Finishing Up the Old Year

So Mike headed to the Wenatchee area the day after Christmas.  My feeling is if he manages to get clean there it is great.  And if he doesn't and he just gets high there...it is great also because it isn't in my face.  I have no control over his actions.  I wish him well and luck.
Turns out when Dave got his disability his 72T thing went away so he is taking more money out of the IRA than he was before.  Said that is why he felt like helping me with my car (which I could regret) since he is a little flush right now. His disability started in Oct so I'm not sure why Chad was trying to talk Judd into talking me into not taking my share of the IRA while Dave wasn't 59.5. Feels like more of the Dawn is just stupid stuff so we can do what we want.  Glad I took the money.
Mom decided she needed to cook Christmas Day Dinner at her  house.  Said she wasn't ready to relinquish her responsibility to do it.  She hasn't cooked it in 25 years.  Anyway we rolled with it.  Dave came to my house first and put the beds together.  That made my brother mad because he thought we were starting at Mom's early.  And then we get there and she doesn't do anything.  I haven't cooked in her kitchen and I don't do gas.  Mostly it turned out fine but the ham was a bit dried out. So now she says we aren't having spiral hams anymore....after ten years of spiral hams.  Obviously I had a little bit of a stressful time this year and usually I don't.  We survived it.
And then Audrie is now doing the I want Papa thing every time she gets in trouble.  Joy.  Ah well.....this too shall pass.
And on to the new year and all that it will bring.  New responsibilities, the littles gain a new sibling and I'm going to keep reinventing myself.

2013 Ends: A Year of Change

Wow.  We survived our first year on our own.  It has been a year of change and newness.  We moved in January and have spent the whole year at the Clark Ave Apartments.  I still like it here a lot.  I can still breath most of the time.
The littles started daycare/preschool.  It has been such a great thing for them.  With their help potty training Audrie was easy peasy.  They have learned so much there and Nana learned also.  It amazes me to watch the growth that they have shown.
I decided to stay with my job and just do that.  The littles are little for such a short period of time.  I couldn't even imagine them in daycare full time every day five days a week.  And so far this works for us. If it changes we will reevaluate.
I went through the divorce process this year.  It was not hard.  We are amicable so it was not too stressful.
Luckily Dave seems to have found a place of sobriety and is able to help with the littles.  Will it last? Who knows? But for now we roll with it and let him help all that he is able.  They are a handful.  
We have survived the ups and downs of Mike and his addiction. We have survived the ups and downs of Cassie's addiction.  We have survived the ups and downs of Dave's addiction.  I think we are survivors and an island of three.  We carry on and keep moving forward one day at a time.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.

Frozen

Audrie felt much better today so we went and saw "Frozen".  It was Audrie's first movie in a theater and she did great.  She played a little bit while we were waiting for the movie to start, but once it started she stayed seated and watched the movie.  She talked a little bit, but so did the kids behind us.  It was a really cute movie and I was surprised that it wasn't a Pixar flick.  It was Disney.  She really liked it and I liked that she liked it.

Man Plans, God Laughs

Today Audrie and I had a date planned. I scored a ticket to see "Frozen" off disneyrewards.com, so we were going to go see it and do some shopping. Connor broke one of her headbands and she was going to pick a replacement. Turns out the poor little thing is sick. So instead we are just chilling at home. She is sleeping in the chair.

New Beds

After sleeping on a very hard bed most of the year I had finally bought a new bed.  I was having a conversation with Dave and commented that my next purchase would be a big boy bed for Connor.  He immediately offered to buy a bed or something.  Looking online he decided he could build one.  So he did.  Found it to be pretty easy, so he decided to build one for Audrie also.  Audrie's bed was a day bed we had bought for Tanya when she was 15 or so, so it has been around awhile and it was the original mattress.
The beds were given to the littles for Christmas.  I got them the bedding as their gift from me.
Speaking of the bedding.....anyone who knows me knows I really don't believe in adding to the coffers of big business just for the sake of.  I have always hated Disney products because to me their product is no better than any other just because they own the rights to the characters.  And then along came the littles loving Lightning McQueen and Tinkerbell and Princesses.  So I sucked it up and got them the cutest bedding.  And they love it.  And in the end that is what matters.  Merry Christmas best little woman and best little man.  I love you.

Christmas Eve

We had our traditional Christmas Eve.  We got some Chinese food from a local place, a shrimp platter and beef stick, cheese and crackers.  We watched "Monsters University" and enjoyed it.  Doug and Kristie joined us as they are in town for the holiday.  The littles just love Aunt Kristie so much.  They kept wanting to sit on her and they really enjoyed coloring with her.  It is just the little things that mean so much. It was a nice night.  And now Connor is spending the night with Papa and Audrie came home.  Soon to bed to wait for Santa.

Low Numbers

Betty had me stop by and pick up some more books.  I told her that at the rate I am reading right now she won't see them again for six months.  And that is just strange for a person who reads a lot.  Looking at my list of books read and movies watched and it has been a slim year.
I think I have spent so much time with the littles that I am just too worn out to read at night and they do tend to make movie watching a trial. There is just no way they can be quiet for two hours.  So for now I will watch what I can and read when I can and it is all good.  But boy that stack by my bed just keeps growing.  :P

Best Laid Plans

I signed the form I needed to for Judd and the money to extend my decision making time.  Several things got pointed out to me and I must be feeling better......the money is basically in an IRA savings acct making diddly squat.  Turns out Allstate and Thrivent buy their product from the same place but Allstate has cheaper fees.  Judd also informed me that I could tap a portion of that money without penalty for a cushion.
Well by the next day I knew I needed to make the move so I contacted Judd and we have another meeting later in the week after Christmas.  Once I get this done I won't have to think about it for awhile.  Whew. Sometimes it is all about moving forward and acting, not stalling and reacting.

Winter Solstice

We had our first celebration of the winter solstice.  I have always liked the idea of it, but never seemed to have time for it.  This year is different since we are changing, growing and making new traditions.  We invited Papa and Daddy over for hot chocolate with marshmallows.  It went over really well.  It is the first time the littles have gotten hot chocolate that I know of.  First time with me anyway.  Now we enjoy the longest night and start working towards the summer solstice with the longest day.

Overwhelmed

So Mike checked himself back into detox.  No idea what his future plans are.  He spent four days there and got over the worst of the withdrawals.  He is back at Dave's through Christmas and then plans on moving on.  Time will tell.
I have just been overwhelmed with it all emotionally which means I just function.  So the money guy from allstate has just been annoying the hell out of me along with Sam.  I was about ready to do something about it when it just got to be too much.  So I shut it down.  I figured for now the money was safe.  It's mine and in an IRA.  If it wasn't for Sam being my friend I probably would have shut it all down.
So I finally responded to Judd and have a meeting today to look at some more options and do something that gives me more time to decide what I want to do long term. Because I am not deciding right now.

