RIP Brett

Mike called me.  And that is nothing new.  We talk to him a couple of times a week.  But this time he was bearing the news that Brett had died.  He got hit by a car walking along 503.  When Mike said it, it didn't register.  I had just seen Brett last week in town at a bus stop.  But it is true.
I remember when we met Brett and his family.  He was just a little older than Mike.  And he was involved with Scouts.  So we met them when Mike moved from Cub Scouts to Boy Scouts.  And that seems like many many life times ago.  Brett's parents were very involved in the Scout program. 
Brett was always happy and a bit crazy.  No filter, no fear.  At the very least he had some attention issues and I remember him being on medication and them trying to get it right.  I don't know if they ever did, but I know he started self medicating before he was a grown up.  And then that is a spiral.  One he spiraled on along with Mike.
Renee, his mom, and I have this mutual understanding of what that is like for us parents.  The waiting on the call, the loss of valuables, the heartache and the moving on anyway.  Once the news from Mike sank in my first thought was of her.  Because no matter what our addict children do to us or others, they are still our children and it is a tremendous loss.  Being an addict there is always hope of recovery.  Death is final. What I know and what I hope Renee remembers is that she was a very good Mom and Brett loved her, even in those times he may have seemed not to.  I just remember her being there all the time through those years we did scouting together. 
So I will always remember Brett and how he always came and said hi to me with a smile.  When he made offers to mow my yard, I'm sure he was good intentioned.  Because even with all the strife from his life he still had a smile.  My heart breaks for Renee and Maurice and his siblings.
RIP Brett. Light and love along the rest of your journey.

One More Month

We have started counting down till school starts.  The littles seem excited to go back.  I'm glad.  You never can tell.  I just know they are still too young to "hate" school. 
We have started the supply hunt.  Actual school supplies are being supplied by the school district for K through 4th grade.  Lucked out there.  So I sent some of the money I would have spent on supplies to Jeremy so he could get Kylie's supplies.  And it isn't that I thought he couldn't do it. I know he could and he would, but he is a young single dad stepping up and doing the job.  And a little help now and then is always appreciated. 
We've been working on gathering clothes.  The little man said he is just going to keep wearing shorts so he is really good clotheswise.  Just needs some socks. 
And that says they both still need shoes.  He needs a backpack and a haircut and I think we are ready.  We will wait for those items until it is closer to the beginning.  ;p

Spiders

If spiders live outside I leave them alone.  If they live in my shower I tend to leave them alone as long as they stay in their corner.  I don't know why but it seems like I have had a spider living in the shower for years and years and years.  Different spiders because they die.  There is no food in the shower.  I have caught spiders inside and put them outside.  Sometimes we squish them.  And that is that. 
So when the exterminator came to spray stuff for the ants he made a comment about my spiders.  I'm not sure if it was an insult or just an observation.  But he told me this is the most live spiders he has ever seen in a house before.  Seems I have the daddy long leg variety living in just about every corner he could see.  He was only in the front rooms and the main bathroom.  So he shows me and I'm surprised, but not. 
I've only told the story twice.  One of those times I was asked if I dusted.  Wait...what?  Dusted the ceiling?  No.  I don't even see the ceiling.  I don't see the cobwebs.  I'm pretty sure that comment was an insult.  And not helpful at all. 
I spend enough time in a fog, probably from depression.  I will come out of it and see stuff and just be amazed.  I spend enough time trying to maintain a reasonable state of clean with two littles.  I spend enough time refereeing said littles.  I spend enough time dealing with the issues and messes they bring to my life.  I spend enough time exhausted that even if I see it, I don't have the motivation to do something about it.  And then when I do someone turns around and has a fit and makes a bigger mess. I feel like I'm not even treading water most days.  So the ceiling is not very far up on my priority list. 
Today is a good day.  I see the cobwebs and actually did something about them.  So today I dusted the ceiling.  The littles are outside playing which freed me up for a little while.  Honestly though the spiders didn't bug me.  It's not like they were on the counters like the ants. 

