Book

I have gotten back in the habit of reading before I go to sleep.  And I am so enjoying it.  So I am in the middle of "Dark Sacred Night" by Michael Connelly.  It is a Harry Bosch novel and he is one of the characters that I have always loved. 
What becomes a little difficult for me is Amazon started a Harry Bosch series and I have watched all that has been produced.  And one of the story lines is what is happening in this book I'm reading.  But they changed it a lot for the television series.  I see the actor in my head when I read it and that is fine, but the changes make it kind of odd for me.  It is one of the reasons that I have to read the book before it becomes a movie. Once it is a movie it usually ruins the books and the book is usually better.

"Dallas Buyers Club"

I watched this movie and it is about seven years old.  At first I was surprised I had missed it, but I had children in the house then and wasn't watching a lot of movie.  Main character is played by Matthew McConaughey.  I have never seen him look so bad and nothing like himself.  He was the character. It showed the depth of his acting.
The story took place towards the beginning of the HIV/Aids epidemic.  It was well worth my time to watch it. 

BBQ

I made the potato salad and deviled eggs early.  Pat decided we should add hamburgers to the menu.  So there were hamburgers and cheesy brats.  Since it was bbq I had him cook.  And we enjoyed it.
We had invited Dale and his wife over but he wasn't feeling well.  I had invited Jodi, but it was Friday night and she was beat from her week and still has to work tomorrow.  So she opted for a nap.  They all missed out. 

Blueberries

Joe and I met up this morning to do the blueberries.  We still make a good team.  We were much quicker this time.  When we were done we had a nice visit in the shade.  It was already getting pretty warm.  We were pretty warm from spending all that time in the sun. 
Betty had to go to the eye doctor so we were on our own.  I bet she enjoyed just getting out.  She commented about always being home and alone.  Least she doesn't mind when I come around on occasion.

New Computer

Took a little nap.  Woke up to the Dell screen on my computer.  That is weird.  It wouldn't let me go anywhere else.  Shut down and reboot did nothing.  Just stuck.  It has been giving me oops messages for awhile.  I thought, perhaps it was the video card as it did it most when there was a lot of things going on on the webpage I was open to. 
This virus kind of limits me.  I could order a computer online and have it delivered in a week or more.  Best buy had three, count them three, that could be picked up and none of those three interested me.  So I drove over to Costco and purchased a new laptop.  Naturally the benefit of a laptop is it can travel with me. 
Set up was pretty easy.  It basically set itself up.  Passwords are horrendous because I choose to let the 'puter remember them.  Does not do any good when it is a new 'puter.  But I'm working on it.  I have the main ones and did some changes since I was all new.  Set up some two step things for security. 
Pat tells me we should still be able to get everything off the old computer.  We will take the hard drive out and put it in something else and move stuff.  Good because there is some stuff that I may need at some point and there are a lot of pictures not on my externals. 

Mowing

We had noticed that Betty's yard was getting a bit shaggy.  So I emailed her and asked if she wanted me to come mow.  She did.  So I spent a good chunk of the afternoon doing that.  It wasn't too bad where she had mowed once this season.  But there was two good chunks that hadn't been mowed at all yet.  It took two and a half hours and part of it looked bad.  My first mowing is always bad.  But even bad it looked better than it did. 
Then she asked about helping Joe with spraying the blueberries again.  So we are doing that later in the week.

Freedom

It's kind of an odd place to be.  I hadn't really thought about it until Aunt Betty pointed it out.  She told me she wasn't going to really say sorry for the loss as that loss was the last tie in my life.  I am not attached to a spouse.  I am not attached to a significant other.  I am not raising children any longer. I am not attached to a job that I have to be at. I am not attached to a piece of property that I live at and have to maintain.  I don't even have an apartment.  I have a room.  And it holds all my worldly goods.  I have downsized and minimized so much that there just isn't much left.  And everything of value whether real or sentimental have already been taken from me or lost.  What I am left with is a great amount of freedom.  Freedom to do stuff and freedom from taking care of stuff.
I am free to do whatever I want.  Well once society as a whole can do stuff.  I get to choose every single day how I want to spend it.  Right now I am not planning much further than this summer when I make my Midwest trip.  Pat and I are still talking about Mexico for Thanksgiving if allowed.  And then maybe Indiana for Christmas. And when Pat talks about some of the trips he wants to take I can now entertain thoughts of going along.  Or not. 
What I am planning is a trip to Florida and a trip to New Mexico.  I want to see the people who are important to me and who have given me support or looked to me for support.  I can make a whole lot of long weekend trips if I want to and I think I do. Tomorrow is never promised.

