  I just want the respect that I should have after 29 years of being married and all that I did do.  What I got was a load of disrespect.  He handed me a form to take my name off the joint account at Columbia so he doesn't have to change anything.  And I'm happy to sign that form once we no longer are connected by community property and marriage.
It is just more of the same and who knows where the truth is.

Mike and Audrie

Mike and Connor

Connor was showing Daddy some love.  He is such a loving little boy.

Knee Day

All these new skills at work.  Today I was helping to prep the textbook department for inventory next week. That meant I spent a good deal of my day on my hands and knees working on the bottom shelves.  So much fun. It amazes me how much more we are involved in now.  Doing a lot more of the grunt work.  As our motto is we would rather work than have a day off, I guess it is all good.  :p   My knees have a different opinion.

Neighborly Wisdom

One of the kids asked Josh, from upstairs, what he did. He answered he was an addiction counselor. I laughed and said....oh is that why you talk to me.....he gave me a look. I responded that I'm not an addict, but I certainly am co-dependent. It was his turn to laugh as he said yeah but he didn't want to tell me that.  After all he is my neighbor, not my counselor.
That led to me commenting on him being a great listener, but not an open person. So he explained about learning to keep quiet with addicts so they can't use personal information to manipulate. My whole response to that is that is part of addiction....manipulation.
Then we talked about Cassie. Just a reminder to be wary.

Oy Again

I seem to be playing email tag with the paralegal of my attorney. Funny how the attorney says everything is really simple, but when the paralegal gets involved it isn't. Seems there is more paperwork for me to fill out. Why couldn't I have had all of it upfront? Anyway we did get the child support issue resolved. So perhaps after I fill out these papers we can get the show on the road.
I really want to get this done before Dave isn't so amicable.

William

The mystery of who William is was solved by a phone call to Illinois. I had clear cell reception and Uncle Wayne and Aunt Helga had clear cell reception. Amazing. I just love talking to them and hearing their voices. We caught up and Helga ALWAYS says the right thing. She always warms my heart. Wayne immediately knew who I was. I just love them.
Told them of my tentative plan for a trip to MN so maybe we can see them. Hunting is in November, so October is the best month to go. Whenever we go I am staying out of the woods. More bears and mounting lions now. Dang....I hate fear.
Anyway William is my cousin. And I love him too.

Free Food

I had read an article in the paper about a food token match at the farmers market. The article wasn't real clear on how it worked, just that it was a $5 match from New Seasons for food stamp purchases. Never having had food stamps before I didn't know how that worked either.
Today the littles and I went to the market in the afternoon. Less crowded at the market and the playground. I found the information. Food stamps buy tokens and as long as I bought $5 worth I got an additional $5. It is not hard to spend $10. We got green beans, cherries, garlic and a cucumber.
As I was walking away from the token guy....he told me I can do this every weekend. Cool. The article definitely wasn't clear on that. I thought it was a one time thing.  

Back to Normal

Before Audrie and Connor returned home this morning I made a trip to Winco. It was divine grocery shopping by myself. The checker told me in the future to use two carts. One for kids and one for food. What a great idea. Anyway I got the groceries all put away and then the littles came home.
We worked our way back to our routine. Naps, play, dinner, baths and bed.

A Little Cringe

While waiting for Nana Nita to come pick up the littles and Cassie, Cassie got a phone call from her birth mother.  Supposedly Joann is clean and has a job in San Diego.  I felt a cringe when Cassie let Joann talk to Audrie.  And then I let it go.  It doesn't mean anything for Audrie....just some woman on the phone.
My take on all of that is Audrie and Connor's family is the family that took Cassie and Traci in.  The Clays, Kadows, and McLaughlins.  I'm their Nana and Nita is their Nana.  Isaac and Treva and Ken and Jami are their aunts and uncles.  I understand the blood thing.  But these are the people who matter and came through and continue to come through all the time.
Who knows what will happen between Cassie and Joann.  And if that relationship ever develops we will cross that bridge then.  For now........we let it rest and we don't worry about it (too much).  And we keep making sure our core relationships are strong and bonded.

Wow

I got to go to the bathroom by myself.  I got to take a shower by myself.  I got to brush my teeth by myself and put on my make up.  And the whole time I am thinking........life would be pretty boring without those two little kids around here.  I have no clue what I would do with myself.  While I am enjoying the break it will be good to get them back home.  :)
I checked online for the menu for Puffin Cafe.  After I made sure they still had my fish sandwich, I checked out the kid menu to see what Audrie would eat and then I remembered that she would not be with us. David and I had a great dinner and adult conversation. It isn't often that we get together sans kids.

Quiet

Nana Nita picked up Cassie and the littles tonight. I went for a walk. Then I watched a movie with no interruptions. It is so quiet here. Enjoying a little rest time. Going to sleep well and not get kicked. It all comes down to knowing if they aren't with me they are in the next best place to be.

