Man, Oh, Man

The antibiotics caused diarrhea and it burnt.  Well that turned into a yeast rash.  Daycare caught it first and I went "duh", exactly.  So Papa got him some medicine for that and he started feeling better when it was on him.  Will probably take several days to clear all the way up because he still has several days of antibiotics to take.  Trying to get him to eat more yogurt, hoping that helps.  Poor little man.  Reminiscent of Audrie's bout of ear infection the spring she was two years-old.  Sure hope he doesn't get an allergic reaction to amoxicillan like she did.

Snakes and Turtles and Lizards, Oh My

Whew what a day.  Dave had bought tickets to go to the reptile show awhile back.  Well today was the day for it, but he was sick.  I took the littles by myself and we headed to Hillsboro.  It was pretty awesome even if we got soaked before we got in and soaked on the way out.  Rain in the PNW, imagine that.  There were lots of things to look at.  We started with "A Walk on the Wild Side" because they have the cats.  We got our picture taken with a baby tiger and that was so cool.  Tigers are not soft and this guy was feisty.  Loved it.  Then we moved to the petting zoo where there were the usual findings except these guys were miniature.  The pony knocked Audrie over when she was trying to catch a goat.  Not sure if the pony was helping the goat or jealous that the goat was getting attention.  In this room there was also camels, chinchillas, hedgehogs and possums.
In the main room were the snake, turtles, an alligator, lizards and bugs.  Audrie fell in love with the turtles.  Had to finally drag her away from them.  She did get to touch a snake.  Connor wanted to but he wouldn't use the hand sanitizer.  They liked the alligator.  I had never touched one so I did it too.  The top is hard although not as hard as a turtle.  The sides felt like my purse.  Weird.  We moved on and Audrie held a cockroach and liked it.  Then she found the tarantula and she really liked it.  I was a little glad it wasn't offered for handling.  We wanted to get their picture taken with a snake but we seemed to be out of luck.  I wasn't sure if they were on a break or what, but that was when Connor decided he was done.  We had been there for almost three hours.
I was proud of them for being open to seeing and touching.  Means I am doing my job all right and not letting my  fears and prejudices influence what they are willing to try.  Audrie doesn't know that girls are afraid of snakes so she isn't.  She was so excited to go and proclaimed we would go again after we had been.
Thanks Dave, we had a great time.

Back to Jumping

Everyone seemed up to it, so we met Marti at JJ Jump again.  And they were off.  Jumping and playing.  Marti and I got in on the action and jumped in the jump house with the basketball hoop.  Connor liked that.  He kept having us lift him up so he could dunk the ball.  I did go up and do one slide.  Those ladders are killers and definitely designed for little people. Towards the end Marti suggested we do the biggest slides.  Ok.  So up we went.  Audrie came right up behind me.  It is about eight feet to the top and I was on the top rung when I slipped.  Down we went.  Took her all the way down.  Good thing it was a cushion.  I now understand how ankles get broken in falls.  Mine didn't but damn that hurt.  And if it wasn't a bounce house it would have broke bones.  Once on the bottom I checked on Audrie first.  She was perfectly fine other than the shock of  it.  And I didn't land on her.
They had a great time and were more than ready to go home when open session closed.  Thanks again Marti for a great time.

And Again

Back to urgent care we went.  The little man started shivering.  Didn't feel hot or cold and it wasn't either inside or outside.  They took his temperature and he had a fever of 103.  While there I could actually feel him heating up.  Turned out he has double ear infections.  Poor little guy.  So now he is on antibiotics.  Not one thing it is always another.

Past It

Three days on the treadmill and I am finding my groove.  Got past the boredom.  Found a more interesting television.  Paying more attention to what I'm doing and why.  Feels good. Each day I am working a little harder.  Finally found the chart that told me where my goal is and I've got a bit to go to get there.
I like the fitness center and how it is laid out.  My attendance goal is four days a week.  No problem this week, but next week I only work three days.  Have to see what I can fit in on my days off.
And spring is here with summer right around the corner.  The littles and I will be back at our outdoor activities in earnest soon.  Can't wait.

Goop

My poor little man has goopy eyes. They are actually runny. Doesn't seem to affect how he plays. So daycare said he couldn't come back if they were like that again today.  So I took him to see the doc yesterday afternoon.  She is thinking viral and from his seasonal allergies.  She gave me some ointment anyway and said if it works great and if not he should be all right by Monday anyway.  Monday is the next day after today he goes to daycare.  So he got to spend the night with Papa.  Papa sure is playing nurse this week with Audrie on Monday and now Connor today.  Poor little guy.  We went through this last spring also so I'm sure it is related to the allergies.