Riced Cauliflower

So Pat was told to cut way back on carbs.  Now everything is either a carb, a fat or a protein.  So it's not really cut back on carbs as cut back on high carb food.  Like noodles and rice.  So he is counting and I am trying to cook better meals for carb counting. 
So I made a kind of Swedish meatballs last night.  Normally that is served over potatoes or rice.  I personally like rice best but I can go either way.  Well potatoes are a starchy carb and rice is just high carb.  So I picked up a package of frozen riced cauliflower to try.  The texture is not quite rice, but close and there is an underlying taste of cauliflower.  But when the meatballs are on top it is all right.  Meatballs are not something we will have often but it is nice to have a substitute to make the whole meal a lot less carby.  And that riced cauliflower probably works pretty well with a chicken stir-fry. 

Three Weeks in a Row

I met up with my friends today at the Farmer's Market.  Bought some goodies and then we walked down by the waterfront.  The plants and flowers are over there right now.  And then we checked out what they have done to the waterfront park area. 
Strawberries became more shortcake.  This time I smashed some for Pat and they had juice that way.  Now I wait to see if he liked them better.  There were Rainier Cherries this weekend and I had to get some.  I have no idea how much they costed me, but they sure were good. 
I saw Rachel again at 10:30 and she was already almost sold out.  She said she had a customer at 9 who bought seven heads of lettuce.  Good for her.  The object is to sell out. 
It was good to see my friends and good to shop the market. 

Blah

It just felt like a blah day.  I did take the dogs for a walk.  Well I took one of them for a walk and one of them took me on a merry chase.  I was going to put the leash on her outside as we could get out the door without the little one knowing.  But as soon as the big one hit outside she was gone.  All's well that ends well. 

Thank You Notes

Each day I am working on some thing that I have to do for the estate.  Some of it is legal stuff and some of it is just being considerate stuff.  So today is the thank you notes for memorials and flowers. 
I'm hoping to hear from the nursery that my tree is in.  And I guess I keep busy because then I am still moving forward and moving forward spreads out the grief. 

Phone Calls

My day started with a call from Denton.  The death certificates were in and ready to be picked up.  I had to make an appt. to do that so I suggested after lunch.  We then compared lunch times and his is later than mine.  When I went to pick them up, he wasn't even there.  His wife gave them to me.  ;p
Once back home it was time for the phone calls.  Mom had three pensions that she received.  So I had to find the numbers for those and then call to see what is required to get them stopped.  All going according to Hoyle, the pensions have stopped but in a few weeks I will be getting paperwork that I have to fill out and attach death certificates too.  That is fine...I just didn't want any money showing up that would have to go through the hassle of returning. 
One day at a time. 

A Plant

My friend Doug sent me a peace lily.  It is very nice.  It is beyond thoughtful.
I am always amazed at where support comes from.  My family here has shrunk a lot.  And that means that we are left without that support system that you get when you live near lots of relatives.  Now we got support from our relatives in the Midwest.  Lots of messages and cards.  And that is what we kind of expect. 
But it is amazing when your friends step up especially at this time in history.  No one can really see each other.  We could not have a funeral.  So to get a plant is heart affirming that there are people out there that care. 
Thanks Doug.  My heart is a little less sad than it was. 

Hot Dog

I finished up the taxes for 2019.  When I left off the day of the funeral the refund was showing $155.  And I was so pleased that this time there wasn't four to six thousand owing like the past few years.  The part I had left off on was the medical.  Always fun.  When I was done with that I was done.  It added greatly to the refund.  No owing at all.  Got to like that.  Figures that just as I get it all worked out to make sure the withholding is right that then I won't need to do that anymore.  C'est la vie.  Just happy that is worked out nice this time.

Sunflowers

I almost forgot.  Heather and Jeff sent me this beautiful bouquet.  She called them sunflowers for a sunny Joanne.  They are just gorgeous.  And I am so appreciative. 
Heather just seems to have a knack for when to do something that helps me along.  She used to be my daughter-in-law.  Now she is just my family.  I don't have a label because there is no label suitable for who she is to me. 
Thank you Heather and Jeff.  I am definitely making a plan for a visit.  No tentativeness to it. 

