Erin's Party

We attended Erin's 40th birthday party. There was food and cake and lots of beverages. We got to see all the relatives from that area. Had a wonderful conversation with Fred. Audrie hit it off with Dixie and they played a lot. They ended up on the trampoline with the big kids. After the littles were totally filthy and the dj arrived we made our exit. Went to Teresa's house and had baths. Watched the storm cross the field and drop two inches of rain in twenty minutes. Pretty spectacular. I was glad we had chosen to leave when we did. It was a nice party and seeing my cousins.

Sister Time

We drove over to Carey's house. The littles got to spend some time with their cousins. Denise and I went out for lunch at a hibachi place. It is like a benihanas where the food is prepared on the grill in front of show by a show off chef. And it was really good. I've never experienced a place like that before. It wasn't as expensive as I thought they were.
After lunch we went shopping. Found an interesting place called Charming Charlie's. Denise bought me a cool pair of earrings. They are even cooler on than on the rack.
Then we grabbed coffee and headed back to Carey's house. I was amazed at how alike we are and how different we are. I got a house tour and got to meet her daughter-in-law. It was a great day. One we have never done before. Now looking forward to Vegas.

We're Here

We made it. The littles ended up taking naps on the plane. After we arrived they were still fascinated with the walk ways that move. So while I was trying to exit, Connor took off down a walk way. The police officer doing security tracked him down and escorted him back to me. I told him that I hoped that was his first and last police escort.
We got our car and our hotel with no hitches. Found some food and now it is time for bed. Big day tomorrow.

Language

I learned a lot when Audrie had speech therapy.  And now I watch and listen to Connor and sit in amazement.  Language is coming so easy to him.  Yes, there are times when Audrie still has to interpret for me, but mostly he is amazing.  He speaks in long sentences.  He counts.
The thing that is striking me right now is his use of descriptive words that place things.  On, under, over, etc.  He uses these with complete ease and I never showed him.  I never taught him.  I just talk to him.  Like I did his daddy.  This was the last thing we were working with Audrie in speech therapy.
He is amazing and I'm glad that he gets some things that are just easy after his hard start.

A Grand Adventure

We had a grand adventure tonight.  Aunt Betty again gave us the pins to get in free at the Rose Festival so off we went.  We had heard there is now a butterfly exhibit.  We drove over to Delta Park and caught Max.  Cheaper than parking downtown Portland.
After we got off Max we were accosted by one of the workers who told us to use the last entrance as the butterflies were just two spaces in.  We got to hear part of the music coming from the RoZone and really made me wish I could have seen and listened to Capital Cities tonight.
But in we went and found the butterflies.  There was a line.  Connor didn't quite understand why we couldn't just go in the exit.  So when it was our turn the man who gave the instructions told Connor to follow him and he did.  Who cares about Sissy or Nana.  Anyway he helped the man by holding the hard to find double ended butterfly feeders while the man informed us how to feed butterflies.  Then we went in.  They were both pretty excited at first, but then Connor decided he did not like the butterflies landing on him.  And every time we got one off of him another one would land.  The instruction man had to pick two off me on the way out.
The rides were outrageously expensive, unless you think $5 apiece is a good price.  Audrie did not understand that it was too much and she wasn't tall enough to go on most of the rides.  Told her we needed Uncle Pat and that we would do the rides at the CC Fair.  So we worked our way out and headed back to Max.
Once on Max neither kid really wanted to settle down and sit still.  Finally I had had enough of telling them to sit down and use indoor voice so we got off the train (not realizing it would be half an hour before the next train). While I was scolding, a homeless man came up and started talking to Audrie about his pony.  In a bag he had a purple unicorn.  Well he was trying to sell it and I wasn't buying. It was just enough of a distraction that they both settled down.  He walked away and then came back.  Asked them if they could share and then he gave them the pony.  I gave him the change from my pocket and into the quickie store he went.
After he bought his beverage of choice he came back and sat on the sidewalk telling the kids how they need to share and love each other.  His name was Mark and he was a tad paranoid and admitted to that.  He was very concerned about a tri-met worker who walked by to empty the garbage cans.  Once I told him what the man was doing he was fine. He needed to catch the Max going back downtown and yet he got on our Max heading out.  Came and sat with us. That made me just a tad uneasy, but just a tad.  He hadn't done anything threatening and even shared his cheesits with the littles.
Shortly after Max started back up Audrie leaned forward and I realized there was a cigarette pack sitting next to her seat.  I picked it up.  Well......inside were eight cigarettes and a bag of weed.  I gave the pack to Mark telling him there was something in there I really didn't want.  He nonchalantly put the pack aside and asked another question.  About that time it was our stop and off we got.  He stayed on the train. I figured the cigarette pack was a pretty fair trade for a purple unicorn and I was really glad he stayed on the train.
To top off the night there was a woman hitchhiking at Dollars Corner and we gave her a ride to Albertsons.  It was raining after all.
Thanks Betty for a grand adventure.