Sowing Wild Oats

My little man is sure sowing his oats.  Seems like every chance he gets he is into something.  His newest fascination seems to be eggs.  He fingerpainted the kitchen floor with one early in the week.  Then yesterday he tried to do the same on the carpet of the dining room.  Oy.
His other trick this week is unrolling toilet paper off the roller.  Boy there is a lot of paper on one of those rollers.  At least he didn't try to flush it....just left it on the floor.  I saved it and then have to remember to grab some out of the linen closet when needed.  What a man.

Kicking and Screaming

It is funny and it is not, how easy it is to be dragged back into co-dependence. Mike was arrested on his warrants and then released the next day for 30 days house arrest.....at my house. And naturally he didn't follow through with his requirements. I'm watching all the crap and holding strong on no rides or money, but I can't stop the crap.  It all came to a head last night and he has left. High, high, high. There is no talking to him like that.
We had a conversation a week ago where he told me he just did not care about anyone or anything other than himself. I said I thought he didn't even care about himself...only his drugs. He agreed. It was the most honest thing he has said in years.
Now I have to resolve myself that he can't be here. I can't have the crap around the little kids. I'm just so glad that Audrie was at Papa's last night and didn't witness her daddy in that condition.

And Again

This week just got away from me. I worked four days. My car returned to the shop for the third time. The valve cover gasket that got replaced a few weeks ago had a kink in it. All fixed for free. I sure like those loaner cars they give me. I took Mom shopping and she is almost done. Wish I was. Mike had me on edge all week. The littles were great. I think it is time to step back and take a deep breath.

Baby It's Cold Outside

Audrie had a tumbling class today.  So Connor and I bundled up and went for a walk around the school while she did that.  He spotted two birds in the soccer field and away he went. He never believes me when I tell him he can't catch them.  He gave it a good try though. I just stood on the sideline and watched him.  After that we practiced our jumping off curb skill and he tried walking the curb.  That one is a little beyond him yet, but not for long.  Then we hurried back to the car to warm up.  Love the cold when it is sunny.

Whirlwind Week

I worked four days this week. Then we added a Dr visit, a potluck party, pictures for Connor and coffee with Katie and Sandy.  Felt like I was going non-stop all week.  Connor is healthy and took really nice pictures even if he wouldn't really smile.  Katie and Sandy are good and busy.  Katie gave us an invite to come up any Tuesday or Wednesday.  Those days she has her grandkids.  The potluck went great even if I was a little stressed beforehand.  I intended to make lasagna but it turned into a cheese plate.  I love finding out I'm out of things I know I have.  So I ran out of time to get it done.  Will make a nice dinner tomorrow night.
It was kind of nice having a "snow day " morning.  Slowed us down.  Lunch got cancelled.  We just took our time motivating for the day.

Creepy Feeling

So I ran into Jim, one of Dave's neighbors.  We talked for a minute and he said oh you live in the Clark apartments.......I have never shared that with him.  Well turned out his daughter has a friend across the parking lot and she told him.  I haven't seen her since she was eight, so it surprised me that she knew who I was.  Anyway he then proceeded to ask about Dave and I.  Told him the divorce was final last week.  He went 'Oh so you're free' with that sound of interest.  I started chanting in my head...please don't ask me out, please don't ask me out.  Must have worked, that and telling him that Dave quit drinking after I left.  Jim was standing there with a six pack of beer in his hand.  Yeah not interested in that.  I'm pretty sure that was why his wife moved to town also.

Someday

The littles and I were at Fred Meyers and they did their usual act up inside.  So we get done and head to the car.  Stopped at the cart corral to get rid of the cart.  Connor runs into the corral and starts playing in the front.  I'm just standing there waiting him out because there isn't anything to do but that.  This man and his son get out of a truck parked right by the corral.  He watches for a moment and then tells me that someday I can teach this corral trick to my grandchildren.  Baahahahwhhaaa. I just looked at him and said they are my grandchildren.  :p Walked to the front of the corral and then Connor followed me to the car. Guess I just didn't know that was what he wanted me to do.....get up on the sidewalk.  All's well that ends well....and it always surprises me when people mistake the littles for my children.

The End

And the divorce is final. The property deeds are recorded and everything is in place for the money to move. And it may have already.

Little Man is Two Years Old

Connor turned two years-old today.  He has come so far since that day two years ago when he was born withdrawing.  You can't even look at him and tell that he spent the first three weeks of his life in the hospitial being weaned off heroin.  And so far there are no lasting effects from that.  We keep our fingers crossed that that remains true.  Problems from that can peak out at any time until he is an adult.
So today we had cake and ice cream.  He loved the cars on his cake.  Two is so easy and simple.  Everything impresses.  He received jammies, a tv couch, a scooter, a bear, cars and a plane.  He loved the plane.  Audrie loved the plane.  He loved the plane.  Audrie loved the plane.  He hid the plane.  I still haven't found it.
He is absolutely amazing.  He is funny.  He is way too smart.  He is rambunctious.  He is spirited.  He is busy.  He is love.  He is two and has been practicing that for a bit already (glad it's my last one).
Happy birthday Little Man.

Thanksgiving

We had a lovely meal as a family.  Mom, Pat and Dave came over.  We had all the usual fixings.  Connor really liked olives and cranberry sauce.  Audrie liked the rolls.  The honeysuckle turkey from Albertson's was almost as good as last years.
I am thankful for the gift every day to practice patience.  I am thankful for cuddles and snot kisses.  I am thankful to be healthy, have a job and a place to live.  I am thankful for Mom's memory every day.  I am thankful for the time spent with family.
And now on to the Christmas season.

Zoo Lights

The littles and I took Mom and we went to the Zoo Lights.  Every year the zoo lets members in the night before Thanksgiving when the general public can't get in.  It is just fantastic.  The weather again held for us this year so we didn't have to try and see it between rain showers.  Mom had never been so she was enchanted and worn out by the time we got done.  Connor was really seeing all the lights and what they were suppose to be this year.  Audrie was fascinated by the people in costumes.  They got worn out also.  On the walk back up the hill Mom and Audrie opted for a ride and of course Connor was strolling. Amazing that he is the one that fell asleep on the way home.  It was a nice night and perhaps a new tradition since we have done it two years in a row.

