Motivated

Beth received a couple of voicemails from Dave last night.  It is part of what prompted her to say he can no longer by my daycare provider.  I don't know what was in his head that he thought it smart to leave messages for people when he is intoxicated.  Anyway it just pushes me into doing what I knew was going to need to be done.
So I thank her for pushing me because sometimes I become inactive.  Good to keep moving in a forward direction and she is very proud of me for the steps I have already taken. I told her it was all right with me no matter how long it takes the guardianship to go through.  I like her having my back and I will lose that when it is all done.
I didn't tell Dave the reason for the daycare change.  I left it as they need the socialization with other kids and he seemed accepting of that.  Course I have no way of knowing how much he had to drink tonight.  So there is no telling if he will remember tomorrow.
She also loved the apartment and the fact that it is on a dead end.  I like that too.  It really is the perfect place for us right now.

Terrific Thursday

Today we had our safety visit with Beth, the social worker. The good news is things are slowly progressing. Since Cassie tends to be hard to find they are going to publish on her in the paper that there will be a change in status for Connor. The other thing is she wants both kids in daycare and I have till Monday to get that arranged. Tomorrow I visit Little Tigers as they have openings. And then I go to DSHS to get Audrie's portion paid for. CPS will pick up Connor's share. Beth thinks it will go smoothly for me. Hope so. And I always have her backing me. Daycare will be good for both kids for their socialization skills.
After that the kids and I went for a nighttime walk. It was wonderful. Things sound different at night and we heard frogs. It was a little misty and Connor discovered the benefit of mittens after his fingers got cold. Usually he takes them right off, but not tonight.
We ended our evening making a little batch of chocolate chip cookies. Still getting used to the oven.

Time to Let Go

All the words in the world don't mean anything when the actions continue to be drinking.  I'm just hoping he can keep it together long enough for me to get settled and figure out other child care arrangements. It won't be long and he won't be able to do that. Time to let it go. I have no control over it except how much of it I am exposed to. I don't like drunk calls and drunk texts, so I now choose not to respond to them.

Walk Pics

I finally can do pictures again.  I  needed to find a cord to be able to download them off my camera.  One of the joys of moving.

Almost Done

Brought another load of odds and ends from Dave's house. The kids and I went over there this morning to give Minnie a bath. While there I packed up the second set of bookshelves. I also grabbed some odds and ends. Still have two closets, Connor's dresser to go, and one more set of bookshelves. At least the set isn't moving as I'm just taking the cookbooks. I also half filled the recycle bin with old books and magazines.  Making progress.

Yup. Looking for an Excuse

I leave Dave's blog alone and I do that for a reason. But today I decided to read it. Wow. He has decided that I have used his drinking as an excuse to move on because his junk don't work. A fringe benefit of the split may be that at some point in time I may find a companion whose junk works, but I'm not looking for any of that right now. I am looking for peace, health, and happiness. I'm looking for good esteem building for the little kids, and that doesn't happen in an non-recovering alcoholic house.  I guess that is all Dave can see and that is just sad.

RIP Trevor

The family in MN are attending the funeral for Trevor today.  He was the son of my cousin and Mike's second cousin. He and Mike were born nearly the same time, so my Aunt Nila always kept me up to date on Trevor. Obviously the two boys took different paths. Trevor was in the army. Mike spends time in jail.  Trevor played sports and did Explorers. Mike played sports and did Scouts until he discovered drugs. Trevor was good kid who was out in the world. Mike was a good kid who made poor choices and lives with the consequences.
I think about his mother and can only imagine the pain she is in. Trevor was her only child.
I think about me. I have been waiting for the call Glenna got since my child was14. And each day I am grateful not to have gotten it. I doubt she was waiting for that call and was in no way prepared for it.
So my thoughts are with my family as today they lay Trevor to rest. I can only hope that eventually Glenna will find peace. Life is unfair. There is a lot of sorrow. Rest in peace Trevor.

