Speech Therapy

Kim from Educational Opportunities came out today to go over the results of Audrie's evaluation. She is a little delayed in speech.  So the plan is for her to have some speech therapy.  She will probably see someone once a week from now until the fall when she turns three years-old. We are also going to check into Early Head Start for her.  I love having people in our life who can facilitate these things for us.  Since she qualifies for speech therapy it moves her up the list for Head Start if we go with that option.  It's all good for Audrie.

This One Is For Jacob

New Truck

Yesterday we went to license the new truck.  The state of Washington said we needed to pay  use tax on $7650.  We paid substantially less than that.  So the gal at the DOL looked it up on Edmunds and couldn't find our truck.  So she gave us a few options, none of which sounded like fun.  Take it to a dealer and have them give us an estimate of retail price for it.  Take it to a shop and get an estimate for what repairs would cost.

Today I looked it up on Kelly Blue Book and came up with better values.  Went back and had a different gal.  She looked it up on Edmunds and found it and basically charged me tax on what we paid.  Yes.  Nice.  

Now we need to take the truck to Dick's and get some new tires.  And it is all good to go.  

My Thirty One

My friend Treva has a home business.  She sells these organizational totes and thing.  She is having a contest right now and anyone can try and win one of these totes.  The fact that they are spirit, of course, does nothing for me as I am not sporty.  But I can say the tote is amazing.  I have a "normal" one that I use as the diaper bag and it holds a lot of stuff.  I love the pockets on the outside to hold pop, bottles, sippy cups, etc.
http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10150801900132224&set=o.229446713827037&type=1&theater

And because that link doesn't work well.  Try this one;

http://www.mythirtyone.com/trevaclay/

Anti-depressents

I sure hope they get Dave's meds right.  Not being depressed but sleeping 22 hours a day isn't any better than it was before the meds.  We still do nothing.

Picture Wall

Dave and I were talking. I commented about taking down the picture wall.  It has been up for the majority of the time we have lived here.  It went though a small change when I painted the wall.  I think it is time to go through a change again.  Instead of reflecting our past so much I think it should reflect who we are now.  Dave agreed.  Said hey Scott isn't around much so he doesn't need to be on the wall.  I said....Scott is like Josh and needs to be on the wall.  They are our family. I am thinking a bigger change though.  I am kind of thinking it is time to hang my daddy's whip.  I'd hang his hat, but Minnie ate it when she was a puppy.  I'm not sure where I am going yet exactly, but I am going.
Made me realize how much we finally accepted the changes in our childrens' lives. It is all ongoing of course, but for now we love Kristie and should show that.  We accept that Tanya has chosen to not be part of our family.  The little man is part of our family and he has no place yet on the wall.  Changes afoot.

Advice For Mike

The only person you have to worry about is you.  Today you make a choice whether you are in recovery or not.  Today you make a choice to use or not.  You do this for you.  When you use you do it for you and when you are clean you do it for you.  Never forget that.  If you do it for someone else it never works out.  And I would hate for you to EVER blame your children for your addiction path.  So you do it for you.  And I know you know this because we talked about it not too long ago.
As for those people who are willing to tell you what to do...just remember if they are worrying about your program, they obviously are not working their own.  We all hope you choose wisely, but telling you things you already know seems redundant and in your face.  Like this post, but I'm the only one telling you to do it for yourself.
So one day at a time as that is all we have.  I love you.  I know you can do it if you so choose.

Doug

One of the most amazing traits about Doug is his ability to be so organized.  We saw this when he hit teenagehood and started keeping his room clean.  Not the typical teenager that is for sure.  So when he joined the military I knew he would fit in well there.  Organizational.
On our trip last fall to his house I could tell that it is definitely just part of his personality.  He can cook without making a mess (unbelievable I know).  He had four dogs in the house and yet the pet hair was mostly minimal.  His garage was organized.
Oh how I wish I could be like that.  It is not part of my personality.  I struggle with maintaining cleanliness.  I cook, I make a mess.  When we lift the little man off the floor if he looks like a cat it is time to vacuum.  And so it goes.
There are many things about Doug that I admire, but this trait is one I wish we shared.  And I don't think it can ever be learned.  It is just nature.  But for today in honor of Doug I worked on decluttering my kitchen counters.  At least it will look good and organized for a day or two.  :P