Colors

We were in the car driving and listening to the radio.  Some song comes on and the little man pipes up with the singer of this song is brown.  I'm listening to the voice and I would agree (even though I know you can't really tell from voices..i.e. Van Morrison).  So I ask him how he knows and he said from the video.  Ah. 
Then I asked him what color he was.  It took him a minute to figure out what I was asking.  He comes back with peach.  And the little woman says she is whitish peachish. Yeah she loves to do that two color thing with ish added to both colors. 
They then compared their arms and realized they are different colors.  I guess this is the age that we start noticing differences.  And that is all right as we are all different in some ways and the same in some ways.  The trick is to not judge someone on those things different from us that we and they have no control over.  So we had a conversation about colors that had no bias.  I think that is a good start. 

Friends

Yesterday the little woman and I had some girl time.  The little man hung out with Uncle Pat for the afternoon.  One of the things we did was go shopping at Walmart.  I had a list and we picked up a few more things.  $150 later we left Walmart.
But while we were there she made a comment that gave me pause.  She had picked out a shirt first and said it was because Josie liked unicorns.  Okay.  Then we were in the hair aisle and she picked up some hairclips and comments that maybe these will make it so she has a friend.  Wait...what?
The little woman plays with Josie a lot and I would think she was a friend.  I know the little woman loves doing girl scouts and I would hope those girls were considered her friends.  There are a couple of other girls in the neighborhood that she plays with.
Maybe we need to have a quick conversation as to what she thinks a friend is.  Maybe her definition is different than mine.  But it just breaks my heart when she makes these off the wall comments.  I know when we go places she pretty much only plays with her brother.  She doesn't go off and do stuff with other girls, like he does with other boys.  She is shy and he is not.  And I know she did not have many friends at all until second grade, but really????

A Bug

After the little man's therapy appointment we went back to that new park we love.  What we learned today is if you go earlier in the day the grass is wet.  So I need to either bring a blanket or find a bench in the shade.  Unfortunately the benches in the shade are a little ways away from the playground. 
The littles checked in with me often.  Helps that I had the snacks and the beverages.  So the little man was sitting there and a ladybug landed on him.  When he was done studying it he asked how was he going to get it off.  She replied just flick it like this and away flew the ladybug.  A moment in time when they love each other. 

We Made It

What a long week.  We survived getting up early every day and off to work/daycare.  We survived the long days at those places.  And now I'm the only one that is tired. 
No pens today.  I did get a pallet of decomposition books.  And many more sweatshirts and t-shirts.  I kept busy all day.  When I left I had one staples order and one small purchase order not rec.  Not bad considering how much stuff came in this week. 
I'm still sad about the pens though.  Maybe they will show on Monday and I will still get to work on them.  Book returns should not start until mid-week.  I hope. 

Pens?

My week is almost done.  I got in Roaring Springs and Strathmore.  I counted backpacks and sweatshirts.  Lots of dental hygiene came in. Calculators and jump drives.   I was almost promised at least one big order of pens this week.  Well I am three days in and still no pens. 
Watch, they will come tomorrow at 2.  Anyone who knows me, knows I love pens.  And I want my pens. 
Next week we are suppose to start returns.  So that is what I will be doing. Even if the pens come in next week.  Well here is hoping they come via UPS tomorrow morning.  I have not been bored this week, but I really want my pens. 

Long Better Day

The little man was out by 9:30.  I was right behind him.  A little more sleep and less restless sleep is wonderful.  Made the day so much better.  I was still tired by the end of the day, but not completely worn out. 
I got another pallet in today so I am at three for the week.  Lots and lots of paper. 
I never did get completely caught up today, but I am closer to it than I was yesterday.  I love manning the warehouse by myself. 
The littles and I are counting down till we can sleep in though.  And that paycheck next month will be nice. 

Long Monday

I didn't sleep well.  The littles didn't sleep well.  The dog didn't sleep well.  I think I got somewhere between four and five hours sleep.  And I got up and moving.  Got them up and moving.  We were tired.
I had plenty to do at work to keep me busy, but about 3 I could feel everything just drain away.  By 3:30 I needed to sit down so I did that and destroyed some books.  I was about done for sure. 
The drive home was long.  Picked the littles up and we had McDonald's and just went home. 
Going to bed earlier tonight for sure and hopefully everyone sleeps better. 

Rougher Days Ahead

The reaction to change is usually more acting out first.  And we haven't even started implementing the changes.  I'm working on not making it worse.  So I stayed quiet while the little man threw a fit.  And a good one it was. 
And then it is over.  It is like he has a switch and it goes on and then it goes off and he is perfectly fine.  I'm not. Takes me much longer to come back to normal.  And that's when I really need to be quiet and not say anything.