Helpless

Boy alcoholics can be helpless.  So Dave calls because he hit some button on the remote and now can't watch his DVD.  I tell him how to fix it and he can't figure out how to do it.  It really is simple.  Hit the button and scroll down.  Told him I would fix it in the morning when I drop the kids off.  I'm thinking some vodka definitely was imbibed if he can't figure out how to scroll on the remote.  Want to tell me again Dave how you are done with alcohol?
I am so here for the long long haul.  I knew this when I moved and it keeps being told to me.

I-pad Takes a Bath

Connor's newest trick is to throw anything and everything into the bathtub after he is out of the tub.  So tonight Audrie is finishing up with some play time in the tub and he is in the front room with me.  I got smart and picked up all the dirty clothes, towels and toys out of the bathroom so they would not go in the tub.  Ha.  Out of the corner of my eye I saw something black in his hands as he headed for the bathroom.  Oh no.....Yup.  He had the I-pad and he threw it in as fast as he could. I was right behind him, but I'm not that fast  As Audrie pulled it from the water it shut itself off.  Then I got the frustrating time of trying to get the case off.  I didn't put it on so had no clue as to how it came off. Finally got it off and it powered back up.  So I powered it back down and put it in the rice container.  I'd rather lose ten pounds of rice than a $500 I-pad.
We will see how it is tomorrow.  Oh that boy is going to give his Nana a run for her money.

Settled

Each day it feels like we are a little more settled, a little more home. Today we got a TV stand from Goodwill. That got the TV up off the floor. My friend Michael had spotted it and then sent me a picture via text. After we got done with a walk and playground time we went, looked and bought. Brought it home and set everything back up. Now the wires and cables are all behind something. Starting to look like a place we live in. Thanks again Michael.

Mileage Check

We get mileage for all the appointments we take Connor to.  That adds up pretty quick. So we finally received a check. I'm not sure Dave would have told me about it if he hadn't lost it. He thinks he ripped it up and burnt it. Makes me wonder how much vodka was consumed that day. Anyway he told me I could have half, so I'm going to take it out of his money and he can worry about a replacement check.
Yesterday I may not have smelled vodka, but I was treated ith the usual disdain. I needed to get the kids so Jodi could take her son to basketball. I stated that and he came up with excuses for me to stay. When I again reiterated that I needed to leave he said it wasn't like Jodi needed to work that day. Yes she did ,but she had that game to go to. So when I got a little snippy about the game he basically told me that what I say doesn't register. Same old same old.

New Table

Well I couldn't wait on my friend Michael. So today I had arrangements to meet a lady about her table and chairs. She had them listed on Craigslist. I bought them and hauled them home. I put the table back together after I got the kids back from Jodi.
Tonight we had our first dinner at the new table. I think Audrie liked it. Connor didn't care.

Exploring

Today the kids and I went for a bigger walk.  We found the creek. On the other side we saw this big nest up in a tree. Just as I was about to tell Audrie about the big bird that must have lived in it we saw a squirel go in it. That was kind of cool.  We saw a couple of non friendly cats and we heard lots of dogs. It got a little chilly on us so we stopped at the used clothing store and got Audrie another jacket. Audrie walked the whole way.  We are exploring our new world. Connor seemed to enjoy the sights along his stroll.

Dinner Guests

We had Jodi and Zachary over for dinner. It was just spaghetti, but lovely just the same. Zach can come to the apartment and still breathe since all my pets live with Dave.  Maybe next time we will have a table to eat at. ;p

New Routines

The kids and I are working on new routines.  The first one is every night we pick up all the toys and vacuum the carpet.  And so far they both help do it.  Audrie still loves the vacuum cleaner.  I have no idea why.  Also every night I make sure the kitchen is all ready to go for the next morning. All dirty dishes are in the dishwasher and it is ran if ready.  The big new routine is going to be the dining room table.  It is my intention to actually use it to dine on. Not use it as a clutter collector/changing table as Dave said would happen. I think that was an insult.
I think I am going to wait on Michael one more week and then just find a table.  There were several possibilities on craigslist so it shouldn't be a problem finding a relatively cheap one.  Also still looking for a TV stand and a bedside table. Then I think we are pretty well set up in our new place.  :)

I Like It Here

This is a really nice complex so far. Quiet. I don't hear voices or tv. I do hear the upstairs water and some walking.  There are a lot of kids which is great for the kids.  Everyone has been really friendly. I just feel better here. Less stressed, more relaxed. I think the kids like it also. Audrie even caught herself today and changed shut up to be quiet please. We are working on no rudeness towards each other. I really like it here.