Sarcasm

I had the best week. My car went to the shop and then went back to the shop. I will have a couple grand into these repairs. Time to decide on keeping it or trading it in for something else.
The divorce should be final, but I haven't heard. Which means it is time for me to get my behind in gear and get my note ready for a gold medallion signature guarantee for the IRA.
Mike was here most of the week so I got to deal with that and then with Dave's crappy attitude.  Dave seems to be under the impression that the littles and I need rescuing. We don't. Mike and I had an agreement and he kept his end until Dave needed to step in. So Mike is back in the wind. The positive to that is some peace and quiet. But now I wait for the phone call again.
We went and saw Debi today and realized it has been way too long since we got together for coffee. Hoping to set something up.
And now on to the new week and the busy holiday season.

Oy Child

Mike spent five days in the hospital with a staph infection in his finger which moved into the tendons of his hand. He spent two days at Dave's and a couple days here. Dave expected him to remain clean and sober while at his house. And while he can expect it, it isn't what is going to happen. So I told Mike he could stay here while he does his out patient antibiotics for three weeks.  Now I'm counting down. 16 days.

Portland Mini

So my car is in the shop. Lovely oil leak. Turns out I have two and maybe a third. I hope not. We are fixing the two sure ones along with a filter, rear brakes, brake fluid flush and a new tail light assembly.
And while they work on my car they loaned me a red paceman s. Alittle more zip than my car. That zip costs some mileage. I love my car.

Family Dinner

We went out for dinner for Mike's birthday. Dave came with us and picked up the bill. Mike wanted to go to Applebee's. The littles had a good time. They entertained us and the booth behind us. I think Mike had a good time. He hasn't participated much in our family dinners. It was good for him to be with the family.

Busy at Work

Nineteen pallets came in this week.  Oy.  That is a lot of books.  I was joking and saying we got all of winter quarters books in one week.  That is almost true.  We processed out 18 of the pallets as well as all of Tuesdays UPS delivery and all food and beverages.  The rest of the deliveries are awaiting next week for receiving.  That is just over two pallets all by themselves.  We got smart and stacked them on the pallets to keep them out of the way.
And now that the week is done I can tell I worked hard. My joints are aching and telling me about it.  Guess this is the new par as it happened last quarter on the big week also.  :p

Artists

I am absolutely amazed at some of the people that I work with.  Our jobs are mostly just for the paycheck.  We live life outside of the job.  The job allows us our passions.  So I knew David was an artist.  He designed henna tattoos for Elizabeth and I several years ago and did them for us. He has a really good eye.  He created this facebook page for his art and I saw it. That in turn started me on the path of finding out who else did art.  Melody writes and I wish I could have chatted with her about it when she was working with us, but she recently moved on. Meghan is awesome and created this page.  That is going to give us things to talk about besides our two year-old boys when we get past our busy time at work.  I love finding this stuff out and having people in my life who are creative and expressive.
Here is a picture of Elizabeth's henna tattoo from Oct. 2011.  Wish I would have gotten pictures after the henna was all off, but I didn't.

Update

Mike had his second surgery on his finger. He has been moved out of the intermediate care unit to the surgical ward. Still on I V antibiotics and still has his finger. The littles and I went and saw him. He paid attention to them as is his way when he's not on drugs.

Mike

Mike got a staph infection in his finger. Living on the street has all kinds of consequences. He ended up in the ER on Sunday and had surgery to clean it out with the possibility of losing the finger. So far he still has it, but they are going back in today to clean it again. We wait and see.

The Ups and Downs of Addiction

Two days after Mike completed his inpatient treatment he was back on the streets using.  Oy.  Makes me feel like the whole treatment thing was a ploy to get some rest and some new clothes and a lower tolerance for a couple of days.  I don't know that, but it is how it feels.
So here it is three weeks later and he looks like crap.  His feet are disgusting from being wet all the time.  He has infection in his finger and it looks gross.  Guess he has made multiple trips to the hospital.
I wonder when he will make a change.  When will he finally get tired of this life?  Will he ever? It is just a sad situation.  Sad for us and for him.

Tumbling Day Two

Today I decided that Connor and I would take a walk while Audrie had her tumbling class.  Hoping that she would pay better attention to the teacher without us present.  The teacher seemed to think it would work better with Connor kind of attending also.  So we did an experiment and had Audrie do the class by herself today to see which way was better.
When class was over the teacher told me that I was right.  Audrie did MUCH better without us there.  She paid attention and worked hard.  She did her first supported hand stand. Wow.  Ms. Lynne said she is more than strong enough to do it, but was a little apprehensive as a first timer should be.
So Audrie will get the next four classes by herself and I mean by herself.  The class got moved up but not cancelled even though no one else signed up.  I'm glad and it makes it pretty special for Audrie which is what I was going for.

Mellow Week

After two weeks of Audrie meltdowns when I dropped her off at daycare I decided we needed a quiet week and one where we spent a lot of time together. Seemed to work. There was no meltdown Thursday morning.

Dizzy Castle

Dizzy Castle is an indoor playground.  We had a coupon so decided to go check it out.  The littles spent three hours going up and down.  There were two different slides of different lengths.  I thought the bigger one might intimidate Connor, but it didn't.  It is like Kids Club but I thought it was better for the same money.
Audrie only had one meltdown where she got in a scuffle with another girl.  After a time out and some juice she was good and played with that girl after that.  Too funny.

Tumbling

Audrie had her tumbling class.  Connor got to be an honorary attendee as there were no other students.  So this class may be cancelled, but for today she got her class. They pretended to be many things.  A bunny, a frog, a donkey, an airplane, a bridge, etc.  Audrie has great skills for the activities but not the brain work to listen and do what she is told as she is told.  It was like it sunk in after a few moments while she was running all over doing something else.  She had fun and talked about the class the whole way home.
Connor has the skills and the brain.  The instructor was impressed with how well he follows instructions and his skill level for his age.  She called him extraordinary. Yup.

Halloween

Sully and Snow White made their appearance at our house, Grammy's house and Jodi's house. Then they hit the neighborhood trick or treating for one nice block. Just about perfect for two little kids.
I had more trick or treaters than I thought I would have. Good thing I had planned on more. Now I need to get rid if the rest of the candy. Wonder which neighbor I can give it to.

Dr Visit

Audrie had her check up today. I'm so glad I didn't tell her she wasn't getting any shots. She finished her hep a series and got a flu shot. Normally I don't worry too much about the flu shot. Now that she is in daycare/pre-school I thought it might be a good idea. She is growing. Still tall. Dr. Rivera was happy with everything. Her ears were good. I was a little worried because of a fever she had early in the week. All is good.