One On One

The little woman had a girl scout camp out.  So that left the litttle man and I alone.  We went to the store and replaced his basketball and then off to the Diner for dinner.  He loved the jukebox at the table and we had to listen to it. 
Then we went back to that park at CTC and he ran and he ran and he ran.  And in the middle of running he played basketball with the big guys.  From the distance I am you can see he really is below the basket and yet he makes baskets.
We went home and watched a movie and called it a good night. 
Yes he is wearing the same clothes as yesterday.  I didn't even realize until the waiter asked if he had been in the day before at the restaurant.  He either wears his clothes for two days or he wears five outfits in a day.  I can't win either way.  So I just take it all as it comes because that is how we roll. 

Coolest Park Ever

I thought the best course of action would be to take the littles and Uncle Jerry to a park.  Jerry visited with Mom for a few hours by himself first.  And the park I wanted to go to didn't have a parking lot close to it.  So when he was done with his visit we went to the park.  It is considered a natural park.  Lots of rocks and stuff. 
The little woman and Jerry both decided they really liked the xylophone section.  And they sounded nice.  The little man loved running and running and sliding and then playing in the sand pit. 
We shall have to go back to that park to play some more.  It was just the coolest park ever.  We all agreed. 

Uncle

Mom and I met up with her brother for dinner tonight.  We went and had Chinese food.  He agreed with us that China Cook has the best BBQ pork ever.  We caught up and then we heard some stories.  The first one was about shrimp.  He told us shrimp is his favorite food.  When he was a kid, Orland came home with a box, that fell off the truck, of breaded shrimp.  So Granny cooked it all up.  All the kids were a bit apprehensive, never having had expensive shrimp before.  So he went to eat the first one and as he took a bite of the breading the shrimp went flying out the bottom.  Scared the beejesus out of him because he thought it was alive. 
The other story was about his time in the military.  It was the 60's and a friend and he were going to sign up for the navy. They were going to do a six year tour.  But as the date came closer he had second thoughts and told his friend he would rather take the two years if he got drafted.  Well he did.  About that time the military decided they needed some sergeants quick.  So they started this little program which was an accelerated program taking grunts to sergeants.  Uncle was chosen for this program, but never knew anything about it.  He just knew he was climbing the ranks pretty quick.  So he was in Germany awaiting becoming a sergeant.  The congress passed a law that no one would be sent to Vietnam unless they had at least a year left of their tour.  So his promotion was to happen about two weeks before his year deadline.  Somehow the list of promoted guys got misplaced and he was promoted a week after the deadline, so he could not be sent to Vietnam.  The universe works in mysterious ways. 
Mom really enjoyed her time with her brother.  She told me many times on the drive home how much she loves her brother and what a good guy he is.  And I agree.

Funny Man

So when I have to be to work early I like to get as much done as possible for the littles to get us out the door.  So they were dressed and I found socks and shoes.  Took the little woman to the car where she put those things on.  I got his on and then tried to wake him back up.  He didn't want to get up.  I just kind of worked at it.  Pretty soon he opened his eyes and gave me this strange look.  He threw back the covers and said he slept in his shoes all night in the bed.  I just agreed with him and off we went as he was awake.
The little man must also be coming up on a growth spurt.  He came home from playing and informed me he was hungry.  I was going to make tuna and cheese on muffins.  So I asked him if he wanted a tuna sandwich.  Yes, please and cut into fours.  Well he ended up eating two and a half sandwiches and two brownies.  Hungry he is.  And growing he is.

Last Day of Inventory

In all these years I have never worked the last day of inventory.  So today was a treat.  The first part is spent recounting things that there are big discrepancies on.  Making sure the count is right or fixing what was wrong.  So I did that.  And I guess, from what every one said, it was a really good inventory.  Not a lot of researching and recounting.
Then we got to put back all the things we pulled off the shelves for pre-counting.  I was right, I was the person who put all the pencils and pens back.  And it was pretty easy for me to do.  I had them bundled and organized.  We got done in pretty good time. 
And that was that.  Inventory is done for this year.  Now we start gearing up for fall. 

Inventory Day

Inventory went so smoothly.  Most teams finished just before lunch.  Naturally my team was the last team done.  Always.  We count the pens and the pencils.  It is amazing that two aisles takes as long as any other section in the store.  So we worked for an hour past lunch. 
Those of us who attended the concert last night were tired.  Me, probably more so than the others.  The littles just would not go to sleep.  As I get older I find I really like a little more sleep than five hours.  But I managed to persevere and worked hard.  And now I have finished my earliest work day of the year.  Back to normal mornings after this. 

