Counting Down

We all have our countdown.  And we have different reasons.  Mike comes home next week.  The littles are just looking forward to some Daddy time.  They really miss him.  I'm hoping that goes very positively. 
Me, I'm counting down because I am taking a break.  My intention was to go away next weekend.  But since I have concert tickets, that is not happening.  I doubt I'm going to get overnights away.  But I am making plans to do some stuff. 
Unfortunately since I cannot count on Mike maintaining himself I have to get all my stuff in in the first couple of weeks.  When he first gets here he will be good.  And I have to take advantage of that. 
Here is hoping it goes better than I expect.  I know he is already enrolled in a treatment program of some sort.  I know he will need to be part of our family therapy stuff and that may help.  Maybe if there is a real reason to step up.  Probably not, but I can have hopeful fantasies. 

Outburst

It was a day for the therapist to come out from CCS.  He still had more paperwork for me to fill out, answer and sign.  He got a first hand glimpse of some of the fun we live with.  The little man was hungry.  And he was.  And hunger makes him extremely impatient.  And so he had an outburst, grabbed a toy and hit me with it.  The therapist took the toy away.  And things settled down.  I also fed the little man which helped immensely. 
We finished our paperwork and talked about all this.  He suggested not saying "no". As I have heard before.  However, he gave me a new way to do it.  "No" takes away control and that is a BIG trigger for the little man.  So he suggested using choices.  Like "Yes, you can be on top of the car. But then I can't do 'something else'.  It is your choice and up to you. 
I had the opportunity later in the day to use that strategy.  He wanted to pop the tire on his sister's bike so she can't ride it.  So I told him he could, but then I could not buy him a tube for his green machine.  His choice.   He choose not to pop the tire, although he did ask about breaking the chain. That little brain is always working.  Anyway he did nothing to her bike and that is a win. 
We take wins where we can find them. 

Trying To Remember

I have been given so many suggestions and advice from the therapists that sometimes it all runs together.  Anyway we were watching a movie and the character was very animated in an embarrassing situation.  One of the suggestions was asking what the little man thinks people we see or characters on TV are feeling.  And for whatever reason I remembered to ask.  And he told me that character was sad, mad and embarrassed.  Spot on little man. 
One of his issues is being able to regulate emotions and one of the ways we help that is by naming emotions.  I am also suppose to tell him how I am feeling and how I am dealing with various emotions.  A lot harder than it sounds...at least for me.  It's kind of a simple explanation for a complex situation. 

Calender

Our home specialist suggested I keep a diary of sorts.  Watching for meltdown, outbursts, etc.  And so I started adding notes to my google calender.  I have to do some more studying....because it has also been suggested that I keep a diary of sorts in case I need it in the future for care/lawsuits etc.  So I need to find out if I can somehow print my notes off the Google platform.
Anyway I noticed that we had almost a week of no meltdowns.  One meltdown totally set me back to be exhausted.  But I felt better when I realized it was only one in a week.
Progress is going to be very very slow.  Like years slow.  But there is a glimmer of hope this week.  And sometimes that is all I need.

Corners

Since the little man was at Pat's I decided to take advantage of the non referee time and clean up the corners in the living room.  The goal is to get rid of anything that can be thrown.  And I don't know that I am ever going to be completely successful at that.  But the corners are cleaned out.  Now there is only furniture in the living room.  It amazes me how many toys can fill a corner.  How many school papers can get mixed in. 
So another day and another little bit done. 

An End

This is the year that Mom's house has to be sold.  So I am looking for the next place that we land.  Going through tons of real estate ads.  Zillow, craigslist, auction sites, etc.  So this morning I had some quiet time and was quite involved in looking.  I was on craigslist when I came across an ad for the island that we camp at.  I understand the owner downsizing.  Makes perfect sense to me.  But it made me kind of sad to think we may be done camping there altogether....not just this weekend.  Guess we will see how the Fourth of July goes.  We've spent five years going out there and have great memories. 
Today was family dinner.  Pat bbqed up some lovely steaks for us.  Mom enjoyed herself.  It wasn't a bad day for her, but it still is hard to watch.  She is frailer and her mind keeps slipping a bit at a time. 
The little man was having his sleepover so the little woman and I took Grammy home and now we are settled in to watch a scary movie.  She loves scary movies. 