Something New

It's on my mind. Babyhood is gone. We are down to diapers and car seat as we move into greater independence for the littles. So I am looking at what that means for me. Every waking moment isn't about them so much now. They can self entertain for periods of time. It is kind of sad to have them growing up, but it is what they do.
As we get ready to potty train I'm thinking about reviving that wish of learning how to salsa. Or belly dancing, that could be fun. Something active. I've been thinking about making my cat quilt finally ten years later. And as strange as it sounds I wonder if Eddie would teach me to shoot. No I don't want to own a gun, but going to the range could be fun, and I happen to know he has an extra glock that is for Mona.
So I have a few ideas running around in my head and I'm sure I will think of more.  Moving in a forward direction.

Boring, Bored, Nah

I want to do something exciting and different.  Something intriguing, exotic, spirit lifting.  This would make one think that perhaps my life is boring and it may look that way on the outside looking in.  Our days are filled with work/carehouse, parks, playgrounds, dogs, art, kid movies, etc.  And I wouldn't have it any other way.  The littles are only this little for such a short fleeting time. And soon our days will be filled with little league, soccer, dance, school, etc.  But I still long to do something more.  Maybe I need to think about it and figure out what it is and then plan for it.  Sometimes that is over half the fun. And maybe the littles are getting big enough for me to start dreaming as they are gaining independence.

Beginning

I have two days in at the fitness center.  I remember now how boring the treadmill is.  I worked harder today than yesterday.  And will work harder tomorrow.  Feels good to be doing something for me.

Outside

The littles just spent a couple of hours playing outside with little Jayden.  Today is his birthday and he is one years-old.  It was his first foray into the playing in the parking lot.  He is getting around pretty good and had a good time playing with the kids.  Connor was only a couple months older than  him when we moved here but I think he walked better.  But then for Connor he didn't ever have to invent the wheel because Sissy had already done it.  Maybe they will sleep good tonight.

Ears

Apparently Audrie has another ear infection.  She started complaining about her ear hurting yesterday, but had no fever.  Then she got the fever in the night, but was fine this morning.  Kind of down all day and the fever is back low grade tonight.  I think if she isn't better in the morning it will be time for a trip to urgent care to get antibiotics.  It is just such a struggle to get her to take medicine. I am seeing a pattern.  Seems every spring she gets this.  I wonder if it isn't allergy related.  We are all sniffley due to the pink trees in bloom.  Looking it up most ear infections are viral which means antibiotics don't really help, but all dr.s treat all ear infections as bacterial and prescribe antibiotics.

Party Crashers

Audrie is spending the night with Papa.  So Connor and I went and picked up Mom with the plans of getting some dinner.  Stopped at Pat's to check out his haul from the newest storage unit.  Mom proposed that we all go out for Pat's birthday dinner.  So off to Red Lobster we went.  Connor was enthralled with the lobsters and thought it extra cool when one of the employees got one out of the tank and he  could touch it.
The meal was delicious and Connor was mostly behaved.  Pat commented on Audrie totally missing out.  Yup.

Moving In a Forward Direction

After all the time waiting on that Hong Kong phone and it really turned out to be crap.  So I got a wild hair and started looking for a new phone.  Got my heart set on a Samsung Galaxy.  Then I really got a wild hair and bought one.  They are on the spendy side, but it is fun and takes great pictures.  Tomorrow I will find out how it does as a phone.  I have to call my Aunt Nila in MN to make sure we can stay at the farm when we are there.
The other thing I have been debating with myself about is either buying a treadmill or joining a gym again.  Both things have pros and cons.  Hadn't come to a good decision.  Then this week I had to make a delivery at work to the sports complex and saw a sign for using the fitness center.  Only costs $20 a quarter or $60 for a year if you are an employee.  So today I paid my $20 for spring quarter.  As long as it is open I can go right after work which takes care of my babysitter issue with a gym.  So I am doing the first quarter to see how well this will work for me...open times, etc.  If it works then I will pay for a year.  I'm kind of excited.  My knees need it and I need it.
Moving forward and taking better care of myself because I need to if I am going to take care of my little kids.

Pacific Park

Audrie asked to do something fun after care house today.  She decided that a new playground would do fine.  So I commented at work about it and Brenda said try the playground next to the dog park.  And so we did.  It was very cool.  The playground is on the smaller side, but the ambiance makes up for it. Dogs, dogs and more dogs.  The playground equipment is designed to make those little muscles work.  And it did.  They had a great time and called the park a keeper.  Thanks for the hint Brenda.

