Sincerely

I thank you sincerely for all that you did for me the last year.  You did not know that you were my lifeline, my life bouy.  And I held tight even though I knew this was not going to go anywhere.  You were my greatest distraction.  And when I asked you for one you gave it to me.  You did not ask why.  That was the weekend I found out about my oldest girl being a cutter.  It was just a tad too much for my psyche.
We have this lifelong connection you and I.  I would have loved you and stayed with you forever had I been given the chance when we were young.  Then crap happened.  I made different choices based on some of that crap.  Again stuff you never asked about, but nonetheless were affected by.  I always hoped our connection would bring us back to some place at some time, but didn't expect it.  I made a choice to marry and expected that to be lifelong.  It was my commitment to that institution and I believed in it.  That was quite disheartening to find out I could not stand by that commitment.
I have found that when life gets too stressed that is when I dream of you.  Always dreaming that I am looking for you.  I have called you my safe spot and I, oh so meant it.  That is why I dream about you then.  Dealing with the stuff in real life that gets to be too much.  And I like it when I dream of you as it makes me feel better.  It is not surprising then that when my world imploded that I would seek you out.
What you have done for me is remind me of who I was, who I am.  You gave me distractions and made me smile.  Made me glow inside in a beautiful way.  You have amazed me in so many ways.  I know more about you now than I ever did when we were young.  And I am smart enough to know that you do not know any more about me than what the world sees on facebook. And I'm smart enough to know that is the way you want it. But you still gave me something I needed.  A safe place to heal, to be, to love.  I told you in the beginning that I wasn't looking for a new mate and I meant it.  I don't think you believed me and that's okay. I was looking for what you gave me.  So again thank you. And I will always love you.
Love, light and laughter always.