Cat Fight

6:30 in the morning and our black cat starts yowling.  And yowling and yowling.  In the house. Wakes me and the little man up.  She comes in and hops up on the bed and continues to yowl. She is unhappy.  Little man looks off the bed and tells me she is mad at Mica.  I'm thinking that is strange.  Our girls don't necessarily like each other, but they don't really fight. 
Yowling stops for a couple of minutes and then starts back up.  So this time I get up.  Nope she is not unhappy with Mica.  There is a strange beautiful cat in our house.  She has a collar and tags.  She ran away from me into the little man's room.  So I open the window and push her out. 
Silly thing then went to the back door and tried to get back in.  I have no clue.  When we got back up a couple of hours later she was gone.  Thank goodness.  We don't need any more cats hanging around. 

No Camping

For the past several years we have spent the Memorial Day Weekend camping at the island.  Well except last year when it was under water.  This year we are opting to not camp.  So the little man was hoping for a sleepover at Uncle Pat's house.  Uncle Pat said it was the little woman's turn.  And so it is.  The little man was then told he could sleep over on Sunday night. 
That means the little woman gets two nights break this weekend.  I'm sure she likes that.  She needs all the breaks she can get.  It is good for her to have time away from all the fun of her brother's meltdowns.  And even though they play well part of the time....it is still stressful. 
We came home and he wanted to play his game and he did.  He wanted me to watch and I did.  And then he got mad at the game and he resorted to his normal behaviors in that instant.  Consequently he will lose the privilege of the iphone for a day and be given the understanding that next time is longer and then forever. 
We are working on safety. 

More Questions

The therapist came out today with more paperwork.  I sure have signed my name more times this year than probably forever.  Every one needs a release for every little thing.  He gave me some more understanding into the program.  And it feels like it is a really good one.  Here is hoping that what it feels like now is what it actually is.
Starting next week therapy really starts for the little man.  I have my crisis numbers in case he goes into complete meltdown that doesn't stop in a couple of minutes.  We will be meeting the second person of our team next week.
Doing a lot of reading on the new diagnosis.  Some of it is so scary.  And some of it seems so much more about those kids with more disorder than he has.  That part actually gives me hope.
And we have had two days in a row with no power struggles, no control issues, no meltdowns of any kind.  Too bad that won't last long.

Another Intake

And so it begins some more.  Catholic Community Services came and did the intake for the little man today for their WISe program.  This program is a wrap around program.  Therapy for the boy and lots of advice, suggestions for me.  They have a team who will help us with school (thank goodness) and all that entails.  There will be a parent peer for me.  Someone who has been through these particular trenches.
The little man's therapist also came for the intake and had questions of his own.  It was good to meet him.   The little man wasn't overly taken, but not dismissive or having any kind of meltdown.  Today wasn't really for him, just about him.
Here is hoping we are making some inroads.  Or will be.

Joys of Outbursts

It was therapy day for the littles.   Before the little man could go back for his appt. he decided he was not doing it and we were leaving.  He had quite the meltdown trying to make me leave.  He threw rocks at the windows, acted like he was going to break the wipers on my car, hitting and kicking.  I managed to mostly keep my cool.  And I told him....we all had appts and while he did have control over whether he had an appt., he did not have control over the rest of us.  And I left him sitting on the car. The Children's Center called the mobile crisis team from CCS. 
After awhile he calmed down and came in and sat with me.  The little woman had brought some stuffed animals out to the lobby, so he played with them.  And eventually he took a hydroxocene from me.  The crisis team arrived and we just chatted for a bit.
The little woman made her own safety plan.  And that seemed to help her.  We now need to implement it. The home specialist came for his appt. and he talked with her about it.  She had it down pat and could tell him every bit of it.  He reminded me to keep checking in with her and her feelings. 
The little man had another small blowup in the early evening and then promptly fell asleep.  I could tell he was tired because he was trying to fall asleep in the car when we were going to get a pizza. 

Oops

So an ad comes on facebook for an aquamarine ring that just called to me.  The price was more than right.  Supposedly silver.....I don't know as cheap as the ring was.  I clicked on the link and looked around.  Saw I had a coupon so I found another ring to use up the coupon. I do the things I need to do using the coupon.  I didn't have to chose a payment method, and that is what threw me. Clicked the order and pay button and my order is done.  Right after I clicked that button I noticed the ship to address. 
Boy is my brother-in-law going to be surprised when that package arrives.  There wasn't any way to change it after I had done it.  C'est la vie. 