Should Know Better

Yup it's a four day weekend and I had all these plans. Friday was the park.  Saturday was painting the bathroom and I had the babysitter lined up.  Today was possibly the zoo or perhaps Rose Festival, as Betty gave us pins again this year for admission.  I had some shopping I was hoping to do.
So far we made it to the park today.  It rained on Friday.  It rained on Saturday and Audrie didn't want to get dressed.  Yeah, I should know better.  My plans almost never work out like they are planned.  I'm not sure why I bother making them.
On a side note...we did buy a truck this weekend.  Another Dodge Dakota, but this one has four doors and four wheel drive.  Met all of Dave's criteria and mine.  His and mine were different.

Hippie Mama

I feel so much like an earth mother.  Today we added peas to the little man's repertoire of food that he eats.  Cooked them and bulleted them into nice little servings for him.  So now he eats peas, brown rice cereal, sweet potatoes and bananas.  All made at home.  Still waiting for the day I spring avocado on him again.  He will eat guacamole.  Maybe he will be like me.  Love guacamole, hate avocado.  

For Today

I am amazed at the color of Audrie's hair.  It gets lovelier as it grows in more.
I am enjoying snuggles with my favorite girl.
I am looking forward to some time at the park.
I am breathing.
I am practicing ahimsa and doing better at it this week.
I am awed that I got all the bedding changed for all of us.  That never happens.
I am sending Kristie smiles.
I am loving all the smiles the little man gives me.
I am happy that Mike is well today.
I am looking forward to the steaks Mom bought for Dave to bbq.
I am wishing all good things for Nita in her new adventure.
I am feeling the love in my home from the two best little people here.

Faces Of Audrie

Just some photos of Audrie and all her many faces.  She can be expressive when she wants to be.

A Ride

Mike called and asked for a ride yesterday back to Cascade Locks.  So the little kids and I didn't have anything else to do since Papa decided to go to bed at 4 in the afternoon.  So we went and picked him up and took him home.  He seemed clean.  Told me how he ended up out there.  It's not necessarily a bad thing to be away from most of his 'friends'.  Audrie saw her first waterfall and she was enchanted.  A girl after my own heart.

Oy

Nana Nita called me today.  She and Papa Dan are getting divorced and she is moving north.  We are losing our best babysitter.  We will have to make more trips north than we already do.
I hope she will be okay.

Borderline

Dave got the call from Kim today about the evaluation.  We meet with her next week to go over the results.  She told him that Audrie is borderline delayed.  Okay.  Not sure what that means in terms of speech therapy.  Maybe she doesn't really need it and will just develop on her own.  Afterall Adrianna did.  I had to have most things interpreted for me from Adrianna until she was about 3 years-old.

Bottles

Almost every night I wash bottles and the things that go with them.  We were gifted many many Dr. Brown bottles.  These come with a two piece thing in the center that keeps the air from mixing with the formula as the baby drinks.  So there are five pieces to wash for each bottle.  I could wash them in the dishwasher, I just have this aversion to it.  So I wash them by hand.  And amazingly enough I find it soothing and calming.  Part of my nighttime routine before I go to bed.  I kind of get in a mind numb place and wind down.  And the little man benefits by having clean bottles at the beginning of every day.  I just love this boy.

Wednesday

So Mike has been staying with some woman out in Cascade Locks.  Supposedly he is still clean and waiting for a bed in treatment.  He showed up at visitation today.  Cassie did not.  My guess is she thought Mike was still in detox so she didn't feel the need to show up.
I guess the plan is next week if Cassie shows up is for Beth to walk her across the street for the dna test needed for Connor.  Cassie first and then the dads.
Audrie had her speech evaluation.  Now we wait for the results.

Evaluation Day

Audrie had her evaluation for her speech today.  I have no idea what the numbers will show.  I know she greatly impressed them by knowing her colors.  That surprised me.  I thought it was just one of the first things they learn.  They said some kindergartners don't know all their colors.  She did all the tasks they asked her to do.  I was in awe when she stacked six blocks.  They looked to me like they should have just toppled over and  yet she must have had them very well balanced.  What a girl.  We'll hear from Kim at Educational Opportunities as to the results.  So now we just wait.  One more thing done this week.