Cable TV

That was an exercise in patience.  Chat support was no help whatsoever.  In fact it seems they didn't have a clue as to what they were talking about.  So the lady at Comcast had given me a cable box, insisting I needed it even though I run TIVO. Chat support insisted I had to have that box up and running in order to activate my account and left the chat rather than explain.  Another chat person said oh well we can't help you it is a TIVO problem and here is the number to call.  On my own I hooked up TIVO and it didn't work for TV.  So I removed it and put up the cable box like the first chat person said.  All looked good until I turned on the TV and had nothing.  That was when the second chat person said call the number.  So I did and got put on hold.  I run a go phone which means limited minutes.  I can't sit on hold for too long.  So finally I hung up.  Thought about it for a minute and decided maybe it is the connection in the wall.  Moved everything out to the living room where I had enough plug ins.  Hooked up the cable box via the splitter they had given me.  Still no go. What a crock.  Unhooked it and hooked up the TIVO and away we went.  The decoder card in it had been activated at the other house.  So now I have TV and TIVO  And either the cable box is defective or it just didn't get activated from the bad connect in the bedroom.  Either way I was right.  I do NOT need the stupid thing. And not one person from Comcast seemed to have a clue about that.  How is that possible?

Actions, Not Words

So today Dave is professing to do whatever it takes to get his family back. Wonder how much vodka he had today. Said he was done with it and the sneaking around. Well first of all he doesn't have to sneak as there is no one there to hide it from. I told him actions..not words. It is the same for him as it is for Mike. And this last year has shown a lot in actions and a lot in the words said and not said.  I can't believe the words because they have been so untrue all year.
So I am here for at least six months with the full understanding that this is where I will always be.

Musical Beds

Last night was one of those musical bed nights. Started off with Audrie crawling in with me. After awhile I put her back in her own bed. Then Connor needed some snuggle time. That brought Audrie back. After a couple of hours I put him back in his own bed. Now I'm awake and they are still sleeping for awhile. I am enjoying my cup of coffee and peace and quiet.

Doing It Myself

I thought for sure a tech had to come out to set up the internet.  Nope.  It is all self done unless you need help.  So I brought all the equipment home and set it up.  Had to use the chat feature with comcast.  Got me everything I needed.
Tomorrow we tackle the television.  I realized as I was getting it ready that I left the tivo remote at Dave's house.  Tivo is no good without the remote.

Honesty

Our CASA worker called Dave today.  I never even thought of letting her know about the move. Anyway he filled her in on the goings on.  Told her how he has been sober for a month.  I just about laughed out loud when she told me that.  Told her he was drinking when she talked to him. She agreed.
Then I have talked to him twice.  He is terribly concerned how it is going to affect all the goings on with Connor.  As far as I know everything proceeds as planned.  And then the status quo. He said he thought maybe he told her too much, but thought honesty was the best policy.  Again I almost laughed out loud.  Seriously???

Settling In

The kids and I moved last Friday. It felt so good to be home. No stress, no strife.  No wondering where the fricking bottle is hidden.  We spent the weekend settling in, shopping for groceries and essentials. And then I missed the Internet. Blogging, connecting, everything.  So today was my fourth trip to Comcast and I finally hit it when they were open.  Got all signed up and came home and put the Internet together.
I am relaxed. We have went for a walk and spent time at the on site playground. Tomorrow is back to work day. It feels good here. And while the situation is sad....I am happy.

Internet

I was going to do without and just catch up when I could. After a long weekend without Internet, I find that I miss it way too much. It is an integral part of my life. So here I sit at Comcast waiting to set up a new account for the apartment. Hope it doesn't take too long for it to be set up.

Progress

The kids and I are getting settled into our new place.  All the beds are now put together and Audrie slept in hers last night.  She and Connor are sharing a room and it went fine for the first night.  Almost all of the boxes are unpacked.  Now to find the dumpster for garbage and to figure out which mailbox is ours.  Still a few more things to move but the major work is done.  Whew.  Feels good to be home. 