Bikers

Boy those bikes in our garage have been putting on the miles.  A neighbor fixed the little woman's.  I think it needed a tube and some fenders tightened up.  Anyway it is in perfect working order now.  And then they ride.  And ride and ride and ride. 
It is one way I know the little woman is feeling so much better.  She is spending a lot of outside time doing something.  Not hooked to a phone, but playing.  She has been playing with kids.  Going to the little park.  Riding the bike, the scooter or the hoover board.  It makes my heart smile. 
So we sure thank Chris for his good works.  He has helped in more ways than fixing a tire. 

A Story Retold

The little man wanted to watch the pirate movie with the mermaids in it.  I can't watch the movie without remembering this trip.  And since it is on the old blog I thought I would repost it because it is such a great memory.

                                                                An Adventure

The littles and I packed up some snacks and a change of clothes, grabbed the camera and headed to the beach.  It was a nice drive down.  Hit Warrenton and the fog had set in.  Say what?  Brenda had jinxed us by telling me about areas of fog.  So we kept on driving down the coast.  Hit sun again about Manzanita.  Thought we would check out Rockaway and maybe stay there.  Yup.  Always a kink in our plans. 
The car decided to throw a battery code telling me the battery was no longer charging.  And so we headed back to bigger towns.
I knew this was totally changing our trip and by golly we were going to play on the beach.  So we stopped for an hour at Arcadia Beach State Park.  The littles loved the ocean and playing in the sand.  They really didn't want to leave, but it was getting dark.
Back on the road.  We made it to Astoria before the car gave up the ghost.  Parked and started walking back towards the hotels.  Hoping there would be a vacancy somewhere that wasn't going to cost an arm and a leg.  We found a room at a fleabag that wasn't too bad actually.  As we were going to sleep Connor reminded me about the mermaids.  We have an ongoing time with them   We watched the pirate movie that had the mean mermaids.  So I keep telling him the mermaids can't get him because they live in the ocean.  So he is laying there and says "mermaids".  I'm like what about them.  He goes "ocean", so I had to change my usual to I won't let the mermaids get him.
By this time Dave is panicking and decided that he would come down the next morning and help.  Didn't trust me to take care of it.  So I let him.  He showed up with Josh and they got a tow dolly and we all towed the car back to Portland Mini where it resides now until they fix it.  Hoping it is just a new battery and alternator.  I will be blessed if that is all.  And I am thankful for Dave and Joshs' help and that the littles and I still had a nice drive and time on the beach. And I'm laughing because I had almost invited Dave to join us and then he did anyway. 
We got mermaids at the Pig 'n Pancake before we left Astoria as a reminder of the nice mermaids who did not eat Connor or take him into the ocean. 
And darn now we need to go back again to finish the trip we had planned.

Yup

So this morning I found a gummie behind the television.  He not only resists, he is also good at fooling one into thinking he took the gummie.  Tonight he took the gummies and then went to the bathroom.  Methinks the gummies went in the toilet as he is still awake. Oy. 
Hopefully it doesn't make too much fun tomorrow. 

Too Smart

The little man has figured out that the melatonin gummies make him tired.  That means he is resisting taking them.  Oy.  I seriously think he does better when he gets more and better sleep.  I just haven't figured out how to convince him of that. 

An Even Better Day

It was a pretty good day.  Every one was pretty well behaved.  The little man interacted with the therapist and with the home specialist.
The only dink in the day was the neighbors calling the cops because the kids were loud.  Cops came.  Nothing going on just like yesterday.  Then the little woman tried to do a disappearing act on her brother and those neighbors rescued her.  And yes at the point he was a tad escalated.  My impression is if they can't save the dog, now they are going to save the little woman.  Again.  I'm sure I will hear from CPS in the next week.  Afterall that neighbor has called the cops three times in the past five days.
The little man got a bit upset when he was playing his game on the phone and he put it down and switched gears to a movie.  That is a little bit of progress.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring, but for today we take it.

A Better Day

Not perfect by all means.  In fact the little man had a small meltdown at the Children's Center.  Threw magazines at our therapist.  But that is all all day.  After that we got some lunch because food tends to make things better.  We managed to get a few groceries in a very fast way. 
Once home the therapist from CCS came out.  She brought a friend who finished removing the glass from the broken window.  I had hoped to have it fixed by now, but that wasn't working out as fast as I had hoped.  The therapist commented on how well the little man was actually doing even considering that the little woman was trying hard to instigate things. 
Man if it isn't one thing, it sure is another. 