Wes

Beth came to visit us yesterday for her monthly home visit.  Said our little man was way too skinny.  :)
She brought news that Wes got his court order for a paternity test for the little man.  Nothing in the system works very fast, but it will move forward.  She said he has been keeping in contact wiith her since I gave him the information he needed to contact her.  He thought that if the paternity test proves him to be the father he would automatically get custody.  That is not how it works with the state.  He would have to jump through the same hoops that Cassie would have to if she wanted the little man back.  She explained to him about family placement and how the little man came to be in our home.  He quickly put two and two together and asked what happens if he is the father because then we are not the paternal grandparents.  He did not want the little man moving to a real foster home.  Because Audrie is his sister this home is still a relative placement and the little man would not move until, if and when, the state decided he should live with a parent.
All I can say is it would break my heart to have the little man leave.  However, if he has a parent who so obviously wants him, and the state agrees, that he should have the shot at a parent full time in his life.  And hopefully if that happens Beth is right when she said she thought Wes would still allow us to be Nana and Papa.   We love the little man so much.

In The Wind

I forgot to take Mike's bag with me to work to drop off.  Dang it.  That meant I got to make another trip downtown.  Got there, found a place to park and went to the door.  The woman was very strange.  Told me to come in and then she disappeared.  Came back out and told me that Mike was no longer there.  My impression was he was not next door in in-patient.  She said he was cleared to leave by the nurse.  So he is again in the wind.  We have no idea where he went or where he landed.  We just know he didn't call us at all.  C'est la vie.

Funny

Michael shared with me that PJ misses working with me.  He got switched to the afternoon shift awhile back.  He told her he didn't know how to take me at first, but now  knows I am just funny.  I was like..wow..most people don't get my sense of humor. She told me he is very dry.  Ah, that is why he gets me.
Poor Spencer, the other young guy that works with me, still doesn't know how to take me most of the time and he has worked with me for several months now.

Growing

The little kids are growing so fast.  I was looking at pictures of Audrie from just last year and she is so much a little girl now.  She was still toddler then.  And the little man is becoming such a little man.  He has personality.  He smiles so much and is just so happy.  We are just so blessed to have them in our lives.
Audrie has the most amazing problem solving skills.  She can almost ride her bike with pedals.  She climbs well.
The little man is working on those turning over skills.  Sits up with ease.  Is eating sweet potatoes, rice cereal and bananas.  Nana was most disappointed that he didn't really care for avocados, but we will try them again another day.
I just sit in awe every day at the greatness that is the little kids.  I feel grace.

Still There

Mike called and is still in detox.  He has his assessment tomorrow.  All good.  He wanted some deodorant and soap.  Doug sent him a box and it had deodorant and soap in it.  Good timing Doug.

Bubbles

No News

We haven't heard from Mike.  So therefore we assume he is still in detox.  No news is good news, just like ignorance is bliss.

Saturday Morning

The little kids and I went to the Farmer's Market in our little town.  We saw kids, dogs, and interesting jewelry.  Then we ventured over to this park in the middle of nothing.  It's not a good park for two year-olds.  She did manage to practice her climbing skills though.  And she liked climbing on and off the swing things that don't swing.  On the way back to the car we found a new deli/yuppie kind of store.  It sold gourmet salts, vinegars, wine, pasta and sandwiches.  We bought two sandwiches and took them home.  Papa really enjoyed his Reuben.  The sandwiches were very reasonably priced and the store was called Pasta Gigi's.  It is right next door to Lulu's Boutique, of which I have blogged before.  It was a nice outing for the kids and I.  Papa got to work mowing the neighbor's.
And because my lilacs are blooming I bought some specialty lilac soaps at the market and am sending them to very special friends.

Okay

So the wind blew Mike back to our place.  He spent a couple of nights sleeping in the woods.  He ate us out of house and home.  It was one way we knew he wasn't using drugs.  He continued to call Lifeline detox about a bed.  So he had flaked out on Beth, but still did what he needed to do.  Last night he called and they had a bed and he was ready to go in two minutes flat. So I am  proud of him for doing it.  He had to make the effort and he did.  He had to make the choice and he did.
Now whether he continues on and graduates from the program is still all in his ball court.  But for today and that is all we have he is in treatment.  So I am hopeful, but not holding my breath.  And today I am thankful for what is.

