Mom

My mom died today.  I have been writing obituaries in my head since Tuesday night.  Obituaries give you the basic information.  But my mom was so much more than that. 
She was my best role model.  She was a single mom for a period of time.  And during that time she decided to pack up and move 1700 miles away.  We had an auction and sold most of our furnishings.  She rented a small u-haul trailer and we drove from the Midwest to the Pacific Northwest.  She got a job and found a house to rent. 
And then when my dad came back she took him in and they again made a life.  We moved to Vancouver.  She outlived him by 30 years.  When he died she was so impressed with the hospice nurses that she decided to go to school and become a nurse so she, too, could be a hospice nurse.  And she did that from 1992 until she retired in 2007, 
Mom has shown great grace in all the trials her health has given her.  Multiple surgeries over the years.  She was an ovarian cancer survivor.  She was diagnosed with dementia in 2007,  That was her biggest fear in life and yet she got through it.  Bit by bit that disease took her away from us, but never all the way.  It was her heart that finally did her in.  I think the dementia was slowly preparing us for the day we would go on without her, but we are never really prepared. 
Her greatest joys were her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  She had a lot of love for us.  She was my greatest supporter.  She understood the trials that come from being married to an alcoholic. When I told the littles that she was in the hospital they both hoped she would not die, but then they thought about it and said if she did that she would be reunited with Phoebe.  Phoebe, the last french bulldog.  They got it right and it was okay for them to think about it that way.  There is resilience there and if they learned it from me, it is because I learned it from her. 
I will miss my mom till the day I die.  Parts I had already been missing for a long time.  Like our daily phone calls we used to have.  The conversations we had about everything.  Our shared love of reading good books.  I could go on and on.  Afterall I have a lifetime of memories of her.  They will have to sustain me from here on out. 
I know it hasn't totally hit me and that I am going to grieve for a long time.  But the silver lining is always going to be there.  The tired heart took her before the dementia took all dignity away from her.  She still had her sense of humor.  She still had love. 
Joanne  1943-2020
Light and love on the journey Mom.  Give Dave a hug for me and kiss Dad.  And of course give Phoebe lots of pets.