Another Dizzy Afternoon

The littles and I met up with Sarah and her littles at Dizzy Castle this afternoon.  She is up visiting for the week.  It was really great catching up with her and watching our kids play.  They all got worn out.  Should sleep good tonight.

Running Away

Must be why I feel the need to go spend some time in Seattle.  Kristie and I were talking about me moving.  If I didn't have a court order and a mom with dementia I could see myself and the littles going elsewhere.  And the court order could easily be fixed because neither parent lives in Clark County anymore.  But it's not a serious thing because I am pretty well settled here. And I can't change Mom.
So then when we were up north picking up Connor, Nita commented about Cassie living in the duplex with the kids and I said "shoot I could live in the duplex with the kids" and there you go it was all set.  Not really but it could be if it was necessary.  Safety net.
"Everything that drowns me, makes me want to fly."

Sadness

I have a lot of love, light and joy in my life because of my grandchildren.  There is a lot of sadness there also because of their life circumstances.  I would not trade them for anything, but they should be being raised by their parents and I should be the grandparent.  It is what it is though.
George had commented about the joy and love they bring to me and how I would not have had it had I stayed with him all those years ago.  I had said the same thing in another way.  It made me very sad to realize that it was true and that he recognized it and didn't begrudge it to me even though he will never have it.
While I am greatly sad it made me love the little kids even more, because they are here and they can be loved and they do bring me joy and love.  That is one heck of a run on sentence.  :p Wish I could share it.

Home Schooling

Nita and I were talking about how our children turned out and why.  We both had middle income families and yet our kids gravitated to lower class and ended up where they ended up.  We theorized what we would do differently and what to do with the future generation.  Both of us agreed homeschooling was the way to go.  And early on with Audrie it was my plan. Then life threw me a curveball.
I told Nita the only way I could do that was to get married again.  She told me no problem since I'm still young.  Yeah okay.....but I don't want to get married again.  So I need to be evaluating choices yet to make and what makes them feasible.

A Book

I had a couple glasses of wine. And then I had another one. Liquid courage. I have all these things I wanted to say to George. So I did. I wrote a book. Basically it felt like good-bye. I can't make him do what I want him to do. So I said what I needed to say. The next day I went back and counted how many times I said I love you....only four. Felt like eight. I didn't feel like I said anything offensive or inappropriate. Just getting things off my mind.
This thing happens every time I make a move away, kind of like how he moves away if I get too close. So after I said my say he answered me back.  He gave me a great nugget of truth and emotion about his life and how it would have played had I stayed with him all those years ago. Then he proceeded to tell me that he still loves me, although not in love. Guess that was in response to my telling him so many times I loved him. Wonder how he felt when he realized he still cares about me? Or did he always know and that is what scared him? No telling.
So is it good-bye? Or more waiting? Kind of a dumb question. Maybe both. Anyway I told him he never ceases to amaze me and I was speechless and then I thanked him.

Little Man is Home

Audrie, Mom and I drove up to Milton this morning and picked up Connor. He was so happy to see me and gave me the biggest hug. We visited for a couple of hours. Talked about the kids, Jazzlyn, Traci, Cassie, etc. I asked Nita which child she thought was easier. The little man.
I am tentatively planning a weekend trip to Seattle. Thought I could leave one with her and one with Treva. Nita volunteered to take both for a weekend....she just doesn't want both for a whole week.
So now back to routine and making plans.

Brazil Grill

For my birthday my brother and I planned on going out for dinner at the Brazil Grill.  Made the reservations.  And then it snowed.  The restaurant was closed but they did everything to make sure we knew it before we drove over there.  Email and voicemail.
So it is my brother's birthday tomorrow so we went out for dinner at the Brazil Grill tonight.  It was wonderful.  There is a small salad bar.  Then they bring many different kinds of meats to your table.  Definitely not for the vegetarian.  Everything was so flavorful.
For broadening my horizons I had quinoa, lamb, sausage, different prepared steaks and cinnamon pineapple. Everything was so good.  From the ambiance, to the food, to our server.  It was a great experience even if it was a bit spendy.