Strawberries

Jodi and I went back to the Farmer's Market today.  Yeehaw two weeks in a row.  Anyway the first thing we see is strawberries.  We both decided we were getting some on the way out.  And we did.  We also found a better vendor for our veggies.  The prices were a lot better.  I don't mind paying for my produce but I still want to feel like I can afford it. 
I saw Rachel from Urban Snail selling her greens.  She wasn't there last week.  It was good to see her and hard not to give her a hug. 
And then I came home and my strawberries became shortcake.  OMG.  Delicious.  I had to eat two and that was my dinner.  I made Pat's without sugar and naturally that meant there wasn't any juice to speak of, but he still seemed to enjoy it. 
Turns out I'm going again next weekend so that will be three in a row.  :)

Friday Work Day

We are back on schedule.  Friday is work day.  We kind of plot it out earlier in the week as to what we want to accomplish.  So today the lawn got mowed....after another belt broke on the rider and the new spark plug was put in the push mower.  We got the two vehicles out of the back yard that are going to the scrap yard.  We finished the workbench in the family room.
It really was a good days work.  I know I did something because I stiffened right up by evening.

Laid to Rest

Mom was laid to rest this afternoon.  We had a small short graveside service.  Dale and Don came and gave the beautiful white flowers.  Betty made a beautiful basket with the rhodies in it.  Mom loved rhodies.  Seemed very fitting.  It was a very quiet day.
The whole thing was different than any other I have been too.  Part of that is naturally because it is my mom.   I was told the casket was put on top of the vault for the service because it was easier to put it all in the hole.  Watching the procedure I really disagree.  But that is all right, it got done. 
I was happy that Dale and Don and Betty came out to be with us.
A side note...I spent the morning starting Mom's taxes for last year.  It is one of the things I am suppose to do (and was doing anyway).  I was quite happy that it looks like she won't owe a big amount this year.  I finally got things closer to right.  But I wasn't finished. 
When we got back and settled in for the evening I thought about finishing the taxes.  But I totally spaced off giving Jodi the tp I had bought for her at Costco yesterday.  Pat was not surprised...he said it is just the day.  So I opted not to finish the taxes because obviously my brain was not in a place to think clearly.  That is what happens on the day you bury your mother. 

So Hard to Pay

I dropped off the clothes at a clothing box.  I had heard the one by Safeway was overflowing so I didn't even try that one.  I directly went to the one across the street.  I had no problem getting the whole box of clothes in the drop box.  Another errand ticked off our list.
Then I went to pay for Mom's service and arrangements.  Well the debit card was denied.  Before I had left I had made sure the funds had been released.  More than enough money in the account to pay the bill.  And yet, the card was denied.  The funeral home was very kind about it.  I was not embarrassed.  I know the money is there.  So I tell them I will be back with money or a check. 
I'm heading home to get the checkbook when I realize I have to drive right past the bank. So instead I swing in and wait in line.  I'm sure it was still quicker than going home and coming back. 
I get a cashiers check and head back to the funeral home.  So it is paid for.  I don't think I have ever had that much work to pay a bill before.  Another errand finally off the list.  ;p

Whittling the List

Dale helped us get Mom's stuff from the memory unit.  Got to love having a friend with a dump trailer willing to help you.  Most of the furniture went to the dump.  She had pretty well trashed most of it.  Not intentionally...it just is. 
I went through the clothes and kept a few things.  The rest can go to a clothing drop.  I also kept the knickknacks and added the pictures back to the picture boxes. 
Once we were done with all that we had an appointment with the funeral home.  Answered all questions and picked out the casket.  The grand total came in cheaper than I was expecting.  Which is always a bonus. 
Betty said she would make us a floral arrangement for the cemetery with greenery and rhodys from her yard.  That will be perfect because Mom loved rhodys. 

Obituary

Joanne, 77, passed away on May 8, 2020 at Legacy Salmon Creek.  She was born on April 24, 1943 to Leonace in Ashland, Wisconsin.  She spent the early years living with her grandparents and had fond memories of her grandmother Mary all her life.  Joanne was the oldest of her siblings.  She graduated from St. Louis Park High Schoolin St. Louis Park, MN in 1961.

Joanne met Gene and married in June 1963.  They had two children, Dawn and Patrick.  After they divorced Joanne decided it was time to start fresh someplace other than Minnesota.  She had planned on moving to the Pacific Northwestprior to getting married.  So she had an auction and loaded what was left in a small u-haul trailer.  Packed the kids in the car and made the trek cross country to Portland, Oregon.  Gene returned and they moved to Vancouver, Washington and got remarried. 

Joanne held a number of jobs over the years.  She was a typesetter, worked at the cannery, sold Avon and ran pilot car one season with Gene.  She managed the books for him while he was a long haul truck driver.  Gene passed away in 1989 after a stint with Hospice.  Joanne was so impressed with the nurses, that after Gene passed, she went to school at Clark Collegein the nursing department.  She did the prerequisites and the nursing program in two years and graduated with honors in 1991.  She spent a year working for the VA and then went to work for Hospice Southwest.  She finished her nursing career working for Kaiser’s Hospice.  She absolutely loved her job. 