Busy Saturday

The littles and I got up early and headed downtown Vancouver to the Farmer's Market.  I'm pretty sure we weren't there to shop for veggies.  Connor had to meet every single dog he saw.  And he saw a lot.  Next time he strolls so he is contained.
After we were done meeting dogs we had to spend some obligatory time on the playground.  They seemed to really like sliding down into each other best today.  Then we got balloons and strawberries, cherries and zucchini.
After nap I dropped them at Papa's.  I attended the wedding of my neighbors, Greg and Kristi.  It was a small ceremony with a lovely little reception afterwards.  They had a divine cake.  After I got home I had to go for a walk to try and burn off some of those calories.
It was a nice beginning of a three day weekend.

Small Updates

The I-pads are fixed and Dave gave me the money for one.  It's all good.  At least they are fixed and cased and ready for our trip.  They will definitely help amuse the littles on the plane.
Dave never did make Tanya's house payment.  She wouldn't give him a coupon or the acct. number.  That just goes to show she didn't want money for that, but for some other reason.  So much like Mike.  The whole thing.
Speaking of Mike, I'm still not taking his calls.  I think it annoys him and he keeps trying.  I told him at the beginning of this incarceration that I would not be taking calls.  I did write him a letter this week and he should have it by now.  If you want different results you must make different choices.

Like the Wind

The new neighbor must get his kids every other weekend or something.  I haven't seen them since he moved in. But tonight they were here and riding bikes in the parking lot.  He has two boys and a girl, ages 4, 7 and 9.  Well Audrie and Connor had to have their bikes out also.  Connor was actually using the one he stole from that neighbor and Audrie wanted hers.  And they were off.  Going round and round and round.  Audrie had one mishap but didn't let it keep her down.  And then she was off like the wind.  Every time she passed me she would say "look at me go".  And she was going and did not want to stop.  It broke her heart when I made her come in at 9:45.
John said he intended on staying here for at least a year so there will be plenty of bike riding going on in the parking lot all summer long.  That will be good for Audrie.

A Long Week

Things are picking up at work.  I work every day this week, so only one more day to go.  And at least it is still a three day weekend.  We finished up all the returns and have started in earnest getting in the summer quarter books.  So far we are staying on top of it.
I had one long day at work and then the rest were/are all fives.  It is definitely going to help the paycheck (which is good because that comes after we return from MN).  It has been a couple of tighter months.  So that should give us some breathing room.  And then July looks to be a good month hour wise also.
I still notice that on long work weeks we don't get too many activities done.  We did make it to Kiwanis Park one afternoon this week, and other than that we have been home or at Papa's.

WTF

A good reminder.  So we had the i-pad fiasco.  Dave said he would pay for one to be repaired since the kids broke it at his house and I was to get the other.  Then I did the stupid stunt with my key fob. $325 to get a new one and I have to get it from the dealer.  Trying a locksmith didn't pan out.  So Dave said he would pay for both i-pads because I had also ordered griffin cases for them.  The next day he wanted to know when I need the money for the i-pads....I put the repairs on the visa so it is good until the end of the month.
Picked up the mini today and let him know.  So he wanted to know how much he could help with.  I questioned it and told him what the charges were.  So he pops off with he will pay for one of them.  OKAY.  He didn't remember the earlier conversation about my key fob or him springing for both repairs.  When I commented on how frustrating it is, he told me he tends to forget stuff that isn't important.  And then he justified that with how he always remembers stuff about the kids.
The charge for the second i-pad doesn't kill my budget.  Just means I will be very frugal on our trip to MN.  That is the only reason why I opted to get both repaired right away in the first place.  My littles need those distractions on the plane.
And the key fob is definitely waiting until some time after our return.
It was a good reminder that nothing has really changed as far as our relationship.  I will take what I can get when I can get it with the kids.  But damn......

