the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Funny how often I am back to saying that to myself. Trying to live in the moment and make life grand. I cannot change the things that break my heart. I cannot stop my heart from breaking. But I can let it break and then go on.
So I woke up this morning to a text from Cassie asking for our address. She moved and must have lost it. Anyway she said she couldn't do as much for the little woman for her birthday because her medical bills are just costing her too much. You know we all got bills and if you can't do much, you can't do much. But there are also priorities. Last year she sent the little woman $20. So does this mean this year she is sending her $10. It will be what it will be.
But on the other side of our coin.....we are planning a party this year. First real party for the little woman. I managed to stash a little money anticipating a real party. I did have to veto G6 and Skyzone. $300 is out of my range. So we are going to JJ Jump. Probably the last year this would work for her so good timing.
I'm a value shopper. I worked really hard on not doing it. I remember Dave commenting about not getting the one thing he asked for, but a substitute. And how disappointing it was. I took that to heart and figured the little woman already has enough disappointment in her life. She wants the snuggle kitten. She pointed out the ad. She showed me in the store. It's darling. It's $50. It's a toy. I was able to let my value shopping take me online and found it a little cheaper even after tax was added on. So it really is turning out to be a good birthday for her.
I cannot make "family" be part of her life. I cannot make her immediate family whole. I cannot cure the addictions. I cannot change the distance to her mommy. I cannot make her daddy not be incarcerated. What I can do is love her and hope I have enough love for her to feel it and not miss all the love from others that she doesn't get.
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