Birthday

Audrie is four years-old today. So this afternoon we had her party. Papa and Grammy came. Josh and Tristyn from upstairs came. We got a Hello Kitty cake from Becca's Custom Cakes. She opened her presents. I'm not sure which was her favorite, but she spent a lot of time with her new coloring books.
Connor got some new cars and was happy. It was a good birthday.

Harvest Fest

Brenda invited us to the harvest fest put on by her church.  So we went and the littles had a blast.  They especially loved the bounce house and riding the ponies.  Both were firsts for them. They got tattoos and launched pumpkins.  We watched boys taking a sledge hammer to an old beater car.  Connor thought he would like to get in on that action.  It was a great way to spend the afternoon.

Back to the River

The littles and I went back to Frenchman's Bar today. This time we walked first. Only a mile. Since we have been doing two mile walks this one seemed quick and easy. After that we spent time on the playground. Still lots of geese. Connor likes them. We watched several ships making their way up and down river. It was really calm and peaceful there.
Trying to get as much outdoor time in before the weather changes.

A Day Off

Love days off in the middle of the week.  We spent the morning cleaning my room which they seem to think is their room.  After nap we decided to take a walk and we did two miles.  Funny how every walk now includes making wishes with dandelion seed heads.  After that we carved two pumpkins and took the seeds out of the third.  Tomorrow we will roast them.  Yummy.

Changes of Plans

The littles and I were suppose to have dinner with Mom yesterday, but we gave Mike a ride instead.  So dinner was postponed to tonight. Well we got there and she didn't want to get out of bed.  So we walked to the playground to play and kill time.  We weren't there even ten minutes before Audrie had to use the bathroom. So we hightailed it to Jodi's house and ended up visiting with her for awhile.  Went back to Mom's and she still slept.  So we came home and had hot dogs.  Changes and changes of plans. Good thing we can roll with it.

Certificate

Mike got his certificate fom lifeline for completing the program. Good? Bad? I don't know. Seemed really fast. Guess time will tell.

Acorns, Hats and Helicopters

Took Mike to outpatient. We had time to kill so we went for a walk. We found acorns that the squirrels hadn't devoured. There were little acorn hats all over and both kids got a big kick out of them. They tried to wear them as hats. We found maple helicopters and made them fly. Connor was enthralled.  We watched a squirrel walk the tightrope of the power lines. Audie tried to catch a bunny. She didn't believe me that she wouldn't catch it. She didn't. It was a good walk with no destination other than discovery.

The River

Great day for another hike. Had to wait for Connor to wake up and that gave us a little later start. Got to Frenchman's Bar and they have a playground. Oy. So the littles spent some time playing. After we got back to walking we found a family playing in the sand and playing soccer. Well that was pretty much the end of walking. They got their exercise though.
While there, thousands and thousands and thousands of geese flew over us. It was amazing and spectacular. Audrie said it looked like names in the sky with all the squiggly lines of geese flying. We watched a ship turn around and boats going up and down the river. The full moon came up and was fantastic. The kids and the neighbor boy had a super good time. I love how small things can amuse them.

Mixed Emotions

I don't know how to start new relationships. I just maintain the relationships I have. So I have this thing with George. And about every time I give up he comes back and gives me glimmers of something.  I go back and forth. Is he good for me? Am I good for him? Can we be friends? I don't know. What I do know is I smile when I think of him even when I'm frustrated. I glow when I talk about him. So I'm trying to let it flow and see where it goes. Taking glimmers where I get them.  Definitely gives me a variety of emotions and I'm trying to feel some of them. And that in itself is confusing.

Hiking

Took the kids to Burnt Bridge Creek trail and walked today. We let Connor walk the first direction.  Took an hour to go approximately 3/4 of a mile. After we switched direction and put him in the stroller it only took half an hour to get back to the car.
Where we stopped was a restroom. While using it my car key fell on the floor. I was happy that Audrie noticed. I put it away. When we got back to the car I realized the battery wasn't in it. Oy. The car will start without the battery so we drove to the rest area and found the battery. Great relief.
We saw ducks and Connor held his first wooly bear caterpillar. He must have squeezed it a tad too tight because it peed on him. Then it seemed to like him because you could see it clinging to his fingers.

Walking

Felt the need to get out and do something, so the littles and I went for a walk. Audrie wanted to play so we stopped at Kiwanis park. They played until it got dark. Then we finished our walk home. It was a good healthy two miles today, with Audrie riding her bike the whole way. She told me she was tired by the time we got back. Walking made me feel just a tad better.

Oy

Had my night with Elizabeth.  It truly was like nothing had changed.  She floored  me with her confession that she is a cutter.  To her mom's credit she did take her to a dr. but felt good that she diagnosed depression.  Elizabeth said she needs to go back and get her meds regulated but Tanya won't make an appt.  I told Elizabeth to make it herself.
Glad that I am back to my normal self and feel numb.  There isn't much I can do, but be there as Elizabeth allows.  I gave her a safe place to talk about it and a few minutes of distraction.  She put me in a hard spot though by asking that I don't share it with Papa.

Haunted Walking Tour With Elizabeth

It was like the last 21 months didn't exist.  We started right where we left off.  We went on the haunted walking tour put on by the Clark County History Museum.  The tour took an hour and we walked about a mile.  Hearing stories along the way about people from way back and the ghost sightings that have been reported.  Loved it and she loved it.  She knew one of the other members of the tour so that was nice for her.
After that we went to the haunted houses by Target near the Mall.  It was almost worth the price just for her reactions.  She jumped and she screamed and she complained the monsters were following her.  I was watching for the neighbor kid and maybe I saw him, but it was hard to say with all the costuming and make up.
It was a great evening with great company.

Pics From the Beach

New Bed

It has arrived. Delivered this morning. Taller than the old one. Connor can't quite climb up on this one. I'm sure it won't take him long to work it out though.
I loved the free delivery, removal and disposal of the old bed. Pat didn't want it back. And then because I was a repeat customer I got a new set of sheets. I also purchased a mattress protector since littles sleep with me. One almost all the time and the other sometimes.

Our Trip

Couldn't decide between the beach or Tacoma. So we headed to the coast and drove up it to Westport. Kids loved the ocean and the sand. We saw a lighthouse. Tried to explain what it was to Audrie, but I'm not sure she grasped it yet. Then we drove through Aberdeen heading towards Tacoma. Haven't been there since I was a kid.
It was kind of strange passing by Stafford Creek prison. Never been to that one, but the familiar signs were posted. No picking up of hitchhikers. Funny how every trip north has reminders even when we go a totally different way.
We got to Tacoma around 4pm and checked into our hotel. Stayed at the Red Lion and the bed was wonderful. Spent the evening with Nathan, Stacy and Collin. They treated us to pizza. I believe we had pizza last time we were there also. The kids mostly behaved and we had a good time.
It was a great trip. I love just getting away without any specific plan. Good for my soul and recharging.

