Never Go Home

You can't replay the past.  People come and people go for many reasons.  I figure all relationships have a purpose.  I've talked about it before.
Work relationships seem the most transient.  There may be good intentions to stay connected, but most of the time you just don't.  People move on and get caught up in their lives of the moment.  And it really is okay.  I think we are suppose to do that.  So when people quit at work I know it is ending and I accept that. There are also exceptions, but they are rare.
But facebook sometimes gives you a glimpse into where their lives went.  Especially if you are like me and look up everybody.  I joined facebook in 2009.  That means I have a decade on it.  A decade of seeing where all my friends went.  How their lives turned out.
So back in the day....before facebook I had ran into an old pal from the Kopper Kitchen days.  Steve.  He was no longer in the restaurant business, but still in food.  A vendor.  It was so strange to run into him in my small town.  He looked good, sounded good and was very happy.  And he popped off with had I ever seen Tod.  No, no I had not.  She moved on.  Kept up with her for a bit, but it didn't last.
So from 2009 until now I have looked for Tod.  Not every day or even every month.  Just when I get in those slumps that send me searching all over for anyone who interested me.  I knew her old married name and I knew her maiden name.  And I just never had any luck.
I don't know why this weekend was any different than any other, but I went on a search.  First I had her maiden name spelled wrong.  I finally hit on a combination of letters that gave me the correct spelling.  Correct spelling gave me people on facebook with that last name.  And one of those people looked like she could definitely be related.  I keep searching and searching.  And I keep ending back at that one gals page.  Somewhere she posted about her name.  Tod is an old family name....nickname.  Wait...what?  And there is a niggle there in my brain.
Ha.  So I have been searching for a decade for someone who doesn't really exist.  At least not under that name.  She will always be Tod to me though.  So I messaged her and asked if she ever went by the name Tod.  And so it was.  It was her.
And she is doing so well.  She became a teacher.  Got married again and had a couple of kids.  Got divorced and then remarried again.  She is very happy right now.  Still runs. Her husband likes to travel and she was chatting with me from Budapest.  Amazed at the things I remember.  She was an important person in my life for a period of time and I have fond memories.  And I always will.  But she couldn't recall who I was.  I could tell her all kinds of things but nothing brought me back up from the deep.  She has had over 30 years of memories made on top of those.  And obviously it meant more to me or I don't have as many memories piled on top.  For me it just felt more like that ghost in my own life thing. You can't go home and you can't go back.  You can only move forward.