Curt in the Park

Curtis Salgado played at the Sounds in the Park at the CTC park.  We went and brought our dinner.  We just got seated and I looked up and thought to take a picture.  We are back in the shade with a bunch of other people.  If you look at the picture you can see the man with the colorful umbrella setting up. Yup.  Right in front of our view.  We did move a bit as the shade moved but the area filled up.  The people who put on the concerts decided that since the show was light in spectators no one had to take their umbrellas down.  Best concert I listened to. 
Just about intermission we went and got our name in one of the raffles and the littles made buttons at the PUD booth.  They love making buttons.  Intermission ended and they drew the raffles.  The first one was a gift card to the Spaghetti Factory.  The second one was this lovely picnic basket.  We won that one.  Whooped and hollered and boy those littles can hightail it down to the stage.  A nice young man carried it to our car because it was a bit heavy.  It's a really nice picnic basket. 
We finished listening to Curt and the band.  I think the littles did not enjoy the music as much as I did.  I think they need something a little more boppy, not so bluesy.  Maybe the next concert we go to will be a dance concert.  Got to love the free concerts in the park. 
While not their thing, they did behave.  And we had a nice night.  Played cards while listening to the music. 

One Room

Every weekend I try to put some extra effort into one room.  And yes, you can't tell by the next day.  But today was the little man's room.  It wasn't all that bad.  Just needed a quick pick up and then I was able to vacuum it.  I have no idea why either little insists on throwing clothes out of their dresser and onto the floor.  But they sure do.  So most of the clothes on the floor were probably clean, but to the laundry they went. 
The little man and I had talked about his room a couple of weeks ago.  About what it might take to transition him to sleeping in there.  First thing was a cleaner room.  So done.  Now we shall see.

Staying Put

I have been going back and forth the past six month or so about moving.  Finding a place to buy or something reasonable to rent.  Unfortunately there isn't much reasonable to rent anymore. 
The lease on the rental house was coming up for renewal and the management group wanted to know if I wanted to sell if a new lease wasn't signed.  That puts things in a whole new perspective.  So I was pretty much decided that if a new lease wasn't signed it was time to sell.  I could buy something else and put some money away to replace the rent that I no longer would be getting. 
I have been waiting to see what would transpire.  Well the new lease for a year was signed.  So therefore we are staying put for at least another year.  Unless something wonderful came along.  But the odds are against that being as how my budget says no grand houses. 
The plan then is to keep working here and getting this place ready for market next year.  And we will hope the market doesn't tank before then.  Someone said prices won't go down.  But we have heard that before. 

Stitches, Bruises and Inventory

I have one remaining stitch left.  Every day the littles want to touch it.  Thank goodness they don't try to pull it out.  I did that.  The top one came right off.  The bottom one is still pretty well attached in the lip.  And it is the weirdest feeling to pull on it and feel it up in the lip.  I'm sure it will come out in a day or two and in the meantime it will continue to tickle my lip.
My foot is starting to look better. It took three days for all the bruises to appear.  I was able to put my newer shoes on today and wear them.  Still walking slow, but not as slow as the beginning of the week.  Still being extremely cautious with it. Haha.  I never posted about my foot.  The little woman landed on it last Saturday.  I think she broke something, like my big toe.  They don't do anything for that so I did not bother going to get an x-ray. 
We are as ready for inventory at work as we are going to be.  I even got to leave a little early today as there was no more prep to do.  I love days I get off early.  So tomorrow it starts.  My job is manning the warehouse.  I think it will be kind of quiet for me.  Maybe that means I get some freight logs done.

Fridays

Starting next week the bookstore is closed on Fridays until Sept.  I love having guaranteed three day weekends.  So Liz sends out our schedule Monday.  She scheduled me for every Friday for the next three weeks.  I'm like.....ummmm....aren't we closed?  So she fixed the schedule.  I do have Fridays off.  And since I lost all those hours......she scheduled me for an extra day next week.  Yippee.  I'm going to be so tired by the end of July.  Here is hoping August is a little lighter. 