Shrink Wrap Queen

It is buy back week at work. So my priority is processing books bought back to go out on the shelf. We sell a lot and buy a lot of loose leaf books. All the ones bought back have to be reshrink wrapped.    I spent a good share of my day doing that. I am the queen of shrink wrap.
Tomorrow I get to do candy and Spencer gets to be shrink wrap king.

Productive Day

Between Cassie and I, we got the whole apartment cleaned. It is amazing how much work two little kids make. With two of us working at it and entertaining children it went much better. I also made it to the dump with Pat.
The littles and I got a walk in tonight. And I had a great conversation with Nana Nita. All in all a very productive day.

Raspberries

The thing I will miss most this summer is the ability to graze. So when Marti made the invite to come pick raspberries we jumped.  We took several containers over. Alan and I picked while Marti played with the kids.  Now we can graze for a few days. And Alan said come back anytime.

Another Load

Pat and I gathered up another load for the dump from Mom's.  Worked mostly in the garage.  Picking through all kinds of things.  Found some pictures that shouldn't have been in the garage.  I think Mom had a tougher time with it this time.  She finally told us that we weren't suppose to do this until she was gone.  I reminded her it was her idea first.  She went in the house and watched TV, leaving us to it.
It led Pat and I to talk some more about our journey.  It is good for us to make sure we are on the same page about stuff.  Should relieve some of the stress later on.
And then we had our pizza that we had been talking about for awhile.  Mom got to benefit from that as we had it at her house.

Cassie's Back

Cassie was released on Friday.  So today we tracked her down and spent a few hours with her at the park.  We had lunch from the Farmer's Market.  I have decided that I don't care for the mighty bowls.  One sauce was way too spicy and the other one I tried just strange to me.
The kids played and played with mommy.  Good for them to have her back.

Okay Then

So Dave sent me a copy of the new assessment for the rental property.  Went up $17600.  He didn't share the new assessment on the 162nd Ave place.  Wonder why that is.
Also see that he had opened a new bank account almost two weeks before he locked me out of the online banking.  Funny how he has more money in that account than he had left in the Columbia accounts when I moved.. Guess he was getting worried that I was going to want half of that.  I noticed he hasn't shared any of that info, but he sure has been worried about what I am doing for banking.

Reiteration

I had to reiterate to Mike that I have no problem with him having a relationship with his sister.  I just need him to leave me out of it.  He had called her from my phone.  This number isn't blocked.  He visited with her and then had her give him a ride back to my place.  Prior to this week she knew none of my business.  She sent an apology with Mike for me.
I find that to be like a slap in the face.  I'm not even good enough for my own personal apology for the crap she said.  I get a second hand one.  Good thing for me I already know who she is and it isn't anything more than I would expect from her.
Mike is going to try to adhere to my boundary.  And I will keep up my end. I explained to him that it is why I don't ask him about her life.  I really don't care about it.  And while I don't have anything in my life to hide.....I just don't like trash in it.

An Inspiration

Grandma McCorkle passed away yesterday.  She had lived a long full life.  I met her several years ago when she came to live with my co-workers family.  She was just the sweetest old lady and her family is going to deeply miss her.
Brenda's parents Dennis and Debbie took in Debbie's Mom when she needed to be with someone most of the time.  That thing that seems to happen when we get older.  They did the whole job with such grace and finesse.  Grandma McCorkle was included in everything.  Church, shopping, visiting,  She spent several afternoons at my house sitting in a lawn chair while Debbie and Brenda and Linus picked blueberries.
It is an inspiration to me in how to be a caretaker of an older person.  Debbie always treated her mom with such respect.  I know that caretaking is a hard job.  It takes a lot of time to figure out the logistics.  There is the cooking, the doctor appointments, managing the money, etc.  Debbie seemed to do it all with ease. She had lots of help from Dennis and Brenda.
Grandma McCorkle was so lucky to have them.  She was well taken care of with love and dignity.  RIP

Mike is Home

Once again Mike is free of bars. He spent the majority of the day with us.  We went shopping this morning for some essentials. This afternoon we went for a walk. Mike carried Audrie on his shoulders part of the way and she thought that was the cat's pajamas. It is good for him to interact with them. Sometimes I don't think he knows how.
I played with Mike when he was a child, so he knows what moms do. Dave worked a lot so he didn't spend a lot of time playing. And I think that shows in Mike not knowing how to be with his kids. So today Audrie was giving him a hand by taking the lead and playing.

Transitions

Mom was ready.  Pat was ready.  I was not ready.  But it was time.  I spent the afternoon getting a handle on mom's bills.  They weren't really messed up.  Just a couple a little behind.  Then we set up her medi-planners for the next two weeks.  She has wanted me to do that for awhile.  I'm just resistant to change.  And these changes are hard to take.  It means reversing the roles slowly but surely.  We still have some things to do like taking some money out of an IRA for her for this year.  New skill set for me.  We also are going to go see an accountant to get her taxes back in line.
All of these things keep her in her house a little longer than she would have been if she kept taking care of them.
So now I am just working on the routine. How to incorporate the new things I need to do in with the old.