KlineLine Park

After naps we decided to go to Klineline Park.  We stopped at Marti's as she requested.  Talked about her square foot garden and looked at her yard.  Connor thought that Alan's dirt bike should be his.
Then on to the park.  Immediately Connor just wanted to cross and go.  Then he realized the creek is there and he was willing to use the bridge. They played and played and then the little man headed off to the water.  Audrie and I quickly followed.  They were content for a moment to throw sand in the water.  Then the shoes came off and in they went.  Guess the water was cold as they didn't stay in too long.  Marti wanted me to try this swing thing that you use your body to make it go and it is on an angle.  Hahahahahaha.  I got on and immediately swung to the bottom hanging upside down and swinging there a bit.  Yeah....that's not going to happen.  Nor could I figure out how to get it back up so I got off.  Later another woman gave it a good try and she too ended up on the ground.  I thought it brave of both of us to at least try (even if there is no try...do or do not only).  The kids call this one a keeper also, but next time we come prepared for playing in the sand and getting wet.

BG Farmers' Market

We walked over to the local farmers' market this morning.  The local market is small and more of a craft market at this time in the season.  There were lots of plants if one needed some starts for their garden.  We just looked around.  I listened to a man playing the guitar and singing while the kids played tag with some other kids.  Burning off a little energy. Then we headed over to get a free balloon.  On the way over we spotted the face painter and Audrie got her face done.  She was beautiful.  Then to the balloons where we lost three balloons before we even left the stand.  The littles lost the last two after we got home, but they did make it home with them.  Audrie found a bracelet she liked and I got a bar of jasmine soap.  Jasmine.....my absolute favorite scent.  Just keeping in tune with our surroundings.  :)

Small Pleasures

Pat gave me a plant stand and a candle hanger.  I put the candle hanger with candle on the plant stand right outside my door. Tonight I lit the candle and enjoyed it while I drank a glass of wine.  The littles were playing tag at the playground with the other kids.  It was simple pleasures of listening to laughter of children and a candle glowing.  Stuff that makes me replenished.

Storage Unit Anyone?

Went to three storage unit auctions today with Pat.  Each place had three units up for sale.  We only lost one to being paid for before auction.  There were a couple of crap units but the rest were all pretty decent.  First time I saw appliances.  There was a washer and dryer in one, a freezer in another and a wine cooler in another. It seemed like the stuff today was more worthy of being paid for to be stored.  Pat paid $10 for one of the crap ones and my guess is the 'owner' took the good stuff and left the garbage because what was there filled a little corner.  Certainly would not have been worth paying the storage rent.
Anyway it was a good day with my brother.  I think he likes me to go with because I talk to people and get the scoops.  ;p

Little Bits

I ordered griffin cases for the I-pads.  Hopefully that is the smart move.  The first two that got stolen had them and never got broken.  I should have both new cases beginning of next week.
Counting down to our vacation.  Fourteen sleeps.  Connor is looking forward to flying on a big plane.  I'm looking forward to seeing my people.
Something told me today to stop in and see Sam and get some insurance business straightened out.  He told me that the cancer is probably back.  They will know more tomorrow and surgery will be soon.  This time it won't be a little surgery.  They will do the big cut.  Sam looks great.  Says he feels okay.  I told him he looks the best he has looked in quite awhile.  Said he got his blood pressure under control.  Always a good thing.  He said yeah since he will need to take care of Karen.  He is such a good man.
Roasted a chicken for the first time. And it was fabulous.  Now the rest will become soup.  The weather this week hasn't really been soup weather, but I got to make it.  No room in my freezer for anything more.
It's been a long week and it feels like time for sleep.  It is quiet here so the littles must have fallen asleep.