Intake

We had our first intake appt. today.  This one for the little man.  It was two and a half hours of some hard questions.  The little man did great.  At one point the evaluator realized he always looked to me for the hard answers.  So she sat with him for a good 20 minutes by himself and he answered more questions and probably more truthfully. 
We have experienced some traumas in our life and it has affected us more than I put together.  I'm not sure that I necessarily deal quicker than the littles, but I stuff stuff better.  I've had a lot of years to practice that.  And so there were incidents that I hadn't given any more thought to once they were a few days old.  The littles, on the other hand, are still processing some of those.  And all the things added together say I made the right call in starting this ball rolling. 
I also learned some things I was doing wrong and she gave me ideas of changes to make.  I certainly do not want to make things harder or worse and sometimes I have.  But I didn't know.  So the saying is we do the best we can and when we know better, we do better. 
It is hard to answer questions honestly that make you look bad.  And I don't think I am bad, just have not made some great choices.  But it feels like it makes me look bad.  My saving grace in doing it and doing it in front of the littles is honesty and showing them that we can be honest with a therapist.  We all need a hand right now, but them more than me.  I do this for them and to hopefully make things more at peace in our sanctuary. 
As we neared the end, the therapist asked if I had scheduled an intake for the little woman.  She gave a lot of input during this intake, so the therapist said the little woman has a lot to say.  When we were all quiet and settled for the night I asked her what she thought and she thought it would be a good idea.  It can hopefully help her anxiety.  And so that is my next task. 

Revelations and Bits and Bobs

The other day it struck me.  I am finally over my anger at Dave.  I never stopped loving him.  I never stopped caring.  But he made choices that totally affected my life and could have made different ones.  And it made me angry as well as sad.  One of the true things that made me mad.  It only took three and a half years to get over that part. 

The little woman is still insisting that Mica is green.  I have no idea where she came up with that.  Maybe she sees her as being green.  Maybe she has some color blindness.  The little man always looks at me and asks..."Mica is green?"  and naturally I say no, she is gray.

Speaking of cats.  We definitely had a strange one in the house this morning.  He didn't even leave very far after I got up.  He went to the end of the deck and just watched me.  He was a big beautiful gray and white cat.  I do not need any more cats. 

The microwave died and yet it managed to heat up my mac and cheese today.  Stupid thing. I want it to either work or not work and to do so all the time. 

The Old Post

Monday, August 18, 2014

Ghost

There was a "CSI" about a homicide in a high school.  The characters in the show talked about what they were in high school.  Jock, brain, cheerleader, etc.  Grissom answered he was a ghost. It was like a bam.  Exactly.  That is how I felt.  I'm sure not that many would know who I was or even that I was there.
It has been proven a couple of times.  I went to my ten year reunion and saw a guy who lived a block away from me, went to school with me from sixth grade on and rode my bus. When I said something to him at the reunion he had no clue as to who I was.
Then I had a dealing with a sheriff deputy almost ten years ago.  This guy went to school with me from seventh grade on.  He didn't remember me either.  Now granted by this time we have aged quite a bit.
That is all kind of expected as I was a quiet kid.
But this last month I found out I am almost a ghost in my own life.  I had a brief conversation with an old friend and he spouted off about not remembering something from back in the day.  It was something of great importance to me and he can't even remember it.  Then another old friend did more than that in not remembering me when we spent a lot of time together.
I understand that every one remembers what they remember and that we are not all going to remember the same things.  I just find it a tad unsettling when I discover I am a ghost in my own life.