No Answers

My friend Mona told me it is time to move on and start dating and Eddie said I need to get laid.  I asked her where could I find these men I'm suppose to date and she didn't know either.  I said I was waiting for George and she told me to stop.  The thing is....I'm not looking to date.  I'm not looking for a boyfriend.  I'm NOT looking for a husband.  What I want is George.  And I don't want George as those.  I just want George.
Then I have to ask myself why I want George.  Is it this thing I have with addicts and alcoholics.  If I instantly like someone they usually turn out to be one or the other.  So I think back thirty some years ago and I don't recall having that reaction with George.  I just loved him.  And I still do on some level.  Seriously when the neighbor said I glowed he wasn't kidding.  I can feel myself glow when I think about him.  So I have no answer.  But I guess while I have no answer and while I'm not looking for a date I will keep waiting for George.
*SIGH*

Last Dizzy Night

It is Audrie and my last night alone.  Tomorrow she spends the night with Papa and Saturday Connor comes home.  So we went to Dizzy Castle to play.  Got there at 4.  Right around 6:30 felt like time to go home and who walks in the door but Lily Anne and her family.  Audrie has so been missing Lily Anne since she realized Lily Anne had moved.  So for the next hour and a half Audrie ran and ran and ran with Lily Anne and Ethan.  Shortly after Lily Anne arrived the place cleared out so for the last hour they had it all to themselves.  It was good seeing Lyndy and Jon and the kids.  We are going to try and get together at Kiwanis Park one of these days so the girls can play.
And now Audrie is in the tub because she was one sweaty sweaty girl after playing hard for four hours.  Wow, four hours.  Nana does have the patience of a saint.

Ikea

After a lazy morning Audrie and I made our way to Ikea.  I have been there once when Mike and Cassie were selling something on Craigslist and met the buyer in the parking lot.  We got there a few minutes early and so ventured in just a little ways.
So today Audrie and I go upstairs and start the gauntlet.  The upstairs does not really thrill me.  Although Audrie loved sitting on the couches and jumping on the beds.  I was even thinking how much I really don't like this store.  And then we hit the children's section.  Oh my gosh.  I loved that.  And we picked up a few things to buy. Worth going back just for that section.
Then we headed downstairs and I wanted a shower curtain rod.  Found shower curtains and curtain rods, but no shower curtain rods.  Went to the only employee I saw in that section (upstairs, employees were everywhere) but she was too busy having a conversation with another person.  Sounded more like a friend conversation than a work conversation.  After a couple minutes we moved on and didn't get a rod.
Audrie loved the warehouse part and climbed on the boxes of shelving that were all stacked up in nice designs that kids love to play on.
Two hours and $40 later we left the store with a few goodies.  It would be worth going back.  I would skip most of the upstairs though except the kids' section and just concentrate on the bottom.  And maybe I wouldn't take a kid.

Macleay Park

The plan was maybe IKEA today and then a hike tomorrow at Macleay Park because the weather is suppose to be superb tomorrow. I got a wild hair and decided to take advantage of the weather today.  Once there I knew we had made the right decisions all the way around.  The park will be closed tomorrow for filming.
My first impression was I was glad I only did this with Audrie.  Most of the trail we followed, followed a good running creek.  I could just imagine my little man somehow getting into that cold cold water.  We hiked from the trailhead to the old abandoned rest stop.  It was a cool building in a way.  Covered with moss and ferns. That whole half was uphill.
As we started back down Audrie decided to listen to Nana and change her boots into tennis shoes.  She had a much more comfortable walk back down.  Funny how Nana does know something.  Altogether I think we hiked a little over a mile.  Somewhere I had read it was half a mile from trailhead to building.  It felt further than that but it is hard to judge going uphill.
We met lots of dogs and Audrie did really well considering the terrain.  It was a great afternoon.  
Got home to find out that the little man is homesick and may need to be picked up tomorrow.  Playing it by ear, but it is another thing that says today was the right choice.

Playing in the Dough

Since Audrie had so much fun playing with clay at the children's museum we made play doh.  It is really really easy and she enjoyed being part of the process.  She then proceeded to play with the dough for an hour.  Didn't really create anything, just played with it.  It was a nice little Audrie Nana activity since Connor is spending the week with the other Nana.

My Job

My very important job is taking good care of the littles.  It is a job that has been entrusted to me by their parents and the state of Washington.  And I try really hard.  And it is a very big job.  I love them so much.  Part of that job is ensuring their safety as best I can.  Accidents always happen and you can't plan for every contingency.  And so......
Dave and Cassie had a spat on facebook.  Rude things were said.  I don't care why...as it is all pretty childish and petty.  They are supposedly both adults and yet both acted like something else.  While this happened Audrie was spending the night with Papa.  I decided that she needed to come home.  I went and picked her up and Dave's reaction is I believe Cassie.  Well I'm not getting into a pissing contest and I'm not taking either of their sides.  I am looking out for Audrie.  I'm taking her side.
Dave also wanted to know if I thought he was drunk.  Well no I didn't.  However......Mike has these tells when he is ready to go out and get high.  So does Dave.  And he had been exhibiting some of those tells the past couple of weeks.  I was hoping he would just get it back together.  Instead he gets into a rant on facebook and then claims it has nothing to do with nothing because he still has rants even when he is sober.  Well no...no he doesn't.
Hopefully it was a small wake up call and he realizes what others saw.  I have a hard job and need all the help I can get, but I can go it alone.  Because first and foremost is the littles and they are my priority.
Facebook is never the place to wash your laundry and Mike and Cassie will always be the littles mommy and daddy even if they never parent them.