Moving

I got the keys and started the moving process.  Two loads from the house.  A load from Pat's house and a bed from Mom's.  The kids and I were up late getting a bed set up so Audrie and I had a place to sleep.  Connor slept just fine in his crib in his new room.  Tonight they share a room, so we'll see how that goes.
I managed to get most of the boxes unpacked this morning.  And then Michael and her family brought us a couch and a recliner.  I was so happy not to have to deal with carrying a couch.  Thank you so much Michael, Paul, PJ and Patience.

Packing

I am packing like crazy. I want this move to go smoothly and quickly. I want to spend the next several days settling in to our new place and routine. I'm so ready to be there.
Dave helped load the truck with the boxes right before he took a second nap at 6:30. I think he is stressed and maybe ready for us to leave him in peace and quiet. He won't have to hide the vodka so much and kids won't be getting into his stuff so much.
I'm so glad it all worked out. I was beginning to think there was a problem and I wasn't going to get the apartment and it almost gave me a panic attack. The only thing keeping my mouth shut was knowing it is almost done.

Done Deal

The apartment manager needed more paperwork today. At last we hit the end and I will have keys in the morning. So the move begins. I think I am over half packed.  Guess I will find out tomorrow.  We have five days to settle in before I go back to work.

Oy

I guess I'm still stupid. Dave left the house and came back close to what a meeting would take. To be fair he didn't say he was going and I didn't ask.  I don't ask because I can't believe the answer. Two hours later there was another vodka beverage in the garage.  Why keep saying recovery is the road when it so obviously isn't?
Makes me wonder how long he will be able to be daycare. Better work on a contingency plan.

Waiting

So they needed better verification of the TANF I get for the kids.  Now I wait till tomorrow to find out if I get the apartment or not.  I'm sure it is still a go, but get a tad anxious when things don't go as planned.
Today Michael offered me a couch and said she would look for a dining room table at her mom's house.  Sometimes things just work out nicely.  Wish everything was like that.

I'm Ready

Once I move I tend to keep moving. My brother said oh that was fast on finding a place. Nope, I'm ready. And now Friday can't come fast enough. I keep biting my tongue because I know it is almost done. Dave is getting a little snippy. I know he doesn't do well with stress, and that vodka beverage in the garage really doesn't help.
Maybe I can ask the manager tomorrow about getting the keys Thursday afternoon. Would work for me. And if not I will just tough it out and so will the little kids.

Apartment Found

I did receive one call back today and it was good news.  There was still one two bedroom apartment available.  I went and looked at it and it was lovely for an apartment.  You can see it here.  We did the credit/background check and naturally that was fine.  I turned in all the paperwork I needed to for the income verification.  The manager said he would know by tomorrow and I see no problem.  That being the case I will get the keys Friday morning.
So today was spent packing a lot of boxes.  The pantry is almost done.  Looks very empty.  That wasn't my intention, but when I got done packing all the kid food and all the stuff that Dave doesn't like there just didn't seem like much left.
Dave thinks there is a lot moving out and I don't.  There is almost nothing big going.  Just dressers and Connor's crib.  I'm getting a bed from my brother and the day bed back from Mom.  And I will peruse Craigslist for some living room furniture.  There is no hurry.  We will be fine.

Steady

The progress is slow, but it is still progress.  Packed a few more boxes today. Picked up more boxes from Betty so I can make a good stab tomorrow.  I have the day off.  Hopefully one of the places I left messages will call me back and give me good news.  Makes me wonder when they don't call  you back timely.
We let another neighbor in on the changes occurring.  And now it is time for sleep.

Different Perspectives

I'm listening and wondering if Dave really believes what he is telling people.  According to Dave his 'slip' came after he fell off the roof and he got 'busted'.  No, I know he has been at that bottle for the past six months. As for getting busted...seriously.
The other thing I overheard was how sex played into it or the lack thereof. If that was the case I would have been gone a long long long time ago. I guess it is all a matter of perspective and what we tell ourselves.