Never Go Home

You can't replay the past.  People come and people go for many reasons.  I figure all relationships have a purpose.  I've talked about it before.
Work relationships seem the most transient.  There may be good intentions to stay connected, but most of the time you just don't.  People move on and get caught up in their lives of the moment.  And it really is okay.  I think we are suppose to do that.  So when people quit at work I know it is ending and I accept that. There are also exceptions, but they are rare.
But facebook sometimes gives you a glimpse into where their lives went.  Especially if you are like me and look up everybody.  I joined facebook in 2009.  That means I have a decade on it.  A decade of seeing where all my friends went.  How their lives turned out.
So back in the day....before facebook I had ran into an old pal from the Kopper Kitchen days.  Steve.  He was no longer in the restaurant business, but still in food.  A vendor.  It was so strange to run into him in my small town.  He looked good, sounded good and was very happy.  And he popped off with had I ever seen Tod.  No, no I had not.  She moved on.  Kept up with her for a bit, but it didn't last.
So from 2009 until now I have looked for Tod.  Not every day or even every month.  Just when I get in those slumps that send me searching all over for anyone who interested me.  I knew her old married name and I knew her maiden name.  And I just never had any luck.
I don't know why this weekend was any different than any other, but I went on a search.  First I had her maiden name spelled wrong.  I finally hit on a combination of letters that gave me the correct spelling.  Correct spelling gave me people on facebook with that last name.  And one of those people looked like she could definitely be related.  I keep searching and searching.  And I keep ending back at that one gals page.  Somewhere she posted about her name.  Tod is an old family name....nickname.  Wait...what?  And there is a niggle there in my brain.
Ha.  So I have been searching for a decade for someone who doesn't really exist.  At least not under that name.  She will always be Tod to me though.  So I messaged her and asked if she ever went by the name Tod.  And so it was.  It was her.
And she is doing so well.  She became a teacher.  Got married again and had a couple of kids.  Got divorced and then remarried again.  She is very happy right now.  Still runs. Her husband likes to travel and she was chatting with me from Budapest.  Amazed at the things I remember.  She was an important person in my life for a period of time and I have fond memories.  And I always will.  But she couldn't recall who I was.  I could tell her all kinds of things but nothing brought me back up from the deep.  She has had over 30 years of memories made on top of those.  And obviously it meant more to me or I don't have as many memories piled on top.  For me it just felt more like that ghost in my own life thing. You can't go home and you can't go back.  You can only move forward.

Family Dinner Again

Pat wanted to treat Mom to his bacon wrapped shrimp.  He is busy the next two weekends so we did it this weekend.  Seems like we have had a lot of family dinners lately.  I think it we averaged the time out it would not seem like so much. 
I made homemade mac and cheese.  Had to make it at his house.  My microwave died this weekend.  Poor little man had to eat a cool corn dog and that was when we knew.  So I took all the stuff I needed and the equipment.  Turned out just right. 
Mom loved the shrimp and so did the little man.  He knew what it was all about.  He also ate steak and one bite of the mac and cheese.  He is still not a fan. 
Mom and I had that chat again about where I think she is in the progression of the dementia.  Settled.  And that is the only word I have to describe where she is.  It progresses slowly for her.  Although I am sure she still tries to fool us.  But it gets less so all the time.  She is just settled.  We both agreed that we missed the old her. 

Garage Sales

The littles and I hit six garage sales today.  It started with two on our street. The little man spent his allowance on a cat piano and a toy for his sister.  Then he found some more money and bought a couple more things.  I found a dollar and gave it to the little woman.  And then we cleaned out my purse.  Came up with another couple of dollars.

I offered to walk her down to the sale down the street or we could go find some others.  Well every one was up to going to others.  One was an estate sale.  They enjoyed looking but I really didn't expect them to find anything.  Two of the others were for toddlers.  Yeah.....not.  The very last one we stopped at had lots and lots of things to look at.  And they did.  

So altogether we spent about $6.  They bought seven toys.  One did not work even after we replaced the batteries.  The little man learned about the luck of the draw when you buy stuff at garage sales.  He still did very well.  And she was happy also.  

I didn't find anything I just had to have.  No psychic shopping for me today.  :P

Work Week Rolled Into One Day

What a lovely week.  I only worked today.  Feels like a lull in the middle of summer.  We hit a couple of parks, we camped, we had fireworks three different days. 
Today I made deliveries and then more pre-counting for inventory.  Inventory starts in a week.  I think the counting part is going to go real smoothly.  I asked Ben about the last day part and he said that kind of sucks.  Guess I will find out. 
But for today I counted.

Another Park

Eventually we will have hit every park in our area.  The day starts with the littles asking to go to the park and one they haven't been to before.  So we went to the Marine Park.  There is a lovely spot on the river for wading.  No shade though and that sucks.  They burned off a little energy though.