Thinking

I keep thinking about all the wonderful things in my life.  Dave is actively in recovery and that is wonderful.  Audrie and the little man are in the safest place they can be right now.  Mike, while not in recovery, is actually thinking about it.  And that is a great change.  I am building this great relationship with Kristie. Doug is a source of reason with a different perspective to my world. Work is always amusing and I love my job.  Mom may be becoming more forgetful, but she is still there.  My brother actually wants to take a trip with me.  I love my Friday Lunch friends and they are a great support for me.  My yard, while needing work, beautifies my world.  Breathwork keeps me calm.  There is absolutely nothing better than little kids love and I get that all day long.  Smiles, kisses, hugs, and heart strings.  And where that leaves off I have pets who snuggle with me.  I am enjoying life and my family and my friends.  I am blessed and I feel fabulous.

Warm Fuzzies

Papa brought the little kids to the bookstore this week.  Audrie made Jacob and Brenda feel so good because she remembered them and gave them hugs.  The little man made his usual splash.  He just about fell asleep in Heidi's arms.  Heidi is just in love.

Naturally

Mike made it to visitation.  Was suppose to reconnect with Beth the social worker.  She was going to help find him accommodations if he couldn't get into detox.  Well he flaked out.  Naturally.  Makes me sad.  He tried calling last night but the kids and I were at the park.  Oh well.....back to boundaries.

Playground Skills

While Dave went to a meeting, the little kids and I went to the playground.  It was quiet on the playground structure so Audrie got to practice some new skills.  She likes to hang from the bars.  She figured out how the slide down the circle bar.  She tolerated bullies and did what she wanted to do.  She played basketball and all the big boys watched out for her.  I enjoyed watching a group of early teens playing tag.  They were careful of her also.  The little man just took it all in.  It was nice.  I like it when there aren't too many kids on the structure.  Makes it easier to watch Audrie.  She tried to climb the rock, but couldn't quite get that one.  That's all right.  Love watching her play and getting all that exercise.

For Today

I am breathing.
I am practicing ahimsa and struggling with it.
I am loving Audrie and the little man.
I am planning the garden.
I am hopeful for Mike to find recovery.
I am thankful for Doug's insight.
I am supporting Dave in his recovery.
I am enjoying a nice cup of coffee....simple pleasures.
I am amazed at the beautiful weather we are having.
I am enjoying watching Audrie at the park.
I am going to live life the way it is meant to be lived.
I am not going to worry about that beyond my control.

Joy

So I ended up giving Mike a ride to detox.  Naturally there were no open beds.  He is to call twice a day until a bed opens up.  We'll see if he follows through or not.  Not in my control.
Also not in my control is Tanya.  Seems she and Randy got drunk when Mike was released last week and they had a little chat with him.  They told him that he needs to get Audrie out of our house because Dave molested Tanya when she was a kid.  Lovely.
So when she was about ten Dave put vicks vaporub on her when she had a cold.  Somehow this came up in conversation with Dave a couple of years ago and he said something about it.   She didn't even remember it, but has now changed it into he massaged her breasts.  About the time that this incident happened is when we were going through the whole thing with Bill where she had been molested.  We went to the police, had court, and months of counseling for her.  My guess is she is mangling up all the memories in her head.  And you have to wonder what part Randy plays in this since it has never came up before he came in the picture, except for her to ask me about the incident with the vaporub because she didn't remember it happening.
It never stays quiet for long in my life.  Drama.  Joy.  I think I will use Cassie's wording and say that really Tanya is an ankle.

Tuesday

Gave Mike a ride to detox today.  Unfortunately there were no open beds.  The plan is for him to call twice a day until a bed opens up.  That ball is in his court.  I can't do it for him, nor can I make him do it.  He said he was tired of all the crap in his life.  Guess time will tell.  It was good to see him and know he is still alive.  :P
And in the meantime we will see if he makes it to visitation tomorrow.  And how it goes.