Packing Process

Betty gave me some boxes so I started packing up the books.  Five boxes so far.  Amazing how many books can fit on small bookshelves.  To be fair, the boxes aren't huge.  They would weigh way too much if they were.
Also started on the pantry.  It feels kind of nonsensical, but it is started.  That is the main thing.  Moving forward.  One step at a time.
I've also started telling Audrie that we are moving.  I'm sure she has no clue as to what I mean by that.  It will be another loss for her, but we will deal with it as best we can.

One Down

The linen closet is cleaned out.  Pulled a whole bunch of old yellowed linens and disposed of them.  Didn't take much out of the closet to move with me.  Looks a lot better.  Ventured into the other closet and it isn't that bad.  Just looks bad because it has a couple of bags of Audrie clothes that are spilling over.  And the coat closet shouldn't take long.  Making progress on my list.

Resignation

Dave seems to have resigned himself to the change. We have discussed what will happen and how. The closest he came to admitting the lies is saying he is in the throes of addiction. At least I can quit hearing about recovery that is NOT happening.  Maybe he is even a bit relieved. No more hiding. No more 24/7 child care. He will get to be a grand parent, not a parenting one. No more having to guard his stuff from children who just want to play and explore. A whole lot less noise and the phone should stop ringing. OMG he won't have anything to complain about or use as an excuse for drinking.  Yeah right.
Anyway, time to get really serious in packing, cleaning and finding a place to move to.

Friday Lunch

Oh thank goodness I got to go to a Friday lunch.  My work schedule has been so off lately that I hit one lunch in three or four.  Next week I was scheduled again for Friday, but Brenda and I switched.  She likes her Thursdays off and I like my Fridays.
Mona is good.  Getting an MRI for her dizziness soon.  Would be nice if they could figure out what is causing it and get it fixed.
Barb got new furniture.  There is a whole back story there, but suffice it to say her daughter bought it for her since her husband had put his foot down on Barb buying some.
Fred is Fred.  He is amazed that his daughter had done some growing up and discovered a love of cooking.
They know me so well.  They knew that the changes in my life were coming, but they knew I had to come to the decision myself in my own time.  I've been there a time or two with other friends.  You just sit back and wait.  So that is what they did with me.
Always good to be with my support system.

Steps Taken

I met up with Beth, the social worker, after doing some supply shopping at Walmart.  She gave her blessing to the move and knew it was coming.  Said she smelled alcohol on Dave the last time she saw him, so she isn't surprised.  She explained to me how I am doing the right thing in the eyes of the state of Washington.  I have to protect the children.  So my next job is trying to get the kids into head start.  There are programs that will include Connor and most of those are in Vancouver.  That works out well since I can drop them on my way to work and pick them up after.  How perfect could that be.
The funding for custody agreements had dried up.  However there is  a new thing now called guardianship, which is custody without a parenting plan.  And it doesn't cost the state of Washington or us anything to do.  So it is in the works.  There was a glitch at first, but taken care of already.  Now Cassie and Mike have to be served.  Beth suspects they will have to publish for Cassie as we never know where she is.  We are okay with it taking a little time so I have the state of Washington backing me while the kids and I make this transition.
Dave has had a day to process the fact that we really are moving.  He seems to be okay with it.  Just worried that I wouldn't ever let him see the kids again.  I just looked at him and said that is how you think I am.  Treat me with respect and I will treat you with respect.
So now to get started on head start and find a place to live.

Happy Boy

So on my final day of working Rush I saw "Happy Boy".  I told him how the little kids call me Nana and he said he just had a feeling that I was a Nana.  Too funny.  He probably was just saying that, but he was a funny guy.  All in all it was a pretty good Rush.  And now back to normalcy.

To My Face

When did it become all right to lie to me?  When I say I think that cup has vodka in it...why deny it and say its only soda. I'm going to taste it and know I was right....it had vodka in it. When did it become all right to shatter my world?
How can you act incredulous when you see I'm getting ready to move? When you ask and I answer with the truth...yes I am working on it because you are still drinking. I'm not stupid and I don't want to live like this.

Really!