Treatment

Mike actually followed through. He has been in treatment for eight days. Audie and I went for Saturday  afternoon visitation. Boy that is reminiscent of other visitations she and I used to do. Anyway he looks good. Gaining weight. Said he almost left one day but he worked through it.
I love when he gets moments of clarity and tells me things I didn't know. Told me that last time he was at lifeline he was using throughout the program. What a waste. Hope it's not happening this time.
We talked about my co-dependence and being an enabler. He said I'm not like I used to be. I say no and mean it. I told him I am practicing so I've got it down for the littles. Hoping for different outcomes with them even though they already have several strikes against them. Love our gene pool.
Audie and Daddy interacted. She was so well behaved. A woman gave her stickers and she spent an hour and a half playing with them. That is really good for my girl who is so busy all the time.
Next week Dave is taking Connor for visitation.

Crown Prep

So the cracked part of the filling fell out right after the dentist office had cancelled my appt.   Since I was annoyed about the cancellation, I took my time in rescheduling the appt.  After the piece fell out there was a sharp spot on that tooth and I could not help but play with it with my tongue.  It finally was just annoying as my tongue was sore sore sore.  So I called and rescheduled.  They got me in right away.  Well it wasn't just a crown prep.  They had to treat it as a cavity first and then build it up so they could take the impression and then do the grind down for the crown.  Only took an hour and a half.  In three weeks I will have my new crown and my tongue is already happy.
As aside.  I always thought after my eye injections that dental injections would be nothing.  Well I was wrong.   I still don't like them and I get very tense.  Dr. Lee does a pretty good job with the injection so it really isn't that.  Just me.  And it was interesting when he used the big grinder that I actually had moments of motion sickness.  Must have really messed with my equilibrium.

Feeling

I absolutely do not like feeling. I like being an emotion stuffer. It is so much easier, and yet things are changing. I've been having this semi conversation with George and with that comes these memories.
I do not regret the decisions I made back in the day. But I fit with George, or at least I did. And I can feel that and it makes me sad. I told him that the piece of my heart that I knew he would break aches. And it does.  When I remember George, when I dream about George, when I think about George I feel comfort and safe. And he so obviously doesn't feel that. I don't think I could ever not feel that with him.
I've got to let that go. God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Week Ending Without the Littles

I slept. A lot. And well. My house stayed clean. I got in two good walks. I watched some TiVo and one movie. And that was great. But I got no hugs, no kisses, no sibling rivalry, no snot noses or yogurt on the floor. I think it is time for the littles to come home and take care of Nana.

Dinner With David

I think the highlight of my kidless week is going to be dinner with David.  I was craving Pad Thai.  So I texted him and asked if he wanted to go and he said sure.  We met up at Thai Lotus.  I got there first so had some time to poke around in Big Lots.  Boy they have a bunch of junk.
Then we dined and my craving was satisfied.  We had a wonderful visit.  Emma came along and she is getting so grown up.  We discussed all of the goings on in our lives and all the goings on to come in the near future.  I just love having dinner with David.

Nostalgia

Almost every time I drive by the corner of Grand and Mill Plain I think of Dodie. I met Dodie when I was 11 years-old. She was the daughter of friends of my parents. We used to play together and then driftness came. We reconnected in my late teens and spent a lot of time together. We bowled league with her boyfriend and his brother. I went to her wedding. Saw her boys a few times before driftness came again.
That whole time period has been on my mind lately so it wasn't surprising that I thought of her when I drove past their old apartment. So I did my magic and found her online because I want to know how she is.  When I do my magic I don't just find who I'm looking for. I'm curious about every thing. So I will see if she responds to me. At least her Facebook page isn't so locked down that my message went to the other folder. I paid the dollar for it to go to her inbox. I know.....I'm almost a stalker. I'm going to laugh if she comes back with "I don't know you."
Facebook can be amazing sometimes.

The Quiet

Audrie and Connor are up north with their other Nana. In the quiet I have cleaned my house and my car. Caught up on the last of last seasons shows on TiVo. Hooked up my printer. Went out for dinner with Mom. Enjoyed the solitude and the peace. It is good to have a break with no worries.

Hugs

I don't like people touching me. Haven't for a long time. And then something changed. I saw Jacob today and had no problem giving him a hug. And it felt good. Wow.

Rush is Done

We are completely caught up. Bag check room got torn down. Lots of books received this week. Still felt like the oddest rush ever. I never heard how the numbers looked. I have decided that driving the little cart isn't so bad. Kind of fun to go downhill.
I saw Jacob and was so happy. He is keeping busy, but had some time to stop in.

Time Will Tell

Mike made it to pre-bed. As luck would have it a bed opened up for Friday and it has his name on it. So I took him to Walmart (again) and picked up a few clothing articles for him. I had said that I would and he wanted to pick it out. Hopefully I didn't err by doing it beforehand. Now we wait for Friday and see.
It was nice being able to have a conversation with him yesterday that didn't involve lots of begging. He appeared clean and sounded clean. And he paid attention to his children.

Back to Normal

No bag check, only security. Spent my day receiving and dinking around. Then Liz volunteered Spencer and I to do calling on wait lists. We do so many more things now. Feels like it is all back to routine. Weirdest fall rush ever.

So Unusual

Rush is not going at all like normal. Slow this morning then we almost had to stop the store at noon. Everyone was friendly, even the kid with the My Little Pony button. I had commented on it and I'm not sure how he took it. I spent the day bouncing around. I am finding I like the variety of doing many jobs.
And I was accosted by a zealous bible thumper. He wanted to know if I had a back ache because God told him I did. He then proceeded to tell me how 90 percent of the people he prays for are healed. That's nice. I succeeded in not rolling my eyes.

Yup

The new iPad came and it is lovely. Crisp picture. The first one was a scam, but eBay took care of it. That guy wasn't that smart. It got put on his credit card. Oh well...
Mike is at Dave's house and driving Dave crazy. Dave seems to think he has some control and tries to exert it. Then he whines. They are making choices. Supposedly Mike is still going to pre-bed to get into treatment. Notice I said supposedly.
Cassie is pregnant and that took the wind out of my sails. That affects the littles no matter what the outcome is. Guess I take it one day at a time.