Here We Go Again

Mike crawled out of the woodwork and got a ride from Dave today.  I'm glad to know he is alive. I was worrying a little bit not having heard from him for a week.  I was trying not to though.  He told Dave all the same old stories so nothing has changed.  It is sad.

Pictures From Mother's Day

Mother's Day

I had a very nice Mother's Day.  Doug and Kristie sent me wishes this morning.  We bbqed this evening with my mom and Pat.  Jodi and Zach came over as did Josh.  Mom's flowers got planted.  We had lots of kid time. There was playing, rolling from back to tummy unassisted and skinny dipping.  I took lots of pictures, but haven't downloaded them yet.  Soon to follow I'm sure.  It was a nice day even if it got a bit warm.  :)

Wonderful Idea

One of the women who did the family recharge with me has started a new business venture.  It is called Mariposa Forest and it sounds wonderful.  You can check it out at;

http://www.mariposaforest.com/

Basically letters are sent to youngsters from the animals of the forest.  I thought it was so cool I got a subscription for Adrianna.  And while Adrianna may or may not get them, I am helping support a small business.  And I think they are just cool.

Sibling Trip

I was trying to get all three of us to go, but it looks like Denise won't be able to make it.  Pat and I, however, are going to Reno at the end of July.  Oh my goodness.  I am looking forward to it.  I love penny slots.
I'm flying and Pat is riding his motorcycle.  He is on some kind of run first and it must put him somewhere along the line for the drive.  We'll stay at the same hotel and have fun.  I almost can't believe I am going on a trip without a child or a parent.  :P
Well Pat and I did go to Illinois a couple of years ago to visit relatives.  This is different.  This is just for fun.  And I will get to see my friend Sarah while I'm there.

Night Out

Nana Nita took the kids for a few hours last night.  Dave and I attended Drag Night at Clark College.  It was a benefit auction in support of Triple Point.  It was very entertaining and funny. We ran into Rudy so we sat with him and Jacob and his sister joined us.  Also ran into a few other people from work, but not the ones who said they were coming.  We had a good time.
Picked the kids up on time and got them home to bed just barely past bedtime.  They had a good time at Nana Nita's house.

No Drama

It is still pretty quiet.  Some tidbits.
Cassie said she wasn't pregnant.  Whew.
Mike and Cassie made it to visitation.  Mike had to be asked to leave
as he was being belligerent and was high.  Joy.
Obviously Mike is still using and I did not take his collect call this week.
Mike does not have hepatitis c as he stated a month ago.  Admitted to Dave it
was all a ploy to get things.  I knew that at the time.

Toes

Present

Dave got me a new camera for Mother's Day.  It came today so I started playing with it.  Being technology challenged means it will take me a bit to get used to it.
I liked my old camera, but it would take so long to take the picture that I missed most shots of the kids.  The new camera shoots much faster so I should get better pictures.  The new camera is bigger so it won't just fit in my purse.  So I have to plan its use.  I will continue carrying the old one in my purse for spontaneous shots.

Blu Ray

We watched our first blu ray movie on the new television.  We started out as a family on the bed.  We plugged in "Contagion".  The movie wasn't bad and the picture was great.  Audrie took a bit to settle down.  She is more contained on the bed than in the living room.  But eventually she did settle down and played with the ipad.  The little man fell asleep on the Papa.  I'm not sure how often we will do the family on the bed thing, but it was an enjoyable time with lots of closeness.
And while that is not the purpose of the new television we just wanted to see how the blu ray was.  And we liked it.  The television in the living room just has a plain old dvd player attached to it.  We would replace it, but it is part of the sound system.  That means the whole thing would have to be replaced.  And it's not broken.

Caterpillars

We went to the park yesterday.  A group of kids had found some caterpillars in the field next to the park.  They were doing the kid thing of exploring their world and caterpillars.  They weren't being intentionally cruel, but I'm sure all those caterpillars gave up their lives in the name of exploration.  Audrie got right in the middle of it.  I was rather surprised since she is going through a bugs are horrible stage.  Guess caterpillars don't count as bugs.  I was even more surprised that that group of kids allowed her in.  She was entertained by the caterpillars long after all the other kids had moved on to other interests.  She had an amazing afternoon in learning.