The people were just a little off today.  No wait that was yesterday.  No, it was today also.  I spent 15 minutes watching this guy dancing in the rain.  I think he was working on his robot moves.  By the end of his practicing he was breakdancing.  I wonder what he was listening to.
I was propositioned this morning.  And then a young guy asked me if I worked there or if I was checking him out.  Now I've got to say he had the most beautiful smile and were I twenty years younger I probably would have checked him out.  But I tend to like my men a little bit older.
I also saw my young happy boy who is now calling me happy nana.  And he doesn't even know my kids call me Nana.  It started because he said I looked mad.  I had told him I was not and if I was he would know it. So he started calling me happy nana.  Too funny.  I always seem to find one person to connect with in some odd way during rush week.  I'll miss him after tomorrow.

Wow

So I had another long day at work. And Dave chooses this day to go without pain medicine. Really? Put him in a sucky mood, and then Audrie wouldn't nap and Connor napped too early so Dave didn't get a nap. Both kids were clingy and I was tired of all the whining. It as almost a relief to have to run to Costco. I took the kids so he could go to bed. They were both just fine.  Funny that.
Tomorrow I am back to short days. I'm sure my kids thank Monica for that.
I also sent email to the social worker requesting an appointment. Time to move this show down the road.

Really?

The people were just a little off today.  Some guy thought Paul propositioned him and told him it was inappropriate and offensive.  Some girl basically accused us of being thieves.  Then another one did it.  Wow.  We put up the bag check so their bags are more secure while they shop during this busy time.  We wouldn't have time to go snooping in bags to find the goodies.  Just amazing.  We decided that mild mannered Spencer must not have gotten enough sleep last night as he was not in a good mood today.  It was just an off day.
And I was just tired.  I think it is all catching up with me.  Long days at work.  Short nights of sleep.  All the emotional stuff at home.  All the turmoil at work.  Should have went to bed early tonight, but we are all still up except Dave got a nice nap while the kids and I ran to Costco.

Searching

I was able to find some places in my price range. If I was moving today I would have tried for a duplex up off of Mill Plain. I'm just happy to find some places available. I really didn't want to have to move to Longview. It is a ways too far from Mom. And I need to be close to her for her. So I will keep searching and get an email sent to the social worker. I'm okay.

Knives

Today was the official first day of Rush. Definitely did not feel like it. More like a Tuesday. I did some receiving in the afternoon. One of the things left was a box of knives from a new vendor. I had a question so took it to Kaina. He wanted me to wait until tomorrow as it was new products. In the midst of discussing the knives he called one a skinny boner and then realized what he had said. Too funny and made us laugh after our long day. Yup we were tired. Nice to share a laugh with Kaina. Don't do that too much since our relationship changed.

Joy For Me

The problem with looking is that eventually you find it.  So this week I found an empty container that used to have vodka in it. Then I found a receipt for today with a vodka purchase.  I'm still not sure if he thinks I'm stupid and didn't mean my ultimatum. Or if he thinks he is getting away with it or he just doesn't care.  Either way the first box got packed and moved.
Started looking at what is available. Not much so far in Clark County that is in my price range. Good thing I have time to find something. And it is time to have a conversation with the social worker.
Just sad. I have been with Dave my entire adult life, and we built this life. And he chooses alcohol. I understand the illness, but I also understand it is a choice and he keeps making it.

Quiet Sunday

The kids and I had a quiet Sunday. Went to Grammy's and also the grocery store. That was it. We napped and ate and watched "Puss in Boots".  Sometimes we just need a little down time.  Now on to the busy week.

Playing

I took the kids to the mall this morning for some exercise in the play area.  Afterwards they had a little lunch and then we walked the mall.  That way Nana got a little exercise also.  Little man was asleep before we left the mall.

Rush

Rush has begun. The college released financial aid money today and the race was on. Felt like a typical Monday with the line wrapped through the bookstore and the long line outside to get in. Instead of my usual security job, today I directed people to the cashiers. I also did almost all the receiving. It was a pretty good work day and now maybe, just maybe Monday won't be so busy. Yeah right.

Seriously

Two meetings and then a drinking day. I no longer question myself when I smell whiffs of alcohol or wonder about the behavior. Just tells me that my instinct is right. Time to start packing some boxes.