I'm Slow

It took me four days to get to the store to buy grass seed. Dropped it off so Josh can reseed. I should have taken a before and after picture.  Should have thought of that when I was at their house. Maybe I will take one later.
Josh and Rachel used the voucher for Cinetopia this weekend. Seemed to enjoy their movie night.

Catch Up

We had an appointment on Thursday for sibling pictures. On the way there I knew I had caught the tummy bug that the littles had earlier in the week. Managed to get the pictures taken even though neither child was cooperating. Took Audrie over to the bungee jumper. She has wanted to do it for so long. We paid our $5 and she got to jump and fly. She was smiling the whole time. She loved it.
Friday the littles went with Papa and Nana got a long nap. Mostly symptom free but very unenergetic.
And then the house became a wreck. It is amazing how much of a mess two little kids make. It isn't so noticeable when Nana is constantly picking up. Have a sick day and it sucks.
So finally feeling better. Have spent the morning cleaning, not that you can tell. They are going right behind me making a mess. Been looking for my missing cell phone. I used it last night, so it has to be  here. I may have had help. And so far no luck in finding it.
A friend of my neighbor sent clothes for the littles. She misjudged on the sizes. I wasn't sure how to handle that. They came from Costco, so I took them back to Costco. There was no problem returning them without a receipt. So I stocked up on jammies in the next size.
Pat and I are planning a trip to MN. We started off looking at July, but it is a bad time for me to get time off from work. So now we are tentatively looking at October.

The Ball is Rolling

I handed in my paperwork and paid for services this morning.  Since I ended up being sick this afternoon it is a good thing I didn't wait till tomorrow. So there should be paperwork ready for signing next week.

Something New

Helpful

One of the things my attorney needs is copies of the deeds to the two properties. So Dave went to the title company today and got them. He is being very helpful. Maybe to keep it all amicable because I will have the kids.

Finally

Josh is going to do some pressure washing for me and I'm not going to pay him. So the opportunity came up to buy a voucher for two Cinetopia tickets with a beverage credit for a really decent price. I immediately thought of him and bought one for him. Then all week I have planned on connecting with him to give it to him. Between his long hours and the kids being sick, it wasn't working out.
Tonight we finally connected and he was pleased with his present. Then he proceeded to ask me to buy grass seed. He had thatched the yard and wanted to reseed. Ah, the joys of being a landlord. Anyway he keeps the yard looking nice and he is going to pressure wash. A bag of seed is a small price to pay.

Better

The kids were a bit better today. A little bit of up and own. Audrie got a fever last night. Connor mostly seems fine. Guess we will see how tomorrow plays out. Good thing I didn't book that hotel at the beach.

Anti-climatic

Had my initial consultation with an attorney. Since Dave and I are in agreement on the split and it is pretty close to a 50/50 split, it is a piece of cake. She explained how the quit claim deeds work and when they are done. She explained the social security aspect. As long as I roll the money out of the Ira  into one of my own there is no tax hit. Yay! Easy, easy.
And we discussed the custody of Audrie. We are simply going to do a modification of the custody agreement leaving her in my care. It is the easiest thing.
So now I fill out my paperwork, pay for it, Dave and I will sign and then it is filed. 90 days after that it is final and I will feel a sense of peace and security.

Tummy Bug Again

Yup. Both of the littles came down with a tummy bug. Different symptoms for each of them. We spent the majority of the day resting. Audrie fell asleep early for nap and for the night. She was much more lethargic than Connor. Maybe that had something to do with the fact that he ate all day and she did not.  Hopefully it is just a 24 hour bug and tomorrow is a better day.

Dinner

We decided to BBQ some steaks tonight. Mom contributed red potatoes to be grilled. After nap I called her and she said she was on her way. An hour later she called. She had to return home because she got confused. We get it all straight and she heads out again. Two more calls later, one from the store and then home, she again got confused. So I went and picked her up. I think the dementia is progressing a little faster.
Dinner was good. Steaks, grilled potatoes, pineapple and garlic bread.

Dump Run

Mom decided we needed to make a dump run. She had lots of odds and ends taking up space. Buckets and planters tend to start disintegrating after awhile. Some stuff, like an outdoor umbrella, just won't go in the garbage can. So Pat came over and we loaded his truck. I worked the yard while they collected stuff out of the garage.  We were ready to run to the dump in about an hour.
Lots of people had the same idea, so we waited in line. Being at the dump always makes me think of Dad. We made many trips together. Anyway we got unloaded and plan another run in a couple of weeks. More work needs to be done in the garage and I'm sure I can find some stuff in the yard. And every trip we do now is that many less we do later.
We also all talked about me renting Mom's house when the day comes that she moves. Unfortunately it gets closer and closer.