Sweet Potatoes

One of the purchases I made with the money from the bookstore was a baby bullet.  It makes great baby food at home.  Today I steamed my first sweet potato.  Shoot.  I had to ask at the store which one was a sweet potato.  I have never ever cooked any sweet potatoes or yams.  After it was cooked I followed the directions in the bullet cookbook to make baby sweet potato.  Was so easy.  One sweet potato made seven servings of baby food.
So the little man did not know what to make of it at first.  It has a lot more taste than formula and rice cereal.  After many bites he decided that it was all right.  He is a funny little guy.

Updates

It seems Mike has moved on from Tanya's.  He spent last night at his friend Orey's house.
Tanya has sent notes of repent to Doug and Kristie.  Wants to make up now.  I'm suspicious, but it's not my call.  I can't see Randy allowing her to do that unless he is trying to make something up to her.  Maybe the hitting has began.  Like I said...I am suspicious.
Dave is still healing.  Says this surgery took more out of him than the last one.  And he is slowly adjusting to the anti-depressants.
I am happy with the new television and am waiting patiently for us to be able to use it.

Love You

Gave Mike a ride this morning.  I had Audrie with me.  He gave her a hug and got a kiss.  Then he told her he loved her and she parroted right back "love you".  It is the first spontaneous time I have heard her say it and naturally she says it to daddy.  She said it again when we left him.

Friends At the Lake

We spent the afternoon with David, Emma, Keenan, and Dylan.  We met at the lake and had a bbq.  The kids ran and ran playing at the playground.  They got dirty and wet in the tall grass of the ball field.  After dinner we went down to the lake to feed the ducks.  Couldn't find any at first.  Then we thought we spotted some.  Followed the trail to get to them and found out they were a family of geese.  Mama, Daddy and four goslings.  They were not interested in bread.  Did see two ducks and they weren't all that interested either.  So then the kids had fun throwing fir cones into the lake.  They got grossed out when Audrie picked up a slug and threw it in the lake.  We saw the eagle that lives up there.  Pretty fantastic watching it glide over the lake.  It was a great time with great friends.
We came home and Audrie hit the tub.  The slug juice is still on her hand, but the dirt all came off.  Bet she sleeps good tonight.  So should Keenan and Dylan as they don't get to live the outdoor life.  And they played hard.

Saturday

It is always a good day when I get to have a chat with Doug.  He is doing well and resting for an all day music festival tomorrow.  Slowly but surely his ankle is healing.  Sucks to get older.
We are almost ready to bbq with David and kids.  Excited.  A day with David is like no other day.  And Audrie gets to play with Dylan this time.  Dylan is just a smidgen older than she is so they are a good match.
We made it to the baseball game last night.  We picked a bad night.  Zach decided not to play because it was Josh's birthday.  So we packed up and came back home.  We'll try to hit one again next week.
The rest of the weekend looks like it is filled with mowing.  Suppose to be very nice tomorrow.  Sure hope so as the neighbor's yard is too tall.

Surprised

And I don't know why.  Mike found his way back to Tanya's house.  Guess he is staying there.  Randy pierced his lip for him.  Cool.
Obviously Mike is not ready for recovery.  Because living with two alcoholics is not on that path.
It makes me very sad that he can so easily find people willing to help him on his road of destruction.  I understand her need to fix things and she thinks she is "helping" him.  I have no idea what Randy's deal is, nor do I care to find out.  I just know that Mike is still on the addict road with no recovery in sight.
It is what it is and I have no control over it.

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Mike's Lucky Day

Mike got out of jail again yesterday.  The charge for use of narcotic/heroin was dismissed for lack of evidence. After he was released I took him to check in at DOC and he was released from probation.  It was his lucky day.
I picked him up so I could have the little chat with him.  The one that says I have not given up on him no matter what anyone tells him.  The one that says I can't help him any more because any help that I give is now just a hindrance and helps him kill himself quicker.  He had a tough time with that one for a moment until I explained that if I provided anything for him then he doesn't have to provide that for himself. Leaving him free to spend any money or currency that he gets on drugs.  That he actually understood and understood my position.  I told him I would do recovery for him if I could, but obviously I can't.  He has to walk that path if he so chooses and I know he is smart enough and strong enough to do it.  But it is his choice. I am  his mom and I can't help him kill himself.  I can't stop him from doing it, but I won't help anymore.