Kids Club 2

Audrie and I have been talking about Kids Club for awhile. Today was the day we finally made it. Audrie immediately left Connor, Grammy and I to fend for ourselves. She found kids to play with and totally ignored us. She got worn out. Every time she went down the slide she squealed. Then Connor would squeal in response and he always knew when it was her.  Connor climbed and climbed, practicing skills and learning some new ones. I think he is a rock wall climber in the making.  Good thing we know a couple of wall climbers to help him with that some day. Audrie can't wait to go back and play in the balls.

Kid's Club

A Walk

It was cold, but not rainy. Audrie and I wanted to go for a walk in town, but we got started too late. So we bundled up Connor and put him in the stroller. We walked up our little hill and back down. We saw Josh and talked to him for a minute.  Connor got cold hands as he would not keep his mittens on.  We had hoped to see goats, but they must have been in their hut. It was a nice first walk in 2013.

Good

Yesterday was a good day. I was hungry, but refrained from extra goodies.  I spent a lot of time cuddling kids and still managed to get some housework done. Although you couldn't tell by the time we went to bed. It is amazing how much stuff kids drag out and around. I think we need to do some eliminating of toys. That sounds funny when you see that they don't really have that much. We have managed to not just buy toys willy nilly.
Today is another day to be hungry and get some more work done......after I do my paycheck job. I feel okay.

Better

Feeling better. Got some work done today. Set some goals for this year. Dave was a little shocked that I still plan on moving.  Well duh. Told him he didn't have a very good track record so I need to look at all my options and have plans. I think he again thinks I'm not serious.
He left for a meeting tonight. Notice I didn't say he went to a meeting. I have no way of knowing if he actually goes when he says he is.  The first thing I did was search the garage. Can't get into that toolbox. And it annoys me to no end that I feel the need to search. But I do not trust him. And that is sad.

Rabbit Story For Kim

When I was a child I belonged to 4-H and I raised rabbits.  My rabbit even won at the fair.  Well I can't recall if we bred the rabbits or if we just weren't very good about keeping the male (which was my brother's) and the female apart.  So I had baby bunnies every so often.  There was a man up the road who would come and buy the babies.  Ten at a time.  I got a dollar a bunny.  Thought I was rolling in the money.  I thought that man really liked bunnies.  About the third time I managed to figure out what he was doing with those bunnies.  What a shock.  I'm pretty sure I still sold him the bunnies after that.  Money is king.

2013

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The COURAGE to change the things I CAN,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

 2013 will be a year of change, growth and goals.  I've been thinking about it for awhile.  Thinking, not really knowing what was going to transpire.  I still don't know as I am living life one day at a time.  That said however I am looking at options and making plans. So some of my goals and changes for 2013 are;

I would like to finally lose the weight that I gained when I quit smoking.  And doing it for me because it is healthy....not using it to keep people at bay and away from me.
That means a change in diet.  We have let too much junk in last year and it is time to get back to better eating.  And better eating is good for us.  Need to make this change while it is still easy to do with little kids.
More floor time with the kids.  More activities with the kids.  An exercise regiment is kind of hard with a three year-old and a one year-old.  So more floor time will definitely be a good thing.  And I am sure they will not complain at all.
Frugal living is the topic of the day.  Need to learn again how to live on little.  I have already started back at this anyway.  One of the reasons I don't have my cell phone working.
I need to find a place for the little kids and I to live that we can afford and all the things that means.  That will be checking into the resources available to me through the state. This comes about I will need to decide about working at my present job, finding a new full time job, going to school or just staying home for a couple of years with the kids.  Depends on the resources.
I want to get things done and settled in this house so Dave doesn't have to worry about things.  It will not be a bad start if that is what happens.  I want all the closets cleaned out.  I need to get the septic tank inspected so the county doesn't complain.  Hoping to get property taxes and insurance paid on both houses.

And then if Dave finds a good recovery and wants to mend what is broken we can always re-evaluate, but for now I am going with what I feel.  And that is that I need to take care of me and the little kids.  I have been entrusted by Mike and Cassie and the state of Washington to do that and I will.  I'm not scared anymore.  I can do this.