My Fault My Bad

Well it seems all of the little man's problems are again laid on my shoulders.  It starts with the call from the state when the little man was three days old.  Dave and I agreed to take the little man while things were worked out.  And since here we are today, this is the way it worked out.  I have been informed more than once that we ruined what the parents wanted...they were giving him up for adoption.  The funny thing about that is they always could have done that.  Him being placed with us had nothing to do with their decision about adoption.  The state just wasn't going to allow it to be the people they had picked and there were reasons for that.
As time moved ahead the little man starting showing symptoms of his developmental trauma.  And I have blogged about most of that.  When Dad came home this last time from incarceration  he laid down some ground rules and helped with some structure.  All good things for this type of trauma.  And it helped.  Broke the cycle in the house.
But as time goes on and Dad reverts back to his old ways....so do behaviors here. And as Dad loses his patience he also loses his ability to see that they are children and will not learn immediately the things we want to teach them.  You have to do it over and over and over.  So their inability to grasp behaving all the time....it in turn makes him even less patient.  Kind of a catch-22.
So this week when his impatience and their flight or flight responses collided it again became my fault.  I don't discipline enough or in the right way.  And that is why he isn't here very much. He's not the first one to say that, but...... So hey it is all my fault, my bad.  But I'm not changing in the way he thinks I should.  I am going to keep on loving and trying(big trying) to be patient.  We will get through the panic attacks and the misbehaviors.  We will get through each day the best we can.  I will keep calm, collaborate and keep boundaries.  And I will not be successful every day.  So if I can't be successful every day, why would I ever expect a child to.  And I must not forget.  I am here every day 24/7.