Joanne loved her children, her grandchildren and her great-grandchildren.  She loved a good book and dogs.  She read about French bulldogs in a mystery novel and decided she had to have one.  She ended up having four before she was no longer able to take care of a dog. 

Joanne is survived by her children, Dawn and Patrick, grandson Micheal, great grandchildren Audrie and Connor, siblings Jerry (Sally), Terri and Leo Jr., Gene’s daughter Denise (Barney) and children Carey, Nicole and Justin, brother-in law Wayne (Helga) and sister-in-law Nila.

Joanne was predeceased by her husband Gene, parents Leonace and Leo Sr., siblings Ricky, Shar and Gary, and son-in-law Dave.

Internment will be at Crawford Cemeterywith Layne’s Funeral Home covering arrangements.  No funeral at this time due to the virus, so a celebration of life will be held later when we can all gather and remember the wonderfulness of Joanne.  

Roof

We got the roof finished being brushed off.  That moss is relentless.  Neither of us wanted to get up on the roof to do it.  As we get older we don't want to do some of this harder stuff.  So we hired it done.  And it was warm. Poor guys. 
After most of the moss was off they put up moss kill to help it from coming right back.  And we also noticed that some of the shingles are lifting up.  That means that Pat is probably looking at a new roof this fall as well. 

Mother's Day today.  I actually got a present.  I haven't gotten a present since Dave died.  I met Mike and he gave a blue tooth speaker for my phone.  I've been working outside a lot and trying to listen to music on my phone.  The sound just kind of disappears outside.  So now I have a little speaker which definitely gets louder than my phone.  So while it was a sucky day, there was a glimmer of goodness. 

Flowers

Uncle Jerry is sending some money for some kind of something for Mom.  Flowers it is.
Jodi and I went to the Farmer's Market today.  The flower vendors were over by the riverfront so we went there when we were done.  I found the little pot of fuchsias.  And I thought that would be perfect to take to the cemetery for Mom's burial.  The baskets were absolutely beautiful and of course, being Mother's Day weekend, expensive.  It's what the market will bear.  My frugal nature was really kicking in.  And yet, this Calibrachoa was just calling my name and then Mom's name.  It is a brilliant red.  And my thought after Mom would love it, was hummingbirds would love it.
We got Mom baskets every year for a long time for Mother's Day.  Even when she went to assisted living she got a basket.  It felt really right that this basket come home for us to enjoy with her all summer long and I can't think of a better memorial than that.
Jodi had brought Zach over to do some work.  And while we were sitting outside watching him work a hummingbird made a pass through checking out the fuchsia.  Now it knows it is here and I'm sure it will be partaking when people aren't sitting six feet away from it.  So we will have flowers and hummers.
Thanks Uncle Jerry.  Mom is happy I'm sure.

Mom

My mom died today.  I have been writing obituaries in my head since Tuesday night.  Obituaries give you the basic information.  But my mom was so much more than that. 
She was my best role model.  She was a single mom for a period of time.  And during that time she decided to pack up and move 1700 miles away.  We had an auction and sold most of our furnishings.  She rented a small u-haul trailer and we drove from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest.  She got a job and found a house to rent. 
And then when my dad came back she took him in and they again made a life.  We moved to Vancouver.  She outlived him by 30 years.  When he died she was so impressed with the hospice nurses that she decided to go to school and become a nurse so she, too, could be a hospice nurse.  And she did that from 1992 until she retired in 2007, 
Mom has shown great grace in all the trials her health has given her.  Multiple surgeries over the years.  She was an ovarian cancer survivor.  She was diagnosed with dementia in 2007,  That was her biggest fear in life and yet she got through it.  Bit by bit that disease took her away from us, but never all the way.  It was her heart that finally did her in.  I think the dementia was slowly preparing us for the day we would go on without her, but we are never really prepared. 
Her greatest joys were her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She had a lot of love for us.  She was my greatest supporter.  She understood the trials that come from being married to an alcoholic. When I told the littles that she was in the hospital they both hoped she would not die, but then they thought about it and said if she did that she would be reunited with Phoebe.  Phoebe, the last french bulldog.  They got it right and it was okay for them to think about it that way.  There is resilience there and if they learned it from me, it is because I learned it from her. 
I will miss my mom till the day I die.  Parts I had already been missing for a long time.  Like our daily phone calls we used to have.  The conversations we had about everything.  Our shared love of reading good books.  I could go on and on.  Afterall I have a lifetime of memories of her.  They will have to sustain me from here on out. 
I know it hasn't totally hit me and that I am going to grieve for a long time.  But the silver lining is always going to be there.  The tired heart took her before the dementia took all dignity away from her.  She still had her sense of humor.  She still had love. 
Joanne  1943-2020
Light and love on the journey Mom.  Give Dave a hug for me and kiss Dad.  And of course give Phoebe lots of pets. 