Some Things Apparently Never Change

So Dave was telling me a story of how Tanya came out and asked to borrow money.  Seems she got behind a month on her house payment.  That finished messing up her credit so she was not able to trade in her truck in Lynnwood for a car.  She found this out after driving to Lynnwood.  Gee that hundred bucks she spent on gas would have made a dent in what she needed to get current on her house payment.
Dave was going to loan her the $1200 hundred she needed.  But when she actually checked she needed $1700 to get current.  Well Dave balked at that.  So she is working with the bank on part of the arrearage and Dave will help with the actual house payment.
I kind of laughed when I reminded him about his stance of never bailing her out when she got screwed because she did this to herself.  She sat there and told him how she always always makes her house payment first.  Well obviously not.
Some things just don't change.  Glad I didn't have to listen to the actual whine because I probably would have laughed.

I-Pad Fun

As they have been stolen the I-pads have been replaced.  The last one made it two weeks before Audrie dropped it on the sidewalk giving it a crack across the middle.  Still usable.  Then I dropped it less than two feet onto concrete at work and smashed a corner.  Still usable.  It took its third hit this last week when Audrie dropped it on the parking lot giving it lots of cracks.  You can feel them and know they are just a bend away from popping out.  Dang.
Then Connor was playing with the replacement mini i-pad and decided to use his tools on it.  Gave it many many many cracks on the screen.  Argh.
I'm not up for doing anymore replacing.  So I looked around to see what could be done.  Turns out the glass screen can be replaced.  Found a place on craigslist and then tried to find them.  Their ad said $99 a piece and that is a lot but still much cheaper than replacement.  I had the address wrong in my head so ended up at the place Dave told me to go to.
First thing the guy tells me it takes several days to do the replacement....something to do with getting the glue off.  I don't know....Anyway he looks it up and it is $169 for the mini and $189 for the big one.  I'm like nope.  So then he offers a discount because I have two.  And it would only come to $328 plus tax which doesn't add up when he told me it was $20 discount per i-pad.  Either way I still told him no.
Had Dave look up the craigslist guy and took them there.  $99 each and we get one back tomorrow and the other next week.  They have to order the screen for the mini as they haven't had many of those come through yet.
Happy to get them fixed.  Need them for our trip in sixteen days.  The littles will need entertainment on the plane.  

Mother's Day

A fine day it was.  I got greetings from Mike and Doug and Kristie.  We all got to talk to Cassie this morning.  Still sounds funny when Audrie calls me Mom and tells me something about Mommy. The littles gave me a paper plate bouquet and a picture coaster.  Mom and Pat came over for bbq.  We had New York Steaks, Yukon gold grilled potatoes, cauliflower, pineapple and sourdough bread.  I actually did a fine job on cooking tonight.  Sometimes when you don't do something (like bbq) for awhile it may take a couple of tries to get the touch back.  This time the potatoes and the steaks were perfect.  Connor even ate steak.  Not Audrie naturally.  And now I think it is time for baths and soon for bed.  A new week begins again tomorrow.

Farmers' Market

Made my first trip to the Vancouver Farmers' Market for this season.  It was a quiet morning there as the weather was iffy.  Didn't rain on me while I was there.  I found asparagus, Yukon gold potatoes, Italian garlic, sourdough bread and a bouquet of flowers for my neighbor.
I asked about the SNAP matching this year.  They told me it would probably start next month.  I love the SNAP matching.  I know it has already kicked in in Portland.  Wish it had here, but I can wait.  I should also get the WIC vouchers next month.

Food Prep

The littles went to spend the morning at Papa's house.  I got to go grocery shopping by myself.  Spent almost $200.  Came home and got most of it put away.  Picked up the kids.  Connor fell asleep on the way home so I put him to bed and started some food prep.  Got the chicken packaged up into a package for chicken strips, a package for Thai chicken and two packages for stir fry.  Cut up a steak for stew meat.  Prepped some grapes for easy snacks and cut up a pineapple.  Connor woke up and helped me get a pizza ready for dinner.
The menu is basically planned for the next week and most of the work already done and waiting.  Here is hoping for quick meals and less food wastage.
A definite sign I am feeling better.