Fourth of July

We spent a good share of the day at Pat's house.  He bbqed up some hamburgers.  I ate mine with a fork.  The little man accidentally headbutted me in his sleep and hit me straight dab in the lip.  Swelled up bigger than it was the first time.  Made my teeth hurt again and made the wound inside my mouth bleed again.  Joy.
Mom didn't want to stay for fireworks so I took her home. While I was gone they got ice cream treats from the ice cream truck.  The little man said he had to catch it first.
And then we spent two hours lighting fireworks.  The little man really got into it and wanted to do all the things Uncle Pat did.  We had small fountains, bees, odd things like poker chips and mortars.  Lots of mortars.  Pat said he found some six packs for under $5 apiece.  Naturally they weren't the super fantastic ones, but they made a nice display.  We enjoyed the more expensive ones that were going off in the neighborhood.
The little man was the only one with injuries.  He fell in the neighbor's flowerbed that is filled with rocks and cut his knee.  And then he got a spark stuck on one of his fingers.  We told him that is what a burn feels like so don't play with fire.
Fireworks always remind me of Dad.  He loved fireworks.  I remember the year he shot bottle rockets over the house of a lady he didn't care for.  I think they were not good neighbors to each other.  But Dad sure loved those fireworks and the ones you aren't suppose to have.  Like cherry bombs and firecrackers. 
All in all a grand day.

A Week

Awhile back a friend commented on needing counseling for her nephew that she was raising.  The first conversation was how the counselor never showed up for the appt. with him and his mom twice.  And the third time was a reschedule by the counselor.  Now that seemed off to me.  I've never ever heard of a counselor not showing up for an appt., but I don't know the specifics.  The next conversation was a new counselor was finally found but there is a waiting list and he was on it. 
That waiting list thing scared me.  I've known for awhile that we would be moving into counseling.  And I have avoided it as long as I could.  Flying rolling pins kind of make the time now. 
My first call was to the insurance company.  I want to know how to do this in the correct order, etc.  So the woman looked up what he can receive with insurance paying for it.  And I have no idea what that was.  Then she looked up a list for me of who I can call.  All the places on the list take our insurance. 
I start making calls.  First call I end up leaving voicemail for intake.  Second call, they need to send information to his doctor and then they will get back to me.  Third call, they can't even talk to me without copy of all the paperwork that gives me the right to find care for him.  They can't even tell me if they have someone in their group who deals with children born drug affected. 
I dig out my paperwork and am just about ready to head to the local office of the third place when the phone rings.  This woman not only talks to me, but takes a lot of information over the phone.  Sets me up an appt. for next week for intake.  Told me the intake person will most likely be his therapist and that in the fall she comes to  his school.  Yes they deal with drug affected children.  And yes they will need a copy of the paperwork, but I can bring it to the first appt. 
A weight got lifted off my shoulders.  I have started this road we must go down.  It is nice to talk to someone and not have them wanting to know how I could let this happen.  Not wanting to know if I beat his ass or knocked him down a few pegs.  You can't teach someone not to hit by hitting them.  And that is not to say that I haven't spanked....I already know I spanked too much and it never did any good.  These are not normal babies who react like every one else.  These are drug babies with different brains.  And so the relief is there that we are doing something.  Being proactive.  And it all starts in a week.  Just a week. 

Fun At the Park

After buying our fireworks, we took them to Pat's house.  That way there was no temptation or begging to set them off early.  We kept the popits and they threw those around.  We decided to go to the park after that.
So we drove down to the park by Pat's house.  There was no one there for them to play with.  So we started playing hide and seek.  The littles were amazed at how good I am at that game not in the house.  Pretty soon we had a couple of other kids playing and I got to get out of the game.  But I did take that time to connect with them on their level and create memories. 

Oy

Slowly, oh so slowly my mouth feels better.  Well let me rephrase that.  My teeth feel better.  It is good to be able to chew.  Can't wait to be able to bite.  Cutting up a hotdog is just wrong.  The only time the "wound" hurts is if it gets bumped.  And right now it itches, but I try hard not to touch it.  Touching it is like bumping it. 
I know I must be very strange.  The "wound" never really hurt on it's own.  The shot did. Or the teeth pain made everything else feel like nothing.  The tetanus shot never bothered me at all.  I discovered yesterday that my ear is bruised.  Yeah four days later and I feel it. 
So, so time to do something different. 

And Home

Usually we head right out in the morning.  Today we were different.  Pat wanted to fish some more so we spent some more time down at the river.  The kids got in the water again.  I'm amazed at it because it has not been overly warm.  They tell me the water is only cold for a minute.  But once they were out of the water they were cold. 
We packed up camp a little after noon and headed for home.  Hoping for some easy time at home now.  We decided we will go to Pat's for the fourth and bbq and blow up some fireworks.