Oy

The little man slept in really late.  But he was up before the therapist got here.  Playing his game and making every one be quiet.  When she arrived he stormed off to his room.  It is my go to plan when he needs quiet.  He uses voice chat and it picks up every thing. 
He stormed back out and threw a game at the therapist.  We moved to the kitchen and he came at her with a pen.  Oy.  She ended up outside and commented about how disregulated he was and she could not work with him in his present state.  Yup true fact.  In his current state we just weather it out until the storm dies down.  I did manage to give him one of his antihistamines.  We timed it.  It took about 45 minutes to work for him.  Then he came outside and apologized to the therapist, but still wanted to go back in with me and watch a movie.  And so we did and he took a three hour nap.  I think there is more here than meets the eye.  Allergies or headache perhaps. 
The home specialist came in the afternoon and we did a walk through taking anything that can impale, like pens, scissors, etc and put them in my lockbox.  He got all the gaps in his notes filled out.  It is very difficult keeping everything and everyone straight when you are working with so many different people. 
The therapist texted and said tomorrow she is bringing more lockboxes and we will do another walk through.  She also suggested that I use the antihistamine preemptively.  I got that, but I also don't want him more medicated than he needs to be.  Catch-22.

Sunday A Day of Peace

It wasn't necessarily escalation, but he was amping up. So I tried some of the strategies the therapist gave us on Friday.  We played a matching game (brain work) and we did some jumping and planks.  Tried to do jumping jacks and that is when it started to go off the rails.  The little woman did one and he wasn't watching.  He wanted her to do another one so he could see.  The object was to see who could do the best.  She ran, he chased and about that time the therapists arrived. 
With some coaxing they got him to go to the park.  And they stayed down there about an hour. 
We had nice family dinner plans for Mother's Day.  I did not have what I needed to make lasagna.  Pat didn't get to the store to buy either a piece of pork or a prime rib.  After dropping the little man at Pat's, I went and picked us up pizza and picked up Mom. 
Pat had spent the day painting his living room.  He is in the middle of installing new flooring and decided that painting would be a good choice before the new flooring was down.  It kind of messed up the dinner plans, but we worked around it.  The paint must have been low odor which is nice. 
Once home I gave the little man his melatonin.  He was out by 10.  It really was a peaceful day, especially if you compare it to the rest of last week. 
And we had some nice family time. 

Window

We had two therapist come out today.  They are usually with the WISE program, but being on call for the weekend brought them to us today.  The big main concern was the glass in the window that is broken.  The glass that remains doesn't want to come out without a bunch more breaking.  And I'm just not doing it.  So they went and got some cardboard and covered it up.  The glass that is there is sharp and shardy.  They visited with the little man a bit.  It seems that mostly we are just getting to know each other phase with this. 
And then the escalation hit in the evening.  He was mad because I would not give him the key to my car.  Wanted to listen to music.  But they had been in the car and honking the horn.  So after three times of asking them to stop annoying the neighbors, I locked the car.  He followed me down the street and back.  I finally got him in the house and me outside the house and I hear the wonderful sound of breaking glass.  He had taken the cardboard down and broke the window some more.  Later I discovered he also broke two lightbulbs and a shade in the hallway.  Big fascination with glass.  Course every one has made a deal about the glass and he takes big deals as a sign.  I had to laugh at the cop who told me to quickly get the glass taken care of and fixed.....my house is not secure. 
The little woman ran to the neighbors and had them call 911.  I wasn't ready to go there yet.  After the sound of glass it had gotten quiet.  Which is how it usually goes.  Big outburst and then quiet as he sits in front of the television and calms down.  If the sound of destruction had went on beyond the two minutes it did I would have called.  But they came anyway.  Talked to the little man who was calm.  I managed to give him his breakthrough pill and his melatonin while they were here. 
He still was bit grouchy but fell asleep at 10. 
Maybe tomorrow we can get the cardboard back up.  Breathe. 

More

To realize we have had more people in our house this week than the whole last year added together is amazing.  Police officers, EMTs, social workers from CCS.
Tried the melatonin.  It was suggested I give it earlier, but that didn't happen.  It was actually later.  He was amping up a bit so I gave him the melatonin and his new med.  He was out by 10.  That is my only goal right now.  It gives me a few minutes peace.  My brain is still running 100 miles a minute, but I'm not on guard. 
The little woman went to JoJo's house for a sleepover.  Jodi was worried she would be bored.  Bored is better than constantly on guard. 
I finally had a chat with one of the neighbors.  Interesting point of view.  She thinks the little woman should go to foster care.  I'm not ready for that call to be made.  I think if someone has to leave the house that perhaps it should be the person who brings the upheaval.  And on top of that, the therapist is pretty sure the little woman has some attachment disorders also.  Just not to the extreme that her brother does. 
Oy.  Some days it is not even one day at a time, but one moment at a time. 