New Television

All the stars aligned and Dave and I got to go shopping by ourselves.  We went to Video Only and bought a 32 inch Samsung LCD.  Dave got it all set up when we got home.  Still have to play with the brightness and contrast to suit the lighting in the bedroom.
After shopping we went out for dinner.  Funny how he commented on not going out by ourselves for quite awhile.  Yup. Not since Feb.  Kind of surprised me that he was aware of it.  But it has been his choice all along.  Guess we will see if the anti-depressants help him with his not wanting to do anything.  It would be nice, but if not I'll just keep making my own plans.  :P

Maybe, Baby

We might be going television shopping.  Depends if all the stars will align.  Waiting to hear from the babysitter first.  Don't really want to drag kids along on this shopping expedition.  Done that once already and it didn't go so well.  Probably why we haven't already bought one.

Ladders

So one of the playgrounds has a ladder like place to climb up.  Other kids taught Audrie how to go up that ladder.  So now she can and she does.  She scared Nana half to death when she followed her up into the attic at Grammy's house.
Today she figured out that the bunk beds are like ladders and can climb up onto the top bunk.  Looks like it is time to finally buy that mattress and quit storing things up there.  It was just a great place for the diaper boxes.

Staying Put

We are back on safe ground.  Dave is back in recovery and going to meetings.  His surgery helped his back and his mood has improved from that.  He is working on being here.  So I am staying here.  I think that when I told him how close I was to leaving, it was a wake up call.
I never wanted to leave.  This is my life and this is the space I created to live it in.  I love my home.  I love Dave.  But I was not going to stay in an ugly household.  I don't deserve that and was ready to make a change if I had to.
I am quite happy that for now I do not.  It is always one day at a time.  There is a reason for that saying in the AA world.  And while I expect the ups and the downs, I will not tolerate the ugliness anymore.  Nor should the little kids have to.
So now we look for a truck.  And maybe replace a couple of things....like the bbq and the gazebo.

Today

I am appreciating days off in the middle of the week.
I am loving my two precious little kids.
I am sending light and love to Adrianna and Elizabeth.
I am making summer plans.
I am supporting Dave is his recovery and am glad to be back at it.
I am staying put.
I am enjoying time at the park.
I am connecting with my siblings today.
I am taking care of Monster.
I am sending healing thoughts to Doug and his torn ligament.
I am finding joy and beauty in my yard.
I am enjoying watching the hummingbirds which finally returned.
I am not worrying about the addictions in my family for today.
I am breathing.
I am practicing ahimsa.
I am enjoying my friendship with Kristie.

Tornadoes

My family in the midwest are all on tornado watch tonight.  Makes me realize how lucky I am to live where I live.  Tornadoes or any natural phenomenon are rare here.  We don't go to bed worrying about it.  Things do happen, just very infrequently.
Sending safe thoughts to the universe for my family tonight.

My Friday

I have the rest of the week off.  We are slow at work so the boss wanted us to take some extra days.  I choose to do this week.  Dave is having man days and I am having kid days.
I had thought about going to Tacoma, but nixed that idea.  I'm not sure I'm up to travelling with two kids by myself that far.  And if I changed my mind I would just take Dave's car.  I had thought about the train.  The problem is then how to transport kids in Tacoma without car seats.  Yup, too many logistics.
So maybe I'll check into going to Saturday Market for something different.  We'll see.  We have five days to fill with parks and outings.  :)  And we already have a plan with David and Emma so that takes care of one day.  I love plans with David.  He keeps us laughing.

A New Day

So Dave is now on anti-depressants. We have to wait a week to see if they are helping, but I'm sure they will. The doc said it would take several weeks to the full effects to take affect. I think he feels better already, just doing something. Anything. Amazing how that can help. He also is very low on Vitamin D. So he is getting a prescription for that. Should also help getting out in the sun. Dave took first pill and said he should take them at night. They truly do make him tired. He assumed that they would be like all other medication that makes you sleepy. Doesn't make him sleepy. Well this one does. :P