Again and Again

Fall rush is here. Seems like it comes every Sept. not as busy as usual. Our theory is because financial aid is now disbursed before the quarter starts that we see more students before the first day.
Stephanie came by and said the most surprising thing. She said I have not changed in the ten years she has known me. She attributed it to my working at the college with all the young people. I don't know.
I saw lots of wildly colored hair. Some woman came up to me and said she saw how I looked at one of the wild hairs like it was Halloween. Really? I was just amazed that anyone wanted to look like a snowcone of many flavors, but hey to each his or her own.

Building New Nets

In the last five years I have had every safety net pulled from below me.  I never intended to live life as a tight rope walker without a net. What I have learned in the last two years is that I am strong, self-sufficient, resilient and smart. I have listened to good advice and followed a lot of it.
Now I am in the process of building new nets. I have some amazing people in my life helping me with that. I am setting goals and working towards them. I am blessed even in the face of life and its challenges.

Full Moon

The littles went to Papa's for the night so I could clean the carpet. It looks so much better. Tried to connect with Jodi, but missed. So I got a night time walk in. The moon is full and beautiful. Fall is here though because it is cooling down a lot in the evening. And now it feels like time for bed.

Eye

So Dave pops off with am I still getting my injections of avastin in my eye.  Really? Same old, same old. I haven't gotten a shot since July 2012. Fourteen months. I lived with him for six months of that time. My life is so unimportant.

Another Walk

I keep asking Audrie if she wants to go for a walk and she keeps turning me down flat.  So I have decided that I will not ask but inform her that we are going for a walk.  Nana needs the exercise.  Well tonight she pops off with let's go for a walk.  And not only that, she walked.  We walked around the BG Village neighborhood.  Felt like we were in the stepford wives or something.  We only saw two people, no moving cars, no cats, no dogs, no signs of life other than TV's.  It was weird.  Felt good to get out there and moving.  A tad chilly though.  I think fall is in the air.  I love fall.

Puffin Cafe

The littles and I met up with David, Emma and Keenan at the Puffin Cafe at the Camas Marina.  We really like it there.  David and Emma just recently moved back to Camas so this was really convenient for them.  They got to walk to it.  We had a lovely dinner with great conversation. The waitress thought we were a family and that was too funny.  None of the kids even came close to falling in the water.  Audrie did manage to find some dirt to get on herself.  Connor loved watching all the boats tonight.  Lots of fishing boats going out.
Connor didn't have his stroller tonight.  And he did great walking around.  I think his stroller days are almost over.  Then once home he wanted yogurt and he wanted to eat it at the table like Sissy.  He did a great job, so now I am thinking we are about done with the high chair also. Wow, feeling a little sad that we are moving on again.

Blah

I think all the long days have caught up with me.  I just feel blah.  The kids are at Papa's house so I could get some rest.  Yeah right.  Between Mike, the phone and a fly I didn't get much rest.  And now it is too quiet here.  It's not like it was a planned night off from the kids. So I have ate leftovers and watched some TIVO.  Trying to get it cleared out before the new season starts.

Bits and Pieces

Mike finished a stint in detox. Says he is waiting for a bed in treatment. We've been here before so I'm not holding my breath. It's all about actions at this point. Dave is letting him stay there while he waits for the bed.
Ordered a new iPad and then did it again. I got a funny feeling the first one was a scam. If not I can always sell it on eBay. I may keep the new one and let Audrie use the mini.
My friend Heidi at work keeps trying to marry me off. I keep telling her I don't want that. I want a friend with benefits. That always makes her laugh.

The Slide

After he broke his second arm, Connor no longer wanted to go down the slide. I figured it had something to do with the cast.  Well the cast has been off for a week.  And he still wouldn't go down the slide, even if I was at the bottom waiting for him.  Playing with a group of kids finally prompted him to do it and his face lit up.  It was like going down for the first time.  And he is over that fear or whatever it was.  Slide on little man.

Dang Anti-freeze

So the story begins back in the spring.  Connor found a chair at a garage sale for free.  It wasn't in great shape but good enough to play with for awhile.  Well Josh, the neighbor upstairs, saw it and wanted to fix it....nope.  So then he said Audrie had to have one also....he must have a sense of fairness.  So he gave us a chair that his daughter had.  And then she gave us one like the one we got from the garage sale.  Well I don't want any of them and figured it was time for the disposals to begin.  I bought new animal chairs at Costco so they don't need lots of chairs.  So I threw out the purple one today because the garbage comes tomorrow.
Then the anti-freeze bottle got a crack in it and was leaking.  We had to clean that up and I told Tristyn to take the bottle to the dumpster.  Ooops.  She came back and wanted to know why her chair was in the dumpster.  She told me I was throwing away her childhood memories because her grandma gave her that chair.  She took it back out of the dumpster but rather than taking it home, she brought it back in my house.  Damn.  After she went in for the night that chair made its way back to the dumpster.  Hmmm maybe the garage sale chair needs to go tonight also.

Walmart

We made it to Walmart and bought a new phone. This one is red and has a pager. Maybe I won't lose it and Connor won't take it outside. Also bought Connor another pair of shoes. All of his shoes except the pair papa bought are now too small. One boy cannot live with one pair of shoes. Not in our world anyway. Other odds and ends and we spent a hundred bucks. Just like that.

Farmer's Market

After a few week hiatus we made it back to the market.  It just didn't feel right taking Connor all the time and then not having him play on the playground.  Well since his cast is off he was free to play.
For some reason they didn't do the matching funds today.  However Healthy Families was there again and we got another bag of produce.  In addition we came home with apples, peaches, and squash.  It was quiet today at the market.

Another Quiet Day

It was another quiet day.  The littles and I went for a walk and did almost two miles.  Audrie was tired and a little whiny, but she rode her bike the whole way.
Amazingly enough I have had no texts from Dave for two days.  I have not heard from Mike in two days.  Mom is quiet since I don't have a working house phone.  It is quiet and I like it.

In Charge

All three work days this week I felt like I was in charge.  Especially Thursday and today.  There were only two of us working and all the work got done except for the pallet going out.  And hopefully it went after I left today.  That is kind of frustrating when you do everything right and the truck doesn't come.
Belinda was very happy I was there.  I told her she wouldn't ever be left on her own at this point in her receiving career.  She is only in her first quarter with us.  We got all the work done and I sent her home early.
I doubt I would ever really want to be in charge all the time, but for a week or a day I can do that.

Quiet

A day of stillness.  A day of quiet.  I just worked and carried on no meaningful conversations.  The littles and I just played.  No stress.  No grief.  No nothing.  Just being.  It is raining and it feels like it is washing my world.