Sincerely

I thank you sincerely for all that you did for me the last year.  You did not know that you were my lifeline, my life bouy.  And I held tight even though I knew this was not going to go anywhere.  You were my greatest distraction.  And when I asked you for one you gave it to me.  You did not ask why.  That was the weekend I found out about my oldest girl being a cutter.  It was just a tad too much for my psyche.
We have this lifelong connection you and I.  I would have loved you and stayed with you forever had I been given the chance when we were young.  Then crap happened.  I made different choices based on some of that crap.  Again stuff you never asked about, but nonetheless were affected by.  I always hoped our connection would bring us back to some place at some time, but didn't expect it.  I made a choice to marry and expected that to be lifelong.  It was my commitment to that institution and I believed in it.  That was quite disheartening to find out I could not stand by that commitment.
I have found that when life gets too stressed that is when I dream of you.  Always dreaming that I am looking for you.  I have called you my safe spot and I, oh so meant it.  That is why I dream about you then.  Dealing with the stuff in real life that gets to be too much.  And I like it when I dream of you as it makes me feel better.  It is not surprising then that when my world imploded that I would seek you out.
What you have done for me is remind me of who I was, who I am.  You gave me distractions and made me smile.  Made me glow inside in a beautiful way.  You have amazed me in so many ways.  I know more about you now than I ever did when we were young.  And I am smart enough to know that you do not know any more about me than what the world sees on facebook. And I'm smart enough to know that is the way you want it. But you still gave me something I needed.  A safe place to heal, to be, to love.  I told you in the beginning that I wasn't looking for a new mate and I meant it.  I don't think you believed me and that's okay. I was looking for what you gave me.  So again thank you. And I will always love you.
Love, light and laughter always.

Making Plans

It is three weeks till our trip to MN.  I'm getting a tad anxious as this will be a trip with just me and the littles.  It will be a car seat and a suitcase and a carry-on and me.  The trip is all paid for except what we spend while we are there.  We have a hotel stay on either end of the trip.  We have a rental car.  The farm has been offered as our place to rest our heads while up north.  We have a birthday party to attend on Saturday.
Carey has graciously said she would watch the littles on Friday so my sister, Denise and I can go out for lunch and do so in peace. And the rest will work itself out.
I told Mom that I was not going to be seeing her sisters this trip.  I no longer feel the need to try and please people.  So if you don't like my choices and think I am totally in the wrong.....then don't like my choices and think I am totally in the wrong.  But don't expect me to go out of my way for you.  I am living my life and taking care of my grandchildren.  I made that choice and live with it every day with no regrets.  I don't have time for those who disagree with that.
I am looking forward to Connor meeting his second cousins in MN.  I am looking forward to everyone else meeting him and Audrie if they didn't meet her last time.  It is going to be a great trip.

A Splendid Day

Our adventurous day began with Grammy in Portland riding the aerial tram.  It took us up to OSHU and gave us a grand view of the city.  I would love to do it again at night to see the lights from there.
Then we had a late lunch at BJ's Restaurant and Brewhouse.  We had the absolute best waitress in a long long time.  She brought the kids' food out before ours was ready because she could tell they needed to eat.  She didn't waste any time when we needed to go.  I had commented about the need to go before they got worked up.  She replied back that it could be worse?.....oh yes.  She said, "lucky you".  Yup, but I try to time it so we are leaving before they become too rambunctious.  Big kudos to Amy for being perceptive and helping to move us along.
Then we headed over to Papa's house.  We have decided to share the garden this year so we call it the community garden.  We got the peas, beans, cucumbers, tomatoes and half of the corn planted.  The littles helped as it is a good teaching tool.  We will reap what we sow.  And that is true in all things.
Came home, had dinner and baths and now they smell good.  Brought home a bouquet of lilacs from Papa's house and the kitchen smells a little bit like heaven.  It was a splendid day.

Cart Training

Today was my official college cart training.  It seems there have been a number of accidents with the carts and that prompted the college to institute a training for everybody.  I had my first and only cart training about five years ago by my friend Nathan.  And I hated it.  I avoided it.  Don't hit peds, stay on the sidewalk, don't go too fast, and STAY OFF the grass.  After that I avoided ever having to use the cart.  Once Jacob was gone and the warehouse was down to five people I couldn't keep avoiding it.  And now I like it.  Funny that.
So today's training consisted of Don't hit peds, stay on the correct sidewalks, don't go too fast and here take this written and driving test.  Nothing said about staying off the grass.  Think I will do that anyway.  I passed the written and the driving test.  The most interesting thing that I learned was that the college is now keeping track of my actual driving record.  Too many speeding tickets can get cart privileges revoked. Yeah, like I'm worried about that.

