Myk/Mike

I heard tell that Myk is thinking about changing his name back to Mike. Something to do with reinventing himself. I really liked Myk and thought it was unique. But I understand.
I saw him yesterday. Haven't seen him since Audrie's birthday. I know he has been doing some side jobs to make money. He and Cassie are still at a hotel. I got hit up for money yesterday. And I relented. Once. Cassie looked very tired. She probably is since she is only about two weeks till her due date. Myk has a broken front tooth. Looks like that tooth is going to fall out anyway. Makes me sad. Someday he will want to fix that.
I am sad that I am instantly mad when we see each other and he wants something. He isn't doing anything wrong....I just don't like myself very much when I enable and I don't like myself very much when I don't. So I get angry to be put in a position of having to choose. I only want the best for him. And I know he isn't there yet. Isn't ready for that recovery road. And while I say I am not walking that path with him....I am every single day.
He is my child and I love him more than anything in this world. Right now I feel like clinging to him and holding him tight because I know how tenuous my family can be. Right now even in addiction he still shows some respect and honesty in his dishonesty. Right now he is still the only one who can make me feel pain (so I'm not a complete sociopath). He is my child. Wish that I could make his life perfect, but I can't. All I can do is love him.