Ooops

Connor took my phone outside.  And promptly lost it.  And then it rained.  I think I need to buy a new house phone and watch the little man closer.  :p

Grief

Most of the time I just don't feel sadness, anger, pain, etc.  But today I think I felt a little grief.  A little sadness for the fact that Dave seems to be doing better.  Sounds like he is going to meetings and doing all those things he wanted to do.  And I'm like why couldn't he have done that when I was there? Why couldn't he do it for me? Why couldn't he have been honest with me and why can't he?  It just surprised me to actually feel something when I haven't the whole time I've been out other than annoyance.  Annoyance I feel.  I'm happy for him.  I hope he does find a good recovery road and maybe now he can because obviously with me he couldn't.  And that doesn't mean the road is great.  He still tries to drag me into the co-dependent role with all that surrounds Mike.  

So today I grieve the marriage that made it 29 years before it imploded.  It is sad, but I don't feel it anymore. And that is sad too.  29 years finished teaching me how to stuff emotions. 

He's Good

Connor got his cast off today. His X-ray showed his arm is healed. Yay! So then after he was home he fell several times and every time he looked at his arm. Maybe he was just trying to make Nana nervous. Anyway he is good and I won't have to tell the story anymore of his two broken arms.

Back Handed Insult

So after I gave Mike a ride he made his way to Dave's.  Dave then agreed to let him stay there for a few days. When he told me about it he commented that he must be as big of an enabler as I am. Really, seriously?

Stupid

Maybe that tattoo on my forehead is right. Audrie and I ended up giving Mike a ride even though I said no more. Oy. At this rate I never will learn.

Neighbor

We went to a BBQ at the neighbors. I've been in their place several times. It always strikes me how much they live there. It is home. They have been there for awhile.
When you walk in our place you know we are just marking time. We are transient. Won't be here for years. We have a few things up on the wall to make it homey, but it still shows.  Not sure how to feel about that as this is home for right now.

A Letter

My life is mapped out.  I am staying here until it is time to move.  That happens when my mom moves.  And then I will live in her house.  At this point in time I don't ever intend to live with another man.  I won't rule it out, but it isn't planned.  I won't be married again.  I thought I would be married until I was old and always said I wasn't going to do that again.  I still feel that way, even though I'm not old now that my marriage is over.  And it's not that I didn't like aspects of marriage.

I just don't want to have to wash some guys clothes, cook for  him all the time, check with him before I do anything or make any plans, etc.  I like the freedom of doing what I want and when I want.  And we are always doing things.  

What I want is someone someday who wants to do things once in awhile that are just fun.  No entanglements.  I don't figure anyone wants to get too involved in my life and I want to keep it compartmentalized at least for a long while.  And right now I don't have the energy to get too involved in anyone else's life.  

And I don't see any of this happening for a long while.  The only person right now who could even come close to being that is George.  And he seems to think I want some great love affair or that I'm not worthy to be in his life.  Well so be it. I've had my great love affair with George and never even knew if he felt the same way.  That kind of relationship is way too hard.  I'm all about easy now. And while I will always love George, I can't prove to him that he is wrong.  And maybe he's not.  Just would have liked the chance to find out, but he never asked what I wanted or was looking for. So I guess he will be my facebook friend and we can play candy crush.  :p

So back to life and doing great things with the little kids.  BBQing tonight with the neighbors.  I love some things about apartment life.  :)

Noticings

Audrie is showing signs of outgrowing that 2-4 year-old stage. Things I have been saying are finally sinking in. Like asking to meet dogs and watching for cars. She is a smidge nicer to her brother.
Connor is showing signs of entering that stage. Bigger temper tantrums and doing what he wants.
Mom is getting worse and it is hard to watch.
I briefly talked to Elizabeth online. She told me she did not send that email telling me to never contact her again. We agreed that the people who think we are stupid are wrong.
Cinetopia seats are very nice, but I would never pay full price just to see a movie there.
My car is clean....yay. Course that will only last two days if I'm lucky.

Will I Ever Learn

I had to put my foot down again and set boundaries. Mike was taking advantage of me. Even though we had a conversation about his drug use and pulling us into it, it didn't matter.  When the second iPad went missing I knew I had to set my foot down. And so today I told him that there was no more of anything until he was in treatment. I'm sure he doesn't believe me. I really have to mean it because I have two little people who need my energy more than he does.
What amazes me is how often I fall back into my role of enabler. He's my child and I always want to believe the best and I always want to help him. I hate feeling like I can't. I hate having to set these boundaries, but my helping really isn't. And so it goes....on and on and on.

Survived It

It wasn't a 40 hour week after all. Probably about 35. Still going to be a nice paycheck. And while the house fell part, the littles and I got in four walks this week. On one of those walks we discovered a snail. We took a few minutes and explored it. They were fascinated with its house. We met lots of dogs and Audrie caught lots of cats. A different walk every day.

So Busy

We are so busy at work. We are in gear up mode for fall quarter. Pallets keep coming. Now web orders are going out. With Jacob gone we are just pushing on and trying to get it all done. I'm watching my house fall apart again this week, although I did finally get my sidewalk cleaned back up. The saving grace inside is that we are gone so much of the day. Another month and it will be over again. Work is always cyclic like that.

Friends

So George said we could be friends and I said great. He's not looking for a girlfriend or a wife. I'm not looking for a husband or a boyfriend. And we are still talking. He's a hard man to read and get to know. I'm easy to read, but not many know me. So we shall see. And friends is great, it really is.

A Throwback

I've been letting Audrie ride her bike on our walks.  Makes the walk go faster and Nana gets better exercise that way.  Anyway she will be riding along and then all of a sudden wave.  She has done this multiple times.  Me, I always look to see who she is waving at and I don't see anyone.  OMG my dad used to do that in the truck.  Driving along and he would just wave at nobody in a field.  Now when I asked him he would say he was waving at the man on the tractor or whatever.....there never was anyone.  I finally asked Audrie because I was feeling like Dad had reincarnated in her.  She waves at houses. Those I see.  Funny girl.

Connor Night

Audrie is camping with Papa, so it is just Nana and Connor. We met up with Grammy for dinner at El Rancho Viejo. Connor likes his guacamole. We ran a couple of errands and then went for a walk. Kind of different just the two of us. We did almost two miles in record time. Then we visited with the neighbors before retiring for the evening. A nice night for me and my little man.

Counting Down and a Surprise

The paperwork was filed on the 21st. So the countdown began. Only 87 more days.

After my dream of George I decided to try friending him again on facebook. I had tried one other time and it went ignored. Well a day later he messaged me. So we are talking slowly via facebook. Tonight I took the initiative and told him what I felt. So the ball is in his court and we will see if he wants to see if there is a possibility of anything there.