Wait....What?

Dave had texted me Saturday night about having one of the kids for the afternoon evening Sunday.  I took it to mean overnight.  So we drove over after naps.  He was surprised to see us.  Then he wanted to know what time I was picking Connor up.  He looked at the text he had sent and said oh it could be read as an overnighter.
I commented on the fact that it had been over a week since they had spent the night.  He then tells me that he lost his record when his computer died.  He was keeping track of all the times he had the kids.  Wait...what?

And a Baby is Born

Jazzlynn made her appearance in the world this morning weighing in at 7 pounds 12 ounces and 20 inches long.  I went back and looked at the littles' baby pictures and Jazzlynn looks like herself.  Must be the David in her.  She is just beautiful.  She is the little sister to Audrie and Connor. Here is hoping for a good healthy, happy life for a sweet baby girl.

Healing

When you feel numb it is very hard to judge where you are. It is hard to know if you are depressed, if you're not. I realized today that I think I am healing. Still numb so it is my best guess. It just feels like it. I have been able to let go of my life bouy. I don't think I could do that if my heart was still completely broken. This year and four months of breathing has helped. Not dealing with addict stress on a daily basis has helped. The littles have helped.
I think all the years of numbness can never be unlearned, but I can read other signs and figure out how I'm doing. And today I'm good.

Moving On, Forward, Up

Just moving.  I am so thankful for my reconnections with people from my past life.  They reminded me of who I was.  Allowed me to feel.  Get frustrated.  Smile a lot.  And I think I have expended enough energy on that.  Now it is time to move on.
No longer waiting for someone to do fun things with.  I'm just going to do fun things.  Try hard not to hibernate or stagnate and not move when I have the opportunity.  I've had many free weekend nights when I should have went out dancing and learning how to Salsa.
So here is to moving on, moving forward, moving up.  Just moving.

Landlord

This month marks my five year anniversary of being the owner of a rental house.  There are a few things I have learned.  And the very first is that my first instinct years and years and years ago is that I should not be a landlord was right.  But we did it anyway so......

It is a business.
Never rent to friends.  It is the same as never loan friends money.  It puts a strain on the relationship.
It is easy as long as rent is paid on time and nothing breaks.
Houses can be expensive....if you do this right you can't let things slide like you might if you lived in it.
Expenses go up so rent really needs to increase as it happens and not try and play catch up.
Did I mention it is a business? And it needs to be treated as such.

Welcome to my new world of landlordism. I'm going to treat it as a business and my first order of business was to raise the rent a bit.  I'm not heartless so only raised it $30.  It needs to go up as expenses do and from now on it will.  Afterall my rent has went up by almost $70 in the time I have lived in my apartment.

Full Life

Sometimes I think if you were an outsider looking in on my life you might think we are just goofing off and playing.  And you might be right.  Or not.  We spend a lot of time playing.  Playing at playgrounds, playing in the parking lot, going on hikes, going to zoos, museums, etc.  We are very very very busy.  But our schedule is very very very flexible.
My littles are busy kids and if we weren't doing all these things to burn off energy we would be crazy (I would be anyway).  We are constantly learning and using our brains.  We are doing all the work of childhood.  I try to give them the opportunities to experience great things.
We live on a budget so we do a lot of free things.  We spend a lot of time together doing things.  Together.
There is a lot of love here.
I want them to have all of this.  I want them to meet people.  I want them to go places.
That said.....I don't want them to meet every one or go every place. If I open up our world to anyone it is an honor from us.  I want our relationships with people to add to our lives.  I'm not adding stress. We like people who make us laugh and make us think.  And we hope we do that for the people in our lives.  We have a very very very full life and I want to keep it that way, but we do have room for friends (no new parental figures) and teachers. I want healthy relationships in their lives so they know what that looks like.