Revisiting Relationships

When I say that Dave was always my husband I hope I am not rewriting history.  And I don't think that I am.  After I moved I visited the notions of dating.  I visited the notions of serious relationships and I tried to reconnect with George.  I did reconnect with Dave.  We just were so much happier with our relationship living apart.  And it was till death do us part even with the legal document of divorce. I did not date. Dave and I had healed our breach.
And then Dave died.  That ended the marriage.
Moving forward.  I am now free to date. And I have had two dates.  They were fine.  Glad the first one is out of the way after 31 years. But it makes me revisit what I have always said.  No, I don't want another husband.  No I don't want to live with another man.  No I don't want to be where I'm doing someone else's laundry, cleaning up after them, paying their bills.
What I want is my space.  I will clean up after me and the littles.  I will pay my own bills.  I will raise the littles.  I don't need help with those things.  Yes it was nice having Dave's help.  We belonged to him and that was okay.
But it is nice to date and do things with another person.  It is nice to share meals and talk and be affectionate. It is nice to make plans.  And if someone asks me out and pays for it I will let them. As of yet I have not met anyone who makes me feel any different in all that, except for George.  And even that would be iffy.
I like living by myself and doing what I want.  Being able to pick up and go.  Being able to do what I want when I want.  Same reason why I don't have a pet.  No commitment allows me a lot of leeway in my life and a lot of options open.  I've had my great love affairs.  Now I just want easy.
Will I feel the same next month, next year, ten years from now? Can't predict.  But right now I feel like I have felt for the last ten years.  And I say thank you George for not allowing me to reconnect enough to do damage to the relationship I needed to repair.  There would be no moving on if I hadn't honored the promises I made to Dave.