Audrie's Song

Audrie sings in the car. She likes " Old Macdonald" a lot. Lately she has been making up her own verses. Her newest one is; old Macdonald had a farm eieio, and on his farm he had a Taylor, eieio. With a talk talk here and a talk talk there. Too funny. Taylor is one of our neighbor teens and I guess she thinks he talks a lot.

Weekend

Whew, what a week. Worked hard at my paycheck job. Didn't work hard at home and it is going to take the weekend playing catch up. Mike spent a good portion of the week here, eating and sleeping it off. He makes as big of a mess as the littles. Then when he was ready to leave he caused chaos. First annoying me trying to get money. Then he couldn't immediately find Audrie so he got everyone looking for her. She was at Lily's house. Now granted she needs to let us know where she is, but Mike blew it out of proportion because he needed to leave and needed her found N O W. Within a minute of not finding her he had called Papa to tell him Audrie was missing. So then Papa was all riled as well and she was home before Papa even got here. Poor Audrie certainly didn't understand what the fuss was about.
Now it has quieted down. Mike has left. We are back to our usual routine. Kids played on the playground until bedtime. And I'm breathing again.

Working

This week is getting away from me.  We are so busy at work and there are only the four of us and Liz.  And yet we have processed ten pallets this week and a few other po.s. I'm working eight hour days through the rest of the month and I am getting tired.
We've been eating fresh vegetables from every where.  Dave, the neighbor, the farmers market.  We are almost vegetarians this week.  Connor is so enjoying corn on the cob.

Still

Anthony wanted us to go for a bike ride/stroll/walk so he could scooter with us. So we did almost two miles. I ended up with the scooter and Anthony pushed Connor in the stroller. Both boys got a kick out of it. Audrie rode her bike the whole way, but started stopping when we got near the end. I think her legs were getting tired. It was a nice amusing walk.

And Again

All the paperwork is now signed and returned o my attorney. Mike was at Dave's so I got his signatures on the modification of custody papers. Now the paperwork gets filed probably on Monday and then we wait the 90 days. Moving forward.

Still Walking

The littles and I decided it was another great night for a walk, stroll, and bike ride. Tristyn came with on her scooter. We probably only did a mile, but Audrie rode her bike the whole way. She was actually watching for cars. We met up with Taylor, one of the neighbor teens. He walked a good ways with us, showing us some of his parkouring moves. It was pretty amazing how he leapt/climbed a six foot high brick post in two seconds. We stopped at the little park and the girls played on the swings for awhile. They had a great time. Audrie was asleep before ten for the first time in ages.

Pallets

So today I got to box up another 400 pounds of books. Then I got to palletize three pallets and wrap them plus the one still needing wrapping from yesterdy. Oy. So much fun for a peron who suffers from motion sickness, but I got it done. Looking at the six pallets going out showed I did five of them. The good news is returns are done and those pallets get picked up tomorrow.
I spent the rest of the day helping get caught back up on receiving. We made great strides and will be ready for the book pallets for fall to start arriving tomorrow. Whew. I'm going over in hours this month. My paycheck likes that. :)

Signed

Dave brought the paperwork over last night and signed it.  We still have to make the change on the decision making.  My hope was that we could just switch that page out and that may be the case.  Then Dave texts me last night that he wants to see it before it is filed.  Okay.  Then why bother signing and trying to get the switch done.  Anyway it is starting to come around.
He decided that he needed to change the car titles now.  So we signed those.  Now I need to get with Karen and get an IRA going so we can go to Chad and get the money moved also.  Time for it to make money for me, not Dave.

We are Good

So far we have collectively spent four days on book returns. That is pulling the books, removing all our tags, boxing them up and shipping them out. This week I have moved 2200 pounds of books and I boxed up 1000 pounds last Thursday. No wonder I'm tired. One more day and we will be done and on to the gear up for fall quarter. Book orders have went in so they should start arriving soon.

Hayden

Hayden lives upstairs and offered to babysit for me. He is a senior in high school and has done the pre-school class. I can't afford going rate for babysitters, but he said he would take whatever I wanted to pay. So here we are a few weeks later. Hayden had his maiden voyage.
The kids behaved and he fed them dinner. When I returned he helped haul in my groceries. And then he left with his money. Wow. I'm so happy. It worked out so nicely and he is so convenient. I told him I like to go grocery shopping every two weeks, and he was great with that.

Second Day at the Fair

We saw the horses practicing drills. Both kids got to pet Cisco. Neither one showed any fear. We did the cows, goats and sheep again. Had milkshakes and ice cream. Audrie only had time for one ride because she had a 45 minute meltdown upon our arrival. I was beginning to think we were having extremely expensive milkshakes and would have to leave. And then it was done and she was fine. I think we have these to test Nana's patience. And I was patient and I stuck to my decision of no pony ride because of it. For a smart girl she still thinks a temper tantrum is going to work and it never does.
Amazing that both kids stayed awake the whole ride home. It was an hour past Connor's bedtime. He went down with no fuss just like normal.

Bits and Bobs

I miss Jacob. Obviously I miss talking to him as we are good sounding boards for each other. But these past couple weeks show me how much I miss all the things he did for me that made my job easier. I learned how to change toner on the copier and the printer. The crazy price gun with an attitude is now my friend. Cleaning, cleaning, cleaning. I am adjusting, but I sure miss him.
Cassie made it to Indiana safely. Said the long bus ride was horrible. I'm sure it was. Maybe she should have flew, but I'm sure it would have been too much money.
Dave is dry and I hope he continues to be so. I can use all the help I can get raising my two very busy children.  But I can't count on today being the same tomorrow or the day after. And while he thinks I should totally not be worried about the past, because the past is the past, I can't be.
Mom got another car. Pat took her and they kicked a few tires. She ended up with a Subaru Legacy.

Paperwork

The divorce paperwork is done.  Still waiting on the modification of custody.  I gave Dave the first part for him to read and hopefully sign.  Warned him that the parenting plan is pretty restrictive and that that is where the trust comes in.  If he is dry I allow all kinds of access.  If he relapses again I fall back to the restrictions.  Time will tell on all accounts.

Fair

Audrie got to experience fair rides for the first time.  She was tall enough to do a couple of rides by herself.  She had to have an adult on the caterpillar roller coaster and the carousel.  She did not understand that when the tickets are gone, the rides are done.  She had a blast though.
Connor mostly strolled with Uncle Pat.  Pat did do the roller coaster ride though since Nana can not do that one.
Mom wants to go so we may go again before it is over.  We didn't get to see the horses or the baby tiger awake.