Busy Thursday

A therapist came out from CCS.  She was not our usual, but who was available today.  She spent two hours at our house.  The little man was still asleep when she got here, so she and I chatted.  He woke up and then he showed her how to play some game on the phone. I gave him some space so I don't know what else was talked about.
She talked me into have a safety check even though I just had one with our home specialist from Children's Center.  Theirs is a little more in depth.  The first thing she said was they could help me get the curio cabinet out of the house.  Afterall not all of the glass is broken yet.  And it is just me, so I could use a hand.  She suggested renting a uhaul truck for a dump run because some stuff needs to go.
I got an outrageous bid for replacing the front window.  I was kind of shocked and felt like someone was trying to take advantage. Now I need to get some more bids.  Even my neighbor whose brother is a contractor said it was way too much.
We met up with Jeremy at the Columbia Tech Park.  It was a good place for kids to play.  I left the little woman with him while I took the little man to see his doctor.  Then I left both of them while I met up with the therapist, home specialist and the brain doctor at Children's Center.
We upped the meds the little man takes and added a break through one.  So if he escalates I have a pill to give him at that time and hopefully before he is full blown because then he won't take it.  The doc said to absolutely try the melatonin.  So later I picked up the new prescriptions and the melatonin. 
Again the little man's intelligence was talked about.  The reason being is that there isn't really any cognitive dysfunction.  However he has a lot of emotional stuff.  And for the first time we are now talking RAD.  RAD is reactive attachment disorder.  I had a misunderstanding of what that is.  I thought it was strictly the not bonded ever thing.  But naturally there are degrees and he is bonded with me.  But his brain tells him that no one can meet his needs.  It was a lot to take in again. 
It was reiterated that I need to take care of myself.  And they know I feel stuck between a rock and a hard place.  Dealing with all of this all of the time, and now no breaks, means my own brain is being affected. 
I have a lot more studying to do. 
Once done with all of that we came home and had pizza.  Jeremy came over for a couple of hours and serenaded us with his guitar.  The littles loved playing with it.  The little woman has really good timing.  Music is art and that does not surprise me. 
Gave the little man the melatonin.  It took longer than half an hour, but he was asleep by 10:15 which is the earliest it has been in weeks.  Whew.  On my way to join him in slumber. 

Intake and The Shoe Drops

We met with the intake person from Catholic Community Services and did the intake paperwork.  The little man is going to be in their crisis stabilization program.  That program is two weeks of intense therapy.  The therapist will come out to the house daily for two weeks.  After that he has been referred to the WISE program.  There is a waiting list for that so he will continue seeing the therapist at the Children's Center.
We created a new safety plan.  One of the things being for me to remove as many throwable items from the living area as possible.  I told her I had been working on that slowly.  Every thing thrown at me goes away.  And I have this great intention fueled by pain to take out everything.  But when it comes time to do it...I have no energy or motivation.  So I have to get on that. We talked about how hard this is and how it is not a parenting issue.  It was some nice validation and having someone recognizing how exhausted I am.
We are set up for the home therapist visits.  We have an appt. with the psychiatrist to see if this escalation is med related and what we can do either way.  I have had many conversations today with people about melatonin.  I will ask the doc and then get some.
The day went by and it was bedtime and for some reason he amped back up.  Bit his sister.  I told him we were going to our safe spots and he followed me being aggressive.  Called CCS who told me to call 911 again.  And then again he got himself a ride to the ER in an ambulance.  Once there his switch had been flipped and he was amusing the staff.  They let me take him back home since we have so much scheduled for tomorrow.  Oy.
It's been a long day.

On a side note. Yesterday we had worked on symmetry and symmetrical creatures.  While he was in the bahvior unit overnight he showed the tech how to make them.  Amazing the things he retains and I never know. 

The Storm Comes

The boy had a complete meltdown that ended with a lot of broken glass.  Broken glass is beyond thrown fruit.  So I had to call 911.  And as it turned out twice.  The second call with the help of Catholic Community Services got him a ride to the hospital in an ambulance. 
After much consideration the decision was made for him to spend the night and then do an intake appt and safety plan with CCS in the morning. 