Long Day

Yesterday the chaplain had offered a lap quilt for Mom.  She couldn't find one with dogs, but she did find one with teals in it. She also had let us know that a harpist would be coming around and we choose to let her play or not as we wanted.  We let her and she played for about 20 minutes.  It was kind of soothing. 
The doctor again decided she should just stay.  Her breathing is very irregular which is a sign that it is getting close. 
I saw another chaplain.  She was there when I'm pretty sure Mom responded to me.  I told her that I loved her and she made noises like she was saying it back.  And that was the extent of our interaction today.  Her body is very tired. 
I signed all the final paperwork on the sale of her house.  It's not valid until recorded which will be tomorrow.  I'm just relieved that that part is done and will make what comes that much easier.  There isn't any clean up because it has already been done. 

Funny

The doctor called me before we went to the hospital.  He thought it best for her to spend the day at the hospital as he really didn't want to move her. 
When we got to the hospital the chaplain was there to meet us.  She had offered us a snack cart.  Seems the cafeteria is shut down because there are no visitors to the hospital.  So they made it into a convenience store.  They could even buy toilet paper.  And I just found that funny.  Especially in light of the fact that some stores are still always out of toilet paper. 
Mom basically slept most of the day.  She would wake a bit every time they did something to her.  But that was about all.  A couple of times we made eye contact.  I'm sure on some level she knew we were there. 
Pat opted to go home to sleep and stick his head in the sand as he called it.  It's a hard thing to know your mom is going to die. 

And So It Begins

I got a call from the facility my mom lives at.  Seems she had fallen in the morning (and I got called in the morning).  They patched her up and checked her out and she was fine.  Talking and eating breakfast.  But as the day progressed she started becoming less and less responsive to her.  So they called to see about having her taken to the ER.  And that is what happened.
My first thought is can I go....and if so maybe she fell just so I could see her as it has been two months.  The registration person called to get information and told me I could come.  One visitor is allowed in the ER with a patient.  So I went.
I'm pretty sure she was never aware of me being there.  She would look at me, but not see me.  She was seeing whatever it is she was seeing.  They did a CT scan to make sure she didn't have a brain bleed or a fractured skull.  She did not.
Then they asked me what I wanted to do. She is a DNR patient so how much investigating did I want.  At some point there is no point if you aren't going to treat.  I didn't quite feel like we were at that point.  So they took some blood and urine.  She got x-rays of her foot and hip.  X-rays were fine.  Then they came in and said they figured it out.  She had had a massive heart attack.  We don't know when as no one saw it.  She should not have survived it, but she did.
Since she is DNR she definitely was not getting surgery which is what anyone younger or healthier would be getting.  There were some meds that could help but not really prolong life.  So the decision was made to let nature take its course and keep her comfortable.  She had only said five words the whole time I was in the ER with her. 
They were going to admit her and we will play it by ear tomorrow.  I had told Pat about the heart attack, but saved the rest for when I see him after he gets home from work. 

Old Beer

Filling up the recycle bin. I found the rest of the beer I was emptying and throwing the cans in the bin.
So this beer is 36 years old. When I popped the top it still smelled like beer. When I poured it out it was still carbonated. And the one I dropped and then opened sprayed all over. Cans were made a lot better back then. And yes, I smelled like beer. Not my favorite thing by any means.

Growing List

Our honey do list is growing. We've added a dump run to it. So I have another list of stuff to include in that dump run. First things first though. The truck has to go get rid of scrap metal.
And we must remember to get the table from BG.

Weekend

I always think of things I need to do or needed to do at times inconvenient.  So today I realize I didn't hear back from the attorneys office. So I need to make a concerted effort to remember to call on Monday.
Either my time is off or I am in the car driving.  I do not know why. I guess I am glad that I do remember at all. ;p

May Day

We did not get everything done today that we had planned.  The flowerbed is ready for a course of round up.  Then we can put down some more barrier and the bark dust we bought.  We decided to wait until the moss is off the roof.  Otherwise all that ucky moss will be all over our nice new pretty bark.  We found someone willing to come climb up on the roof and brush the moss off.  That has to wait for next weekend because of the rain this weekend. 
A neighbor gave us a bunch of mill ends.  So we used some barrels that were on our dispose of list to keep them contained.  The barrels can be disposed of next year.  ;p
So while we are slow on our list we do keep moving forward.