Portland Children's Museum

Yesterday was the first Friday of the month.  That meant it was free admission at The Portland Children's Museum from 4 to 8 pm. The littles and I took my mom and we went and checked it out.  It is a great place.  Our first play place was the clay room.  Connor wasn't as enthralled with it as Audrie was.  She painted her face at the make-up station.  She wandered off and made Nana look for her.  It appears the museum is set up in a big circle and we just circled and missed each other.  While looking for her I found the dig pit.  Oh my gosh. We made it over there and they both thought that was the neatest thing.  It is half a room  with about a foot of this rubbery (like ground up tires) material with many many many dump trucks and things to dig with.  It was well worth the trip, but if we do it again we do it on a day when people have to pay so its not so crowded.
And it may be time for Nana to make some more play doh.  :)

Laughter

The neighbor had a party.  And since I didn't have the kids I attended.  I haven't laughed so much in a long time.  A couple of them imbibed too much and all that entails.  And I found it amusing.  Thanked the neighbor because usually someone being drunk in my world is not funny.  In the long run for these guys it really isn't funny, but tonight it was.  And I got to be a bystander instead of someone in the middle of the abyss.

Blocking

Mike keeps trying to call me.  Now from jail it means I pay for the call.  Dave said they are $5 a pop, which in the scheme of jail calls isn't bad.  However I live on a pretty tight budget now.  And I really don't want to pay for those calls.  He made choices and had been told no more money.  Every call that I answer gets a block.  Maybe I should just contact Telemate and block all inmate calls.  It just makes me nervous because someday someone that I want to talk to could be in jail and I would not know it. So I just block them one inmate at a time because Mike uses other peoples numbers to get through.

Nope, No Can Do

I have decided that I am not going to make it to gluten free.  I still haven't made it to one whole day.  But I have cut way back.  No bread helps.  What I have realized is how hard this is for me.  I am not a vegetarian but I don't eat a lot of meat.  What meat I do eat seems to be tied to noodles or buns.  Heaven help me if I ever truly need to cut gluten from my life.  And now on to the future and hopefully keeping it at a smaller level.

Felida Park

We wanted to do something fun.  So I gave Audrie the choice of a playground or Mr. Ben at Mississippi Pizza.  She choose Mr. Ben.  On the way she changed her mind so we headed over to Felida Park to check it out.  It is a nice park with a nice paved walking area.  The littles played for a couple of hours.  They loved hearing the train whistles.  Hopefully they sleep good.

Cookies

Our ABF driver at work had the day off on Friday.  His fill in person on Friday did the usual thing and took our pallet down to central receiving.  Too much work to unload at our dock.  So Belinda had to go down to central receiving and get the pallet.  Really made us appreciate our normal guy.  So we talked about it and decided he needed something special so that he knows we appreciate him.  Snickerdoodles it would be.
So today Connor and I made snickerdoodles.  I was really surprised that Audrie didn't want to get in on the action, but she didn't.  The batch turned out nice and we didn't burn any.
So we have a nice package for the ABF driver and a couple of small packages for a couple of other drivers as we don't want them to feel left out.
On another note.....ate some dough and a few cookies and my tummy didn't feel so good.  Didn't think I would notice affects already since I still haven't even had a complete gluten free day, but I definitely was down to less than those cookies.  

Flour, Flour, Oh Sweet Flour

Oh it is so hard.  I am trying to eliminate gluten as a trial on my fingers.  And I have not had a totally successful day yet.  It is hard.  I love bread, so the first thing to go is that.  I ran out and don't intend to buy more until my trial period is over.  If it is here I will eat it as the hamburger buns can attest to.  Then I love noodles.  Oh my gosh.  I still have three food groups, but all I want is flour.
All I can say is I hope I am not one of those people whose arthritis is affected by gluten.  And in the mean time I guess I eat lots of tortilla chips.  ;P And it is good to have a break from bread.