Homework

I had my parent only therapy session.  I have homework.  I am suppose to put on my positive glasses and compliment every positive thing I see.  I am to use the when___then___ and stretch it out.  When the little man wants something I am to say "when I am done with dishes, then I will get your milk" kind of thing.  And then start stretching it so he has to wait longer for gratification.  And the therapist appreciates how hard that is and the eggshells we walk on.  The last one is to stop negative behavior (not escalated, just normal) by pointing out that we don't hit, kick, etc to communicate with each other.  Over and over and over and over. 
We did have a big breakthrough and both the therapist and the home specialist were amazed.  The little man was frustrated with his game and starting kicking...me since I was in proximity.  So after a few requests for him to stop and he didn't, I got up and left the room telling him why.  About ten minutes later he came and asked for help.  I went back to the living room and he told me he was lonely and sad and would I sit with him.  He has never voiced an emotion to me.  So he is learning to do so and felt safe enough to do so. 
Feels like the calm before the storm.  However we have a plan in place.  If he escalates more we will move him to level 4 services with Catholic Community Services.  The positive is we won't have to wait long if we are transferring with a recommendation from the Childrens' Center. 
Reminding myself to breathe. 

You Got Mail

The writing was on the wall several months ago.  You can't maintain a job and get called all the time to come get a kid (sickness, behavior).  You can't be late all the time because of the struggle to get kids to go to school.  You can't have professional people questioning the fact that you still have a job in almost disbelief.  Most places would not have tolerated nearly what my job did.  My job tried to be as flexible with me as they could.  But something had to give and it was the job.  I had such a big conflict between my duty to family and my work ethic. 
So several months ago Xfinity, my Internet/cable provider sent a sales email about using their mobile service.  No charge for phone and text and then only $12 a month per gig used in that month.  I was paying $30 a month for phone, text and 2 gigs data.  I don't use a lot of data.  I use wifi.  The hook was if you bought a new phone from them and ported the current number they would kick back $100 visa gift card.  At the time I needed a new phone.  I decided to do it and hope for the best.  The worst that would happen is I go back to Metro. 
So I am paying my essentially $15 a month after taxes for the data.  I love their voicemail that comes up as voice or text.  Funny how calls that don't ring and texts that don't notify seem to follow me from phone to provider.  So there is that.  But I don't figure it is Xfinity.  I figure it is some setting gets changed.
In order to get the kick back you have to maintain service for 14 weeks.  I did that.  And guess what was in my mailbox this weekend.  My $100 gift card.  Really good timing.....since I am unemployed. Setting it aside for our trip this summer.  It is a nice little cushion. 

First Sleepover

The little man had guys' night at Pat's.  The little woman had her new friend come to have a sleepover here.  It is the very first sleepover at our house.  I am grateful for the way that worked out.  The little woman got some nice friend time without her little brother interfering.  And while I'm sure it would have been fine with him here (since he likes this friend), it was nice for her to have just her friend. 
I ended up with new painted nails, both feet and hands.  And I've got to say.....I hate nail polish on my fingernails.  It makes them feel heavy.  Now I'm wondering how long until I can take it off.  ;p Then they spent a couple of hours playing in her room before the guest fell asleep. 

Form

Liz sent me a new PAR.  That way if I am able to return to the bookstore at some point...the paperwork is still all done.  Leaving means I lost my upgraded space.  But that is okay.  I still don't know what will happen in the future.
What I do know is since I haven't been working on concrete....my hips, knees and feet don't hurt nearly as much as they did.  And that is a benefit that I am appreciating right now. 

Hahahaha

Mike called.  He talked to the little man for a little bit and then he talked to me for a little bit.  He wanted to make sure I understood that he does not want the kids homeschooled.  We will talk about it when he gets out in depth.  But it did make me laugh.  When you do the caretaking, then you get a say in the decisions.  And yeah, I don't want to homeschool either.  Right now it is a bandaid to get us through this school year.  Then hopefully three more months of good therapy so that they can go back to regular school in the fall without the daily struggle.  I have enough daily struggles. 

Pep Talk

Our home specialist came out today.  Both kids took off on wheels.  One on a bike and one on a scooter.  So we had a grown up chat.  He gave me another pep talk.  How I haven't given up and how commendable it is.  We have been through a lot of turmoil the last year and it is hard.  I own my part in the ruckus.  He is really good at pep talks in the moment.  And then the next time something flies in my house, my resolve weakens. 
And therapy days are hard.  Because every therapy day is for sure a fly day.